Uchiha Itachi was six years old.
Less then six months had passed since the Kyubi attack and the boy was extremely conscious of the damage Konoha suffered. He was also aware of life — Sasuke and Naruto were recently born.
People are born and they die.
Why? Itachi couldn't understand. Why live? Why die if life was good? What is a shinobi? What is a village? What is war?
Questioning life (something he was way too young to be doing), Itachi walks inside his house. Soon, he hears footsteps and his one year old brother, who had just started walking, runs into his arms. Itachi's heart tighted when he saw his little brother. Would Sasuke die for Konoha? Would his little brother be thrown in a senseless war the same way thousands before him were?
Behind the boy the door is opened revealing Fugaku. In the same moment, Itachi pushes Sasuke away.
—Nii-san! Lay'!
The older one remembered that on the day before he had promised to play with Sasuke. But he didn't (couldn't) have known that his father would arrive so early —a rare occurrence. He knew he couldn't let it pass — Fugaku was a busy man.
Itachi needed to train, he was extremely aware of that fact. He wanted to know more jutsus, to understand better what ir meant to be a ninja.
So, for the first time, Itachi rises his two fingers and pokes Sasuke's forehead.
— I am sorry, Sasuke. Maybe next time.
The older one the smiles sadly, get up and run for his father. This was the first time Itachi broke a promisse that he had made tohis younger brother.
The second time happened when Itachi was ten. He was already a genin and during a mission he saw his teammates die. The boy felt an indescribable pain and his eyes became blood red.
The Sharingan had awaken.
Ando ne week later Itachi was exhausted.
He couldn't count how many times he was congratulated.
Congratulated for have awaken these cursed eyes, for feeling a suffocating pain, for not being strong enough to protect his companions, for letting them die.
Hee didn't want to be congratulated.
As the boy left his room, his father who was in the corridor called:
— Itachi, congratulations in awankening your Sharingan.
No
— I know you are feeling strong, but don't fool yourself. You still have a lot of training to do...
No
— You can't be arrogant.
For the first time Itachi Uchih felt his blood boil. That extremely kind boy who felt so much (too much), who loved so much (too much), who had so much empathy (way too much) know could only feel anger nd hatred. For his father, for his clan, for himself.
Why was his father saying that?
They were dead and nothing, absolutely nothing, would ever bring them back.
And it was his fault.
— Hai, otou-sama. — the kid answers without lettig his feelings show.
He had to get out of that house. He wanted to get away — the anger that was previously unknown now grew at every second and soon would consume him. He had to put it down.
The boy leaves his father and walks to the front door. Shisui would take him training today and that was the best way to escape. All Uchihas favored training above anything else and no one would seek him during that sacred time. He would be able to think things through. Itachi was putting his shoes on when he heard footsteps behind him.
— Nii-san! Nii-san! You promised to train with me today, remember?
Itachi smiles at his younger brother. Simply seeing the boy was enough to calm his conflicted feelings down. He calls the younger one and starts feeling slightly guilty. Of course he remembered — even if he didn't always keep them, Itachi remembered every single one of his promisses, especially to his loved brother. But even if he loved the boy he needed some time away.
He couldn't stand the love in Sasuke's eyes. He wouldn't be able to deal with the adoration, the amaze, the wonder in his younger brother face, not directed in someone like him — so weak that had let his friends die in front of his eyes, powerless. And because of that Itachi rises his to fingers —something he had been doing a lot since becoming a genin — and said:
— I am sorry, Sasuke. I have a mission today. Maybe next time.
Itachi feels Shisui coming closer to the house while Sasuke pouts.
— But... — the four year old complains
— I am truly sorry Sasuke-kun —this time it's Shisui that speaks — I will have to steal you brother today.
Sasuke grimace in the direction of the older Uchiha and leaves. Itachi and the Chuunin start to walk in the direction of the training grounds. Even with the guilty tormenting him the 10-year-old knows that with Shisui — his best friend, his older brother —everything would workout. He was the only one who understood him and he knew he could always count with him.
Itachi had to breath and he was certain Shisui would allow him to — after al lhe Always had. Every time he had a question, needed a break or simply someone to talk to, Shisui was there and fot that he would be forever grateful.
The third time was one of the worst days of Itachi's life, and definitly the worst until then. He was already thirteen, and a ANBU captain for the matter, but he still wasn't able to process what had happened. Shisui — his very best friend— facing him without his eyes but with a big smile, blood running down his face like tears, while he steps back and fall to the Naka river.
Shisui — his brother who had thaught him everything, who he had fun with, the only one he could trust everything — was dead. His friend had died, in front of his eyes and he didn't do anything. He just stood there powerless while he died.
Itachi knew he was being blamed by the clan (but not as much as he blamed himself)
Itachi knew the coup was coming (and he promised Shisui he would stop it but how?)
Itachi knew the clock was ticking (and he had to stop them at any cost)
Itachi couldn't train. He couldn't run away. He couldn't cry. Now so many yaers later he knew what it meant to be a shinobi, what was a village and he understood why he was (he had to) protect it.
He would have to betray his clan (Why was he feeling guilt, even if he knew that the clan was so hollow? They turned on him on the first chance, why shouldn't him do the same?)
(Of course he was guilty. They were his Family, his friends, they made him who he was. But he had to betray them... didn't he? Because Konoha was his village, his pride)
He had to stop the slaughter of innocents, the destruction of the village (What would he do?)
Itachi looked in the mirror and let his eyes change. Tha Mangekyou stared back at him and not for the first time the Uchiha cursed his own blood. If it wasn't for it Shisui wouldn't be dead, Itachi wouldn't be a killer, Fugaku wouldn't being pressed and Sasuke would be safe. If it wasn't for this blood, this cursed eyes and the feelings that they bring with them, nothing of this mess would have happened.
Itachi loved his family. Itachi loved his village.
He had to save them —he had to save them both.
The boy (yes, that was what he was, a boy — a boy who fought, a boy that had seen too much death, too many of his friends dieying, a boy that killed — but a boy neverthless) hears footsteps and returns his eyes to normal. Sasuke slams the door open.
— Nii-san you promissed to teach me shurikenjutsu!
Itachi smiles painfully and calls his little brother, poking his forhead with his too fingers, like he Always did.
— I am sorry Sasuke. Maybe next time.
And when his brother left pouting Itachi clenched his fist, breathing deeply. Itachi had to save Sasuke. What would be of his little brother?
He didn't know but he also didn't have time to loose. He had to fix everything — and quickly. His time was ticking and fast.
The fourth time —the fourth time broke he forever.
It was the night Itachi Uchiha died in the inside. The day he killed his feeling, he killed everything he was and everything good he could have been. He murdered his future with his two hands.
He was killing his clan (people he knew his entire life, who gave him birthday presents, that had babysited him) for the entire night. Itachi was exhausted. He couldn't let himself feel the guilt, he couldn't let himself mourn — not yet. He had to fullfill his duty, he had to save the village, to protect his brother and the name of the Uchiha. That hell was ending (no, it wasn't. He knew. How couldn't he? It would never end. What he did, what he was doing, would never leave him and he knew it but he couldn't think about that now. He wasn't allowed to hesitate anymore).
Only one house to go —his.
Itachi was frightened. He knew it would be difficult. His father would be his worst enemy because he too had the Mangekyou. He heard a call and, taking a deep breath, he opened the door.
He wasn't ready for that. He was standing behind his parents who were in the seiza position. The Uchiha pride that he had witnessed for his entire life, that was craved into him, was there, clear as the sun. Neither of them looked back at him. There was no trembling, no fear, no tears. Only his parentes, proud and steady like any other day.
Only it wasn't any other day and Itachi couldn't forget it.
— I don't want a fight to death with my own son. — said Fugaku his tone unwavered. There was no fear, no anger, only resignation.
Itachi took a deep breath trying to get hol of his emotions that threatened to go wild. He killed children, elders, family. He killed then conciously and he didn't have the right to stop now. It had to be done.
(Why?)
Even knowing that, Itachi wanted to lie in Mikoto's lap and cry. He wanted her to caress his hair, to confort him. He wanted her to say that everything was alright and that hell of blood was nothing more than a nightmare. For the first time, he wanted nothing more than to be a child and get confert.
He was drowing in blood (I am sorry Shisui, I couldn't keep my promise).
He wanted that nightmare to end (and it wouldn't because it was reality).
He wanted his brother to grow up happy, with his family. He wanted his brother to have love, a happy and fullfilling life. He wanted to play with him, train with him, take him out to eat (I am so sorry, Sasuke!).
He wanted to watch him grow to be there for him in every single moment: his graduation, his first girlfriend, his first heartbrake, his marrige (but he wouldn't be).
But he would protect him, always (even if it was from afar, even if it was as a obstacle).
There, in front of his parents —his beautiful kind mother, his proud and serious father — Itachi wanted confort even if he knew he didn't deserve it. Not after what he had done. Not with what he was about to do. But he didn't care, he wanted to be selfish, he wanted to ask for forgiveness, he wanted to be loved.
(Why?)
More than anything, Itachi didn't want to do that. He didn't want to kill, to spill anymore blood, especially not the blood of the people he loved. Loved even if he thinks differently, loved even if he was about to kill them. Itachi just wanted peace. Staring straight ahead, he says:
— Okaa-san... Otou-san... I...
—We know Itacji — Mikoto says gently, with the same tone that she offered him food or wished him good night. The tone that she used to tell him that she loved him.
— Itachi, promise us something — his father's tone now was serious — Take care of Sasuke.
Itachi can't hold ir anymore —the tears start to stream down his face. The boy —yes, boy, because he still was that, a scared, peace-loving, kind boy. A 13 old boy who was forced to go against his own nature and became a weapon known as shinobi, who now was forced to kill everything he believed and make a choice that no human —especially not a child — should never has to make. His shoulders starts trembling and the tears runs down faster.
— I promisse. — he answer in a wisper.
His hands tremble and he faces the flor, clenching his teeth (I don't want to do this).
(Don't make me do this).
(Why?).
— Don't be afraid. —says Fugaku now with a kinder tone — This is the path you choose. Compared to yours, our pain will be over in a second.
The couple doesn't turn around. Not only because that is not that last image they want of their son, but because they know that's not the last image he wants of them either.
They both understand. After all, Itachi was their child —they always knew he was a pacifist, kind by nature, empathic. He would never support a coup d'etat, especially noto ne who could brimg desastrous consequences for people who had nothing to do with it. His priority would Always be Sasuke and the village. The boy they raised, that little, beautiful, gentle genius, who had seem to much for his age, who had understood too much for his age, would never agree with taking the risk of a civil war, or a foreign attack. And as much as they hated the council and the Hokage for making his little boy carry alone the weight of killing his family, they knew Itachi had the best intentions at heart —proct the village, the civilians and his little brother.
Itachi tries to breath but he only feelshis suffocating more. He wouldn't be able to do it (but he had to). He couldn't stop now.
WHY?
— Even if we see things diffently I am proud of you. — continues Fugaku.
Itachi let a sob escape his lips. His parentes would die by his hands but they felt proud. They loved him — even knowing he betrayed them, killed the entire clan, and would kill them even after everythign they had done for him. They forgave him —he didn't need them to say it dor him to understand, he knew it, of course he knew it. And that made everything so much harder — because he deserved to be hated. He loved his parentes, his parentes loved him e he had to kill them.
Itachi felt he was broken beyond repair (but he wasn't, not yet).
Hearing his son sobs Fugaku says:
—You are truly a kind child.
Kind.
This word echoe in his brain while with his trembling hands he rises the sword and take the lives of the two people who loved him unconditionally.
Who loved him even when hi was killing them. That loved him while he betrayed and killed their friends, their family and everything they believed.
Itachi feels numb. The tears stop running and he just feels hollow.
He wasn't sure how much time had passed when Sasuke opens the door.
He knew he wasn't ready (he would never be ready to hurt his little brother). But when his brother, his loved younger brother, asks him desperatly who could have done something so awful, when the words of hatred and disgust towards the little one leave his lips, when he makes Sasuke suffers trough that awful night over and over again, when he once again lies to his sibling, Itachi realize he was wrong.
Only now he was truly broken —broken beyond repair. There was no turning back now.
When he puts Sasuke under a genjutsu, when the little boy starts to scream because of him, when he tortures him, he truly breakes.
Kind child.
Parents really know their children better than anyaone else, including themselfs.
Danzou believed Itachi had darkness inside him, the resto f the Uchihas distrusted him, and the entire village would despise him and treat him like the most cursed being. A patricide, the lowest kind of trash. He would be a rank- S nukenin, and his name would be cursed by the same ones he protected. Would be hated by the people he admired. But what hurt the most was that his brother —his light —would hate him more than anything. The brother whose life he had just destroyed, whose happiness he had just stolen. Sasuke, his brother who he just wanted to protect.
Itachi was so kind.
Too kind to see war.
Too kind to kill the people he loves.
Too kind to kill his best friend.
Too kind to participate in a coup e'tat.
Too kind to see his brother suffers.
Too kind to be considered the worst of the traitors,when he was he most loyal shinobi in Konoha.
Too kind to enter in Akatsuki and be a missing-nin, when even after everything he was forced to see and do, after seeing the deepest and darkest parts of his village (how it was so rotten that sent children to kill their entire family and deal with the consequences by themselfs), even after sacrificing not only himself and all his years that otherwise could be happy, sacrificing his friends and everyone he loved, losing the respect of people he admired, every single chance of happiness he could ever have and any good legacy he could leave behind, even after being forced to ruin the life his brother —the one he loved the most, he considered himself Itachi of Konoha.
Itachi who saved his village but would forever be a villain.
Itachi who only felt love but would have to show hatred.
Itachi who believed in lives and would have to take them.
Itachi who loved Peace and would have to live at war.
Itchi who loved his brother and would be hated and killed by him.
While he tortures Sasuke's frail mind, going against his own nature and everything he believes, suffering tem times more than the boy (because for him inflicting pain was the worst punishment and causing pain to Sasuke was worst than dieying) he realizes he was breaking his final promise to his parentes.
Itachi would ensure Sasuke's survival, the name and the vengeance of the Uchiha clan. He would ensure that his brother would become a hero of the Leaf and restore the Uchiha forgotten glory. But Itachi wouldn't be able to truly care for him —not the way his brother needed him to. He would be the biggest obstacle, na enemy, but never a brother.
The fifh time never happened.
Itachi felt himself burn. His lungs were full of blood, and every breath hurt liked hell. His eyes (for some time now) didn't see anything more then blurs and he had close to no chakra left. He was covered in bruises, and the pain never cessed. Even then he kept his Susanoo going — this was his last show.
His last lie.
The clan would be avenged.
(He just had to pretend a little longer).
Everything was going according to his plan — Sasuke would have the eternal Magekyou Sharigan, the village would be grateful to him and he would be strong enough to protect himself.
"We just have each other as brothers. Even if you hate me, I will always be by my side, at least as a obstacle to be surpassed."
This words were in Itachi's heart and mind because they were real. He almost laugh at the irony: he had broken one last promise —he had promissed forever and he was leaving him behind. But Sasuke was safe — he had ensure it became the biggest obstacle and now every pawn was in position.
His brother would be a hero e wwould be able to deal with anything Akatsuki throwed ate his way. Danzou wouldn't touch him, because his brother would be strong. Sasuke and Konoha didn't need his protection anymore e the hell that was the last years of his life would soon be over.
All his body protested as he took one more step. He rises his arms with his two (bloody) fingers in the direction of his younger brother who fliches —it is ironic that the symbol of his "love" fitted so well at the role he was playing. He finally gives one last poke ate his little brother's forehead.
— I am sorry Sasuke. This is the last time.
The last time he would lie.
The last time he would make him suffer.
The last time he would see him.
(This promisse he kept — there wouldn't be a next time).
While his conscience left him and his body fell limp, even with regrets and his mistakes in his shoulders, Itachi Uchiha smiled with all his heart.
Because Sasuke was alive and Konoha was strong so everything was fine.