Impossible Diagnosis

I get a strange feeling in my Ghost when I see him.

At least, I think that it's my Ghost. It sort of… shivers… and plays between hot and cold like it can't decide, and I can't either. All of my sensors get firewalled and fade to black. Then my auditory reception starts acting up- I stop hearing things being said by someone only a few feet away from me. My pupils dilate and contract, then dilate again at random. My fully prosthetic body starts jittering and I have to wonder if he can see how badly I'm shaking. If I still had a natural heart I swear that it'd be thumping like hell …All because I see his face.

I try to break it down into a chain of logic and reasoning- to work out exactly what is happening to me and why. I can never figure it out in the end, but that doesn't make it seem any less real. Somehow, the unexplained and mysterious feeling that he gives me makes more sense than all of the scientifically and rationally explained phenomena around me.

Science doesn't have anything on this kind of understanding. Nothing makes quite as much sense as this does. Not the theory of relativity, not gravity, not the inevitable destruction of the world that our 21st Century technology is helping to bring about. Not even the Stand Alone Complex that Aramaki spoke of- it didn't make as much sense to me as this does now. Maybe because it doesn't 'stand alone' at all- it's a part of everything that I am, and everything that I have ever been. Every single aspect of my life is powered by the will of this…

…This feeling that he gives me.

And there is such unbelievable power in being connected with everything. Like the net –vast and infinite- and yet… able to be confined within this body of mine. A power that belongs to me and to only to me, but that comes from having Him near.

-

I glanced up from my paperwork –tedious as it was- and found myself looking in his direction. Apart from him –Batou, I mean- Togusa was the only one left here working. I looked over at him next and found him looking at me. He grinned as he caught my eye and nodded towards Batou suggestively. I was confused. I wondered if he could see all the symptoms of my Power- if he was trying to analyse them, as I had. He seemed amused and I hated it.

I looked back at Batou and managed to catch his eye too. The 'power' was like lightning in my veins and I watched him for some time- not wanting to give it up. When I finally cast my eyes back down on the report that I was reading, I caught a glimpse of Togusa standing out of the corner of my eye.

"You're leaving?" I asked.

Togusa grinned lightly. "It's getting really late," he said. "Besides, my wife'll kill me if I'm not home before she wakes up again so I really need to get going now."

I nodded, telling him vaguely that I was impressed by his dedication in staying so late when he had such incentive to go home- you know, a family and all. I waved him off and he bid us both goodbye- Batou and I- before leaving us alone."

The power was getting stronger and it was like a fire was raging in the pit of my stomach. Togusa's leaving had made it worse- or maybe better… This incredible feeling that was like both Heaven and Hell at once.

He was gone, but neither Batou nor I looked back down at our work. Without warning, he stood and started gathering his things. "Come on, Major- you look tired as hell already; we should get going too."

I frowned slightly, but nodded. "Okay… but there's just something here that doesn't make any sense." I was talking about the report again.

"I'll take a look at it with you tomorrow," said Batou, coming to stand over me. "Let's just go."

"You don't have to wait for me," I said, as I scrutinised a certain sentence one last time. I closed my eyes tight and then opened them again, shaking my head. "It just doesn't fit."

"A lot of things aren't making sense with this case," Batou agreed. "But we can debate the minister's verdict in the morning."

He was holding a hand out to me now. I didn't take it, but stood up myself anyway, gathering the files spread out over my desk into the crook of my arm. He prised them out of my grasp and set them back down. I glared at him.

"Come on," he said, smirking. "We both know that if you take those files home you'll be poring over them all night."

I didn't reply, merely plucked my jacket off the back of my chair and started walked towards the door. I was trying to ignore the mess of thoughts that had begun circulating around my cyber-brain at his touch.

"Do you need a ride home?"

My car was in for repairs and he knew it, but I was reluctant to accept his offer as I turned back toward him. "No thank you."

"Then I'll walk you," said Batou, and I knew that I wouldn't be allowed to refuse.

"Fine."

-

He'd been in my safe house before. Maybe that's why it felt so natural to invite him up for a drink- why I didn't even realise that I'd done it until we were sitting at the bar in the kitchen half a glass of vodka each. I turned off the processor in my cyber-body that practically turned it into water for me, and revelled in the burning sensation. I glanced over at Batou and saw from the look on his face that he'd turned his processor off too. He grinned at me as I poured another glass for both of us. There are some things that can only really be enjoyed when you're drunk off your head and your second-in-command in your house late at night is one of them. Then again, the thought of Batou, in particular, in my house (closely followed by the thought of Batou in my bed) was actually vaguely appealing in itself, and the drunker I got, the more alluring it became.

We were silent for a few moments, and then he laughed suddenly. "You know that last case than I was on? I had to show someone this." He reached into his pocket for his wallet and set a rectangular piece of card down on the table.

I turned my alcohol processor on so I could look at it properly and flipped it face-up on the table. It was the photograph the two of us had had to get taken with Togusa's son. It was a cover- we were supposed to be a happy family. I was happy looking at it.

"The guy said that you were cute and wanted to know if you had any sisters or close cousins." Batou sounded amused.

I just smirked and pushed the photograph back towards him before turning the alcohol processor off again. I missed the burning.

"You know, you do look cute in that picture, honey."

"Oh, shut up," I said, rolling my eyes.

"You do, though," he said. "But I can't believe Togusa's wife got you into that pink blouse."

"It didn't take half as much convincing as it did to get that kid to come within five metres of his new 'daddy'," I retorted, oddly defensive but laughing at the same time. "You scared the hell of out him."

"That was kind of insulting," Batou chuckled. "But not quite as insulting as my wife refusing to be in the photo."

"Family pictures were never my style," I said. "Besides, it would have meant willingly submitting myself to photographic evidence of wearing that pink top."

"Still, do you know how much grief Ishikawa gave me afterwards? Laughing over how you refused to even act as my wife in a picture until Aramaki turned up and ordered you to!"

He was laughing himself and I knew there were now hard feelings, but I decided to make it up to him, walking over to stand behind him and putting my arms around his middle for a half a second before moving to retreat back to my own stool. "There, you can tell Ishikawa about tha- Uh?"

He'd grabbed my arm and jerked me back towards him, grinning as he stood up too. I felt my face pressed against his chest and the burning in my stomach started up again- a burning that had nothing to do with the alcohol. I turned the processor on again, just to be sure, but the burning didn't go away. I didn't say anything as he rested his chin on my head; I was in shock. I wondered vaguely if there was some sort of error or glitch with my cyber body that was messing with my senses, but a quick mental diagnosis stated that all systems were in perfect working order. I was confused, but I didn't let it show on my face.

I just stopped thinking.

And I kissed him.