The '-NCIS-' is the only way I can break the paragraphs, my apologies :)
Tali was special. Ziva knew that from the moment Mama placed the little bundle in her arms when she was just an hour old. She had been crying until Ziva held her, then she was silent just gazing into the eyes of this stranger. When Ziva whispered to her the baby recognized the voice, a spark crossing her eyes as if united with an important piece of the puzzle. Mama had one arm wrapped around Ziva's back and the other loosely placed around the small bundle-just in case.
"Ziva, you are a big sister now," Mama whispered to her.
Ziva had just turned four. She wanted a baby sister for her birthday. Tali was nine days late for that, but she didn't mind a late birthday present.
-NCIS-
At three years old Tali was stunning. Her dark curls bounced around her face like a butterfly's wing beat and her eyes shone brighter than any sun. She shared a room with her sister, her toddler bed closest to the door and Ziva's big girl bed at the window. She didn't mind sharing with Tali. She could keep her safe. Whenever she came home from school Tali's eyes lit up and she flew into her arms, discarding anything and everything she had previously been doing, even if that was singing with Mama. When Mama came home and she was playing with Ziva their mother barely got a second glance.
"You are everything to her, Zia, you know that." There was no jealousy in Mama's voice, just pride.
Ziva didn't mind being the centre of Tali's existence. Sure, she butchered her name, the 'v' being difficult to pronounce and resorting to Zia instead. Sure, she couldn't have friends round because Tali wouldn't be left out of something involving Ziva. Sure, if she went for a sleepover she had to speak to her sister on the phone at bedtime-8:30 on the dot every night. It was difficult to be angry with her because she always remembered what Mama said to her 'Ziva, you are a big sister now'. Big sisters need to look after their baby sisters even if that meant nobody said her name right anymore.
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At five years old Tali started making theories about everything. Her first one was the most vivid, the one both she and Ari would always remember. She made Ziva write down every word in a little colourful book that would eventually hold many theories. She said that butterflies were the souls of dead children, those who had not managed to do something or be something. They were like ghosts that harboured children's souls. When they died, the souls got to go to heaven. The two sisters caught butterflies all the summer and put them with jars once housing jam. They only kept them for a few minutes, whispering something comforting to each lost soul before letting them go again.
"Zia, I think I am going to be a butterfly one day." She said when they let the last one of the summer go.
Ziva never helped her catch butterflies again.
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At six Tali suffered the biggest tragedy of her life. Mama died. When Mama was sober she was beautiful, kind, caring but when she was drunk her anger was taken out on Ziva. She had never taken any beatings nor bore witness to attacks on her sister but even at six she knew. Ziva never let her see any of it and tried to block out the noise too but she could always hear it. She saw the black and blue aftermath too. Still, Ziva cried when their mother died and Tali did too. Ari was there, coming specifically for his little sisters. The three of them slept in Ziva's bed that night, hugging on tightly to each other, Ari out of love, Tali out of sadness and Ziva out of the protective spirit that had been in her since she was first handed the baby. Ziva, you are a big sister now.
Mentally she always responded to that with 'and I have to look after her. Always.'
-NCIS-
At eight Tali watched Ziva try to come to terms with the death of her best friend. He was Muslim and not well liked in the neighbourhood. Someone had set his house alight and both parents, two younger brothers and himself died. It was then Tali learned she had to take extra care of her Zia because she was not as invincible as Abba told them she was. There was a light missing from Ziva's eyes after that and Tali did everything she could to put it back. It was another three weeks until she saw the first butterfly. It took her half an hour to catch it and carry it home in her hands. When she did she took it up to Ziva in a jar.
"What would you say to him if he were here?" Tali asked, the white butterfly sitting still for the first time since entering the jar.
Ziva gave her a woeful look but did as she was told. She told the butterfly everything she wanted her friend to know, that she loved him and he would always be the best friend she had ever had. When she was finished, Tali added, "If you see him when you are flying around, can you deliver my sister's message?"
She then opened the window and let him fly away. The light returned to Ziva's eyes and Tali didn't need to take quite so much care of her.
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When she was ten she had to let Ziva go for the first time. She was going on her first mission. Abba was taking her protectress away just like he took away Ari. Ari only visited every few weeks. Sometimes it was months before he came home again. Tali was so sad she cried and Ziva had to hug her for ages and ages, promising it would be alright and she would come home again soon. Ziva wasn't very good at lying but she did come home. They buried a time capsule they had made when Mama died, including Tali's favourite tatty teddy. Ziva promised they could dig it back up if Abba ever tried to send Tali on a mission. They would run away. They would be safe. Tali kept the key on her necklace all her life. Ziva promised she would never leave Tali. Her mission finished almost two weeks later and Tali flew into her arms upon her arrival. They both needed their sister back. Ziva was sore for a while after the mission but she was told it had been a success. Abba was all smiles when it was finished. Ari came home to see them. She heard her big siblings arguing in Ari's old room which ended up in Ziva's stifled sobs. The word 'rape' kept on being muttered under their breaths. She didn't know what that meant but she didn't think it sounded very nice. She decided she never wanted rape. She didn't want it for her Zia either. Tali decided she had to take special care of Ziva again and eventually the light came back.
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Tali was almost twelve when she learned what the word meant. She burst into tears in the middle of a class of twenty five children. The teacher sent her home with Ziva who left school specially to get her. It took hours for Tali to stop crying and another two for her to admit she knew her mission hadn't been a success. She learned Abba did not know and he was not allowed to know. Tali never told Abba or anyone else.
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At fourteen Tali didn't go on a mission. Abba never even mentioned the possibility. On her way home from school she found a cat that had been run over. She wrapped it in her cardigan and took him home, placing him gently in a box with a pillow from her bed. She stroked his head and tried to feed him but he wouldn't eat. She named him Adir because it meant strong and she wanted him to live. When Ziva got home she drove Tali and 'the cat' as Ziva always referred to him to keep Tali from getting too attached, to the vet. Unfortunately there was nothing the vet could do for him and he had to be put down. Tali cried again. Ziva told her she was the best of all of them because she cared and loved unconditionally. Tali thought if she was really so good she could have stopped Adir from dying. Ziva said nothing could have saved 'the cat'.
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On her sixteenth birthday Ari came home and the three of them celebrated together in the girl's room with cake and presents. Abba was away on a mission however left a gift with Ziva in case he did not make it back on time. Tali knew neither of her siblings would forgive their father for not being there. She could, it was just a birthday. Tali claimed it was the best birthday she ever had. Ziva joked that Tali would no longer end up as a butterfly and she would outlive all of them.
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When Tali did at sixteen Ziva crumbled after holding her sister's lifeless body in her arms. It was mid summer and all the butterflies were out. Once a day Ziva caught a butterfly in a jar and brought it into the room she had once inhabited with her beloved sister. She gave the butterfly a message.
Quoting almost exactly as Tali had once said to her, "If you see her when you are flying around, can you deliver my message?"
She caught one everyday coming to tears every time with the same message, with the same ending before opening the window and letting it fly free. If her sister was correct she could bring her home again for a few minutes to say another goodbye. She did this the entire summer because she missed her sister too much to do anything else.
-NCIS-
Every time Ari saw a butterfly he thought of what Tali had once said about them being the souls of children. Every time he saw a butterfly he remembered Ziva's joke about her outliving them. Every time he saw a butterfly he turned in the opposite direction because he couldn't let his perfect little sister see the monster he had become.
Ziva, you are a big sister now.
And I have to look after her. Always.
Mama I failed.
If you are interested in any of the specific chapters I have some of them written on my account with minor adaptations: When Ima Died, Before her First Mission, Life's Death and Laila Laila (Night Night) features their relationship. Thank you for reading :)