Title: At the Moment
Rating: Probably T because everything I write is T…
Summary: I used to care about everyone. I wanted to make everyone happy. But that was before I realized that no one else cared. –Pein fic. Maybe a little PeinXKonan- Sequel to "Demons".
Side note on summary: This can almost be seen as an extension of "Demons", if you want to take a look at that. It kind of flows with the theme. But since "Demons" was supposed to be a oneshot, I couldn't bring myself to add this to that story. I guess this is…the sequel?
Genres: Angst. Definitely angst. Maybe some Hurt/Comfort in there somewhere.
Pairings: I guess…if you looked deep enough, you would be able to spot some PeinXKonan. But I like the idea of making you guys decide. XD
Universe: I don't think I'll ever mention a specific time or place so this could honestly take place in the Naruto world or in an AU world. But I'm pretty sure it will come off sounding AU. All you have to remember is that they're not teenagers. They're in their mid to late 20s.
A/N: The other day, I was talking to my older brother and I started thinking about something. I started wondering what would happen if I stayed so caring when sometimes no one returned the care. I have lots of issues that I don't feel like going into but two of the big ones that I often reprimand myself for are: keeping my emotions locked away and being unable to talk about how I feel. They go hand in hand and it can get annoying.
But my brother made me start thinking again of what I would be like if I stayed the way I was: caring, and unable to speak how I feel. I guess that's where the inspiration for this story comes from.
Hope you enjoy it and the characters don't become too OOC. Please review.
Konan had asked it. She had asked the inevitable question: "Why are you this way?" With just these few words, I knew she was referring to how I was so devoid of emotion. She'd been patient with me for a long time but I knew that I could become difficult. She knew how quickly I seemed to start thinking the worst of everyone. She knew how I didn't trust easily – I was sure she questioned how much I truly trusted her sometimes.
With this question, I knew she was demanding answers. This was not rhetorical. I couldn't escape it. After she asked, I sat there for a long time. I didn't say a word and neither did she. We sat there patiently in a tense silence. I knew it couldn't last. I had to say something – provide some sort of explanation to sate her curiosity.
"I used to care. I used to care about everyone. I wanted to make everyone happy…" Here, I paused. Something deep within me clenched tightly in response to the burning memories. "But that was before I realized that no one else cared."
At first, she didn't ask anything. Then she murmured, "No one else cared?"
I frowned deeply, hating how vividly I remembered it all; hating how the emotions started bubbling to the surface, begging to be let out once more. "They didn't care about me nor did they care about the world. That's how it is. That's why I'm fixing it."
"Who wouldn't care about you?" she whispered almost thoughtfully and I wondered if it had meant to be heard or not.
"Everyone," I responded anyway. "I helped everyone. I listened to their problems and I offered advice. I wanted to see them smile and that was all that mattered. But my life wasn't perfect. I couldn't sit there forever helping them. I hurt too. No one bothered to ask about me, though." I felt the anger again as if I were in the past once more. "They were selfish. They only wanted to be helped, not to help.
"I pushed the pain of that aside. Their happiness was ultimately what mattered the most. If no one would ask me about my problems, no one deserved to know. So I forced that smile on my face and I listened to them. I helped them and helped them and not once did anyone think to ask, 'what's wrong?' I never told anyone. No one knew what I went through or anything that I was hiding."
I gritted my teeth in fury. This is what had pushed me this far to begin with. I had decided that if no one cared, I would keep my mouth shut. "But you didn't talk about yourself voluntarily either," Konan pointed out, breaking through my haze and bringing me up short. "I wonder why that is…"
I hesitated. For a moment, I was completely torn. It would be so easy to tell everything to Konan, tell her how bad I hurt and how angry I was. But I'd never learned. I never knew how to really talk about how I felt. My feelings had never made it to words. They never left my deadened heart. I closed my eyes and turned my head. "That's an easy question to answer…if I had a way to say it."
She sighed and murmured something too soft for me to catch. Aloud, meant for me to hear, she said, "You know there are people who still care, right?"
I scoffed. "That implies that someone cared to begin with!" I stood up and paced the room, unsure why her questioning – her persistence – was bothering me so. "And no one cared at all, in any point in my life."
"No, someone does. They just came in when it was too late."