I hope someday we remember what was lost hereFor if love no longer waits for the brokenWhere do we go when it all goes away?
It's that one defining moment when everything falls apart that makes you question everything. For me, it was a collection of moments. A sort of ripple effect in all the relationships I shared/idolized. The first was KC and I's misadventure in the realm of 'love', whatever that was. The second was Alli abandoning me for popularity and Jenna, a girl she had once claimed to hate. The third and most devastating was my parents separation.
Now, the final domino has fallen. Eli and I are over. Done. Kaput.
Sometimes looking back on it, I don't even remember why I did it. I just needed for it to be done, I couldn't stand to be stuck with him anymore. Now, Eli and Adam don't spare me a passing glance which isn't very surprising. It's what they're expected to do, afterall.
I wonder if I hurt Eli as much as KC hurt me back in Freshman Year, in 's class, while staring at the back of Eli's head. Then, I wonder why I'm wondering about KC in the first place. (He always seems to sneak into my mind, somehow.)
I have last period with KC, it's Phys Ed. Mr. Armstrong makes us partners for Badminton. I mess up the serve twice before KC travels to my side of the net and shows me how to serve. This reminds me of when KC taught me how to shoot a basketball, in ninth grade.
Remembering makes my heart ache.
Two weeks later, Eli and I were back together. It wasn't very surprising.
I can't help but feel that this relationship is very mundane and predictable. I find myself comparing what I had with KC to what I have with Eli. I'm being unfair, but I can't stop. I can never stop remembering.
I spoke with Alli, yesterday, she confirmed that KC and Jenna were back together. I couldn't help but feel a smudge disappointed. I decided to confront him about it in PE.
"How are things with Jenna?" I asked, as he grabbed his racket.
"Good." He said, unconvincingly. (His tone made me smile, just a little.)
I didn't push any further than that.
Six months after my reconciliation with Eli, we're over again. I broke it off. I didn't love him like I used to, anymore.
Instead, I found myself falling more and more in love with the guy who broke my heart to be with the Canadian Taylor Swift, everyday.
It was a Saturday when I finally decided to act on it. I biked to his house, in the pouring rain, and stood on his doorstep, soaked. He answered the door, that night looking more perfect than he'd ever looked before. Acting on impulse, I kissed him.
And it was as perfect as every love song describes.
Fin.
Dedicated to Melanie, Tessa, and Trisha.