Disclaimer: I own nothing. Applies to every chapter.
You never think you'll get betrayed. You trust your friends with all your heart when you're naive. But in the end, you wind up crying, wishing it had never happened. But you can't change it, and you have to live with the suffering everyday. Looking back on it, it wasn't worth anything. But I gave up everything to have it.
"Emma, I know you're going through a rough time, but you've been dating Peter behind my back for how long?" I yelled. At this point, I needed to get everything out in the open. It had been 3 months since Emma got hospitalized for her eating disorder. She kept talking about how I had to accept Peter, how he wasn't that bad, that he didn't mean to blackmail me. But I'm not ok with them dating, I'm not ok with him never saying sorry for anything. That couple is pretty similar, Emma never apologizes for anything either.
"Manny, I did like him first, and I tried to ignore him, but he's a good guy!" Emma yelled back.
"Oh, yea, he was wonderful when he sent my boobs to the entire school!"
"Well maybe if you weren't such a slut, it would never have happened," Emma said calmly.
"Should the girl who got gonorrhea really be talking about being a slut? You were a prostitute Emma, that is so much worse," I said, I know that it's hitting low, but I can't listen to one more person say I'm a slut.
"Manny, what is your problem? You know I was going through a rough time after the shooting, that's why I did it!"
I hate that excuse. "I hate that excuse. Jimmy got shot, which is so much worse. Did he go around giving head to guys in the Ravine? No. You did it because you wanted to."
"No, you weren't there, it was different for me."
"Really? How? Because to me, having a bullet go through my spine and paralyze me would be so much worse than having a gun pointed at me."
"I lost everything, I could have died!"
"I know. But that doesn't give you an excuse to do whatever. But hey, at least the pornographer will get plenty of pleasure."
"You're in my house Manny, you're living in my house. If you wanna talk to me like that, then move out."
"Fine. I'm going to talk to my parents about moving back in. I'll be back later to get all my stuff," I said as I turned around to go up the stairs. I don't need her anyway. The friendship was completely one sided. Emma would fuck up, I would save her and then go through the whole cycle again. Anytime I needed her, she would turn her bony back on me. When I went out for Spirit Squad, when Craig chose me over her, when I didn't want to date JT, or I decided to change my image. When I got pregnant and didn't want to have it. She turned away from me every single time. Sure, she told Craig off for me, but she still managed to throw in how she's furious with me.
I hope my parents let me move back in. I have no place to stay. Craig's in Vancouver, I can't stay there. Emma and I aren't friends anymore. I'm not really too fond of Liberty, Darcy and I aren't on speaking terms. Paige and I aren't at a great stage in our friendship, plus she's going to university. I finally got back to my apartment, and I knocked on the door, hoping my mother would open it. I don't feel comfortable just walking in anymore.
"Manuela, sweetheart, what are you doing here?" my mother asked when she opened the door. She sounds thrilled to see me.
"Mommy, can I come in? I need to talk to you and Daddy," I said. This isn't going to be easy.
"Sure, come in. Joseph, can you come out here please?" my mother asked as she closed and locked the door.
When my father came out, he looked less than happy to see me. "What's she doing here?"
"Daddy, I'm giving up acting. I want to live here with you and Mom again, I miss you."
"Manuela, you were so against that in the beginning, why now?" my mother asked me.
"Because I lived without you guys, and I missed you. I need you guys, and if I have to give up a dream that probably would never come true anyway, that's what I have to do," I said. I hope they believe me. I don't want to give it up, but I can lie about it until I know I'll make it.
"I don't know. You were out of control, you were acting like a-" my father started.
"Daddy, I know, and I'm sorry. I promise, I will be the perfect daughter. You'll never have to yell at me again, you'll never be angry with me again, I'll always make you proud."
"Joseph, please. Let her come back," my mother pleaded.
"Fine, but there are going to be conditions. I have to go to work now, Manuela, be home by 6 for dinner," my father said. He had an awkward look on his face, which told me that my mother had been talking him into letting me come back for a while.
"Ok, I will be. Thank you," I said as I got up to hug him. He just walked out the door. I tried to hide the hurt that it brought. "Mommy, I'm going to go get my things from Emma's. I'll be home by 6, promise," I said as I went to my room to go get a bag to put clothes in.
"Ok, put all the clothes in the hamper, I'll wash everything."
"Thank you Mommy," I said as I gave her a hug.
When I got to Emma's I knocked on the door, and Spike answered. "Manny, you don't need to knock, you have a key," she said.
"I need to give that back. I talked to my parents and I'm moving back in with them," I said, handing her the house key.
"That's sudden. I didn't even know you were thinking about leaving."
We walked into the living room and she motioned for me to sit down next to her on the couch, which I did. "It was kinda last minute. I just thought it was time to go back home. It was great staying here though, thank you so much Spike."
"You're welcome, anytime you need a place, our house is always open. You can still go to New York with us, it's still your ticket."
"I think I need to stay at my place a little bit, talk to my parents more. And we always go to the Philippines over the summer, thanks though."
"Oh, ok. Well, you should probably go break the news to Emma and go pack."
"Yea. Thanks again Spike."
When I walked down the stairs, Emma was on the phone with someone, Peter probably.
"Yea, she is such a skank. I am so glad I don't have to look at her for the next two and a half months," Emma said to whoever was on the other end.
"At least I don't look like a fucking skeleton," I said under my breath.
"Hey, Peter, can I call you back, a rat just came into my room. Love you, bye," Emma said, hanging up the phone. "What the hell is your problem Manny?"
"What? I'm just getting all my stuff that you threw all over the place."
"Because you were stressing me out!"
"No, Emma, you stressed you out. You didn't have to stab me in the back, you didn't have to sneak around for months, you didn't have to starve yourself. You, you, you, you. It was your fault Emma."
"Whatever. Just pick all this crap and leave. Peter's taking your ticket to New York by the way."
"Hey, you two in a hotel room, he likes to record sex acts, you might be the new Paris Hilton, without the hotness that is."
"Screw you Manny."
"Just let me call Peter, I'm sure that can be arranged."
"He loves me, not you, me."
I looked her right in the eye, I wanted her to understand this completely. "You were his second choice, Emma. He sent that video around because he wanted to date me and I said no. You were never number one. Sean chose Jay and Alex over you, Craig chose me over you, and so did Peter. The only person you were first to was Toby."
"You're gonna screw up your nose if you keep snorting all that crack."
"You should probably stop starving yourself, since the heroin makes you thin enough."
"I am so glad this friendship is over."
"Just don't come crawling back to me, like you always do," I said. That was the last thing that was spoken in that basement between the two of us. I got all my clothes and shoes and make up and everything else in a few bags, and I called my mom to come pick me up from the park.
It feels so good to be back in my room, without having to share everything. I put everything away and picked up my cell phone, dialing Craig's number. He didn't answer. Probably recording or something.
"Manuela, dinner is ready," my mother called for me.
I sat down to chicken and rice, a meal that she cooks once a week. I'm still sick of it, and I haven't lived here for 8 months. "Looks great, mommy," I say, trying to hide my disapproval for the meal. Dinner was pretty quiet, my dad just talked about work, my mom listened and I sat there, forcing myself to eat the meal. When I was finally finished, I asked if I could go for a walk, and my father practically kicked me out the door.
I walked to the park, and sat down on a swing. Maybe things are finally getting better. It's not like I could've lived at Emma's forever. Craig said he should be back by October, and it's my senior year. Things are going to get better, they have to. I got up off the swing to start heading back to my apartment when I saw her.
"Oh, um, hi," I said, sounding so stupid that I would've kicked myself if I could.
"Manny. Hi," Ashley said. "How's Craig?"
"Good, um, he said to say hi, when I was on the phone with him two days ago. So, hi," I said, not redeeming myself at all.
"Great."
"Ashley, I know it was forever ago, but I really am sorry for everything. Since you're going to be at Degrassi, I just wanted you to know that I still feel badly about everything."
"That's great Manny. Thanks, but I'm over it. I'm over Craig."
"Ok, I just wanted you to know, so you didn't think I was just some bitch," I said, shifting my weight. This was a really uncomfortable conversation, even two years later.
"I stopped caring a while ago. He's all yours, so, have fun, I guess."
"Thanks. At least you don't still love him, cause fi you did, it would be like some weird love square," I said in my pathetic attempt at a joke. It didn't work.
"Square? Um, Manny, you, me and Craig is a triangle."
"Right, um, I should probably go now," I said, desperate to leave.
"Who else likes him?" Ashley said as she grabbed onto my arm.
"Ellie. She was pissed when me and Craig got back together."
"Ellie? Ellie Nash? No, no, she doesn't like Craig. She knows about everything that happened between us, she doesn't like him," she said, sounding more like she was trying to convince herself more than me.
"I think she does. I need to go back home now, I can't get my parents mad. Bye Ashley," I said. I didn't really want to leave her there, it was just a really awkward conversation. Bringing Ellie into it just made it worse.
"Manny, wait, it's only 7, you have plenty of time to get home. Come over here," Ashley said, walking over to the benches.
I really hoped she wasn't going to try to jump me or something. She's like 7 inches taller than me, and I don't have much fighting experience. Paige and Darcy are the only people I've really fought. "Ok, what's up?" Stupid question, Manny.
"Does Ellie seriously like Craig? Tell me the truth."
"She was jealous of me and Craig. It was always pretty obvious," I didn't want to be the one to tell Ashley this, but she had a right to know.
"So much for best friends. She led Jimmy on too, why would she go after Craig?"
"Why did we go after Craig?"
"You went after Craig Manny. Craig went to me. I have to go, I need to talk to Ellie," Ashley said, getting off the bench.
"O-ok," I said. Great, another relationship that I screwed up. I can't just stick to boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, no, I have to go after friendships too. I can already tell, this is going to be an amazing summer.