Through hardship after hardship, Gundam relationships prevail over everything. After all, what kind of epic story has a plot? A stinky one! How can you have a good fic without ridiculous pairings and total gender-preference ignorance? You can't!
And what's a Gundam line without murder, pregnancy, reincarnation, first-night stands, awful Japanese, and bad hair days? Nothing at all!
That's why this story has ALL SIX. You hear that? ALL SIX! Buy 5 get one FREE! It must be great!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Introducing *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
G
ONDUMA Gundam Parody
Brought to you by: Me
Who is not liable for the furniture you break in a fit of rage after reading this.
(BTW, this is a joke. I write things like these! No actual harm is meant.)
(At least, not much.)
It was a beautiful spring morning. The bees were buzzing, the flowers were exquisite, and the sun was bright. It was fluffy and happy and pretty and-
Wait! This is GonDum! You can't have fluffiness in this kind of fic!
-Change Scene-
The roar of thunder echoed across the dismal skies as Duo Maxwell leaned on the window, staring out at the storm sadly. Somewhere out there, you lie, my love. Completely ignoring his usually happy demeanor, his tough soldier background, and his general boy pride, Duo broke into tears. Why doesn't he love me? Why?
Alas, he was head-over-heels desperately in love with one Heero Yuy. After all, Heero was perfect! No one had eyes like him! No one had hair quite so wild! (Except for maybe Cloud, but that's another story.) No one had an ass quite as fine as his! What about his cold, distant attitude? Bah! He was naturally squishy and mushy inside! Duo just knew he had to be (after all, if he wasn't, Duo would look pretty stupid now wouldn't he). What about the fact that people want to be cared about for something other than their looks? Why, Heero had a lovely temperament in addition to a gorgeous body- no one could deny that! So, naturally Duo loved him. And thought about him constantly. Duh.
Duo waited for a few moments before trying again, louder. Why doesn't he love me? Why? This time, lightning caught its cue and flashed dramatically, highlighting the crumpled heap in the yard.
"Why… what's that? It must be Heero! It must be! After all, he has no common sense; he must be out in the rain! Also, with his fragile immune system and poor eating habits, he would be very weak and likely to collapse out there! Not only that, I'll bet he's caught a cold, despite the lack of germs in the air!" Duo exclaimed before rushing out.
But, alas, it wasn't Heero- it was Trowa! Duo pouted at this, but then decided that it might be okay to rescue Trowa, anyway. He lugged the boy inside and put him on the couch, waiting for his consciousness to return.
While wishing the boy was Heero for a moment, Duo got to thinking. What's this I feel?… I never noticed how white Trowa's skin was… and the way his hair always stays in one place, covering his eye so mysteriously like that, oh…but no! I love Heero only! Don't I? He pondered this until Trowa began stirring, opening one of his Bright Verdant Shining Orbs ™.
"D…D….Duo?…" he whispered. Duo could feel the mere sound of that sending a shiver through his spine (which was perfectly dry at the moment. Wetness is only applied when the plot calls for it).
"I'm here, Trowa! Don't try to speak! Don't move at all!" Duo urged passionately.
Why, in these past three years, I never saw how kind Duo is to everyone and the way his hair glistens in the moonlight so provocatively, Trowa thought as he struggled to breathe. He suddenly winced and grabbed at his side.
"Trowa! What is it?" gushed Duo.
"He… shot me… don't… go out there, Duo… I don't want him to… hurt you too…" he managed to say.
Duo's eyes filled with tears. "Hang in there, Trowa! Don't die! Please! I… I love you!"
"I… love you too Duo… I always have… I'm sorry… I waited so long… I…" Trowa fell silent.
"NOO!" screamed Duo. He leapt out of his chair dramatically. "I'll avenge you! I swear it!" he dashed out of the building, into the now darkened and helpfully storm-free night.
Duo whipped out a gun as he dashed through the yard, 15 years of soldier-caution thrown to the wind as it usually is when a loved one is hurt and killed, even when training covers response in those cases- anyway, he dashed through the yard, when he suddenly came onto a black-clothed shape. The mysterious figure was framed dramatically against the moon, holding a single rose- er, a gun. It was… Heero!
Tears sprung to Duo's eyes fiercely. "Heero! You killed Trowa! How could you!" he cried, training his gun on the startled boy.
"Duo… this isn't what it looks like… I saw Trowa get shot… and then I followed his attacker… but he disappeared!" Heero protested, normal speech patterns having taken a vacation with Duo's training. They were currently in the Bahamas along with Dorothy's other set of eyebrows, Relena's third braid, and- um, anyway, Heero protested.
"Then why are you wearing… HIS NECKLACE!" Light glinted dramatically off of the telltale object.
"Um… Duo, this is my necklace…" Heero replied, confused.
"You lie! I'd recognize that anywhere!" Duo cut in slyly. He lifted the gun up again, pointing it at his former obsession's forehead. "And now I will kill you for it!"
Heero said nothing, only looked at the other boy. Duo felt his resolve weaken. No! I must remain strong! I must defeat the Evil and Highly Dangerous Prussian Eye Stare ™! But… Heero… how can I shoot Heero? But... I must, or he'll kill us all! I must…
WILL DUO KILL HEERO? DOES TROWA LIVE OR DIE? WHAT ABOUT WUFEI AND QUATRE? WHAT DO DOROTHY'S OTHER EYEBROWS LOOK LIKE? ALL THIS AND MORE, ONLY ON….
GonDum
A Dramatic Romance and Romantic Drama of Epic Proportions
Brought to you by Grow-grr, Phoney Island, and other Parody Places ™
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Please don't kill me =) However, reviews would be nice. What's YOUR pet peeve about Gundam fanfics? Tell me, and I'll put it in! Promise! Oh, and if you really must flame, please be sure to put your name so I can look at your stories, too =)
Ps. I don't own Gundam, a gun, a dam, a Gnu, a ndam, or anything similar. And if the title just looks spelled wrong, try saying it aloud a few times.