The Choice

Prologue: Escape

Jane didn't know when it had happened. She hadn't even noticed the lack in its continuity. She had fallen for Thor as soon as she had seen him, or so she had thought. He made her laugh and smile, he protected her with both arms and would throw himself in front of a bus not only to protect her-but hell, to make her happy. He was gentle, and naive, and compassionate, trustworthy and brave. He would never dream of breaking her heart. Which was why she felt like the worst human being alive. Because she was repaying all of that goodness with betrayal. Tears streamed down her face as she lay curled on her side in the dark. Thor had given her separate lodging, to-as she knew he intended-"save her virtue". If only he knew he was the one in need of saving. From her. She also knew that, far below, Loki was once more imprisoned, for impersonating the All-Father, for the coup and for his crimes against humanity. She knew it would be her job to judge him, to sentence him, when she let Thor marry her so she wouldn't break his heart. Instead, she was slowly breaking. A thought came to Jane, suddenly, in the quiet dark. She could save him because she could let him go. It would be his responsibility to get away and not get caught after she opened the cell. Jane struggled from her sheets and pulled a robe on over her gown. She would do this one last thing. For him.

…Xxxxxxx…

Frankly, Loki had initially gone to see what all the fuss was about. He had not seen any value or well-ending to Thor's ill-fated attraction to that mortal. He had not really seriously thought about visiting her, despite what he said to Thor on the bridge...but then it had happened. And no matter how hard he tried, he was still tangled up in her mind, body, and soul; her brilliant, challenging mind, her purer soul that had him wanting to corrupt her, and her silky, smooth body, with her odd freckles and birthmarks, and the scar on her hip from an accident in her childhood. She was a challenge and an equal. He loved her. And he hated himself for it, because he always said he would never be as weak or as stupid as his brother. Yet there he had been. And there he was yet. And here again, rotting in the dungeons of Asgard, waiting for the woman he loved to judge him. He heard the guards say the good people of Asgard were pushing and calling for his death, his slow, painful, inhumane death; that Jotunheim wanted the same, that Midgard sat injured and embittered. He knew his brother was torn, wanting to release him for the good he had done, but also that it had not been enough to redeem him in all eyes, and besides that, he had marred it by further trickery. And if only Thor knew about them, how his fake, changeling brother had long since stolen her virtue, how he could make her cry and scream and undulate beneath his touch, quiver with his voice in her ear, tremble with him beneath her. How she loved him and not Thor, how he had held her as she cried and wept bitterly waiting for Thor to return, how he made her laugh. How Jane was no longer Thor's, but his. How Jane Foster was Loki's.

He wanted to hate her for it, making him love her, but he could not. She wanted to hate him, and at first he knew she had felt she had. In truth, they each hated themselves for very different reasons. Reasons they seemed to have temporarily forgotten before Thor was aware Odin was not Odin, that night on the roof of a randomly chosen building away from prying eyes. They were drawn to it, their...whatever they had, like moths to flame, flame that embodied both destruction and life. They helped each other forget as mouths kissed hungrily and hands groped greedily, as legs twined and flesh met, as they arched into and away from each other simultaneously.

And of course, no one expected Thor to find out. No one expected him to order Heimdall tell him what he had seen, and go forth when Heimdall would not. No one expected the world to end in fire and ice resounding, and not one or the other. He didn't know yet. But it was inevitable, their crashing and burning.

No one saw any of it coming...but come it did, with a vengeance, and a crescendo of pain and chaos.

…

Loki was slumped against the back of his cell. There was a shuffling, and quiet breathing, and he knew someone stood in the shadows, watching him. The torches had burned low long ago, the guards had walked deeper on patrol, and all he could see in the dim light was the outline. The figure of a woman. Jane stepped into the light as he watched, and he straightened, staring hard at her.

"Why have you come? He asked. "I have been imprisoned nearly a month...why have you come now?"

"To release you," Jane whispered brokenly. "I can't...I won't let them hurt you, but I cannot protect you. You have to go. And never come back."

She fell silent. He watched her carefully, witnessed the anguish playing across her face. She leaned her forehead against the wall beside the cell entrance.

"You don't have much time. Come."

Straightening, she disabled the defenses set around his box. The golden barrier flickered out. It took him a moment, but he stood and stumbled, ashamed, towards her, falling at her feet. Jane dropped to the floor beside of him.

"What have they done to you?" She whispered in horror. Loki grimaced. "They paid me in kind for any grievance they held against me. You need not worry."

"You have to leave, now. We have to hurry if we intend to get you away with any headway. They'll be right on top you. Here, take this."

She thrust a golden apple and a flask of nectar into his hands. He stared down at them, eyed her pale fingers out of the corner of his eye. "Has Thor given you any yet?"

"Yes." Jane ran a hand through his hair, brushed it away from his face, and swallowed when she saw the heavy rings underneath his eyes. He devoured the apple and tossed the core aside, downing the nectar in the flask desperately, wiping his hands on his breeches and feeling a smidgen of shame that he had been deprived of sustenance for so long that he behaved so.

"They'll hunt you down and kill you if they find you," Jane urged, helping him stand, realizing they were wasting far too much time. The guards could return at any time. His hand covered hers on his face and gripped her fingers.

"Come with me," Loki pleaded with her on a whim. Jane opened and closed her mouth helplessly.

"Thor-"

"You do not love him and you know it! If you love him, it is not in the way he thinks, the way he loves you."

"I can't hurt him." Jane looked down at her lap. His fingers tightened on hers.

"Yet you would do harm to yourself, and to me?" He countered bitterly. Jane's head snapped up, eyes wide, to stare at Loki, who was glowering again.

"I-"

He kissed her then, pulling her closer, cradling her face and pressing her into the wall, his hand on the small of her back. "Come with me," he murmured against her ear. Jane parted her lips to say something-she wasn't sure what-when another voice boomed through the gloom. "Brother, unhand her!"

"Dammit," Jane said softly into Loki's chest. She stared over Loki's shoulder, and Loki turned around. Thor stood in mouth of the corridor, livid, hammer in hand.

"Come, Jane. I'll summon the guards."

"Thor, I-"

Loki interrupted her. "I don't believe you understand the entirety of the situation, Brother. She is coming with me. If she so wishes."

Thor advanced a step. "She would never go with you. Jane, come."

"Why don't you let her speak for herself," Loki snapped at him. Jane swallowed thickly, hesitant at first to speak. She couldn't look Thor in the face.

"Thor...I meant to tell you, truly I did, but..." She broke off abruptly, sniffing and clinging to Loki, where she commenced sobbing into his back. He tilted his head at Thor. "You see, Brother?" He said quietly.

Thor had frozen, his chest heaving and his eyes wide.

"Jane...what does this mean?"

Jane lifted her tear-stained face long enough to spare him a long, sorrowful, glance, and whispered, "I'm sorry." She swallowed, and when she continued, her voice was stronger, firmer. "Not sorry for my choice, but that it hurt you. But I will not change my mind."

"Jane...the wedding. We are to marry in one month's time. Has this all been a trick? Did you never love me?"

Thor's voice had become ragged, and raw emotion was almost tangible.

"I did love you...or at least I thought I did. But you were gone for so long, and I missed you...I had never stopped waiting...and I swear I didn't know who he was until I saw him here, before we went to the Dark World."

Thor's face contorted. "It has been that long? This...this affair? How many trysts have you had? Have you..?"

His answer came in the form of Jane looking him in the eye and then pointedly away, and the hand that momentarily slid onto her waist courtesy of Loki. Thor's grip on Mjölnir tightened.

"Even your virtue is revealed to be a lie."

Jane's nails dug through the fabric of Loki's armor. She stepped out from behind him to stand at his side. He chuckled bitterly and said to Thor, "Oh, she had plenty of that when I met her; quite innocent and...inexperienced." Jane closed her eyes. Did he have to rile him so on top of it all?

"Lies," Thor hissed angrily. A slow smirk spread across his brother's face.

"You could always ask her, although that doesn't seem to be your strong point; albeit, she might not tell you everything she has had the pleasure to experience. I trust you have yet to hear her voice, hoarse with passion, or to see her in the moonlight...have you even held her to comfort her, even once? Perhaps if you had, she would not have been so content in my arms...or my bed."

"Not another word, Loki," Thor thundered, taking another step.

"You're right; I think we're quite finished here," Loki said silkily, drawing Jane around into his arms.

"I cannot allow you to pass. Jane...please, Jane...do not leave."

His pleading nearly broke her heart anew. "I...don't make me say it, Thor. Don't make this harder. I can't do this anymore. I've made my choice."

"How can you betray-everyone you love?" Thor bellowed. Loki stiffened, but suddenly Jane began screeching at Thor.

"How dare you! How dare you say you want to give everyone a chance! How dare you make me the bad guy! I never stopped waiting for you, not even when I knew...and I felt horrible about it. I didn't mean to do it, Thor. Do you know how late I'm awake at night, crying about how much you hurt me? How late I used to stay up, watching the sky, until I curled up on the roof and wept, or the couch if I made it that far? I kept my pain and my secrets wrapped up so tight, I had to live with the fact that everyone else around was in awe of me because of you, in love with the idea of us. You didn't make me feel normal, you were too far away to make me laugh - I'm sorry if someone else did what you couldn't. You could have visited at least once, kissed away my tears, took away my pain. But there was only one person who made me smile and feel alive. Who loved me. Do you even love me? SHILED began moving me around and keeping me locked up like a caged animal, but you weren't there..."Jane trailed off. Out of the corner of his eye, Loki caught sight of the myriad of expressions flickering across her countenance, saw her shoulders straighten defiantly and then slump and the tears run afresh, how she crumbled, finally turning to bury her face in the crook of his neck. Her shoulders heaved as she wept, and his arms went around her. He rubbed soothing circles into her back, glaring at Thor.

"Must you break everything you touch, you insolent brute? You don't deserve her. I may have lied to her, but I never left her."

Thor bristled, but before he could respond, a blast of green energy hit him in the chest, throwing him aside, and a recovered Loki led a trembling Jane-who resolutely stared ahead-up out of the dungeons and through secret passageways towards the surface. Alarms sounded as they snuck through alleyways. Jane tripped constantly, so much so that she ripped away the majority of the skirt of her dress so she could move more freely. When he snapped at her to move faster, she snapped that she damn well was.

Rain started falling. "I wish I had packed something," Jane hissed through her chattering teeth.

"You were right not to," Loki reassured her, "it would have caused talk and stirred suspicion, and I doubt you could have stolen anything of value from my room."

"If Thor hadn't decided to come visit you, you could have gone yourself."

"Probably."

They fell silent again. "How will we get away now?" Jane asked after a while. "I wasn't sure how, since Thor and the others know of the one we used when I...and the bridge is completely out of the question."

"There are other ways," Loki said in answer. Jane pulled her robe more tightly about her. "At least they can't use the yellhounds," she mumbled. He snickered darkly, stopping suddenly to bar her way. Jane saw a troupe of soldiers rushed down the street.

"We're nearly there," he whispered suddenly, excited and alert. She followed him into a small courtyard with an old well in the center.

"How-"

"The well connects to a stream in Vanaheim. I would not normally take such an inconvenient route, but the location of the others would get us caught. This is the only abandoned and neglected place."

"It doesn't matter anyway," Jane mused, "We can't get any wetter."

He reached for her and pulled her flat against his chest, his heartbeat thumping against her back. He tilted his head to whisper in her ear.

"I am relatively sure I could make you much wetter, and you I. But that is for a different time, as I'm sure you'll understand."

She was surprised when his hand sought hers. He turned her around, serious once more, touching her face lightly. "Do not let go."

"I seem to have a history of not being able to," she managed to reply.

They crossed the small expanse quickly, and he watched to ensure she could climb onto the ledge herself before pulling himself up. They allowed their feet to dangle into the expanse below for a moment, and then, with a last squeeze of hands, they jumped.

They came up spluttering and blinking water droplets from their eyes. The stream was narrow and sheltered, and there happened to be a cave nearby. They made for that. It was night, and pitch black save for a few stars and a small, glowing light Loki had created floating in front of them as a guide. Loki picked up usable wood and anything flammable. Jane followed his example, and soon after they had found the cave, which turned out to be a shallow natural room with average height walls and roof, and rush mats and other such things covering the cold floor, a fire crackled merrily and Loki had set up protective wards.

"We would warm faster if we took our clothes off."

Jane's head snapped up at Loki's statement. He had neither spoken to her nor touched her beyond helping her and setting up their meager camp since they had arrived in Vanaheim. Wordlessly, Jane shifted onto her knees and let her robe drop off of her shoulders, pulling her dress over her head. She stretched them out by the fire, staring into it and drawing her knees up to her chest as she hunched over. She felt him move in behind her. He spoke quietly. "This place used to belong to an old recluse of a healer. I brought blankets from the back, and my magic had made them as clean as they shall ever be." She felt another blanket descend over her shoulders, which she pulled closer about her.

"Thank you," Jane whispered. A moment later, he had leaned towards her back, planting a warm, tender kiss at the base of her neck, on the last jutting vertebra of her spine. His fingers made a faint trail from there onwards.

"Forgive me," he murmured against her skin, moving onto her neck.

"What do you mean?" Jane sighed tiredly. Loki paused.

"Do not pretend, Jane," he said irritatedly. "I have much of which to request pardons from you."

Jane shrugged. His eyes followed the ripple of the freckles on her shoulders, his left hand found the scar on her hip that he could never resist tracing, and he pressed his forehead into her shoulder. It was his turn to comfort her again.

"Why must you complicate things even now?"

"I just...you wouldn't understand..."

"What-you, your pain, your agony, your despair? Because I know all of those things quite well, Jane. And you're too intelligent to be playing the games you are."

Jane moved to face him. He took her face gently in hand, cradling her cheek in his palm.

"Let me feel your pain, your despair, your anger. Let me take it away."

"I can't tonight," Jane whispered, turning her face towards the far cave wall. His fingers curled underneath her chin and jaw, turning her face back to his.

"You of all people do not have to run from me. Besides...you made your choice. Or so you say."

With a bitter laugh, Jane fell forward into him, crawling into his lap and wrapping her legs around him, arms looped around his neck and head pressed into his collarbone. He held her while she wept, not for sorrow that time, but for relief; smoothed her hair, sprinkling kisses along her shoulders. When she quieted, he tilted his head so that he could look into her eyes, resting his forehead against hers. "I will always want you. What you wish, you shall have. What you lack, I will provide. When you require this, I will unfailingly give it."

"Is that your way of saying you love me?" Jane whispered. His eyes softened even more than before.

"Have I not shown you how I feel?" He murmured.

"I think I've forgotten. Show me again," Jane replied softly, teary-eyed.

"You show me," he ordered her.

"Is that wise or safe?" She said cautiously.

"I assure you-no one can find us, hear us, or see us behind these wards. This cave was meant to give sanctuary. It will not reveal us."

Emotion threatened Jane again, and she pushed Loki onto his back by leaning her weight into him. He complied, sinking down beneath her as she met his lips hungrily. They acted in sync, and he kissed her drying tears away until.

Long after they had finished and Jane had quieted, they lay wrapped up in an old blanket and stretched atop the first, staring at the shadow patterns of the fire dance and cavort across the walls and ceiling. Neither one of them spoke or moved, taking comfort in the presence of the other alone.

"Thor will hate me," Jane said suddenly, and quite sadly. Even with her burden lifted from choosing, it was still hard to lose even a prospect of friendship. She felt Loki tense against her.

"Does it matter?" He mused neutrally. Jane laid her face against his chest. She could feel his heart beating against her cheekbone.

"You know it matters as much to you as it does to me whether or not he hates us. He loves us both-"

"Do not speak of the love of Thor to me," he hissed, and Jane grew quiet once more.

"He does love you though," she persisted quietly after a while, and when Loki did not respond, she said no more on the subject.

"He may love you yet, but he will never hold any love for me again. Not after these last betrayals. He will never trust me again. He was a fool to have tried for so long."

He spoke so suddenly, and so softly, that Jane started in surprise. Loki sounded so off key, so...broken. At the same time, though, he managed to sound like his usual condescending self. She felt around for his hand, twining their fingers together when she found it.

"Thor always forgives...maybe he will again. But if he is a fool, what does that make me?" She mumbled the first half, but her questioning tone in the second half sharpened.

"Why are we still discussing Thor?" He inquired, ignoring half of what she had said and brushing their fronts together.

"We could discuss whether or not I am a fool for trusting in you," Jane suggested coolly. He paused.

"Well...you are a fool if you wish for honesty. Literal truth, the knife, the fine point of a deal, loopholes...if you expect me to abandon my old ways, you should crawl back to precious Thor. But if you ask for loyalty, if I will betray you or not...know I will never betray you."

Jane scowled, and would have argued if not for the silencing glance he gave her.

"No more talking. Feeling."

Jane hesitated a moment, narrowing her eyes, and nodded. "We'll talk later, be sure of that."

"As you wish."

His hands came up to her hairline, tracing her face and trailing down her neck and shoulders, moving so that they brushed over her breasts and cupped them; then he switched them back to her sides, squeezing her hips and grinding into her. One hand returned to splay across her abdomen while the fingers of his other slowly pushed up the hem of the blanket between her legs until he had stretched them just inches from her lips. There was no fabric for protection, as Asgardians wore no undergarments, and they would have been too wet to wear anyway with the river as the portal. He stroked the soft, puckered skin lightly, spread her legs more with his knee, spread her, and then inserted one finger. Jane clamped around it instantly, walls slick, leaning her head into his shoulder.

She parted her legs further and rolled her hips at the unspoken request, and he removed his finger and pushed forward, moving in her again.

By the end of their second excursion, they had both mastered themselves, wordlessly, and felt all the better for it, so much so that they were both able to drift off into an undisturbed slumber, memories of their history swirling thorough their dreams.