He Was Left With Nothing

by pieces-of-jade

A drunken Lancelot takes one last shot to win Gwen back. Songfic to the song "Nothing" by the Script

I own nothing of Merlin or the song "Nothing" by the Script.

Am I better off dead
Am I better off a quitter
They say I'm better off now
Than I ever was with her
As they take me to my local down the street
I'm smiling but I'm dying trying not to drag my feet

Guinevere.

That was the only lucid thought on Lancelot's mind as he drunk his way through another night alone at the tavern. He had arrived in Camelot a few days ago, and each day he saw Guinevere it was never without Arthur. He had thought that giving up Gwen three years ago had been the right thing to do. He kept reminding himself that she deserved more, someone like Arthur. Merlin, one of his only real friends, had also commended his actions at the time. He even went so far to suppose that Lancelot was better off without Gwen. However, those assumptions were years ago. When Merlin saw the look on Lancelot's face when he took his first view at the royal couple, he knew he was far from okay. He looked in a desperate need of a pick-me-up, so Merlin attempted to take him to the tavern to cheer him up. That had been three days ago, and Lancelot had stayed in the same position for the past seventy-two hours.

They say a few drinks will help you to forget her
But after one too many I know that I'm never
Only they can see where this is gonna end
But they all think I'm crazy but to me it's perfect sense

When Lancelot first left Guinevere, Merlin had promised him that he would find his true love somewhere else, but Lancelot soon realized they were empty words. He knew he could never forget her. So he tried the next best thing, the thing the bartender swore would help keep the edge off of Love's cruel sting-ale. He drank and drank and drank. However, no matter how much ale he ingested it never seemed to be able to forget her. If anything, it made his love for her and his boldness increase. After perhaps one too many drinks he went around the bar professing his love for her fervently. The others at the tavern thought he was delusional, but Lancelot had stopped caring a few drinks and a few heartbroken days ago.

And my mates are all there trying to calm me down
'Cause I'm shouting your name all over town
I'm swearing if I go there now
I can change your mind turn it all around

As Lancelot left the tavern that night, Merlin was down in the lower town looking for him. Merlin knew these past few days for Lancelot had to be rough, as he was forced to drink in images of his past lover in another's arms. However, he didn't expect Lancelot to shout Guinevere's name all over Camelot; swearing to the stars that if he went to Gwen's chambers, he could get her to love him again. Merlin's pace quickened as he attempted to reach Lancelot and calm him down before all of Camelot was awakened.

And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words
And she'll listen this time even though their slurred
Dialed her number and confess to her
I'm still in love but all I heard was nothing

However, Lancelot was not to be stopped tonight. Despite Merlin's best efforts, Lancelot continued to forge his path to Gwen's new chambers, which Arthur had arranged for her in the castle. All the while, as he drunkenly made his way to the castle, Lancelot never stopped his proclamations of love for Gwen.

So I stumble there, along the railings and the fences
I know if I'm face to face that she'll come to her senses
Every drunk step I take leads me to her door
If she sees how much I'm hurting
She'll take me back for sure

Lancelot finally stumbled at the steps leading up to the hallway Gwen's chamber was located at. Merlin, although still attempting to quiet him down and lead him to other locations than his past love's chambers, could not deny being deeply impressed at the amount of motor control Lancelot had displayed on his route. Merlin was the last thing on Lancelot's mind in his drunken stupor. The only thing he could think of was the possibility of Gwen returning to him after she saw how much pain he had been in since he left her.

And my mates are all there trying to calm me down
'Cause I'm shouting your name all over town
I'm swearing if I go there now
I can change your mind turn it all around

Merlin was still attempting to calm down Lancelot's ale-fueled passionate ravings as he finally reached the door to Gwen's chambers. However, it was to no avail. Lancelot continued to shout Guinevere's name, and knocked on her door.

And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words
And she'll listen this time even though their slurred
Dialed her number and confess to her
I'm still in love but all I heard was nothing

When Merlin heard the lock sliding out of its place and the sound of the door's hinges creak, he bolted around the corner. He had no intention of seeing the confusion on Gwen's face from seeing Lancelot on her threshold. Nor did Merlin wish to feel the wrath that he believed would inevitably follow waking her up at two am. Lancelot didn't even register that his friend abandoned him on Gwen's doorstep. All he took in was the image of a recently woken up Guinevere. She still had her flimsy nightgown on, with a robe hastily added, though it wasn't closed so the front of her gown was still exposed. It was a soft creamy color, made of silk, and hugged her curves in a pleasing manner to Lancelot's drunken gaze. Her hair was down and slightly mussed. She was bleary eyed, and her face still appeared confused at the interruption. However, her body language clearly showed her annoyance at Lancelot's intrusion; her arms were folded in front of her chest, her stance was firm and her posture stiff. Lancelot hardly noticed her irritated demeanor. Instead, while standing on the threshold of her door at two am, he rattled off his profession of undying love for "his" sweet Guinevere.

She said nothing
Oh I wanted words but all I heard was nothing
Oh I got nothing
Nothing
I got nothing
Nothing
Oh I wanted words but all I heard was nothing

After rambling about his love to her for about half an hour, Lancelot's slurred speech slowly died out. Throughout his speech, Gwen's expression was steadily becoming stonier and stonier, and her body language never once relaxed. They continued to stand as they had when Lancelot began; him on the threshold of her premises, and her just inside her doorway, blocking the entryway. After he was finished, she wanted to yell and scream at him for interrupting her sleep. She wanted to tell him of her disappointment in him in his drunken state, and that he needed to sober up before barging in on her personal chambers. She wanted to run and tell Arthur that he needed to make Lancelot leave Camelot because she was afraid of her past love's chaotic state. However, most of all she wanted to tell Lancelot that she didn't love him anymore. The realization of how true that statement was gripped Gwen with such a feeling of sadness for Lancelot that she started to tear up in the corners of her eyes for her ex-lover. Yet Gwen knew that in Lancelot's current state, he would not be able to process anything. So she remained silent, and said nothing.

Oh sometimes love is intoxicating
Oh you're coming down your hands are shaking
When you realize there's no one waiting

Lancelot, still under the liquor's influence, and love's intoxicating buzz, didn't notice Gwen's silence immediately. He was perplexed by Gwen's silence at first, but then it hit him full force like a lance crashing into the breastplate of a knight. He realized his hands were shaking slightly, and he nearly collapsed when the full weight of the situation was realized.

Am I better off dead
Am I better off a quitter
They say I'm better off now
Than I ever was with her

He quickly slurred some muttered apologies, and exited her doorway. His inhibitions were still blurred, but once he realized his rejection he felt its sting as much as if he was sober. He went away in defeat, and his cheeks were stained with tears as he slumped down against the wall at the end of the hallway right before the stairs. His shoulders were racked with his sobs, and he continuously moaned Guinevere's name.

And my mates are all there trying to calm me down
'Cause I'm shouting your name all over town
I'm swearing if I go there now
I can change your mind turn it all around

Merlin found Lancelot at the end of the hallway, after he came back to make sure he was alright. Lancelot was positioned in a forlorn looking huddle, sobbing Gwen's name over and over. Merlin went over to him, in an attempt to console his friend, but to no avail. Lancelot had enough ale left in his system to be mildly drunk, but not quite enough to take away the edge of the feelings of scorn that Gwen seemed to emanate towards Lancelot. He kept muttering ways to woo Gwen, to earn her affections back, and to take her away from Arthur before collapsing into a pitiful heap.

And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words
And she'll listen this time even though their slurred
Dialed her number and confess to her
I'm still in love but all I heard was nothing

Merlin, with no intention of leaving his friend in his distressed state, heaved him up to a standing position. Woosy, and about to pass out, Lancelot was in no shape to travel anywhere without assistance. Thus, Merlin slung Lancelot's arm over his shoulder and half stumbled with-half dragged Lancelot's form down the steps to Merlin's own chambers. Once there, he managed to sneak past Gaius and haul Lancelot's body onto his bed. Lancelot had luckily maintained consciousness for the journey away from Gwen's chambers, but that was all he seemed capable of at the moment. Once onto the mattress Lancelot completely passed out, while Merlin took the floor.

Lancelot's dreams that fourth night since his return were a mixture of conscious and semi conscious thoughts. He was with Guinevere, he was without her. She and he were in a passionate embrace about to kiss, and then he was watching her marry Arthur. A swirl of blurred emotions seemed to pass through his dream, but one was more prevalent than the others-rejection. Then as quickly as the fitful dreams came, it all faded into nothingness

She said nothing
Oh I wanted words but all I heard was nothing
Oh I got nothing
Nothing
I got nothing
Nothing
Oh I wanted words but all I heard was nothing
Oh I got nothing
I got nothing
I got nothing

The morning after Lancelot's fourth night in Camelot was arguably one of the worst mornings of his life. He was alone in Merlin's room; the warlock off for another day of serving Arthur, and Gaius away on his morning rounds. He had woken up with a splitting headache, but it was quickly remedied. Merlin had kindly thought to leave one of Gaius' potions on the bedside table to keep the edge off. Thus, after swallowing the potion the headache was replaced with blurred memories of last night and feelings of guilt. However, there was one memory he couldn't seem to get out of his head. It was after his pathetic ramblings on about true love and destiny, when she stood in the doorway. Her arms crossed, and her expression stony; her silken nightgown hanging on her curves, and her hair wild. However, the most vivid part of the memory was the look of disappointment, anger, fear, and overwhelming sadness he saw in Guinevere's eyes he knew he would never forget. Nor would he easily forget the loudest silence he had ever heard. The lack of response from her made him feel as if the silence had swallowed him up into nothingness. He knew what that silence meant. It had meant that she had chosen Arthur. It had meant that she had no affection still attached to him. But most of all it meant that he did not have a reason to live anymore. He knew he could not bear to stay in Camelot another second. The first three days wasted in heartbreak of seeing her and Arthur now openly displaying their affections for each other, as they were now betrothed. The first three nights squandered in longing and pining after Guinevere; then the past night- the last night. After such a display Lancelot knew he was in ruin. The sense of embarrassment and dejection he keenly felt from Guinevere's silence almost overpowered him. Swiftly, he made his decision as he swung his legs over the side of Merlin's bed. He would leave Camelot as soon as he could. There would be no trace that his presence was even in the kingdom, excepting in the memories of Merlin and Gwen from the past few days. However, this time he would never return as he realized that Arthur had claimed his most precious treasure- and he was left with nothing.