A/N: I apologize for grammatical mistakes in advance.
It all started with his trip to Spain.
Law was continuing his fourth year in college, and he had wanted to take an internship to shadow a doctor while traveling to another country. He had traveled frequently when he was younger with his adoptive father to other continents during the summer, and he had greatly enjoyed it. At the age of ten, he had visited most of Brazil, Singapore, India, Hong Kong, Macao, Taiwan, Hokkaido, Egypt and all of Europe. But as he had grown older, the trips became less. Focusing on school required him to stay in one place for longer periods of time, and it became troublesome to leave the city. His father decided it was better for him to remain in the states where they moved when he was fourteen. Ever since high school started, the trips to other countries had stopped completely. Now, at the age of twenty-one, he saw the opportunity to travel again.
At the start, his father urged him to come to England. A few years ago, his father had decided to settle and return to London where his business was centered. If Law chose to study in Oxford or Cambridge, then it would be convenient for his family to reach him.
The prospect of returning to his home country didn't seem too appealing though. Not wanting to go back to England, he decided with the better and more adventurous option to travel to another country. He chose Spain. The program they offered in Spain was the most intensive out of all the internships available, and they promised to cover most of the tuition. It was a type of offer that couldn't be passed. Besides, being in Spain meant he had the option to travel to other places in Europe by train or easier means. Compared to England which was a sea trip away, it gave him more flexible freedom to explore.
"Yeah! That sounds awesome!" His friends had cheered him on when he told them his idea of studying abroad for a year. "Haven't you always wanted to visit Spain again?"
He smiled remembering the warmth and degree of excitement to which they celebrated before he left. Many beers were spread around, many yells of glee were sung, and a huge hangover was given to everyone.
Although he had been enjoying the six months he had been in the European country so far, he missed everyone. Yes, being beside a doctor in an actual hospital was quite thrilling, his studies were going quite well and he found himself easily losing himself in the medical books, the city was beautiful, and the bars were wild and had good liquor. But really, as much as everything was as great as he had expected it to be, he still felt lonely at times.
When he saw a little bird that reminded him of Penguin, there was no Shachi beside him to join him in teasing the dark haired man. There weren't people there that would know some inside jokes when he happened to think of them, and he couldn't laugh as comfortably with the people he had met.
Yes, sometimes it got a little lonesome.
Law tried to hide it, but his feelings always managed to slip through his voice. Whenever he'd get calls at night and see the caller ID, a fluttering tingle fell down his stomach. His hands would act swiftly, and he'd answer the call trying to mask the rise in his hellos. The smile to his lips would curl as he listened to his friends talk and complain about their day, and their little anecdotes would be the only thing that would connect him to the people he cared about who were all so far away. But out of all the people he cared for, there was especially one that would make his heart beat.
"Hey! Trafalgar!" Luffy's innocent upbeat greetings always set a light to his day. "How are you? When are you coming back? Zoro keeps getting beat up from practice, and he keeps needing to pay a lot to get patched up in the hospital!"
The telltale grin would abruptly sprout on his face. "Tell him good. My services aren't for free. It's about time he paid. And Luffy, I told you I'll be back in the summer."
"Haha. I know, I just missed you. The days don't seem to be getting shorter."
Law's tanned fingers clutched his phone. For a moment, his throat closed and he took a deep breath.
"I miss you too."
Then came the silence.
It came out as a whisper, and the younger boy's voice would get all quiet too. Over the phone was their only way of speaking to each other. With their busy schedules, he had to admit that it was hard. He could tell already that it was going to be difficult not seeing Luffy and his smile. But Law knew this when he made his decision to go abroad. He thought about what he'd give up before he left, and Luffy knew it too. Still, the boy gave him his support and urged him to go on the plane. He knew how much Law wanted to go.
The long conversations before they slept were all both could linger on. They would just have to wait until the year was over, then they'd see each other again. Law would come back from his internship and they could stand next to each other. Lingering kisses, familiar hugs – they would be in the same city again. They'd be sitting on the same couch snuggling while watching television as if those twelve months had breezed by.
Law wasn't a sap so he never said such thoughts out loud. He'd give in to say comforting things to Luffy, but the boy wasn't so selfish to reveal how much exactly he missed him. They were honest enough with each other, but they understood their situations as well.
Before Law left the states, he and Luffy made a promise that they'd be together again. It was a wordless promise bounded by an elongated stare into each other's eyes and a quick chaste mesh of lips. The slow separation of their intertwined hands at the airport made sure their promise tied them together, and Law kept it in his heart.
The scar under the boy's left eye, the tickle spot at the back of his knee, the small puckering expression he would make when he ate something bitter, the grins that would flash when he was happy – every piece of information about Luffy, Law made sure to cherish and take with him to Europe. They've been together long enough to keep what they have, and a little long distance wouldn't wedge them apart.
His heart knew who it belonged to. It belonged to an energetic college sophomore.
And that's why it started to beat rapidly when Law woke up one day in his apartment six months later. January 11th, Sunday morning.
10:00 A.M., the sun was already beating down from his window and on his face. His brain pounded against his skull due to a hangover, and he felt much regret for drinking too much at the bar yesterday. He stirred on the bed feeling the cold and curled into a ball. As he moved his legs, he felt something sticky inside him and he immediately froze. His eyes shot open feeling sore in places he shouldn't be, and he quickly realized he wasn't wearing a shirt. In fact, he wasn't wearing anything at all. Cold fingers touched his chest as he buried his hands for warmth.
At first, Law was confused. He couldn't bring himself to move and just gawked at the wall dazed. His eyes darted to the floor where scattered clothing were messily thrown to the ground. He recognized his own shirt trailing at bedroom door, but the rest…
His eyes kept shifting from the unfamiliar leather jacket to the pair of socks near his bed. Something moved at the other side of the mattress where his back was turned, and his breath stopped.
"Ngh…"
The pre-med student tried to control his breathing as he sat up, his eyes widened in horror. No, no, no… He tried to wake himself up from the horrible dream. He must've been conscious in a disturbing nightmare because it just couldn't be true. It couldn't –
He would never –
No matter how much Law willed himself to wake, his body never left the room. His eyes remained frozen on the sleeping naked body beside him, the blanket barely covering the upper half of the man's legs. Law thickly swallowed. What… happened last night?
He tried to remember, but part of him was too afraid to recall anything. Whatever happened last night though was pretty easy to guess. He didn't need all of the details to know what the love bites imprinted on the other man's neck and chest meant.
"Eustass-ya…?"
The redhead snuggled into his pillow, but didn't wake.
Oh my god… Law's hand shook as he covered his mouth. No, no, no…! The room started to feel dizzy. Everything started to spin, and the bright light of the sun made him want to vomit. Everything in his stomach wanted to retch out, and he keeled over. His skin felt sticky, like he wanted to crawl out of his own body. Sweat and the musky scent which stained the bed sheets infiltrated his senses, and it went straight to his brain. The pounding in his head grew stronger, and all he could hear was Kid's soft snoring. Law clutched his fluttering stomach.
Why couldn't he breathe? He couldn't breathe! He couldn't…
A happy melody pulled him out of his thoughts. He jerked his head to the source of the sound, and Law hastily slipped out of bed before the redhead could wake. He followed the ringtone to his desk where his jeans had somehow ended up being flung, and took out his phone.
"Hello?" he answered quietly.
His voice came out hoarse and grainy.
"Hey! Good morning," Luffy chirped. "Did I wake you up?"
The sound of the teen's cheery eagerness strung a pang in his chest. He placed a hand at the edge of the desk as he hung his head. I'm so sorry. Please… I'm so sorry. Tears threatened to well in his eyes.
"No… No, Luffy. I woke up a few minutes ago."
"Haha, that's great."
"Yeah…"
Law pursed his lips. His throat was dry, and if he said anything more than short sentences, he knew his voice would break. The hand which held the phone began to shake. Law wanted to tell him. He wanted to spurt out apologies and beg Luffy to forgive him for breaking his trust. He didn't know why he did it. He didn't know why things happened last night the way they did.
He had no excuse.
He just –
"Trafalgar,"
"Yes?" He tried to stifle to the hitched breath.
"You've been quiet. Is something wrong?"
"I'm so sorry," Law whimpered. He drew the phone away from his mouth before he said it, and just looked at the ceiling. He blinked the water from his eyes, and steeled himself to answer.
"Trafalgar?"
"I'm here," he placed the phone back to his ear. "I'm just tired. I drank a little too much last night. A friend's birthday and we got a couple of drinks at a bar. Look, Luffy,"
"Yeah?"
"Give me a few minutes to clean up, and I'll call you back."
"Alright. I'll go brush my teeth too," Luffy agreed. It should have been around one or so in the morning for him in the states, still part of Saturday night and entering Sunday morning.
"Yeah…"
"Alright, bye."
"Bye."
Law closed his phone. A hiccup managed to escape from his chest, and he just closed his eyes. He still had trouble controlling his breathing and he slammed his phone on the desk. "Shit," he muttered looking back to the bed.
Kid moved languidly on the bed with a slow groan, but was still fast asleep. Law took another extended sigh. He needed to get out of here. He just wanted to leave. He strode over to his drawer and grabbed a change of clothes. He picked up the articles of last night's attire from the floor as well as he made his way to the bathroom to take a shower. It hurt his back a lot to even walk, but he pushed through it.
Law threw the dirty clothes in the hamper and stepped into the shower. He turned the water to scathing hot and let it wash over him from the shower head. As if it could wash any of his actions away. A sticky substance dripped from inside of him and down to his thighs making him grimace. Fuck. Memories of Kid's fingers exploring his entrance emerged.
"Eustass…"
Law couldn't deny that he had called the redhead's name. He had repeated it many times over like a mad chantra that the name "Eustass Kid" was engraved into his brain. Bits of last night were coming back to him, and he could see himself screaming and moaning the chant.
"Mngh! Ah… Kid… There! Yes, mngh…."
The steam of the shower was the same as the hot breaths from Kid's lips. Law could remember the feeling of the redhead's mouth licking him all over as they groped each other in his hallway. They barely made it into his bedroom before they began tearing each other's clothes off.
Law took the soap to scrub himself clean. His whole body felt disgusting and swollen all over. Small bruises trailed from collarbones down to his bellybutton, and he made sure to be careful when touching them. Guilt bit him even more when he found the kiss marks evident on the insides of his upper thigh.
What was he thinking?
His legs over Kid's shoulders… The man tracing the length of his limbs and gifting it with sultry nips of his mouth… Law tracing Kid's cheek to egg him on and continue as he wished. Law wanted to drown. He wished the water falling over him would fill his lungs and erase everything he had done.
Law finished quickly as he was sick of seeing his tainted body. He turned off the shower and got to dry himself. Mist fogged up the bathroom mirror, and he was thankful that he couldn't see himself as he dressed. Law brushed his teeth quickly before leaving the bathroom then returned to his room. He opened the closet to take a light jacket, and retrieved his phone from the work desk.
10:45. He read the time. Law turned to look at the unconscious man still sleeping on his bed. Four parallel lines highlighted both of Kid's shoulder blades like red wings, and Law looked at his hands to find blood under his fingernails. The guilty hand clenched shut.
It wasn't Kid's fault. He had no one to blame but himself.
Law shoved the phone into his pockets and walked out of his own apartment. He had nowhere to go, but he couldn't stay. He pushed his legs to start walking and head down the street. There weren't a lot of people on the streets since it was a Sunday, and the people he saw were all hurrying to their own affairs. Law took out his phone and dialed Luffy's number.
"Hey,"
"Mn. Hey."
"Sorry I took a while. I took a shower."
"It's alright. I grabbed a little snack and had to brush my teeth again so it's okay."
"A snack?"
"Yup. Zoro came home with some meat that Sanji made and I got hungry. It was really good. There was a lot of honey and spice in there. I think it's a new recipe."
Law willed himself to smile. "You shouldn't eat before you sleep or your stomach will hurt."
He could tell that Luffy was making a disagreeing mumble. "But studying makes me hungry. I had to read this book about The Grimm's Fairytales, and it was a story about food. How do they expect me to write an essay when all they make me read about is some kids eating sweets?"
"Then eat while you write."
The conversation kept on going until Law found himself having walked quite far. Stores lined the streets instead of the apartments from the residential area he had come from.
"Hey, have you eaten breakfast yet?" Luffy asked. It had been quite a while since they started talking.
"I'm not very hungry right now," Law answered. "I don't think I can eat."
Not with the act that he had done weighing at the back of his head. His insides have been doing flips at the sound of Luffy's voice. It felt like betrayal speaking to him casually like this. He allowed himself to hear the boy's mindless chatter when all the while, he was craving to confess about his mistake. He held his tongue thinking about how Luffy would refuse to forgive him. What person would? Forget repentance. Would the boy ever talk to him again after this?
"You should eat!" The boy yelled. "Mornings are the most important time to fill your energy so you won't be grumpy for the rest of the day."
"Luffy…" he wanted to tell him so bad.
"You get cranky when you don't have your coffee."
"Luffy," he couldn't take it anymore. Law saw his own reflection as he passed by a store window. The sight of his disheveled face made him stop.
"What?"
"I need to tell you something."
Law stared into the eyes of his reflection. Harsh lines cut the bags of his dark circles, and his skin looked sickly. He didn't bother to comb his hair before he left his apartment, but the water had matted it down to stick flat on his scalp. Overall, he looked like he hadn't slept in days, but what drew his eyes the most was the mark on his neck.
"Law…" Kid nuzzling his nose into his shoulder replaced his image in the mirror.
Law scowled zipping up his jacket to his chin.
"Actually, I need to tell you something too," Luffy said guiltily.
"I think I need to tell you first."
The younger boy ignored him and continued anyway. "I've done something bad… Something I didn't mean to do."
"What… do you mean?" Law asked patiently.
"Promise that you'll forgive me first."
"Luffy, what did you do?"
"It just happened! I didn't know it even happened until yesterday. Ace came over to visit me a while ago, and we were throwing around a basketball he brought over while we waited for Zoro to come back. I tried to make it difficult for Ace to catch it, and the ball hit the water boiler you gave me by accident. It broke."
"That's…" Law didn't even know what to say.
"I'm really sorry."
He gave a half chuckle. Luffy was sounding so sad for breaking an object? A mere object that didn't even cost much while he did something Law couldn't even bear to say? It was just something he'd gotten because he thought it would be useful. It wasn't even special.
"We'll just get you another one."
"Really?"
"Yeah. It's not a big deal."
Luffy laughed over the phone making Law's heart shatter. "'Thanks, Trafalgar! I love you."
I love you…
I love you…
Law bit his lower lip. He couldn't say it. God, he couldn't say it! I'm sorry, Luffy.
"I love you, too."
The happy laughter rang again. Law couldn't be more disgusted with himself.
"Oh, did you need to say something to me?" the teen asked.
The man shook his head. He couldn't bring himself to destroy the love he had. "It's nothing. Just sleep well."
"Oh, mkay."
"It's getting pretty late, Luffy. You should go to sleep."
"Already?"
"Yes. What time is it for you?"
The younger boy grumbled for a second. "I don't have anything tomorrow."
"If you stay up all night, you'll end up sleeping through the afternoon and won't be able to sleep later," Law chastised. "Then you'll have trouble getting up for your class Monday. Remember you have an eight A.M. lecture."
"Fine," the boy gave in.
"Good night, Luffy."
"G'night. Or should I say good morning? Hmm… I already said that to you earlier. Hey, how do you say 'good morning' in Spanish?"
A rueful smile curled Law's lips. "Buenos dias."
"Buenos dias!" Luffy repeated. "Haha! I can speak Spanish too! Maybe I should move to Spain. Hey, Trafalgar. Make sure to eat later, okay?"
"I will."
Luffy left him with a loving goodbye, and Law ripped the phone from his ear after he said it back. It was true he loved Luffy, but how could he even say so after what he'd done? He was still standing in front of the shop's mirror, and he looked into his own reflection once more. All he saw was a hopeless man glowering at him in disappointment.
I just missed you… Luffy.