Edit: 10/13/09: Wow, this got over 400 hits on its first eight hours. I'm...kind of scared.

A/N: Oh, this was such fun to write. Total crack, of course, but such fun. I've never written Sakura in any length before, and definitely never written team seven as a whole before, so hopefully I kept up to standard. This is loosely based off of a comic by the dA artist cuito (It's called 'Cry'), so go check it out!
Please review – I live off of your awesome comments and ravings just like you live off of mine!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or anything associated with it, including…no, that would spoil the surprise.

Six Months of Man-Love
Chapter One

Sexy Hunk of Totally Gay

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"Oh. My. God!"

Sakura sighed and covered her ears. What now? It was obviously Ino – who else had such an annoyingly high-pitched scream but her best friend and eternal rival in all things love?

Swinging around, she headed in the direction of Ino's voice – the hospital lobby. At least this way she could tell her friend off for yelling in a hospital. Skirting around an occupied stretcher and narrowly avoiding crashing into a young nurse wielding a clipboard nervously, she pushed open the swinging doors and closed her eyes in a contented grin.

"Ino, I've told you time and time again not to yell in the hospital. I don't care what you're doing, get out. Don't disturb the patients."

"But-but Sakura! They're back from their long-term mission! And-and… Oh, I just can't believe it!"

They? Oh! Sasuke and Naruto! Sasuke! Sasuuukeeeee! He's back? She opened her eyes to take in her (hopefully sweaty and panting) first and forever love in all his glory, arms out, beckoning to her to fall into his embrace and comfort him after his six-month-long mission out in the wilderness.

It took a second for what she was seeing to register.

Sasuke…Her beloved Sasuke, epitome of all things masculine and delicious and sexy and heterosexual, was caressing a man. But not just any man. No, he was lavishing kisses on an equally passionate blond idiot whose face her fist seemed to have some sort of magnetic attraction to.

Bang.

And that would be the blond idiot crashing into a wall across the lobby, prompted by her special Sakura Punch.

Stalking over to Naruto and hovering above him, she took a huge breath in preparation for the loudest rant she'd ever had the inclination to scream at the most annoying, unpredictable guy in the world. But a split second before she started yelling, a hand covered her mouth and its friend, a black-clothed leg, came up and rammed into her stomach, sending her into the opposite wall of the lobby right over the receptionist's desk. Her vision hazy but her body fairly intact – the hit was obviously not meant to hurt her, just push her away – she crawled out of the hole and stood up only to hear Sasuke's beautiful lilting manly voice cry out in worry and anger.

"Sakura! What the hell do you think you're doing to Naru-chan and Sasu-Junior?! This is assault! I'll kill you if anything happens to them!"

Brushing off some of the plaster dust that had settled on her red shirt, she ran over to the two and pulled Naruto up by the collar of his shirt. "Naruto! What did you do to Sasuke? And who is Sasu-fucking-junior?!"

Naruto peered up at her through dark lashes and whimpered, his hands moving forward to protect his stomach.

Sakura stilled when she felt a dark, murderous presence next to her and a cold hand on her shoulder. "Sakura…If this is how you treat an expecting couple, then I don't think you're suitable to work in a hospital."

Sasuke? What did he mean, 'expecting'?

Confused and more than a little scared of the killer intent emanating off the Uchiha at her side, her eyes drifted back down to Naruto slowly and came to rest on his shaking hands.

Or, more accurately, what his shaking hands were covering protectively.

A round stomach.
Couple.
Expecting.

"The fuck?! Naruto! That's impossible! Men don't get pregnant!" She jerked back and released her blond teammate, stepping away.

"Sakura, are you telling me that an Uchiha cannot achieve the impossible? That we cannot do things others would never even dream of?" Sasuke's aura flipped in a second from morbidly menacing to cuddly and passionate as he hugged Naruto gently, placing a delicate kiss on the blonde's forehead. "Because I've proven you wrong. Naruto is carrying my little Sasu-junior, the heir to our clan. And do you want to know how we did it?" He turned to face the stricken pink-haired kunoichi with a devious grin stretching from ear to ear. "Six months of sexy, steamy man-love."

Sakura's scream and the sound of running feet echoed in the hospital hallways long after she'd exited the building, running to a safe place far away from insane men.

--

Back in the main lobby, Naruto smirked stretched, pushing away from his black haired sex bomb.

"Think we turned her gay? 'Cause that was the best prank I've ever played on anyone. And that's saying something, dattebayo!"

Sasuke chuckled and stepped toward Naruto.

"Get over here. Unless you want to walk around with that under your shirt all day?"

Naruto sighed. "Maybe I should. You know, just so we can reinforce the joke… She'd freak."

"She did freak, dobe. Now come on. We have a Hokage to report to and a little Sasu-junior to make."

"Yeah, yeah, teme, I – What?! I thought that was just a joke!"

Sasuke smiled, long and low, before putting out a hand and beckoning Naruto closer with one sexy finger.

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

And for the second time that day, the hospital witnessed the sound of running feet and an echoing cry of fear as a scared ninja ran to seek shelter.

--

Back in the lobby, the last Uchiha smirked to himself.

Best. Prank. Ever.

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A/N: LolYES. Review? Pretty please?