A/N: My first Homestuck fanfic! Enjoy!
The dreambubble in which Feferi Peixes now lived in wasn't too bad. She was around her friends-well, most of them anyway. And she liked being on this boat, especially since it meant she could be near the water. It was nice. She sometimes caught herself wishing that her other friends would be here too, but then she remembered that they would have to die in order for that to happen. Feferi didn't want that. She never wanted anyone to die. Dying hurt, dying was sad and scary. She tried not to think about it too much, but the feeling of your life slowly extinguishing from your body was not a sensation that she could ever forget. She probably had it the easiest of all of them-she at least died quickly, and only once.
Well, if you didn't include her dreamself.
But Feferi didn't like to dwell on topics such as death. Vriska, although a little mean, was a good captain. And she was planning something...something big. Feferi had never seen this Lord English creature, but she knew he was super powerful, and they'd need everyone in order to bring him down. But for now, Feferi didn't want to think about this cruel, exciting game they had been playing for so long. She wanted to swim. It had been so long since she swam freely in the open water, and she couldn't wait to do it again. Night had fallen over the dreambubble, and there was a full moon and a warm, gentle breeze. Feferi couldn't wait.
"Vriska!" she called from the edge of the upper deck.
"What?!" Vriska snapped from down below.
"I'm going swimming."
"Fine. Don't stay out long."
Grinning happily, Feferi stepped about ten feet back from the edge of the boat. She broke into a run and lept off the edge into a front-flip, landing with a large splash! into the water. The water was pleasantly cool, and it felt wonderful. Feferi felt her gills come out, allowing her easy oxygen intake in the deep water. She let herself go limp, falling down, down, down, until she could barely see the bottom of the boat. When she was far enough down, she kicked off with her right leg and shot herself upward, kicking swiftly and gaining speed as she pushed herself up towards the surface. She gained enough momentum to launch herself out of the water, flying about seven feet into the air before splashing back down again. She let out a laugh underwater, feeling more free than she had in what felt like years.
Feferi swam at a gentle pace away from the boat, feeling like the queen of the sea as the moonlight shone through the dark water.
No, I am the queen of the sea! she thought giddily. Queen of the sea, Witch of all life, no one can stop me now!
Proudly, she twirled around, letting her thick hair fly out around her. Something in the back of her head told her she was being quite foolish, but she was too happy to care. She belonged underwater. This is where she was happy, this is where she grew up, this is where she thrived.
The water was dark, but as her eyes adjusted, Feferi could see that they were in a large coral reef. It was beautiful, even in the darkness of night. Strange fish that Feferi had never seen before swam past her, and off to her left was a large, peaceful looking shark-like creature.
Going at a moderate pace, Feferi gripped her trident tightly and stayed close to the surface, occasionally breaking the surface to examine her surroundings. The boat seemed to be the only other thing around, besides the shore, but that didn't bother her. As she ducked back down, she spotted a shape about forty or so feet away. Being night time, it was difficult to make out in the dark waters, but something told Feferi that whatever it was, it wasn't just an ordinary fish. This didn't scare her at all-if it had malignant intentions, it was nothing Feferi couldn't handle. But nonetheless, she was curious. The shape was just hovering idly in the water, as if waiting for something. As she swam closer, the shape came into focus. It was another troll!
Feferi raised her hand to wave hello, as it began swimming slowly towards her. After a moment, Feferi could see the troll clearly.
It was Eridan Ampora.
Feferi gasped, causing her to inhale a large mouthful of water through her lungs. She began coughing and sputtering, barely aware that Eridan was now gripping her waist tightly and hoisting her up to the surface. Their heads broke the water as Feferi began coughing and spitting out mouthfuls of burning, salty seawater. Eridan didn't say anything, only gripped her arm tightly to keep her from going back under until she could breathe properly. After two minutes, she was able to take deep breaths without struggle. She trembled, feeling frightened. That hadn't happened to her since she was a grub.
"Holy shit Fef, are you alright?" Eridan asked, grimacing as they treaded in the deep water.
She blinked at him, taking a moment to register his voice. It was really him, her friend, her ex-moirail...the one who took her life. They locked eyes, and she just looked at him for a moment, not sure how to reply. Memories, good and bad, were flooding through her mind like a tidal wave. Her realizing how much she had broken his heart, spending hours and hours swimming together, all his emotional theatrics, healing that dolphin when they were little, him shooting her through the chest...
Finally, she nodded. "Yeah...glubbin' perfect." She gave him a small smile.
He seemed relieved, but he knew this situation was far from okay. This was not how he wanted to see her again, this was too...sudden. Too much. He quickly pulled his hand back, realizing he was still holding her arm.
"So...w-what are you doin' out here so late? Honestly, I ah...never thought I'd see you here..." He scratched the back of his head nervously, glancing up at the moon that seemed to shine directly on the two of them.
Feferi smiled. "I'm going for a swim. I didn't think I'd see you here either. You, ah, you kinda surprised me!" She giggled.
"Oh God, I'm really awful sorry about that, I honestly didn't know it was you..."
"Eri, it's fine!"
He laughed nervously. Neither of them wanted to bring up the obvious situation that was hovering between them like a lantern. Eridan was shocked that she was being so friendly with him. Had she forgotten what he had done? No, obviously not, how could she? Did she really forgive him?
"So uh, where are you stayin' exactly?"
"There's a ton of us here, on a boat. Vriska is kinda our leader, I guess. She's been making plans to defeat Lord English. I don't really understand a lot of it, but she's a good leader..."
Eridan smirked at the mention of his former kismesis.
"That stupid bitch is your leader? Ha!"
She splashed him playfully. "Be nice! She's actually a really good leader, even if she's kinda grumpy. Like you." She smirked at him teasingly.
He chuckled and shook his head, turning to look at the moon again. He grimaced, seeming uncomfortable. Feferi looked at him curiously. She knew that look well. He had his hand on the back of his head, and his lips were pressed together in a tight line. That was always the look he had on his face whenever he was uncomfortable. She frowned.
"What's wrong?"
He closed his eyes, running his fingers through his wet hair. He suddenly felt miles deep under the ocean, rather than treading the surface. He hunched his shoulders and looked her dead in the eyes. Feferi stared back, knowing all too well where this conversation was going, even though she had hoped to avoid it.
"Fef, I'm so fuckin' sorry, he blurted out."
Feferi felt her heart sink in her chest as Eridan began to cry, unable to tear his eyes away from her face. She should be angry at him. Resentful. Maybe even revengeful. But she only felt sorrow for the troll who used to be her very, very best friend and moirail. She paddled closer to him hugging him as tightly as one could while treading water.
"Eridan...I'm not mad...I'm really not...it's okay. I forgive you."
"I don't deserve it! I don't deserve..."
He trailed off, looking bitter and angry. Feferi felt tears gather at the corners of her eyes as they treaded only inches apart.
"I don't fuckin' deserve you. As a friend, a moirail...or anythin'."
Feferi shook her head, trying to make him understand how much she wanted to put this behind them. She wasn't angry anymore. Actually, she was quite happy. It was much more peaceful here than back on Alternia. Although she missed her home dearly, she felt more at ease here than ever.
"Eridan...listen...how did you get here? Are you dreaming?"
He sighed and shook his head.
"No. I'm dead."
Feferi stiffened. She wanted to ask how, but she kept her mouth shut.
"Kanaya got me...er...she was a bit...angry with me...not the most pleasant experiences of my life, but I fuckin' well deserved it."
Feferi sighed. "Eridan...I want to put this behind us now. The game isn't over! We have a more important role than ever, taking down Lord English. We're coming closer and closer each day!"
"We?" he asked. "Who is we?"
"Aradia, Nepeta, Tavros, and Sollux are here, and John stops by a lot when he falls asleep. And like I said, Vriska is our leader. Equius is living as a sprite right now...but he might join us soon."
Eridan scowled. "Sounds fuckin' wonderful. They all hate me anyway."
"Eridan, you don't understand. We're all happy here. It really isn't so bad now that we're all together. None of that is gonna matter anymore."
He didn't look at all convinced.
She sighed again and held out her hand.
"Come swim with me."
He looked startled. "What?"
"You heard me! Come swim with me!"
"Shouldn't you be gettin' back soon or somefin?"
She rolled her eyes. Hesitantly, he took her hand. It had been so long since they'd seen each other, and even longer since they had been on friendly, unawkward, terms. He still loved her, that much had never changed, and feeling her hand in his gave him a sense of security that he hadn't felt since their days back on Alternia. Feferi smiled at him, and he found himself blushing just like the old days. Eridan was so uncertain about everything nowadays, and nothing seemed to ever go right...not for him, or anything else.
But if he knew one thing for sure, it was that Feferi Peixes looked absolutely beautiful right now, sopping wet, and with seaweed in her hair.
As soon as he took her hand, she plunged down underneath the water, with him in tow. Feferi had always been more physically strong than he was, even if he was a faster swimmer. He allowed her to drag him through the water for a moment, before he began kicking his legs as fast as he could so that they were swimming side by side. She made no move to pull her hand away from his, and he didn't mind that one bit. He turned to face her. She had a mischievous, sly grin on her face as if she were plotting something in that bubbly brain of hers.
Suddenly, he understood exactly what she was planning to do. Back in their Alternian days, that was always the look she gave him when they were swimming together and she wanted to race him underwater. She often took him by surprise, charging ahead and leaving him in the dust...or, bubbles rather. But while she had excellent upper body strength, he was a naturally faster swimmer than she was. But that was awhile ago.
She stopped and pointed to the large rise of land that formed a small island up on the surface, about a hundred yards away. He raised his eyebrows slyly and nodded.
And just like that, they were off. They charged ahead, moving their arms and legs methodically, just as their lusii had taught them when they were barely more than grubs. Her gills pumping, Feferi pumped her limbs faster and faster, doing anything to finally beat Eridan in a race. She laughed giddily, feeling alive and free with her best friend beside her.
The race ended in a tie. When they reached the land mass, they swam to the surface to converse, their heads breaking the water.
"Beat you again Fef!" he laughed.
"Oh, no way! It was a tie!"
"I so beat you."
"You're so full of coral, Eridan."
He splashed her playfully, which ended in her tackling him underwater. He found himself blushing again, even in the cold water, as her thick hair brushed across his face. They wrestled in the water, trying not to laugh and inhale water as Feferi had done. Feferi eventually ended up pinning him against a boulder. He blew bubbles in her face and shoved her off, grinning from ear to ear. She stuck her tongue out at him and sped up to the surface, with him following in pursuit.
When they broke the surface again, they made their way to the shore, dragging themselves onto the sand where they could sit and rest. Feferi laid back, looking at the twinkling stars. Eridan felt that familiar, painful ache in his chest as he sat beside her. She was the most beautiful creature in the entire sea...the entire universe.
Eridan grimaced to himself.
"I have to go..." she said quietly. "Vriska will want me back."
Eridan looked at her. "You don't have to, you know...we could...run away. Just go somewhere else in this bubble...together."
She sat up to face him directly, looking very sad.
"I can't."
"What the hell, Fef? Are you honestly going to take orders from that stupid bitch?"
She glared at him. "It's not about taking orders, Eridan. We're trying to stop the complete decimation of everyone we've ever known. Do you even realize how serious this is?"
He looked away.
"Come back with me," she said gently.
"You must be out of your fuckin' mind to think I'm goin' anywhere near them. They all hate me and have every right to."
"Eridan...please..."
"No."
Hurt, she felt tears gather in her eyes once again. Eridan now had his back to her, his head bowed as if praying. Feferi placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.
"Please? For me, Eridan. I...I want you with me. I'm friends with Nepeta, and Vriska and everyone, but I still feel like the outsider without you. It gets lonely."
"Then come with me!" he cried, whirling around to face her again. "Let them figure all this shit out. I know they're more than fuckin' capable! Why can't we just leave for good? If I'm really your-your friend, wouldn't you at least consider it?"
"Eridan, you know I can't do that! We don't have to be apart anymore, you can come back with us. We need all the help we can get!"
If he had been arguing like this with anyone else, he would just flip back into the water and end the conversation right then and there. But this was Feferi, and no matter how much he just wanted all this to be over, he couldn't bring himself to leave her. Not again, and not like this when he might never see her again.
"Fine...just go...just...leave me alone..."
She stared at him, not willing to leave.
"Eridan, we're expected to reach land by tomorrow. I don't know if we'll be able to find eachother again."
He snapped his head up, biting down on his lip.
"Then I guess this is goodbye."
Taken aback, Feferi stared at him in shock. Hurt, anger, and sadness welled up inside her, and all she wanted to do was curl up and cry for the old days, when there was none of this horrible craziness that seemed to be apart of their lives every second.
Eridan kept his expression completely blank, knowing that if he tried to reach out to her, all of his emotions and feelings, mostly centered around her, would just come pouring out of him. He would never make a fool of himself ever again. But it was so hard to see her hurting like this. He ached to reach out and stroke her hair, to tell her everything was alright. But he knew there was no way he could come back with her, and there was nothing he could say to make her leave with him.
"Fine. I thought...I just thought...fine. Goodbye, Eridan."
She angrily turned to leave.
"Fef, wait..."
She turned her head back to him again, a small glimmer of hope that he had changed his mind making it's way into her heart.
"Fef...I've taken so much from you. So fuckin' much. And I am sorry. God knows how you were able to forgive me."
"Eridan-"
"Just let me finish! Look...I'm a fuckin' selfish jerk, and since I can't fix that, I might as well live up to my name."
He leaned closer to her. Confused, Feferi stared at him. She allowed him to gently take her hands in his. His breath was slightly uneven with nerves.
"This is the last thing I'm gonna take from you, and then you'll be through with me," he murmured, leaning closer. She closed her eyes.
Softly, he pressed his lips to hers. She made no move to pull away. Almost automatically, she found herself kissing him back, gripping his hands tightly as a breeze brushed past her hair. He let go of her hands and wrapped them around her waist in response, pulling her closer. Feferi encircled his neck with her arms as tears began dripping down her cheeks.
He pulled away, not letting go of her waist. She didn't look angry or hurt...just shocked. Her eyes were wide. She blinked twice, as if trying to comprehend what had just occurred.
"Just one kiss. That's all. See? Not so bad after all, eh?"
Feferi didn't know what to say. Before she knew it, tears were pouring down the side of her face/. She was at a total loss for words. Eridan took his hands away from her waist, and gently took her hands from around his neck. He smiled at her sadly
"I'll see ya later, Fef."
She opened her mouth to call him back, but the words caught in her throat. What was she suppose to say? That she loved him? That she didn't want her best friend to leave her again? Eridan stood up and walked away from her without turning back until he disappeared in the darkness. Trying to wipe the tears from her eyes, Feferi trudged back to the water and slipped underneath. The ocean no longer felt at home- it felt dark, and the moon seemed to mock her as she sped in the direction of her boat. Vriska, of course, was angry and demanded where she had been. Feferi didn't tell her about Eridan, just that she had lost track of time. Eventually, she calmed down enough to go back into her room and go to bed.
Feferi did too, but no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't fall asleep. Mostly, she just cried.
But, if there was one thing she knew for sure, was that Eridan was finally at peace with himself.
Maybe then, she could be too.
