Work in Progress
Act One, Scene One: In Which Deku-kun Leaves His House and Adventure Begins
"Whaddya mean I gotta write a shitty play?!"
The usual unruly atmosphere of Class 2A's classroom got a little unrulier with Bakugou's 15th shout of the early morning. Everybody else covered their ears as the hapless class representatives attempted to parry his stern declaration.
"It cannot be helped, Bakugou-kun," began Iida. His hands made one robotic gesture after another as he attempted to calm his raging classmate. "Just to reiterate, our class was assigned to create a fantasy musical for the upcoming interscholastic Fantasy Festival! As agreed upon by the rest of the class, everybody will participate in the play, but the assignments for production and design will be assigned by ballot!" One robotic arm dramatically pointed to the center of the angry blonde's face. "And by ballot, you are one of two who is assigned under Scriptwriting!"
"Fuckin' Glasses! I refuse! Pick someone else!" Bakugou moved to snatch Iida's fingers, probably fully intending to break them. Fortunately the latter was able to move them away in time.
Yaoyorozu, ever prim and proper and polite, shook her head. "I'm sorry, Bakugou-kun, we've already decided on the roles of the play yesterday in the after-class meeting, and some of us has started to work on our assignments. Given that we only have a month to prepare, we are pressed for time as it is."
He grit his teeth angrily. There was an after-class meeting yesterday in the common room of the dorms. Knowing that it was about this nerdy Fantasy Festival, he skipped it and trained instead.
Still, who the fuck gave these extras authority to give him such a stupid job?! "I don't fuckin' care! Why don't you ask some nerd to do it?! I'm sure Deku or that fuckin' Edgar Allan Poe goth bird will be happy to shit out a script for ya! Oi, one of you switch with me!"
At the mention of their names, said Deku and Fuckin' Edgar Allan Poe Goth Bird glanced in their direction. Tokoyami had his usual dark glare on his features, while Deku looked apologetic. "I'm sorry Kacchan… I'd take your job if I could, but apart from props, they gave me the leading role in the play… I'm sure you wouldn't wanna switch with me," he said in a defeated tone.
"Haa?!"
Midoriya whimpered. Bakugou started gnashing his teeth threateningly at him for having the audacity to refuse. "I-I-I mean, on top of hero training and schoolwork and such, it'd be too much even for me, Kacchan… I'm willing to help you out if you have a difficult time writing, though, so-"
"Forget it, nerd, who says I need your help?! I can write circles around your ass if I really wanted to!"
The green-haired nerd whimpered again, while Tokoyami rolled his eyes. "I respectfully refuse to switch with you, Bakugou. Jirou and I are working on the songs. We already have grand plans for the musical scores, and having us switch jobs now would destroy our collaboration," he said in his usual grim tone.
"You're just gonna do some shitty discount version of Hans Zimmer[1] anyways you damn Bird Head!"
Tokoyami's eyes widened slightly in surprise. "I'm surprised you knew that he inspired our play's soundtrack. But yes, that dark suspenseful orchestra is exactly what we are aiming for."
Bakugou intended to rant further, but was interrupted by Iida, who karate-chopped the air in front of him. "Please respect the process, Bakugou-kun! I understand your apprehensions but we believe that you are one of the two 2A students best suited for this job! Your scores in Japanese literature, Asian literature, Western literature, and Composition are more than impressive!"
"Besides," cut in Yaomomo, before he could retort angrily again, "we need your cooperation more than ever. I am sure that you, or any other 2A student wouldn't want to disappoint our guest star in the play…"
Bakugo scoffed. "Try me, Ponytail."
But as soon as he said it, a familiar figure in yellow pinstripes, preceded by his signature booming laugh, entered his and everyone else's field of view. "I am HERE!" He was able to hold his buff form for a grand total of 2.7 seconds before he deflated anticlimactically, blood spurting out of his open mouth.
Shaking off the screams of horror from some of the 2A students (who will probably never stop being shocked from his bloody coughing fits), All Might waved at their group. "Good morning, my young heroes! I cannot help but overhear your lively discussion over our Fantasy Festival class project!"
Bakugou's eye twitched violently. The rest of his classmates were starry-eyed, but unfazed. "Yes sir, All Might! As a matter of fact, we were discussing the script-writing!" Iida replied.
The emaciated hero's eyes creased happily as he leaned in closer to the fiery blonde, who was getting more flustered by the second. "I heard Young Bakugou will be lending his immense writing talents to our script! I'm looking forward to it!"
Bakugou tried not to look too dumb, or to look too happy with All Might's compliment. He settled for a mildly annoyed tch instead. "So they tell me…" he mumbled under his breath. "… best believe it'll be the best damn script you'll ever lay your eyes on, All Might," he added gruffly.
"Good, good!" He guffawed once more. The retired hero, the certified G.O.A.T., patted him on the back proudly, and he knew then that there was no backing out now. "I'm excited about the role you kids are going to give me! You might not know it, but back in the day, I was quite the thespian! I'm one of the star actors in UA's drama club, after all! Henceforth, you can give me any role you like! Even a villain role will do!"
"Eh… we definitely aren't giving you a villain role, All Might!" said Deku. "You're definitely a hero in this play!"
It was pretty annoying how fan-boyish that damned nerd sounded, but it was apparent that Bakugou was the only one irritated. "Oh! Well, the other scriptwriter did give me a gist of the story. It seems interesting so far, that it does!"
"The other scriptwriter…?" began Bakugou, an irritated grumble making its way to his voice.
"Ah, that would be Uraraka-san-" began Midoriya, just as the person in question burst through the front door.
"Prrrsnnt!" yelled Round-Face, a piece of toast actively being chewed in her mouth. She waved enthusiastically at their group and bounced towards them happily, oblivious to the situation. "Y'all talkin' bout me?"
Bakugou's jaw dropped, while the rest of the group waved back at her. "Yes we were, Uraraka-san," replied Yaoyorozu delicately. "We just informed Bakugou's role of being your co-writer."
"Wah~ That's great! I'm so stoked!" Bakugou watched as she swallowed half the toast in her mouth without chewing through it properly and stuck out her palm to shake his hand. "Lookin' forward ta workin' with ya, Bakugou-kun!"
"Oi oi oi… I thought I was gonna write the fuckin' script by myself. Are ya tellin' me that now I gotta clean up after Round-Face's shit writing?! That's different from what you nerds told me!" Bakugou slapped the pink-padded hand away and glared at the hapless class reps.
"Hey, you haven't even read it yet!" Uraraka complained before Iida or Yaoyorozu could muster up a dignified response. "And for your information, All Might-sensei liked what I've got so far! He tells me my writing is ~unique~ and ~unprecedented~!" She puffed her chest proudly.
One look at Glasses, Ponytail's, and even All Might's uneasy smiles told him more than enough. They really got him on board to fix Uraraka's shit, huh?! He grit his teeth and held back an impending blast from both hands.
"That said! Young Bakugou!" All Might patted him again on the shoulder reassuringly, a hopeful glint in his dark eyes. "I know that you're going to work splendidly with Young Uraraka! I expect nothing but a Plus Ultra script from you two!"
The first bell rang then, and from the dark depths of the teacher's table in front, Aizawa-sensei rose like the mythical Cthulhu from the depths of the ocean[2]. The dark aura spread throughout the bright classroom within a blink of an eye. "Go… to… your… damn… seats…"
The shock of it was enough to bring a fresh spurt of blood out of All Might's mouth.
"And that's my cue to leave!" All Might dashed out even before the grumpy dark-haired teacher could direct his quirk-erasing glare to him.
Bakugou grumped his way to his seat as Aizawa grumbled at all of them to settle their asses down on their assigned seats. But not before he sent a fresh, annoyed glare in the direction of Glasses and Round-Face's seats, fully intending it to have the destructive power of a deathray.
Blatantly ignoring his death aura, Uraraka gave him a brilliant smile and a thumbs-up. Can't wait, Bakugou-kun! She seemed to say with her full cheeks, and Bakugou just thought of how long the next week was gonna be.
Bakugou seriously did not want to work on Uraraka's dumbass script. It's not that he was bad at writing-in fact, beyond his good grades, he knew he was pretty good at it. Principal Nezu had personally informed him that the essay he submitted on "Why I Want To Be A Hero" was one of the most well-composed ones he's ever read.
It's just that Bakugou hated fantasy. And hated fiction-writing (because fiction was not real, therefore it was a waste of his fuckin' time).
Most of all though, he hated having to work with other people to achieve any kind of common goal. Look at his damn stats for cooperativeness in the Official Character Book and anyone with half a brain would get it[3]. And to cooperate for a stupid ass waste of time like the Fantasy Festival? Who the hell thought up of the stupid Fantasy Festival anyway?! Weren't there more important things in society to worry about?
And the fact that he was working with Uraraka fuckin' Ochako was in itself pretty aggravating. It's not that he hated her, per se-in fact, she was one of the few to earn Bakugou's (grudging) respect, since their infamous Sports Festival encounter when they were first years. However, it's because of that festival that Uraraka learned not to be the tiniest bit afraid of him anymore. In other words, he knew that this girl wouldn't be the type to just shut up and do what he tells her to, and he really didn't feel like making such an effort just to write a stupid play.
But now that he knew that fuckin' All Might was counting on him to write the script, well… he couldn't get out of it now, could he? Bakugou was many things, but a disappointment to All Might, he'd rather not be.
So that was how he found himself stomping his way away from the common areas to his room, with Uraraka bouncing right behind him. They were going to sit down there to look over her draft, but it was overrun by the costumes, set-design, and props people with all their shit.
"Why your room?" Uraraka said, huffing as she struggled to keep up with Bakugou's pace. "I don't think girls are allowed there…"
"Let 'em try to kick you out, Round-Face," he growled as he tapped on the elevator button impatiently.
"If you say so, Explodey-face," she teased, earning her a growl which was received with a giggle. This was what Bakugou was talking about. This damn girl knew no fear.
They eventually made it to his room, with Bakugou stomping the entire way and Uraraka skipping like an oblivious little red riding hood romping through the forest with a picnic basket, the purest picture of ignorance and innocence, unwitting of the ravenous wolf who lurked in the foreboding shadows of the dark, nightmarish wood.
Ugh. Really, Bakugou? Already gearing yourself up to write this fuckin' fantasy shit? You guys haven't even sat down yet. Don't be too fuckin' eager.
"Uwaa, your room's amazing, Bakugou! I didn't think it would be so neat and sparkly~"
Much to his annoyance, Little Pink Riding Cheeks was already making herself right at home next to his desk. He felt a vein or two pop over his forehead, like in animes if they were in an anime. "Why the fuck wouldn't it be neat and sparkly?! You expect a guy like me to just live in a dump?!"
"I'm just sayin', I wish my room was as neat. I knew you were great at lots of things, but even cleaning?" she said wistfully. "Hey, I have an idea! Next time, let's go to my room, and-"
"I ain't helping you clean your damn room, Round-Face."
She pouted and innocently twiddled her thumbs. "I -wasn't- going to say that, but, you know, now that you mentioned it…"
He grit his teeth so loudly Uraraka gasped and asked him if his teeth were okay. "Let's just…! Get this fuckin' script over and done with already!"
"Eh, fine, fine. Sorry for teasin' ya! Watch yer blood pressure, a'ight?" She reached over to open her bag and pulled out a messy folder that was crumpled, filled to its limit with papers with tags pointing in all directions. A post-it with a messy scrawl on it flew out as she pulled out the mess. "So, this is what we're gonna be workin' on!"
"What the fuck is that mess? Did you fuckin' sit on it and flush it down the toilet and set it on fire?"
"How rude!" Uraraka puffed her cheeks. "I only sat on it once! On accident! And I don't bring homework to the toilet! That's just unladylike." She opened up the folder and revealed a disorganized array of handwritten scripts scrawled on legal pad, post-its, sketches, more post-its, reference photos of their classmates with post-its on them, receipts, a grocery list, and a few folded-up paper bags from Tokyu Hands.[4]
Bakugou's fingers itched. He spent so much energy restraining himself from fixing the mess that was now taking over his desk that he barely heard Uraraka's spiel.
"So, in the meeting which you missed, we drew lots. Everyone's working on the production and stuff but all of us will be acting in the play too. Some of us bit parts and stuff, but yeah. I asked everyone what they wanted their roles to be. Based on those ideas, I sketched out my ideas on what their characters would be."
She pulled out the sketches, and Bakugou had to admit, they weren't badly done. He would go so far as to say that she might have a talent in drawing. They were scratchy and messy, but Uraraka seemed to place great care in drawing out the likeness of each classmate, and the details of each character and costume and even background information were at least 70% fleshed out for each of them.
"So based on the lottery, Deku-kun's the lead character. You, me, Tsuyu-chan, and Todoroki-kun are gettin' large roles, plus we gotta pay attention to All-Might-sensei's important cameo. We're gonna write the story based on all of this! And, if we want to allot time for practice and stuff, we have to finish most of the script in a week!"
"The f- I'm gettin' a large role too?! Nobody said that!"
"It ain't my fault you weren't at the meeting, Bakugou-kun."
The blonde boy scowled as he went through the sketches. The fucking nerd Deku's role was that of a 'Squire' (but his costume made him look like a fucking Hobbit)[5]. Uraraka had a hood (fuckin' coincidence from his red riding hood fantasy earlier) and a staff, and she was a 'Mage'. Frog was a froggy lookin' barmaid. IcyHot was a Prince (probably of the Land of Half and Halfs where people were always shitty and constipated). All Might was a Legendary Knight in exile (also fitting, in a morbid sort of way).
And Bakugou was… a Bard. His sketch had him wear fuckin' poofy pants and a stupid fuckin' hat with a feather on it and a stupid shitty tiny harp that the chubby babies in those old fuckin' European paintings had. He all but made the paper disappear from a blast from his fist. "Oi, Roundface. Who's the fucker I gotta kill besides you for giving me this pansy-ass role?!"
"Hey, it's your fault. You weren't there yesterday." Uraraka repeated, not even the least bit apologetic. "And that thing you destroyed was a brilliant joint effort between me, Kirishima-kun and Kaminari-kun. Nice goin', Explodey-face."
"Fuck y'all! I'll kill those idiots!" He shredded the paper further. "Gimme that pencil!" Within seconds, he sketched out something different, muttering expletives the entire time. After he was done, he dumped the pencil on the desk, almost breaking it into tiny little pieces.
Uraraka gasped. "Wow, Bakugou! That's really impressive! A Dragon Tamer, huh?" She traced his sketch with one finger, which showed him with a fur cape, tattoos, a necklace made of the fuckin' skulls and teeth of his enemies, pants and boots, and lots of fire blazing in the background for extra badassery. She grinned at him teasingly. "So you have been thinkin' about this so-called fantasy shit too!"
"Fuck you," he said, shoving her in the face unceremoniously. "Now I know that I gotta change that fuckin' script of yours. Let's just get this fuckin' shit over with."
"Okay…" Uraraka pulled out the legal pads, but shielded them from Bakugou. "Um. Just so you know, Bakugou, these are really, really, rough drafts, okay?"
His jaw jutted out in annoyance. "The fuck you mean by rough drafts. I thought I was just gonna edit your shit."
She gave him a ridiculous look. "Well, you are. But also, I started workin' on this just a week ago sooooo you gotta help me finish like a teeny bit of it."
"How fuckin' teeny do you mean."
"Um. Like. 50% of it, mmmaybe…?"
Bakugou could almost see the smoke coming out of his own fuckin' nostrils.
"Anyway, that's exactly why we can't waste anymore time, right?" said Uraraka, a positive beam glowing out of both ears. "And don't you worry! The story's practically finished in my head!"
There's probably nothing in there but a single light bulb struggling to survive, thought Bakugou in annoyance. He put his palm to his face and tried his hardest not to yell at her. "Fine, Uraraka. Let's just fuckin' start already. No matter what, I'm kickin' you out of my room by 10 PM."
"Okay! Glad ya see it my way, Bakugou-kun!" She smiled and pulled out the first page of the script, which read:
- Deku and the Final Fantastic Lord of the School of Wizardry!: The Legend of the Airbender's Song of Ice and Fire -
(A Work in Progress)
Act One, Scene One: In Which Deku-kun Leaves His House and Adventure Begins
Written by: Uraraka Ochako
"The fuck? Are you trying to outdo Class B's lameass play from the last year's cultural festival, Round-face?"
"It's a work in progress! We can edit it out later." Uraraka said as she scribbled Explodey McSplodeface next to her name on the by-line.
Our story begins, as many stories do, with the introduction of our hero! But as of this moment, he does not know that he is going to be a hero, nor does he know about the many obstacles that he will soon encounter!
That hero's name, as you can guess from the title, is Deku! He lives in a little red mushroom house in the Shire of the Eastern Kingdom with his mom, and his everyday life is as normal as it can be!
Oi, he's really from the fuckin' Shire?[6] He's really a fuckin' Hobbit? Aren't people going to sue us for that?
This Shire and that Shire are totally different! Let's not dwell too much on the importance of things like fantasy locations and copyright infringements! So let's go back to describing Deku and his life.
He is a young lad, of the ripe age of 15. All he's done in his life is a repetitive routine of eating two breakfasts a day, going to the nearby Wizard Middle School for standard classes, reading manga, collecting figurines and other Hero merchandise, and writing fanfics about his favorite Wizarding Heroes.
Wait, why the fuck is there manga in this world?! I thought this was a fantasy setting! And I know that fucking Deku is a nerd, but isn't writing him like this throwing him under the fucking bus?
In other words, a regular otaku! A hikkikomori-in-the-making![7] Have some shame, Deku-kun!
"Hey, that's really mean, Narrator-san!" Deku says, even as he stretches out his limbs from writing fanfics and essays all day. "And that's not all I do! I'm also working hard to become the best Magic Knight there is! Like the legendary Magic Knight of Peace, All Might!"
Ah, yes! The legendary hero of Legend, the Magic Knight of Peace, All Might! Legend has it that he defeated the mysterious Dark Lord that almost destroyed the source of magic of the Kingdom of UA! The incident that happened ten years ago, that changed the shape of the land's future! That All Might! He is a hero of great renown and mystery, now that he has exiled himself for reasons that remain mysterious! What could the mystery be?
That's a whole lot of magic and mystery, we get it. Can we please get back to introducing this fuckin' nerd? He's kinda stuck at the front door of his house waiting for the story to move on.
"That's right, Narrator-san. My sword's kinda heavy and my bag is really, really heavy and I'm not wearing shoes. Is it okay if I wear shoes? My feet aren't Hobbity-enough…"
Do it! Put your fucking nerd shoes on before they start suing us!
"Thanks, Tsukkomi-Narrator-san![8]" Deku wears Basic Boots, adding +2 Move and +1 Speed to his stats.
Who you callin' Tsukkomi ?! Also, now it's reading like the shittiest RPG ever!
"Ahh, that's better! The Basic Boots match my Basic Squire Cotton Suit and my Basic Squire Short Sword really well." Deku steps in place excitedly, now that his equipment and stats are way better. "Wait… aren't I going to be late for my first day of Squiring?"
Oh, that's right, Deku-kun! Make a run for it already!
"R-right!" Deku, with his short sword, rations, and obsessive scrolls filled with notes on Magic Heroism, makes a run towards the direction of the Eastern Castle. He clears his throat and sings,
"This is the day, the very day
The day where life begins!
Adventure awaits, and they'll all say
'Deku! You're out of the house!
So you're not such a waste to society after alllllll!'"
"... Hey, I'm not sure I like the lyrics to this song…"
Yeah, this is turning out to be a really depressing musical. I feel ya, you fuckin' nerd.
But along the way, our main character already stumbles upon the first obstacle of the day! That is… his tardiness from standing outside his front door for so long!
And whose fuckin' fault is that, huh?!
Instead of being granted entry to the Eastern Castle, he is blocked by the the castle guards! They're a specialized force tasked with the protection of the Eastern King and the rest of the royal family, so you know they're pretty strong! The ones on duty on this fateful day are the legendary Sugar Knight, Satou-kun, and the Tentacle of the Battle of the Blackwater, Shouji-kun!
Satou raises his arm. He has scars all over his body, one of which is an X-shaped scar over his cheek; a missing eye covered by an eyepatch; and a half dark angel's wing emerging from his right shoulder. He is carrying a glowing orb, sparkling with dark lightning, in his other hand. He has a Materia Blade strapped to his back. "Sorry buddy, you can't go in."
Why the fuck does this guard have a lot of scary looking hooks? Is he gonna have some intricate backstory?! Are you compensating for the fact that you have so little screentime in the anime?!
"I am but a humble castle guard who likes cake."
Then get rid of that fuckin' orb and that fuckin' One Winged Angel get up, oi![9] Why the fuck do you look so menacing, haa? What's a Materia Blade? Are you the Dark Lord?! Are you the final fucking boss?! Why are you showing your face so fuckin' early in the game?!
Shouji raises six arms. He is wearing the standard guard uniform. "That's right, buddy, you're late. A proper squire should be mindful of the time. Your knight masters cannot be made to wait for you."
And the guy with six arms is surprisingly proper without any fuckin' details whatsoever! We're not gonna talk about the Battle of the Blackwater?![10] This is kinda unbalanced, don't ya think?!
"Nonetheless, we are both proper castle guards," says Shouji matter-of-factly. He turns his attention back to the hapless main character, who stands teary-eyed outside the gate. "And you are five minutes late to the Squire Exams."
"Please, sirs! I had to be introduced and put on equipment and sing and stuff!" Deku begs. "Is there no way?"
Satou shakes his head, his wing twitching sympathetically. "Sorry, boy, breaking out into song with the rest of the village and issues with the narrators aren't valid excuses for tardiness. If you're lucky, there might be another opening in the next fortnight. But that's a big if."
"I can't believe it!" Deku cries in the throes of despair. "I totally missed my chance to become a squire! Woe is me… this makes me want to break out into a sad song…"
He turns around and walks to the direction of the town. "This is the day, the very day, the day my dreams are crushed… [reprise]… All of society's judging me now, the economy's in shambles…"
You didn't have to say [reprise]! But seriously, this soundtrack is really givin' me the blues. Earphones and Birdhead composed this sad shit together?! It's just the second fuckin' song and I already want to slit my wrists!
Rain begins to fall as our forlorn hero wanders aimlessly into the town. Deku is reluctant to go home and face his mother and have him admit that he'll spend another fortnight holing up in his tiny room in the Shire as a hopeless otaku who only has figurines for friends. The bookstore that sells his favorite Weekly Shonen JUMP is closed, the maid cafe he likes to frequent every now and then has a long line in front, and the nearby shoppe that sells the Hero merchandise he likes so much has recently been raided by rogues.
So fate has him wandering to a different place that he isn't used to-a tavern with actual 3D people. [11]
"Narrator-san, am I really that bad? Am I that much of an otaku? You're really hurting my feelings, you know?" Deku says, eyes teary and face shadowed from despair.
He walks in the tavern, sits on a barstool, and raises his arm meekly. A very cute barmaid, already curious about this strange fellow, approaches him without fear.
"Ribbit~," greets the barmaid, her frog-like tongue stuck out cutely. "What can I get you, Lonely Traveler-chan?"
"I'd like a glass of ale, if you please, Miss Barmaid," Deku replies, already blushing and struggling against the cruel throes of puberty.
"Please. Call me Tsuyu-chan, ribbit," the barmaid replies nonchalantly. "And I'm afraid you're too young to drink any type of beer, ribbit, so please drink this glass of milk instead."
"Oh that's fine! I love milk! And I also love respecting the laws regarding the legal age of alcohol beverage consumption in this land!"[12]
I mean I guess it's fuckin' great that there are drinking laws, but do we really need this PSA?
Deku-kun gladly drinks the milk offered by the barmaid. He then talks to her about the misfortunes of his day. Tsuyu-chan, being the most supportive, most popular, and top-performing hostess of that particular bar, favored by both rich geezers who have unstable home lives and young, alcoholic bums alike, lends him a willing ear.
Wait, it's a fuckin' cabaret?! Frog-Face is a cabaret girl?! Are they in the red light district?! We're keeping this PG, right?![13]
"I was going to be a hero, like the great All Might," Deku sighs sadly. "But I was late today for what was to be my first day as a squire. Now I've nothing to do, nowhere to go! I thought adventure awaited me, but I guess I was wrong."
The barmaid gives him a sympathetic ribbit and pats him on the back. "Tomorrow is another day, ribbit. We can always try again tomorrow."
Frog-face is the first likable character in this shitshow. Is she the heroine of this story?
Excuse me? Of course she isn't! We were just about to introduce the real heroine of the story! [14]
"I'm not the heroine? ribbit, that makes me pretty sad too. Move over, lonely-traveler-chan, I need to drink my sorrows too, ribbit…"
N-no, of course you also have an important role, Barmaid Tsuyu-chan! But the heroine in question happens to be in the bar too! And here is the moment she makes her presence known!
"Ufufufufu!" A mysterious cloaked figure giggles next to Deku and Tsuyu-chan. "Do I hear somebody clamoring for… adventure?"
Simultaneously, the main character and the barmaid turn their attention to the mysterious stranger! She slowly takes off her cloak, revealing a stylish and cute face, with cute brown hair, with the distinct facial markings of a Mage! One look at her and you know her incredible level of magical ability! And her name?
"I am Uraraka Ochako, a gravity Mage," says the cloaked figure, dramatically stepping on top of the bar piano, rose petals falling from the ceiling, the bar patrons all breaking into awed applause. "And I, too, am looking for adventure!"
I am editing the fuck out of this stupid scene, just so you know, Round-Face.
"Wow! An actual Mage!" says Deku and Tsuyu-chan in unison. "We can't believe our eyes!"
"Believe it!" Uraraka-chan swoops her cape from one direction to the other. She has a huge wooden staff in one hand. She gracefully steps towards the two characters. "And I can't help but overhear your dilemma, my sad-looking, milk-drinking friends! You say that you are sad that you missed your chance at being a squire?"
Deku nods. "That's right! I'm kinda concerned that you've been eavesdropping, but you're right!"
"Ufufufufu!" Uraraka-chan laughs again. "Well then, you're in luck! I just happen to be looking for other fellow adventurers like myself! What say you, young man? Do you want a chance at money, fame, fortune, and more money?"
"You… said money twice," says Deku cautiously, scooting some ways away from her with some apprehension in his eyes. "I'd… like some details, if you don't mind."
Tsuyu-chan the barmaid tilts her head. "That's right, Lone-Traveler-Chan. This is exactly how people get roped in pyramid schemes, ribbit. This is a scam, no matter how you look at it."
The Great Mage Uraraka responds to this insolence accordingly!
"Come on, you guys, I ain't scammin' ya or anything!" She waves her hands frantically and points to a flyer on the bulletin board. "It's right there, 'kay! The Prince o' the Eastern Kingdom of UA's seekin' the help of a team of any o' us UA citizens ta complete an important mission!"
The Great Mage Uraraka's fuckin' Kansai-ben is slipping.[15]
"Oh, a mission, eh?" Deku-kun takes the flyer from the bulletin board. Excitement seeps into his previously weeping face, and, eyes lit up, he starts to read out the contents of the ad, in the form of song,
"The Prince of the East needs you, young adventurer!
The Prince of the East needs you!
Rewards and a feast for you, young adventurer!
For the Prince of the East needs you!"
The young mage and the barmaid also sings with him for the next part of the song! They're all so incredibly talented that the rest of the bar sings along!
"Don't wait another day, the chance might slip away!
Bring three friends with you, four or five's not okay!
Run to the Castle without delay, try not to be too late!
The Prince of the East needs you, young adventurer!
Rewards and a feast for you, young adventurer!
The Prince of the East needs youuuuu!"
"You sustained for your life there, Barmaid-chan!" says Uraraka in admiration. She herself is struggling to catch her breath from the last falsetto.
"I try, ribbit, I've had a frog in my throat forever." she says, confusing everyone else in the room. "By the way, call me Tsuyu-chan. I work here in Mos Eisley Bar and Restaurant, but I would like to adventure instead, ribbit. I'd like to join your party, if you don't mind."
"Me as well, Uraraka-san," says Deku, extending his hand to his new friends. "By the way, I am Deku, of the Shire. I'm an aspiring hero! I'd like to join you two for adventures!"
A pact was then made in that bar, among three strangers, now steadfast friends thirsty for adventure! But what does the Prince of the East need, exactly? Is there going to be a contest or a joust or an eating contest or something? What did they need to bring? What clothes do they need to wear?
Come to think of it, those details shoulda been in the damn flyer! That damn Prince's HR department needs to step the fuck up!
What trials and tribulations await them? All these questions weighed in on our young hero's mind as he went home and prepared for the grand adventure the next day!
"So, how is it, Bakugou-kun?" asked Uraraka brightly.
"I don't even know what the fuck to say, Round-Face!" The first few pages were now filled past the margins with Bakugou's annotations, Uraraka's annotations of Bakugou's annotations, and Bakugou's annotations of Uraraka's annotations of Bakugou's annotations.
"Come on, it ain't that bad, or is it?"
"Not that it's bad, but you weren't fuckin' kidding when you said rough draft!" He rubbed his hands over his hair. There was so much nitroglycerin there, his damn hair might explode later. "It's so rough you can use it to scrape off Shitty Hair's skin and he'd come out of it looking as smooth as a baby's ass!"
"Wow, that's a great allusion!" Uraraka pulled out a post it and scribbled the idea on it. "Maybe we can put it there somewhere…"
Bakugou growled, reached out, and practically ate the post-it out of Uraraka's reach. "No crazy dialogue, Round-face! If this story gets any weirder we won't finish on time!"
"Oh… you're right, of course." A look of worry flashes in her hazel eyes briefly. Before Bakugou could wonder about it, the girl gasped and pointed at Bakugou's wall clock. "I'm sorry, Bakugou-kun… even though you said you'd kick me out by 10…"
It was already 11:05. Way past Bakugou's bedtime. Knowing it instantly reminded him of how tired he was. Maybe that was why he wasn't already committing frustrated homicide. He grumbled. "That's right, Round-Face, we're outta time. We really have to work faster if we want to finish this damn thing! No slacking!"
"Right!" Uraraka quickly stuffed all the papers into her messy folder-Bakugou's eye twitched, seeing the papers being folded this way and that without regard for any form of neatness. After he told her off for being so messy, she stood up and walked to the door.
"Say… Bakugou."
Big, round eyes looked up at him. The impulse to growl or grumble faded in his throat. Damn, he was really fucking tired. "Yeah, Round-Face."
She smiled at him gently. "I… had fun. I'm glad you're working on this with me."
He wasn't able to form a retort to that. The smile evolved into a cheesier grin. She waved at him and bounced her way out of the hallway.
Bakugou watched as she disappeared, a little stunned for some reason, before he remembered that he should be fuckin' irritated and shit because it was so late. Forcing himself to fume a little, he prepared himself for bed and slept with a determined scowl on his face.
AN:
So I've been working on this for some time now; I recently posted a preview on my tumblr a few days ago and feedback has been good, so ^^' Obviously my style of writing has been influenced a lot by Gintama (my fav) so much so that my sense of humor tends to leak even to other fandoms. Sorry about that!
Just so no-one gets lost in all the references:
[1] Hans Zimmer - German composer of many dramatic movie OSTs such as Gladiator, The Dark Knight Trilogy, and Dunkirk.
[2] Cthulhu - "a Great Old One of great power that lies in a death-like slumber beneath the Pacific Ocean;" created by HP Lovecraft. I thought Aizawa could channel the Old One if he wanted to
[3] Bakugou's stats in the official character book: Power 5/5; Speed 4/5; Technique 5/5; Intelligence 4/5; Cooperativeness 1/5. This boy has no hope
[4] Tokyu Hands - a really cool department store in Japan! They recently had a collab with BNHA! The characters had stands in the department store and everything!
[5] The Hobbit - are a fictional, diminutive, humanoid race who inhabit the lands of Middle-earth in J. R. R. Tolkien's fiction. They typically don't wear shoes. (Am I the only one who thought that Deku looked like a hobbit in the fantasy AU?)
[6] The Shire - where the Hobbits make their little Hobbit Holes and live a generally unadventurous life. But like Uraraka says, this Shire and that Shire are different, so it should be okay? (Deku's little mushroom house is cute!)
[7] Hikikomori - reclusive adolescents or adults who withdraw from social life, often seeking extreme degrees of isolation and confinement. aka NEET (Not in Employment, Education or Training).
[8] Tsukkomi - Boke and tsukkomi are loosely equivalent to the roles of "funny man" or "comic" (boke) and "straight man" (tsukkomi) in the comedy duos of western culture.
[9] One-Winged Angel - Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII. Satou's also carrying a Materia blade, also from FF7. (is it obvious how old I am? T_T)
[10] Battle of the Blackwater - a historical, gamechanging battle from A Song of Ice and Fire by George RR Martin.
[11] Uraraka's description of Deku - I based Uraraka's characterization in this story from BNHA Smash! She says something similar in the parody of the scene where she is describing Deku to Eraserhead in an attempt to let Deku pass the UA entrance exams.
[12] Drinking laws - in Japan, the age limit is 21, i think? For us tho it's 18. In any case they're 16 in this story so they aren't allowed to drink, not even as pretend on stage!
[13] Cabaret - another term for a Hostess Club; the implication being that Tsuyu-chan is the top Hostess in a night club. (which is why Bakugou is freaking out.)
[14] The main heroine? - a reference to the BNHA Radio All Night Nippon dialogue between the seiyuus of Deku, Bakugou, and Uraraka; Uraraka's seiyuu shares how Iida's seiyuu thought that Tsuyu was the main heroine instead of Uraraka, so she told him off accordingly ^^'
[15] Kansai-ben - Uraraka's 'country' accent; apparently she talks this way with her family?
Waaah this is tiring. I should go easy on the notes. Please let me know what you think so far, if you have any violent reactions etc. See you in the next update!