Disclaimer : I don't own Yami no Matsuei, Matsushita Yoko-sama does and I wish she would hurry up and continue the manga already or make a second season of the anime.

Note : Before we begin, let me just say that I have nothing against Hijiri at all. I just wish that he would stop fawning over Tsuzuki because I firmly believe that Tsuzuki belongs with Hisoka. Don't get me wrong, Hijiri my love so sweet, I don't hate you. Just go find someone else to pair up with.

On a lighter note; this fic sprung from my recently renewed obsession after rereading my YnM scanlations. I noticed how many Hisoka x Hijiri moments there are (seven when I counted) and I thought about how they both go nuts over Tsuzuki. And how much they angst over him. And how cute they look together. I dedicate this to my lovely emerald-eyed tees. Happy angsting.

OUR GREEN EYES

It was silent, as usual. Nothing broke the silence except for gasps and moans and ragged breathing. Hands traveled over sweat-slicked skin as lips frantically pressed together, tongues twisting together, fighting for dominance.

Moonlight spilled through half-open windows as a cool breeze made the curtains dance sinuously, twisting and writhing like their shadows on the wall. A name moaned into the night air as bodies moved together, melted into one another, seemed to become one.

It was wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. Wrong on so many levels that they didn't even try to justify what they were doing. The consequences if they were discovered hung heavily over them, dragging them into a depression that they burned away through sheer determination and the heat that was slowly building up between them.

Slender fingers ghosted over a pale cheek and they shared another kiss; this one soft and gentle, offering each other what they've always wanted and needed. And they've always wanted the same thing; needed the same thing. But they never could have it.

So close, yet so far. Bodies straining for their common goal, reaching but falling short. Always falling short. It was there but untouchable. Then there was a light so bright and painful, shattering into a thousand shards of glass, leaving behind a soft afterglow that enveloped them.

When it was over, Hisoka rolled off of Hijiri and lay beside the dark-haired boy. The brunet slid an arm around the blond's waist and they held one another as reality slowly sank its fangs into them.

They never could stay in the warm sanctuary of each other's arms. Hisoka always had to leave for work the next day, Hijiri had school to think of. But in these silent moments when the whole world seemed to amount to nothing, they had each other. There was that.

But it wasn't enough. It was never enough.

Because what they both wanted had amethyst eyes instead of emerald. Was tall instead of moderate in height. Was an adult and not a child. Was always smiling instead of sad. Seemed so much stronger than the both of them.

In silence, they thought. They held each other and were grateful to each other but they couldn't help but think of the one they really wanted The one they wanted and needed but could never reach. Him.

It was mutual, a way for them to try and forget him. It seemed that no one could understand them except each other; no one could feel what they feel, or hurt as much as they do.

Hisoka liked the way Hijiri's dark hair reminded him of his. Hijiri liked the way Hisoka seemed to project his aura because of his empathy. Subtle likenesses that were noticed and appreciated because they could somehow pretend that the one they were with was him.

But it wasn't fair for them to think of him when they were with each other so they never mentioned him, never talked about him, tried not to think of him during these moments. Because they were beginning to love one another as well, no matter how much they try to deny it.

But he was there as well; a shadow that hung over them and hindered them somehow, seeping into their dreams and into their hearts. And they thought of how much he meant to them and they convinced themselves that the other one was not enough.

They'll meet again, some other night when they're both free and had nothing important waiting for them the next day. Another session to try and soothe the pain lingering inside them and the longing eating away at their hearts. Hijiri will open the door and Hisoka will be there, hands in pockets and gazing at something on the floor.

Their eyes will meet and they'll think the same thing.

Our green eyes.

So much alike, those eyes. And aren't they so pretty? Nowhere near as pretty as amethyst, though. But after a while, will that thought still be true? And they try not to think of it because they believe that he is irreplaceable and nothing could even come close to him.

Hijiri will open his arms and Hisoka will close the door before stepping into his sanctuary, wrapping his own arms around the brunet. They'll both strip themselves and sometimes they'll have sex with either Hijiri or Hisoka on top or sometimes they'll simply lie down and hold each other. They do the latter much more often nowadays.

And when they do have sex—for what they do cannot be called 'making love' because they don't love each other (right?)—when they finally release, the name that snakes past their lips is Tsuzuki.

But the thought that will be in their minds will be the same.

Our green eyes.

And they'll look into each other's eyes. Stare at the boy with the same eyes, the same face. And sometimes one will cry or maybe both since Hisoka will feel Hijiri's anguish and Hijiri will sympathize with Hisoka's pain.

It's a vicious cycle that slowly becomes more comforting each time they go through with it. And maybe one day they'll forget what started this. Maybe they'll forget him and move on.

Maybe.

And through it all, one thought lingers more and more often in their minds as they cuddle, kiss, hug, have sex (make love), brush away a strand of hair from the other's face, comfort the other after a nightmare, admire the curves and shapes and shadows on the other's face or body.

Our green eyes.

They always kiss each other chastely on the lips before they separate. They squeeze each other's hands and sometimes they manage to smile—however small—before they say goodbye.

And maybe it will turn out okay.

oOo

Will Tsuzuki be here tomorrow?
I don't know. But I will.
Promise?
Yes.