A/N: For those of you who remember the Cursed Wakka Doll, I return! And
with a brand new humor fic for the New Year! And you all better review,
'cause my birthday's in five days . . . And no complaints if the chapters
are short! I'm short on inspiration already.
**Quote of the Day** "I'm simply trying to understand why a word that is demonstrably a neutral one, implying either sex, should now be regarded as a word applying to males only." -Shedemei, starmaster of the Basilica; Earthborn, Homecoming volume V by Orson Scott Card
Disclaimer: Oh foolish mortal, I hold no claims over such a game!
THE TRIAL
Chapter One: Subpoena
As Yuna, Tidus, Auron and the rest of the party of whom I'm too lazy to name, walked down (or rather up) the path in Macalania Woods, the bird lady popped out, explaining stuff about butterflies and prizes while Rikku eyed Kimahri's warm fur with envy. After all, she was barely clothed (and even less so in X-2) and the place was cold. After the bird lady had stopped talking, the party continued on.
"So," Tidus said slowly, to confirm the bird lady's word, "the red butterflies are evil?"
Lulu sighed, knowing that once again, she would have to explain. "Yes. And the blue butterflies are good."
Rikku, being a kleptomaniac and having the unfortunate desire to get as much as she could from life, regardless of whether she needed it or not, cried out, "Let's get the prize!" and ran straight into the multi-colored butterfly, causing the scenery to shift a little. Red and blue butterflies popped up out of nowhere.
"Don't touch the red ones!" Auron shouted, grabbing Rikku's blue wing things, "The fiends here are too strong for us now!"
Unfortunately, Tidus had been heedlessly chasing a blue butterfly that had tricked him into running smack dab into a red butterfly. Not wanting fiends to attack and chew the flesh off his corpse, Tidus did the last thing anyone would've thought he would do.
Tidus squashed the red butterfly.
Everyone got in their assorted attack positions, ready for the fiends to attack. None came and they relaxed slowly. Until . . .
"Guardian of Summoner Yuna, step away from the butterfly!"
Startled, Tidus jumped back as two chocobos (who were marvelously cute) arrived on the scene. Their riders hopped off; two women in the clothing of Yevon priestesses. With a small metal rod, they gently picked up the dead red butterfly. Their eyes narrowed. One placed it in an evidence bag, the other took out handcuffs.
"Guardian of Summoner Yuna," she said, her anger barely restrained, "you are hereby under arrest!"
"What?!" everyone shouted. "On what charges?!" Auron barked.
"On the charge of attacking and killing a precious, harmless, and endangered species of Spira!"
"But what about my pilgrimage?" Yuna cried. She had a point there; how could you continue in the game without Tidus?!
"We have to go to Macalania too, ya?" Wakka said indignantly, "Maester Seymour's expecting us at the temple, ya?"
"Irrelevant," said the one who had taken care of the dead red butterfly, "Maester Seymour will have to come to Bevelle for your guardian's trial."
"Who are you anyway?" Rikku asked.
"I am Lenna and this I my partner, Shia," said the one who had handcuffed Tidus. "We form the group PAESIS."
Tidus stared at the handcuffs on his hands. Something like this hadn't happened since he made the mistake of beating the crap out of one of those damn Duggles when they had provoked him when he had been drunk. Of course it was only just a little, but the police let him go anyway. They liked the Abes better than the Duggles. Who didn't? Then he snapped back to reality and said, "Wait a minute," he said, "what the hell is PAESIS?"
Shia responded this time. "PAESIS is short for Protection Agency of Endangered Species in Spira."
"But it was a butterfly," Tidus stated blankly, not comprehending the fact that he was being arrested on the account that he had killed a butterfly.
"It's not JUST a butterfly!" Lenna snapped at him, "It is an endangered species!"
Auron grunted, clearly amazed that anyone would care. Yuna, however, was still worried. "What about my pilgrimage? He's my guardian!"
Shia looked at her sadly. "I know, but it was wrong of him to have killed that butterfly. Sorry, but now he has to be punished."
"But . . . but . . . it was gonna bring fiends!" Rikku cried, alarmed at the unfairness of it all, "He didn't want Yuna to get hurt so he killed it before it could! HE was doing his duty as a guardian!"
"Is it the butterfly's fault," Lenna said through clenched teeth, "that the stench it uses to drive away enemies is also quite attractive to fiends?"
"It was a butterfly!" Tidus howled and was hit by Lenna for it.
"I don't understand," Lulu said. "I've never hear of PAESIS."
The two women blushed. "Well, you see, we're newly formed," Shia managed to say, "because we noticed more and more species unique to Spira were disappearing."
"We're recruiting too," said Lenna. "Do you know anyone who would want to join?"
The summoner and her guardians looked at each other with their eyebrows raised. Like anyone would really want to join the duo that wanted to save fiend attracting butterflies!
"Are you . . . positive the maesters approved of your . . . organization?" Lulu asked hesitantly, not wanting to insult the two. Who knew what horrors they could do!
"Of course they did!" the two women exclaimed, shocked at the suggestion.
Lulu merely shrugged. Wakka, however, was still indignant. You would be too. After all, Yuna had a job to do and this wasn't even in the game script and chances are he wouldn't be paid for it! "It's not right!" he shouted. "He didn't do nothin'!"
"On the contrary," said Shia, most complacently, "he killed that butterfly."
There was no point in arguing. Lenna and Shia were adamant in their quest to bring endangered species killer to justice, no matter how silly it seemed to everyone else in , oh, the world. Tidus would pay for the dead butterfly.
As they followed the two priestesses to the shortcut to Bevelle, Kimahri distantly wondered what had happened to the butterflies and why there was a rather annoying chuckling sound directed at them.
****TO BE CONTINUED****
A/N: Yes, the chapter was short. Yes, it was ridiculously short. But this is the beginning. There will be four chapters! Subpoena, Court, Verdict, and Sentence! And remember! The ruins of Zanarkand will be- oh, whoops, that's Isaaru's line- to review! (@_@) ~ MoMo
**Quote of the Day** "I'm simply trying to understand why a word that is demonstrably a neutral one, implying either sex, should now be regarded as a word applying to males only." -Shedemei, starmaster of the Basilica; Earthborn, Homecoming volume V by Orson Scott Card
Disclaimer: Oh foolish mortal, I hold no claims over such a game!
THE TRIAL
Chapter One: Subpoena
As Yuna, Tidus, Auron and the rest of the party of whom I'm too lazy to name, walked down (or rather up) the path in Macalania Woods, the bird lady popped out, explaining stuff about butterflies and prizes while Rikku eyed Kimahri's warm fur with envy. After all, she was barely clothed (and even less so in X-2) and the place was cold. After the bird lady had stopped talking, the party continued on.
"So," Tidus said slowly, to confirm the bird lady's word, "the red butterflies are evil?"
Lulu sighed, knowing that once again, she would have to explain. "Yes. And the blue butterflies are good."
Rikku, being a kleptomaniac and having the unfortunate desire to get as much as she could from life, regardless of whether she needed it or not, cried out, "Let's get the prize!" and ran straight into the multi-colored butterfly, causing the scenery to shift a little. Red and blue butterflies popped up out of nowhere.
"Don't touch the red ones!" Auron shouted, grabbing Rikku's blue wing things, "The fiends here are too strong for us now!"
Unfortunately, Tidus had been heedlessly chasing a blue butterfly that had tricked him into running smack dab into a red butterfly. Not wanting fiends to attack and chew the flesh off his corpse, Tidus did the last thing anyone would've thought he would do.
Tidus squashed the red butterfly.
Everyone got in their assorted attack positions, ready for the fiends to attack. None came and they relaxed slowly. Until . . .
"Guardian of Summoner Yuna, step away from the butterfly!"
Startled, Tidus jumped back as two chocobos (who were marvelously cute) arrived on the scene. Their riders hopped off; two women in the clothing of Yevon priestesses. With a small metal rod, they gently picked up the dead red butterfly. Their eyes narrowed. One placed it in an evidence bag, the other took out handcuffs.
"Guardian of Summoner Yuna," she said, her anger barely restrained, "you are hereby under arrest!"
"What?!" everyone shouted. "On what charges?!" Auron barked.
"On the charge of attacking and killing a precious, harmless, and endangered species of Spira!"
"But what about my pilgrimage?" Yuna cried. She had a point there; how could you continue in the game without Tidus?!
"We have to go to Macalania too, ya?" Wakka said indignantly, "Maester Seymour's expecting us at the temple, ya?"
"Irrelevant," said the one who had taken care of the dead red butterfly, "Maester Seymour will have to come to Bevelle for your guardian's trial."
"Who are you anyway?" Rikku asked.
"I am Lenna and this I my partner, Shia," said the one who had handcuffed Tidus. "We form the group PAESIS."
Tidus stared at the handcuffs on his hands. Something like this hadn't happened since he made the mistake of beating the crap out of one of those damn Duggles when they had provoked him when he had been drunk. Of course it was only just a little, but the police let him go anyway. They liked the Abes better than the Duggles. Who didn't? Then he snapped back to reality and said, "Wait a minute," he said, "what the hell is PAESIS?"
Shia responded this time. "PAESIS is short for Protection Agency of Endangered Species in Spira."
"But it was a butterfly," Tidus stated blankly, not comprehending the fact that he was being arrested on the account that he had killed a butterfly.
"It's not JUST a butterfly!" Lenna snapped at him, "It is an endangered species!"
Auron grunted, clearly amazed that anyone would care. Yuna, however, was still worried. "What about my pilgrimage? He's my guardian!"
Shia looked at her sadly. "I know, but it was wrong of him to have killed that butterfly. Sorry, but now he has to be punished."
"But . . . but . . . it was gonna bring fiends!" Rikku cried, alarmed at the unfairness of it all, "He didn't want Yuna to get hurt so he killed it before it could! HE was doing his duty as a guardian!"
"Is it the butterfly's fault," Lenna said through clenched teeth, "that the stench it uses to drive away enemies is also quite attractive to fiends?"
"It was a butterfly!" Tidus howled and was hit by Lenna for it.
"I don't understand," Lulu said. "I've never hear of PAESIS."
The two women blushed. "Well, you see, we're newly formed," Shia managed to say, "because we noticed more and more species unique to Spira were disappearing."
"We're recruiting too," said Lenna. "Do you know anyone who would want to join?"
The summoner and her guardians looked at each other with their eyebrows raised. Like anyone would really want to join the duo that wanted to save fiend attracting butterflies!
"Are you . . . positive the maesters approved of your . . . organization?" Lulu asked hesitantly, not wanting to insult the two. Who knew what horrors they could do!
"Of course they did!" the two women exclaimed, shocked at the suggestion.
Lulu merely shrugged. Wakka, however, was still indignant. You would be too. After all, Yuna had a job to do and this wasn't even in the game script and chances are he wouldn't be paid for it! "It's not right!" he shouted. "He didn't do nothin'!"
"On the contrary," said Shia, most complacently, "he killed that butterfly."
There was no point in arguing. Lenna and Shia were adamant in their quest to bring endangered species killer to justice, no matter how silly it seemed to everyone else in , oh, the world. Tidus would pay for the dead butterfly.
As they followed the two priestesses to the shortcut to Bevelle, Kimahri distantly wondered what had happened to the butterflies and why there was a rather annoying chuckling sound directed at them.
****TO BE CONTINUED****
A/N: Yes, the chapter was short. Yes, it was ridiculously short. But this is the beginning. There will be four chapters! Subpoena, Court, Verdict, and Sentence! And remember! The ruins of Zanarkand will be- oh, whoops, that's Isaaru's line- to review! (@_@) ~ MoMo