Nine years. It had been nine long years since Lillian Deville had last spoken to her friends in high school. It had been nine long years since the night where her parents first told her and her brother that their mother had cancer. Now, nine years later, Lil was going to have to face the friends she had grown apart from once again. She was going back to the town she had tried so hard to get away from.
Lil was driving through the pouring rain. It was late. That didn't matter. What mattered was the frantic phone call she had received just hours earlier. The phone call with Phil sobbing uncontrollably on the other end, begging his sister to come down, pleading with her to put the past behind and just come home.
Home. Was that where she was going? Home. The place she had left, abandoned, so many years ago. She was going back. She was going home to face her worst fear.
The rain pounded on Lil's car. The thunder rumbled, shaking the ground beneath. Lightning flashed, making clear the path Lil had to travel. She was almost there. Almost to the exist. Almost home.
Lil pulled into the strangely familiar drive way. It was late. It was very late. But she had gotten there as fast as she could. And that's all that mattered.
Lil slipped her key into the door, careful not to wake anyone if they weren't already up. It was dark in the house. Someone put a hand on her shoulder and Lil stifled a scream.
"Phil." Lil collapsed into his arms. The twins cried together, just like they did nine years ago when they found out about their mother. "I'm so sorry." Lil cried.
Phil nodded. "Don't be sorry for me, Lil. Be sorry for yourself, too."
Lil noticed a tall figure standing in the doorway.
"Daddy." She breathed. Howard walked up to his children and joined in their hug. The three stood there for a long time, hugging and crying together.
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It was the next morning. Lil woke up, almost forgetting where she was. It had been so long since she slept in her old bed. She had forgotten how comfortable it was.
Lil forced herself up. No matter how much she didn't want to do this she knew that she had to. Not for herself, but for Phil. For her father. For her mother.
Lil finished her shower and slipped into a long, floral dress. She took stuck a pink bow in her long, chestnut colored hair. She took her time walking down the stairs. She wanted to stall today as much as she could.
"Hey." She said softly to Phil and gave him a hug. "You look good." She admired her brother in his soft, light blue suit.
"So do you."
Howard smiled weakly. "Lilly, are you going to eat something before we leave?"
Lil shook her head. "Um...I don't think my stomach would be able to handle very much right now. Sorry dad."
Howard nodded and gave his daughter a reassuring smile. "I understand. I don't think anyone could eat today."
Phil sighed. "So, are we ready?"
Lil shook her head again. "I don't think I'll ever be ready for today."
Phil took Lil's hand and gave it a comforting squeeze.
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Howard, Phil, and Lil stood silently in the first pew of the church. They listened intently as the priest gave a eulogy. Lil's eyes searched the room. She recognized some cousins and aunts and uncles. She saw her grandparents. She saw some people that she didn't recognize but figured worked with her mom before she started the Java Lava. Lil's gaze fell upon a group of people sitting in a pew. For a second, Lil wondered why they were here. Then she remembered Phil and Howard.
'They didn't come for me.'
Lil's gaze shifted back to the alter. She saw Phil up there. He was about to give his speech.
"Betty Deville was a devoted mother and wife. She was a friend to-"
"Dad, I have to use the bathroom. I'll be right back."
Lil rushed out of the chapel as fast as she could. She could feel the eyes of everyone in that room on her back. That didn't stop her from getting as far away from there as possible.
Lil opened the bathroom door and shut it. She ran the faucet and splashed the cold, refreshing water on her hot face.
'Get a grip Lil. You knew this day was going to come. Calm down. You have to be the strong one.'
By the time Lil had calmed herself down and left the bathroom, the chapel was empty, except for one person. Lil walked up to her.
"Kimi?"
Kimi turned around.
"They went to the cemetery. I waited for you."
Lil nodded.
"Um...Lil? I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't try harder to save our friendship. And I'm sorry about Betty. She was like a mother to all of us."
"Thanks Kimi. I know that I was a-"
"Shhh. Let's just leave the past as the past, okay Lil?"
Lil's eyes teared up. She nodded.
Kimi took her hand. "Ready?"
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Kimi and Lil made it to the cemetery just as the hearse pulled up.
Lil hesitated.
"Are you ready Lil?" Kimi asked her.
"I don't know if I can do this, Kimi. I mean, watching my mother get buried and face the gang after this many years? I don't know."
"Lil, it's your mother's funeral. Sometimes you have to put everything behind you and deal with what's more important, which poses the big question. What's more important? Paying your final respects to your mother or what everyone thinks about you?"
Lil sighed. "I know. I know. God! You probably think I'm the most cold- hearted, selfish, self absorbed, -"
"I think you're human, Lil." Lil smiled.
"Let's go."
Lil and Kimi walked hand in hand over to wear the last respects were being paid to Betty.
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"Hey, Kimi. Thanks for coming."
"No problem, Phil." Kimi looked into Phil's eyes. It was at that moment that she was able to fully see the pain in he had been bottling up for all these years. Kimi reached a hand out and stroked the side of Phil's face.
It was then that he grasped her hand and cried.
"Shhh." Kimi soothed. "It's okay. I'm here."
Kimi loosened her hand from Phil's grasp and wrapped her arms around him, allowing him to cry on her shoulder.
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"Lil, I'm going to go home now, okay." Howard told his daughter. "I think that if I stay here, I won't be able to let go."
Lil nodded. "I understand. I think I'll stay late though. I owe mom that much."
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"Lil, we're gonna leave now, okay?" Phil asked his sister. It had gotten pretty late now. They had buried Betty a while ago by now and there were only a couple people left.
"Okay." Lil said softly.
"Do you want a ride?" Kimi asked her friend kindly.
Lil shook her head. "No. I'm going to stay here a while."
"Are you going to be okay?" Kimi asked. "Will you need any company?"
Lil looked around. If Kimi and Phil left she would be the only one left.
"No. I'll be fine."
Kimi gave Lil a hug before she and Phil took off.
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Lil sat down near where her mother was buried. It was getting late.
"Hey, mom." Lil choked. She tried to hold back the tears. Her mother was the one who told her crying was a sign of weakness. Betty never cried. She was always so strong. Lil always wanted to be just like her. But now...
"Mom, I made it. I know it's been a long time since we saw each other. Six years. That's a long time to wait. I don't know, I guess I was afraid to come home. Home. It sounds kind of funny hearing it from me, I know. And I know there's no excuse. Afraid or not. You're probably thinking 'Afraid of what?' I was afraid of what you guys thought of me after I left, like a coward. That's not how you raised us, and yet, that's all I turned out to be. A coward. There was a time when I was in love. I guess that's another thing that scared me. I was too afraid to admit that I was in love. It scared me to death, mom. It scared me to think that I was in love with someone and the thought of them loving me back scared me even more. Tommy Pickles. Huh? I really screwed that up. It's been nearly ten years since he spoke to me. I don't blame him, though. Could you? Mom, I really miss him. I miss the rest of my old friends. I miss you, mom." Lil's tears streamed down her cheeks. "Why did you do this? Why did you leave? You can never see me walk down the aisle when I get married. You'll never see your grandchildren. Or your great- grandchildren."
As Lil sat there, someone place a hand on her shoulder.
"Lil? I'm really sorry about your mom."
Lil looked up into the eyes of the boy she once loved. Tommy Pickles. He wasn't the boy she used to know. He was a man now.
"Tommy." Lil breathed.
Tommy nodded. He sat down next to her, leaving his arms open for her to fall into. Lil took advantage of the offer and buried her head into his chest and cried.
"She lied to me, Tommy. My mom lied to me." Lil sobbed.
"Shh- shhh." Tommy soothed. "What are you talking about?"
"She told me- she told me and Phil that it wasn't serious... She said that they didn't give her an estimated time of death... She said that she wouldn't leave us."
Tommy stroked the side of Lil's face, wiping away the remaining tears, just like he did nine years ago at her birthday party.
Tommy allowed Lil to lie against him. He ran his fingers up and down her back in a comforting manner.
"Tommy?" Lil whispered through her tears. "Why are you here?"
"Why am I here?" Tommy repeated. "I'm here because I knew Betty. I'm here because I'm friends with Phil. And...for the most obvious reason. I'm here because I knew you would be here. After I found out that your mom died...well that just showed me that life is short. Lil...I want to make things right between us."
"Tommy-"
"And, I just think that you should know- I never stopped loving you."
"Tommy- you shouldn't have said that."
"It's true. And you know it is. I know you know it is."
"Tommy, I know that I was a com-"
"Lil...could we please just put the past behind us? We both know what you did was, for lack of a better word, rotten. But, you know, your mom just died. I think that we owe each other what we never had together. I don't know about you- but I've changed."
Lil nodded. "Me too." She said softly.
The two sat in silence for a long time giving their final respects to Betty.
Finally, Tommy stood up.
"Are you ready?" He asked as he held out his hand to Lil.
Lil nodded. "I'm ready."
Lil took Tommy's hand and the two of them walked away together, not once looking back at what haunted them in their past.