Disclaimer: I shouldn't even have to write this. But I will. I do not own the Brotherhood or the X-men. There. Happy now? Well, here it is, the answer to the question everyone's been waiting for. What happens when a girl moves into the Brotherhood house? Particularly if that girl is a former X-Man?
"I can't believe she took over that room!" Todd shook his head. "It's not fair! I've been trying to bust into that room for over a month and she just walks in like she owns the place and Boom! Takes it!"
"Get over it Toad," Lance said. They were all hanging around in Fred's room talking about their new housemate.
"Yeah, finders keepers," Pietro shrugged.
"I can't believe you all just let her walk in here and move in! We didn't even have a discussion about it!" Todd fumed. "I mean a chick in the Brotherhood house? No Way! Ain't gonna work! We tried it before and look what happened!"
"Why'd she come here anyway?" Pietro asked. "Did you invite her or something Lance?"
"All I said was that she'd fit in with us," Lance told them. "I didn't think she'd really ditch those X-Geeks and come live with us!"
"Hey, with that type of girl that is like giving an engraved invitation!" Todd said. "She's real flighty! A bit of a kook don't cha know?"
"She seems kinda nice," Fred said.
"She's a flirt Freddy! Watch yourself with her!" Todd warned. "Hey for all we know she could be a spy or somethin'!"
"She ain't a spy Toad," Lance told him. "And I want you to try to be nice to her. Don't do anything! Got it!"
"I don't haveta," Todd shook his head. "Sooner or later she'll get bored of us or somethin' and go back to the X-Geeks or move on. Watch. You'll see."
"Hey, look at the bright side Toad, at least we got the water back on," Fred said. "I wonder how she paid for it?"
"She probably found Mystique's secret stash I keep telling you all about!" Todd groaned. "I told all of you we should get that stupid door open, but no-ooo! Well maybe next time you guys will listen to me!"
"Sorry Toad did you say something?" Pietro smirked.
"Hey look, let's just give her a chance," Lance said getting up and moving towards the door. "I mean, how many people would give up living in that fancy mansion to move to a dump like this? Let's just play along for now. Make her feel welcome, okay?"
"Yeah, yeah," Todd crossed his arms and pouted. "I'll be nice, but I ain't gonna like it!"
Lance walked out the door and looked at the room that now belonged to Tabitha. He knocked on it. "Tabby? You in there? Hello?" He heard dim strains of some music and looked at the stairs. On the bottom stair was Tabitha, listening on her headphones and filing her nails.
Lance walked up to her. "Tabby?"
"Huh, oh hey Lancy!" She smiled and took off her headphones. Lance winced and wondered where she got that annoying habit of naming people. "The room's great, but I thought I'd check this place out some more. Y'know, soak up the atmosphere, read it's karma."
"Oh," Lance was beginning to think that maybe Todd had a point. "Uh, sorry 'bout the mess. Maid's day off you know?"
"Hey, believe it or not, I've lived in worse dumps."
"I don't believe it."
"Okay I lied. But still, I have to admit; it's a pretty interesting place. I mean, look at the door. That glass window is full of beauty and charm. And that imprint over there! How original! So lifelike!"
"Yeah well the Toad kinda had a bit of a fall. Y'know, it is kinda cool that you're here now," Lance grudgingly admitted. "Though I would have thought we were the last people you would have turned to, after the other night."
"Hey, you guys were only after the money because you were desperate, that's all," Tabitha told him. "At least you had an excuse. Not like my old man."
"I hear ya," Lance sat down on the steps next to her. "Adults. All they do is use you and when they don't need you, they take off. Leaving you alone."
"Well there are no adults here!" Tabitha smiled. "So that means we can do whatever we want!"
"Yeah! You're right!" Lance smiled back.
"Lance and Tabitha sittin' in a tree," Three voices sang out at the top of the stairs. "K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"
"Will you guys cut it out!" Lance growled at his friends.
"Ooooh," Pietro laughed. "Looks like lover-boy's gotten over his little Kitty Kat!"
"It's not like that!" Lance protested. "I mean, we're just friends! Tell 'em!"
"We are friends," Tabitha slyly smiled. "For now."
"Ooooooooooooooohhh" The boys upstairs mocked.
"Guys you know I like Kitty!" Lance wailed.
"Lance the Lover!" Pietro smirked. "He's got two girls now!"
"Quit it!" Lance growled dangerously. "Tabby in case you haven't noticed we happen to share the house with some very strange people."
"I'm Pietro Maximoff!" Pietro used his speed to surprise her and kissed her hand. "They call me Quicksilver."
"Wow, super speed! That is so cool Speedy!" Tabitha laughed as they walked up the stairs to meet the rest of the group.
"Uh, I'm Fred Dukes. I'm known as the Blob," Fred blushed.
"Hey Fred-Man! Nice to meet you!" Tabitha gave a playful punch on his shoulder. "Cool hair. Mohawk definitely is the look for you. Brings out your eyes."
"You think so?" Fred asked. Everyone else groaned.
"I'm Todd Tolensky," Todd sighed. "They call me the Toad."
"Toad doesn't really suit you," Tabitha shook her head. "How about I call you Toddykins? Or Froggy? Oh, Froggykins is much cuter!"
"I am not cute, yo," Todd turned a bit red.
"You've got a sweet little froggy face. I could just eat you all up!" She giggled.
"I'm not sweet. I…I…Lance call your girlfriend off!"
"Aww," Tabitha cooed, pinching Todd's cheek. "Isn't he cute when he's pouting?"
"I am not pouting yo!"
"You know what you need? A facial!" She grabbed Todd and dragged him to the bathroom.
"NO! NO! GUYS HELP ME!" Todd screamed, wildly trying to get away. Tabitha dragged him into the bathroom and shut the door. The guys listened outside, not daring to go in.
"Come on, this ain't funny, yo! What are you doing?"
"Now hold still. This will brighten your complexion and bring out the lovely green in your skin."
"Hey! This stuff is slimier than I am!"
"Relax! Go with the flow!"
"How can I relax when you are doing…Hey! Watch it!"
"Calm down! Now doesn't that feel nice? Whew! We gotta work on that body odor problem though."
"I can't help that! It's part of my mutation. Oh man I look like a geek!"
"Well that's just something we can experiment with. Oh here, I got some nice perfume. Wild Flower! I love this stuff!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGKKKKKKKK! No! What do I look like? A girl?"
"Hmmm. Doesn't quite cover the smell. Oh we can experiment later."
"I am not your personal science project!"
"You know I've always wanted a little brother to play with. A sister would be nice too, but well, you gotta make do with what you got!"
"You are not making me into anything!"
"We'll get you some new clothes and fix your hair and you will be a perfect little froggy angel!"
"I am not a Barbie doll! I don't want new clothes! Guys save me!"
"You think we should go in there?" Pietro asked.
"I'm not goin' in there," Fred gulped.
"Yeah, she might do us next," Lance said.
Todd screamed and burst out of the room. His entire face was covered in a green mud mask. "Get this stuff offa me!"
"Come back here!" Tabitha chased him around the hallway. Todd finally hid behind Lance.
"Lance please, call her off!" Todd whined.
"Hey uh, Tabby," Lance blocked her access to Todd. "How about we all do something tonight? To officially welcome you to the house. Have a little party."
"Yeah I'll go pick some stuff up! Be back in a flash!" Pietro raced out of the house.
"I don't think he's coming back," Todd mumbled as he wiped off the green goop off his face.
"So what do you guys do for fun around here on a Saturday night?" Tabitha asked. "At the institute it was totally Yawnsville. Just Danger room training and homework. Bo-ring! I mean those guys have got to learn to lighten up!"
"Well, we do a lot of fun stuff, uh…" Lance began.
"I mean all they do for fun is watch TV or play video games or board games. I mean how lame is that?" Tabitha went on.
"Oh…yeah real lame," Lance was at a loss what to say.
"Well we could do sock puppet theater again," Fred scratched his head. "But we have to keep it PG rated, y'know cause there's a lady present."
"Performance art! I love it!" Tabitha jumped up and down excitedly.
"Really?" Fred was surprised. "Rogue and Mystique…those were our two previous girl members, they hated it!"
"Hey! I'm a kind of girl that'll try anything once," She grabbed Fred by the arm and led him to the living room.
"That's nice to know," Todd snickered.
"Sock puppets," Lance groaned. "Not again. Sock puppets…"
Fred quickly set up a mini stage made out of a huge cardboard box and a table. He hid himself under the stage as best he could so that most of him was hidden behind a tablecloth. Tabitha excitedly sat down between Todd and Lance on the sofa.
"Alright! Let the show begin! Whoo hoo!" Tabitha cheered and whistled.
"Okay um, guess who?" Fred brought out a sock puppet with glasses and a tie. "Hello everybody! I am the Principal at Bayville! I make a lot of boring speeches and make a lot of stupid rules! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah! Are you laughing? You should not be laughing! There are rules against laughing!"
Tabitha and Todd laughed. "Oh I gotta try this!" Tabitha went to the 'stage' and got a sock of her own. Her sock had a pink mouth and yellow yarn hair. "Hey Principal Kelly! Like how are you doing today?"
"I do not believe this," Lance moaned. Todd laughed like crazy as the two sock puppets got into an argument.
"You must do as I say, I am the principal!"
"Oh really, I thought you were Elvis Presley."
"Young lady! You must follow the rules!"
"Make me!"
"Of course I can make you! I am the powerful and all mighty King of Bayville High!"
"Hey, King, lighten up! Have a blast!"
Suddenly a small energy bomb came out of the girl sock puppet's mouth and landed on the Kelly puppet. Tabitha ducked out and laughed as it exploded. Fred stood there with a dazed expression, a frizzed out mohawk, and what was left of the sock puppet on his hand. The stage was in ruins. Tabitha lay on the floor laughing, holding her sides.
"Freddy? You okay man?" Lance waved a hand in front of his face.
"I'm okay," Fred replied. "Oooh. Look at the pretty stars."
"Oh you guys are so cool!" Tabitha wiped a tear away from her eye.
"Pizza!" Pietro zipped in with a few boxes. "What happened."
"Sock Puppet Theater al la Boom Boom," Todd told him.
"Okay," Pietro looked at the scene for another moment. "Hey! Let's eat!"
"Oh yeah! Pizza! Yum! I love this stuff!" Tabitha sat down at the table and began stuffing her face.
"Man, she eats like you Freddy!" Todd watched in awe.
"Pass the soda, will you Toddykins?" She asked between bites.
"You got it," Todd used his tongue to get it for her.
"Ewww," She wiped her hands on a napkin. "That is one freaky tongue!"
"Don't mind him," Pietro said as he ate. "The Toad's not exactly housebroken yet!"
"Yum, stuffed!" Tabitha stretched after they ate. A drop of water hit her in the eye. "Hey!"
"Yeah, the roof kinda leaks a little," Lance told her.
"Ooh," Tabitha looked outside. "It's raining! Meet ya outside!" She laughed and went out the front door. The Brotherhood followed her and watched from the door.
"What is she doing now?" Todd asked.
"She's dancing in the rain," Lance stated matter of factly.
"Oh man I love the rain!" Tabitha wildly danced. "It's so soothing and primal, you know?"
"Lance you brought a real nut into this house," Todd said. "Lance? Lance? Pietro? Freddy? Will all you guys pick your jaws up the floor and get her out of there before she catches cold and gets us all sick?"
"Hey Tabby, come on in!" Pietro finally managed to squeak out the words.
"Come and get me Speedy!" She giggled.
"Is that a challenge?" Pietro cocked an eyebrow.
"Aw no," Todd groaned. "Here we go!"
"Come on Speedy!" Tabitha taunted. Pietro grinned and used his super speed to catch her and carry her back into the house. "Wicked! Hey! Give me a ride, will ya?"
"Pietro…" Lance started to say.
Pietro let her climb on his back piggyback style. "Come on Speed-boy! Let's see how fast you can go!"
"Hang on tight pretty lady, 'cause it's gonna be a bumpy ride! Yeeeehhhhaaaa!" Pietro zipped around the boarding house. This caused gusts of wind to blow everything around, including Todd.
"HELP!" Todd squeaked.
Fortunately Fred caught him. "Gotcha! Hey Pietro knock it off with your powers man, you nearly got Toad thrown out the window!"
The winds died down. "Oh wow! What a rush!" They heard Tabitha say upstairs. "Hey what's in here?"
"Hey! Don't!" Pietro shouted. The remaining members of the Brotherhood raced upstairs when they heard a loud explosion.
Pietro lay there on the floor. "She blew my door off!" He moaned.
"Hey! Nice pad!" Tabitha said.
"Hey! Get out of my room!" Pietro told her.
"Hey, if you didn't want me to go in, you should have locked the door," She said looking inside his closet.
"I did lock it!"
" Well you should have locked it better. Oooh! I love your costumes!"
"Well I made them myself," Pietro said proudly.
"Really! You can sew! Cool! Hey, could you make me an outfit? Something really fancy!" She asked blinking her eyes cutely at him. "Please? Pretty please?"
"Well uh yeah!" Pietro agreed. "I got it! Hold on, this will just take a minute!"
Before anyone could speak, Pietro got out a measurement tape. "Hold still!" He took her measurements in a blur.
"Hey!" Tabitha protested. "Watch it!"
"Okay I think I have this left over, and yes!" Pietro zipped into his closet and pulled out some fabric. Before anyone knew what had happened, Pietro had sewn a lovely pink evening dress. "Voila!" He presented it to her.
"Pretty!" she squealed and ran into her room. "Be right back!"
"Hey Pietro," Fred whispered. "What are her measurements?"
"That would be telling," Pietro replied with a sly smile.
"Ta Da!" Tabitha stepped out of her room. "What do you think?"
"Man!" Freddy stared. "You look hot!" This was met by the others hitting him. "Well, she does!"
"I based it on a dress I saw Marilyn Monroe wear in an old movie I once saw," Pietro told her.
"Oh! I saw that! A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, but diamonds are a girl's best friend!" She sang. "A kiss may be grand but it won't pay the rent on your humble flat, or help you feed your homeless cat!"
She danced around the boys. They stood there with their jaws open. "Men grow cold as girls grow old, and we all lose our charms in the end."
Pietro zipped into his room and came back out wearing a tuxedo. "But square cut or pear shaped, these rocks don't lose their shape!" He sang.
"Diamonds are a girl's best friend!" They sang together. They both danced around and around singing. Todd and Lance stared while Freddy bopped his head to the beat.
"There may come a time when a lass needs a lawyer, but diamonds are a girl's best friend! There may come a time when a hard-boiled employer thinks you're awful nice! But get that ice or else no dice! He's your guy when stocks are high! But beware when they start to descend! Diamonds are a girl's best friend!"
Tabitha whirled Pietro around, then whirled around with Lance and winked. She pushed him towards the other three. They all fell in a line like dominoes.
"Cause that's when those louses go back to their spouses! Diamond's are a girl's best friend!" She sang, gave a wink and locked the door to her room.
The boys sat there, on the floor for a full minute before saying anything.
"I like her, she's silly," Pietro said dreamily.
"She sure ain't like Rogue or Mystique!" Fred said.
"And I was worried she wouldn't like it here," Lance sighed.
"Oh yeah, she's gonna fit right in," Todd said.