Chapter one.
It's hot. It's only the end of June, so it's only going to get hotter. I have the top off of the Jeep and Lily is asleep in her car seat. It only a couple hundred more miles until we get back to District 12. Lily hasn't ever been and it seems like ages since I've been back. When Gale and I moved to District 2, after he joined the Peace Keepers, we said we'd never go back. I wouldn't even be going back if I could afford to stay where we were. The only other time I went back was when my father died.
I watch her in the rearview, her long dark hair coming out of her braid from the wind. Her smooth olive skin, a mix match of pink and purple ruffles. I can't help but smile, she's the most perfect thing I've ever done. My greatest accomplishment, my beautiful 4-year-old girl. She still doesn't really understand that daddy isn't coming back. She knows he was hurt at work, she was sad when we went to the hospital and was confused when we said 'goodbye' at the funeral…but she doesn't understand and I don't really expect her to. Sometimes I still don't get it either.
Gale and I married young, but we had been friends for our whole lives. Neighbors, allies, friends turned husband and wife. We didn't make the best couple; we constantly did things that hurt each other; but we were great partners. The best thing we ever did was Lily.
I wanted to stay in our home, for her sake. So she would have something, some place, where we were all together and she could use that to cling to him. We got some money when he died, it wasn't enough for us to keep the house in District 2 but it would sustain us for a while in District 12. After talking to Prim, we decided to head home. We have enough money to get us something small, but nice and it should last us for a little while. That, plus I'm going to look for a job once she starts school in August. Thank God for the pre-schooling class they have for her age group.
Even when Gale was alive, she and I still made our own rules. No plans, no routine, just living. He was always away at trainings, meetings, or doing other things with other people. So, it was always just me and her. He loved us, but never appreciated what we had and we never put in the work that was needed. It wasn't all his fault, we had trouble communicating at a married level. It's been months, but it's getting a little easier since he didn't spend a lot of time with us anyway. I love him, I have for a long time. I'm not sure exactly what kind of love we had for each other but it was enough to get us to that point and it worked for us.
With about an hour or so to go, we stop at a gas station to fill up and put the top on the Jeep. We grab a few snacks and a couple of water bottles and sit at a picnic table close by. It was late in the afternoon and we had been on the road for 8 or 9 hours.
"Mommy? Will daddy be at the new house?" Oh no, not this again. It breaks my heart every time.
"No, Lilypad…" the nickname I gave her years ago, "Daddy, is…ummm…he won't be there. Remember, this is a new house, just for us. Remember when Daddy was in the hospital and he told you he loved you so much? That he would always be in your heart? It's because he can't be here with us anymore."
"I know mommy, I just wanted to be sure. I think the new house will be great." She's looking off at the cars going by. "And, I get a new bed! Right mom? You promisssssed!" And she's back, my sweet girl with a positive outlook on everything.
"Yes, yes…we both get new beds!" We sold everything we could and donated the rest to the women's shelter in District 2 before we left. There was no need for extra baggage, it's a fresh start for both of us. A new life. Prim is going to meet us in the square of District 12, to show us to the apartments where we are going to stay. I wired her the money and she did some searching around and finally found a nice two-bedroom apartment at the Seam Apartments in town. It's a short walk to Panam School and there is a park across the street.
She took plenty of pictures and sent them to me for my approval, but honestly I trust her judgement anyway and would have accepted her choice sight unseen. But, she did a great job. Prim works crazy hours at the hospital and does volunteering on the side. It's surprising that she even has time for Rory. It's going to be hard to see them together, being that he is Gale's younger brother. Prim says he's working through it and he's excited to spend time with his only niece. I know he's ready, but I'm not sure that I am.
When we pull into town, the sun is barely setting and there is an orange glow over the old and familiar town. Everything looks the same downtown, the same restaurants and the same stores in the town square. The grocery store is the same, even with the new sign and fresh paint. Lily is so excited, it's easy to forget that this is all new to her. I make mental note to bring her down here soon to window shop and spend an afternoon walking around.
Prim greets me with a huge hug and what starts as a playful and happy embrace turns serious and meaningful. "I'm so happy that you're back. I've really missed you." She's so beautiful; young, blonde and a little too thin. I know that she's been through a lot since my father died and my mom lost her mind.
My mom was once a fun and adventurous woman, she would laugh and tell stories. She was the head nurse at the hospital where Prim now works. When my dad died, she stopped leaving the house and the hospital presented her with an early retirement option. Now, she rarely goes anywhere, doesn't talk on the phone and keeps no schedule what so ever. I feel like she is the reason Prim does so much, she doesn't want to be there with her. I don't blame her. Prim is young and free and doesn't need to be tied down to someone like that. It makes me feel guilty to think that way, but it's true.
We get to the apartment and Prim has thought of everything, there is a tent with sleeping bags and even cute little LED lanterns. She knows we sold all the furniture and that Lily would just love this.
Lily squeals with delight at the sight and is over the moon with excitement when Auntie Prim brings out chocolate bars, marshmallows and graham crackers to complete the scene. Lily stays up way past her bedtime, listening to stories and getting into tickle fights with Prim. Soon after, she and Prim fall asleep in the tent wrapped in the sleeping bag cuddling together.
I took the chance to slip into the shower. The bathroom is small and older, but it's clean and the water gets hot. As I slip off my clothes, I realize I'm not exactly sure how long it's been since I washed my hair. The past couple of months have been a blur. Hot, steamy water runs down my body. I'm not the young, toned girl that I once was. Now, I have faded marks over my thighs and stomach. My breasts don't sit where they used to before Lily, my stomach is softer and not as flat. My hips are wider, my thighs and ass are more full than they were before being pregnant and they never went back to their original size.
Thankfully I packed a couple of bathroom toiletries because I didn't know when exactly I would get to the store. I washed my hair, shaved my legs and brushed my teeth. It makes me feel instantly better.
I put on a simple summer dress, not bothering with panties or a bra. Everything is still boxed up in the car, except for the small overnight bag that I packed for the trip and the first night. Prim and Lily are wrapped up in the makeshift camp site. Prim and I used to do this same thing with my father when we were young. We would come home from school and he would have the living room or the backyard transformed into a camping ground. We would laugh and giggle, my mom would make us snacks and leave them outside the tent. We would hear her on the couch laughing, listening to our jokes and 'scary' stories that we would make up. Those are my favorite memories and I'm happy that Lily will have similar ones.
I squeeze into the tent with them, into my own sleeping bag and wrap my arm around both of them. My family. The only people I care to let into my life.
The next morning comes quickly, I'm up before the sun and I'm sore from being in the car so long. Prim is still asleep but Lily is up and complaining of hunger. She's so dramatic. We obviously have no food yet and more sadly, no coffee. I scribble a note for Prim that we will be back with breakfast. I'm glad she took the day off to spend with us and surely she needs the rest. She's always so busy and I know mom stays up all night.
Lily is still in her night dress and me in my sundress from last night, it's early and hopefully we won't see anyone I know. I took Lily for a quick drive to show her my old house and where Auntie Prim lives. I second guess it, but since we are in the area I take her by Gale's old house and Hazelle's old truck is parked out front. Hazelle is Gale's mom, and Lily's grandmother that she's never met. Her and Gale had a falling out when we chose to move to District 2, it was so long ago but he was too stubborn to call her and make up. I can only imagine how she feels now, with him being gone and them being estranged for so long. She wanted him to stay and work in the coal mines, but he had much bigger plans. He wanted to be involved, to make a difference. I always respected that about him. We both grew up in the poorer part of town, the same meager beginnings. We were always on the same playing field, neither of us better than the other.
We park in front of the meadow for a minute and I tell her how her dad proposed and asked me to go away with him all those years ago. She just giggled and said grosssss when I told her the part about him kissing me after I said yes. I poked at her sides and under her chin until she laughed until she begged me to stop. Her squeals and 'mommy's give me life. It's close to 7 when we drive by the grocery store to find that it opens late on Sundays.
I mumble a line of curse words under my breath and Lily gets onto me about bad words. When we drive through the square, the only thing open is the bakery. It's been here for ages and I've been there a million times. When I was little we used to stop in after going grocery shopping or on special occasions to by a loaf of bread. The owner, Mr. Mellark, would always give Prim and I a cookie when we came in. I remember sitting at the small tables in the front of the store with Prim, eating our cookies and ooooing and aaaahing over the beautifully decorated cakes and cookies in the window. Listening to my father and Mr. Mellark talk, they always shook hands before we left. When I was older I would spend almost all of my free time there.
I'm not sure if they still own the bakery, but it still holds the name 'Mellark's Bakery'. The same as it did back then.
Stepping in is like going back in time. I love this bakery, I always have. The waft of fresh bread and the smell of cinnamon baking takes me back all those years. In the corner there is a small boy, probably the same age of Lily but she's a bit taller than him.
"Hello! I'll be right there!" A happy voice yells from the back, he's in the kitchen I assume. The sweet cherub faced boy comes over to Lily, he has a head full of light blonde curls and sky blue eyes. I can't help but smile when he pulls her back to his corner where he was coloring with crayons. I take a second to spin around, noticing the beautifully decorated cakes in the window. A cry comes from the corner, it's the boy. He cut his finger on something. I pull a napkin from my purse, I try to be prepared and Lily is always making a mess. He lets me wrap it around his finger, but his sad tears pull at my heart. I scoop him up into my arms without thinking and hold his head to my shoulder and his sniffles stop. Then I spin him around, something Lily loves for me to do and after one turn he's giggling and wrapping his tiny arms around my neck.
"Is your mommy here?" he only shakes his head and seems sad. I give him one more quick spin around and he smiles.
"This is my daddy's store; I help decorate the cookies! My mom is gone." Poor boy, I can't help but wonder what he means by gone. Like, she left him at the bakery for a bit? Gone to the store? Gone, like on vacation? Or, gone…like Gale. I see his eyes dart to the side and his smile stretches. When I turn my head to see what's caught his eye, "Daddddddy!".
There is a handsome man, with broad shoulders and the same curls as his son only a dirty blonde. His eyes were a perfect match though. See-through, like the color of a swimming pool and the same beautiful grin. He's wearing an apron covered in flour and I can see where he must have wiped his hands on his jeans. He is stunning, absolutely gorgeous…just like he always was.
Peeta Mellark.