Only You
A Merlin Fanfic by ChronicLegCramp-Since'99
Pairing: Merdred
*Disclaimer: Merlin and all its characters do not belong to me*
Mordred was on his hands and knees, nails digging deep into the moist earth beneath him and his cotton trousers around his calves. His shirt and sapphire, fur-lined coat clung to his back with sweat, his light blue scarf discarded on the ground somewhere out of sight. With each relentless thrust inside him, he let out raw, throaty groans into the peaceful silence of the forest surrounding him, the grips on his hips tightening until they felt like steel. His entire frame was shuddering when he eventually found release, throwing his head back and crying out a name, his voice blending with another's in his foggy ears. The body behind him half collapsed across his back as he panted, head lulling and eyes closing with the impact of the relief surging within him. He barely registered the quick breaths stirring his thick brunette locks, his senses caressed by the acute swarm of magic cocooning them- one glorious and the other subtler, tempering each other; complimenting each other.
It felt like the first time even though he had long lost count of the nights he'd spent in the exact same position, in the exact same forest. There had been a breeze when he'd first made his way out here but now the air was still, isolated. He felt the beginnings of the familiar come down he had grown accustomed to as the softening flesh slid out of him, leaving him hollow and cold. With trembling fingers, he raised himself onto his knees to pull up his trousers and undergarments, the act nauseatingly habitual and monotonous. He felt weak, drained and after a moment of fighting the urge to sway, he succumbed to the grassy bed beneath him, wearily rolling onto his back and his eyelids heavily falling shut against the black starlit sky above.
He knew Merlin was still there, the manservant's presence a scorching sun on the peripheral of his consciousness. He heard the mild rustle of movement and then he could feel the body heat hovering over him, not touching. He didn't question why Merlin hadn't already left him there like he usually did; he had learnt quickly that questioning the man with the feathery black hair and the piercing blue eyes was futile.
"Why do you let me do this?" The man above him whispered almost imploringly, his breath ghosting over Mordred's mouth. The druid didn't have the energy to speak aloud but as he sought out the warlock's mind with his thoughts, he cracked open his tired, crystal-clear eyes.
'Why do you do this?' There was no haughtiness or challenge in his mental tone but the man gazing down at him with a hand on the ground either side of his head screwed up his prominent features in a displeased frown.
"Because I'm selfish..." Merlin answered after a long pause that had Mordred's heartbeat speeding up, his body thrumming with the effort of not leaning up against the warlock's. Merlin's expression was nothing short of guilty and it tore at his heart like teeth. He wished that just once, he would look up into Merlin's face and see something different- anything but the guilt and torment that was ever-present whenever they were alone together like this.
'Then I am selfish as well,' he replied, lacing the words with all the tenderness he felt for the warlock, his nerves too thread-bare and his head too exhausted to care about self-preservation at the moment. Merlin gave a laboured sigh, his gaze skittering away for a few seconds, pushing Mordred to regain his attention. 'Who do you think of...?' Part of him regretted asking it and yet another part more dominant- not to mention masochistic- wanted to know. Predictably however, Merlin evaded the question and turned his words back on him.
"Who do you think of?"
'No one but you,' he murmured into the manservant's thoughts earnestly, enunciating each word and sharpening the intensity of his eyes ever so slightly. Merlin's expression soured infinitesimally but it appeared to be directed more inwards than at the druid.
"Because of who I will be," Merlin stated more than asked with a bitter, almost resentful edge to his tone. Mordred shook his head slowly, a small hint of a smile lightening his angular features as he held the warlock's reluctant gaze.
'Because of who you are.' He continued to gaze up unflinchingly at Merlin as the latter's eyes wavered, another sigh escaping his plush lips. The druid held his breath as he felt tentative fingertips brush along his jaw, trailing down his neck before a palm curled around his throat.
"What if I was to strangle you?" He stared up at Merlin, allowing an artificial cloak of calm to settle around him; the warlock was looking intently down at the hand encircling his neck. Mordred saw the manservant notice the way he swallowed but he quietly quelled all traces of fear stirring up within him; this was Emrys.
'I would probably let you,' he finally whispered into the warlock's mind, tone honest and heartfelt. His chest heaved when Merlin's deep blue eyes flitted back up to his in surprise, his hand frozen on his neck. Mordred's lips parted slightly as his breathing became ever more ragged. He was on tenter hooks, watching Merlin and following the hot trail his fingers left on the sensitive skin of his neck, repressing a contented sigh as the manservant cupped the side of his face, stroking his cheekbone with his thumb.
"And..." He waited as patiently as was possible while Merlin hesitated, fisting his hands so hard that his filthy nails bit into his palms, simply to keep them from reaching for the older man. "...what if I was to kiss you?" Mordred might have laughed if it wasn't for the way Merlin was studying his open mouth, fingers tracing their shape.
'I would let you do anything to me, Emrys,' he told the warlock, his mental voice firm and unashamed. He loved the way Merlin's eyes widened; loved the way his pupils blew wide as they gazed unblinking at each other. 'Only you.' He was practically dizzy with the tension fusing between their mouths, waiting and hoping for the soothing balm that were Merlin's lips. His eyes fluttered closed as Merlin leaned in closer, their breaths mingling together.
Seconds went by; and then minutes. When he thought he would go mad with the painful anticipation, he opened his eyes. All his gaze was met with was the black sky above him. A cool shadow descended on him, chilling his bones where he lay abandoned, alone and empty.
Only you can do this to me.
Thanks for reading!
This was inspired by the song 505 by Arctic Monkeys :)