She feels cold. Cold and empty. And alone. So incredibly alone.
Leah Clearwater is sitting on the porch of her house, that although she lives here isn´t her home anymore ever since her father has left.
The rain is falling on her face, running down her cheeks and mingling with the tears she has secretly been crying. The rain doesn´t bother Leah. She likes it because it hides her tears. Leah doesn´t want to be weak. She wants to be strong and hard and invulnerable. That´s why she always pushes people away, that´s why she never is gentle and lovingly. Because she once was, soft and gentle and trusting and it has killed her. It is still killing her, poisoning every single day when she wakes up alone and every single night when there is nobody to tell her to sleep well and have sweet dreams.
Because though independent Leah is just a facade to hide that she is so damn broken on the inside. That she is so fucked up that she can´t let anyone in, that she can´t trust a soul since she is afraid of getting hurt and dissappointed again.
Leah doesn´t want to be alone and unloved. She doesn´t want to be the monster she has become. Her only wish is to stop feeling cold and empty for a minute. She wants to be Leah again, the Leah nobody knows anymore and even she forgets sometimes still exists. The Leah that hasn´t gotten her heart broken two times in a row, the Leah that can feel something else than just pain. The Leah that loved the sunsets because she knew the sun would shine for her again. The Leah that doesn´t know it stopped shining for her long ago.
It is truly destroying her and Leah knows it. The worst thing is that it will never end . She won´t be able to stop phasing as long as her emotions are so unbalanced. Lovers all dream of spending an eternity together but to Leah eternity means endless suffering. She thinks that either destiny or fate or both have to hate her very much.
It has taken everything away from her that has meant something to her. First Sam, then her dad and now Jacob. She hasn´t been the only one suffering, but somehow everyone has found a way to move on. Everyone has found SOMEONE to move on with. Everyone but her. She has gotten lost on the way and now she can´t find the way back. She has no one to show her the way, to bring light in the darkness and let her see the sun again.
Her Mum has Charly. Quil has Claire. Embry has Claire. Sam has Emily.
And Jacob has the little leech everyone loves so much.
Leah has nobody. The only thing is the world she still desires is someone to hold her. Someone to belong to so she finally can find her place in life again.
She has thought she has found that person. He hasn´t made her feel whole again, but he has made her feel herself again. And that has been more than she ever expected. But he has let her down like Sam. He has left her for the little half-leech that now is determining his entire being.
Suddenly she hears foot steps behind her. She doesn´t turn around. She already know that it is him, she can sense him with every fibre of her body. She briefly wonderes what he wants here when he can be with with his beloved imprint. He doesn´t say a word, he simply sits down next to her and looks at her like she actually means something to him. The weak part of her wants to hug him, to bury her head in his chest and let him ease the pain for a few minutes before reality crushes down on her with full force again. But Leah restrains herself. "Why are you crying?", he asks, finally breaking the silence. " I´m not", she says, but how can she fool him when she can´t even fool herself?
His dark brown eyes lock with her grey ones and suddenlyshe doesn´t care anymore and so she simply hugs him. He is surprised at first, she notices, but at least he doesn´t push her away. A moment later he wraps his arms around her.
He smells like vampire. Still, it feels nice. She can´t help imagining the two of them together. Him holding her. His lips on hers. Like she wants it to be. Like it could have been if it wasn´t for the little leech.
Seeing the sun again But all she can see when she looks into his eyes is sunset and she knows it is too late. " Why are you crying?", he asks again. "Because I hate sunsets", she whisperes. Then she runs. Away from him, away from everything. Back into the rain, where she is save. Sunsets never are good thing because they are followed by darkness and you can´t be sure the sun will rise for you again.
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Just a little one-shot that popped into my mind. I hope you ike it. Plz Review!