Arachnophobia
by Nascent Raconteur

"GROSS-NESS!"

Cloud tossed and turned in bed, doing his best to ignore the commotion coming from downstairs. But, try as he might, consciousness was slowly seeping back inside his head even as he tried to get back to sleep.

"Get away from me!"

He pressed a pillow on top of his head in an attempt to block out the noise. It didn't help much. The racket only seemed to be growing louder, and he could swear that he had heard the sound of glass shattering against the floor.

"Somebody, help!"

Sighing, he decided to get up. It was clear that there was no going back to sleep at this point. "Might as well get dressed, see what all the fuss is about," he thought.

Still groggy, he headed downstairs. He hadn't gotten much sleep lately, and was therefore not in a very good mood, and was therefore about to give whoever was doing all the shouting and hollering a piece of his mind.

Downstairs, he found none other than Yuffie Kisaragi, descendant of the shinobi, heir to the throne of Wutai and materia hunter extraordinaire, standing on top of a bar stool, batting away at the empty air with a rolled-up newspaper, as if to ward off some unseen enemy.

"Cloud! Save me!" she called to him as he entered the room.

He looked around, but could see nothing that might warrant such a display. There was no-one else around, for that matter, since the 7th Heaven wasn't open for business yet.

"From what?" he asked, perplexed.

"That... that thing.."

With a trembling hand, she pointed at something, directing his attention to a spot on the floor in front of her. Narrowing his eyes, he finally saw what the problem was.

A spider.

It was summertime, and spiders were hatching in greater numbers as the days grew warmer and more humid. He remembered Marlene complaining about how they were all over the gardens recently. Even so, he couldn't believe the young ninja's behaviour. The specimen scuttling across the floor was perhaps a little larger than the average house spider, but hardly anything to make a fuss over.

Cloud shook his head. "Yuffie... I've seen you take on monsters three times your size, and now you're going to tell me you're scared of a bug?"

"Yeah... but... but.. look at it! It's all hairy and creepy and crawly and... and just plain gross.." she replied. "And it's getting closer.."

The innocent little critter, though still a good distance away, did indeed seem bent on crawling up the stool that she was using to take refuge.

"What do you want me to do?" Cloud asked.

"Kill it! Kill it!" she shouted, turning away from the marauding beast, as though bracing herself for an attack.

"It's not doing anything," Cloud said.

"Just get rid of it!" Yuffie replied. "Hurry!"

"All right," Cloud said, sighing. "Wait here."

"What? Where are you going?" Yuffie called. "Hey! Get back here!"

He moved over behind the counter, picking up a glass and a coaster, then walked back over to the spider, placing the glass on top of the offending critter, before slipping the coaster underneath the glass. Having thus trapped the spider, he then walked out through the back entrance, emptying the glass of its contents, letting the spider back out into the garden, where it scuttled off into the distance. Satisfied that the spider had left, he headed back inside the 7th Heaven, dropping the coaster and glass into the sink behind the counter.

Yuffie, still shaking and peering through her fingers, slowly pried her hands away from her face. "I-Is it gone?" she asked.

"Yes, Yuffie," Cloud said. "The terrifying spider is gone. You can come down now."

The young ninja breathed a sigh of relief. "I think I'll stay up here for a bit," she said, scanning her surroundings. "Just in case."

"It's gone, I assure you," Cloud said.

"But... but.. there could be more," she replied. "I mean, there's thousands of them all over the place, just waiting for me to slip up..."

Cloud opened up his mouth to say something about how she was overreacting, but he could sense one of her rants coming on.

"...and they're all creepy-crawly and hairy and they've got all those eyes, and there's venom dripping from their fangs and they're just waiting to attack me during the night and drag me off to their lair to be wrapped in a cocoon and eaten alive and... and... guh.."

Yuffie's non-stop ramble ground to a halt, and she suddenly looked very pale. Cloud rushed over, catching her in his arms as she fainted and fell off her stool. Sighing again, he carried her over to the corner of the room, laying the half-conscious girl down on the couch, then went to fetch her a glass of water.

"Here," he said, handing her the glass as she came to.

"Thanks," Yuffie said, accepting the glass, taking a small sip of water before clearing her throat.

"I've never seen you react so badly to anything," Cloud said, sitting down next to her. "What is it with you and bugs, anyway?"

Yuffie shook her head and shrugged, still looking a little uncomfortable. "I've just always hated them. Ever since I was little. I can't help it.."

"But why?" Cloud asked. He couldn't figure it out for the life of him. It wasn't like she was any stranger to life-threatening situations. Being that was the case, he found her behaviour quite curious, to say the least.

She drew a long breath, then sighed. "You see..." she began. "When I was five, I was heading off to school one day. My mom had packed me a box lunch with my favorite food. I was so looking forward to the lunch break. But when I opened up the box, this giant spider jumped out at me. Landed right on my face. I opened up my mouth to scream, and it nearly crawled inside.."

She shivered even as she recalled the event. Despite his best efforts not to, Cloud let out a small laugh.

"It's not funny, Cloud! I couldn't sleep for two whole days!"

"Sorry," he replied. He hadn't meant to make light of her phobia. Though it might seem amusing to him, he had to remind himself that to her, it was anything but.

Having finished her confession, she let out another sigh. "Anyway..." she said, "promise you won't tell anyone about this, okay?"

"Don't worry," Cloud said. "Your secret's safe with me."

"It's just so embarrassing.." Yuffie said, casting her gaze down on the floor.

"Like I said, don't worry about it," Cloud said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Everyone's got a weakness."

She looked at him with curiosity in her eyes. "What's yours?" she asked.

He considered her question for a moment. "Snakes," he replied.

"...Really?"

"No," Cloud replied, chuckling.

"Hey! That's not fair!" Yuffie said. "You get to know mine, and I don't get to know yours."

"I'll tell you about it some day," Cloud said. "How's that?"

"Okay," Yuffie replied. "Deal."

"Well, I should be going.." Cloud began.

"Wait," Yuffie said, stopping him. She caught him by the arm as he was about to leave, pulling him closer, then gave him a kiss on the cheek. "My hero," she said, smiling at him.

He looked away, coughing and scratching the back of his head, mumbling something about how it was nothing, really. But she had already scampered off, and was humming and bouncing around the 7th Heaven, bubbly as ever, as though nothing had occurred. He was thankful that she couldn't see how red his face was turning.

Today, he'd discovered Yuffie Kisaragi's greatest weakness... and she had come dangerously close to uncovering his.

THE END

Author's Notes

Well, like my first story here, this one sprung from watching Advent Children again. I couldn't help but notice Yuffie's exaggerated reaction to hearing about Kadaj and co. being described as larvae ("A bug? He's a BUG?!"). Being something of an arachnophobe myself, I can sympathize.

Also, this was no doubt partly inspired by Phill Jupitus's epic rant on spiders and arachnophobia from his 'Quadrophobia' stand-up tour. I highly recommend you look it up on Youtube if you haven't seen it.

Anyway, suffice it to say that the idea stuck in my head, and I thought it was too funny (and cute) not to write.

Well, that's all for now, folks. 'till next time, then.