Ok.

Umm, you see…

Well the thing is, I…

Oh dear God, let's just get on with the embarrassment, shall we?

I read twilight. I'm a total nerd. And you are too because you're reading this. So don't judge me!

Sigh…

And the thing is, I wasn't even surprised.

I know that I should have been. Surprised should have been putting it lightly. I should have felt my face drain of all color and my breath catch in my suddenly dry throat. I should have felt my heart explode into a wild panic, thudding erratically deep within my chest. I should have been stunned; just as floored and taken aback as everyone else around me. Floored and taken aback were the only sensible reactions in such a situation.

But at the sound of his voice, I wasn't.

But they certainly were.

When he spoke, there was an audible gasp across the room. A sharp intake of breath reverberated as those in attendance hissed their confusion whomever happened to be nearest to them, contorting in their seats as they craned their necks frantically to find the source of the scandalous interruption. The murmur only grew louder, more disbelieving, as one by one the roving eyes settled on him. Now with a common target, the collective whispering quickly steam-rolling towards a forceful dull roar of opinions. Because of course, in a small town like this, in a circumstance like this, among people like this…everyone most certainly had an opinion of their own that they felt the need to share. Some were appalled, as they drew up their lips in and regarded him with disgust. Some were dumbfounded, eyebrows shooting into their hairlines as they tried desperately to place him. Others still smirked, narrowing their eyes and taking in what would surely be a disaster as it unfolded before them with satisfied contempt. Every last pair of eyes there was glued to him, blue, brown, green, red….all of them. But he didn't seem to notice the heat from any of their gazes. He was blind to everyone who stared at him unabashedly, completely oblivious that there was anyone else there besides the two of us. The only eyes he cared about were mine.

And the two prizes which he pursued were the only eyes not engaged with his own. His piercing gaze, violent with emotion, sought after my brown ones fervently, but to no avail. The pull his stare exerted on me was powerful, imploring, demanding…begging. It seared into me, but for that moment I disregarded him and his plea. Instead, I lifted my face to look beyond him, beyond them, beyond everything that had been closing in on me for the past several months. As I stared through the glass, the rays of sunlight pouring in through its panes too far away to comfort me with their warmth…and just far away enough so as not to cause a spectacle, I let myself delve into what I had been afraid to consider for so long.

Surprise wasn't quite the right adjective to describe what I was feeling at that moment. Neither was the anger, disgust or fear that gripped the others. Right then, as the buzz of voices steadily grew louder and the outraged tension grew palpable, I let myself become oblivious to it all. I wasn't surprised, that much had been made blatantly obvious, but I still hadn't been expecting this. It wasn't as if I had walked into this place a few short hours ago (hours that now seemed lifetimes past), anticipating all of this to unfold. But now I realized now naïve I had been.

I knew it. Knew that somewhere, some place so deep down inside of me that I wouldn't let even myself go, the events transpiring all around would have been painfully predictable if I had let myself consider them. There was too much at stake today. Too much to win, too much to lose…Nothing in my life had ever gone off without a hitch since I moved to this town, and I had been a fool to let myself think that this of all days would prove any different.

Because of him.



There was no way that he was going down without putting every last drop of fight he had in him into this. And I didn't hold it against him, there was no way I could. The stubborn audacity of this, of all of it, was such an integral part of who he was. And for some reason so far beyond me that I didn't see it until it was too late, I couldn't help but to love him in spite of (or perhaps because of) it. I couldn't help but to feel things for him that I knew I shouldn't, and for that reason I couldn't bring myself to anger even as he said those words again, drawing me out of my reverie.

The confused chatter which had been triggered with his first declaration then fell into utter silence.

"I do." He repeated passionately, eyes still fastened intently on me. "Me."

The pastor cleared his throat loudly in a poor attempt to break some of the friction. I assumed this wasn't the first time someone had answered what he had meant as a rhetorical question. "You, boy? You have a reason that this man and woman should not be joined in holy matrimony?" He looked around agitatedly "Well then, what do you think is worthy of keeping them apart?"

I scowled unintentionally at his pedantic tone, but my expression lightened when I heard the rustle of a satin dress as she stiffened beside me. Surely she didn't think…not here, not in front of…no. He wouldn't, I told myself defensively, but even as the words crossed my mind I felt my own doubt in them. I wasn't quite sure just what he would or wouldn't do anymore.

" I just told you," he sneered, gaze flickering for the smallest of glances towards the older man behind us. When his eyes returned to me, I met them full-on for the first time since he walked in. I couldn't stop the strangled gasp that escaped me at the uninhibited fire that burned within them. "Me." He answered resolutely.

Again, silence reigned as the crowd took in his statement.

"You? You're the reason that they shouldn't marry?" accused a voice I didn't recognize from the crowd.

The answer came so quickly, so effortlessly, that I didn't even recognize our simultaneous reply until it had already slipped from my lips. "Yes." We responded.

My voice was so low I wondered if anyone would hear it, but then I caught myself and mentally smirked at my mistake. How silly of me to forget who I was dealing with here. Both men started in disbelief, but one face, the one who held my gaze, quickly broke out into an expression of utterly shameless joy. The blaze in his eyes sparked with elation, and the stiff, hard lines of his body all seemed to soften at once as he exhaled. He took a few quick steps forward towards me and then stopped abruptly, caution once again settling in over his temporary lapse in control. His eyes narrowed as they flitted along with mine to the other man, the one standing across from me. This man had also rapidly recovered from the subconscious reaction of astonishment his body had made. His face had dropped down into the mask his features had worn years ago when I had first met him, eyes dark with something that I for once couldn't read. He stood stone still, and though I sought it, his gaze landed beyond me, on her.

She let out a choked breath as a tremor went through her body. I felt the change behind me and turned just as she stumbled forward, tiny hand closing in a vice-like grip around my forearm.

She knew.

She most likely had known that he would be making such an appearance all along, choosing to hide the fact from me just I as I had hidden it from myself. What she hadn't been counting on was my reaction, the answer I had given to a question not even directed at me. But she knew. She saw it the second I opened my mouth, saw the choice that I had made.

It would be hard, no doubt. Unbearable, even…for awhile. But I had gone through it before, and he had been the one to bring me back. Besides, I had long ago given up hope that my life would follow a complacent path no matter which turn I chose to follow. It was no longer a choice between one man or the other, but between my old family or a new one, hiding or fighting, life…or death. It was a choice I thought that I had already made, but standing there, I saw that I had been quite wrong.



Her hands of marble were quivering on my arm, and in her eyes I saw more hurt than I ever thought myself capable of causing. My soul ached tremendously to see what I had done, but I knew that to stay would only bring the same anguish to my other loved ones. There was no easy way out here, not for any of us. He had warned me of this, so long ago, but I hadn't listened and now I was reaping the consequences. I stared into her eyes for the longest time, knowing that nothing I could say would be of any significance. We were past the point of apologies now, and she knew it as well as I. Her icy fingers fell away from my chilled flesh, and I knew that it was finished.

My decision had been made.

She stepped back and I turned to face him, his breathtaking features still distorted by the hard mask he wore. The ache I felt at the sight almost dropped me to my knees, knowing that what I did here would cause indescribable pain to the one who mattered the most to me. It wasn't until I brought a clammy palm to face to muffle a silent scream of agony did I realize that my cheeks were wet with hot tears. I wanted to run to him, to throw myself against him with everything in me and take it all back, but I knew I couldn't. Regardless of what I was feeling now, I knew that my decision was the right one. And so, wordlessly, I backed away from him, watching his still form as long as I could while soundless sobs wracked my frame.

Then, I felt warm…no, hot, hands on my shoulders and I allowed myself to melt into them. I let strong arms curl across my back and sweep underneath my legs to lift me up in an utterly ironic fashion. My mascara-smeared face dropped feebly against his shoulder and I clung to him for dear life as I felt him turn to leave.

I couldn't bear to meet any of the amber-tinted eyes I loved around me, sure that any more of this heartbreaking disappointment would leave me irreplaceably shattered in his arms. I kept my gaze down as we began our fateful trek towards the door, but I knew with uneasy anticipation that I couldn't leave without facing him.

It was a strained effort to lift my chin, but once raised we instantly found one another. His eyes were trained on me intently, along with every other pair in the church, and in spite of the horror depicted on his face at having to watching his daughter fall apart at the seams yet again, I plainly saw a flash of triumph in the smirk he tried miserably to hide. I offered him a feeble smile in return and felt the beginnings of a slight warmth start to pool in my chest. I would have to endure his smug satisfaction for a long…long time to come.

And that, in closing my eyes and leaning heavily into the chest of a man I love, is how I, Bella Black, left Edward Cullen at the altar.

I know, I know, I'm like the only BellaxJacob shipper out there, but I'm sorry! I can't help the way I feel!... I'm so gonna get flamed for this story aren't I?