AN: It's been a long time since I wrote anything, so this might be a bit rusty.
I haven't come this far to change my mind. I always knew she was out of my reach, never to be anything but a character in my life. Perhaps someone I could sneak a glance at when the incomprehensible events in my life starting to take more than nibbles at me.
Brooke McQueen.
She doesn't know I lie awake at night thinking about the many ways I can get rid of myself, ways to resign my role in her life.
"Sam, are you up yet?" The sound of my mother's voice prods through my wooden door. I twist in my bed and squeeze my eyes shut at the sound of my old childhood bed creaking. I can feel it coming; the grey scenery of my yard morphs into a blur and then my pillow is warm and moist. My tears come without resistance; I've given up on fighting long ago. There's only acceptance now.
And wishes. Wishes to make myself go away.
"Honey, you're gonna be late!"
The morning ends sooner that expected. Mom cooks a set of pancakes before she leaves the kitchen to find Mike's tie that he always seems to forget where he put.
The microwave releases a beep, informing Mike that the baby formula is warm and ready. Brooke smiles at a text from Nicole on her phone. Her eyes joyful at the prospect of heading out with her friends tonight to that new movie Gwyneth stars in. And I…I just take it all in. It's a process I wont ever see again. This is my last stop before the rest of my life begins.
I'm only 17, I should be feeling that teenage angst I read in the magazines and books. But whatever I have, is definitely not something as weak and natural as a phase. This feeling that keeps taking bites at me…isn't going away. And it wont, because of her, because of Brooke.
Mike leaves the kitchen, but not before placing a peck on my mother's lips. The baby formula is retrieved from the microwave and vanishes quickly to the living room, along with my mother and my baby sister in her arms.
Brooke stands up from her chair, quickly sliding her phone into her pocket.
I watch her retreating form until I no longer can sense her presence in the house.
The duffel bag between my legs that everyone assumes is for gym class today, feels larger than ever.
I look around one more time. This kitchen was where it all began. It's where Brookes smile became something more to me. Something I looked forward to seeing. It's where her voice lingered in my head longer than it should. This is where I realized I was doomed.
This is how I came to love her.
I move away from the kitchen island. My duffel bag slung over my shoulder and my breathing heavier than ever.
I move slowly through the house until I arrive to the bus station. The phone in my hand vibrating with texts from Brooke, in regard to my absence in class, slips from my hand into a puddle of water on the ground.
Nothing can serve as a reminder of what I once had and knew.
TBC?