Have You Ever?

by Loreyulia

A smile broke out across my face, and I grabbed a fistful of glitter and threw it into the air shouting, "I want to be with Ludwig for forever!" But some wishes were never meant to come true. Songfic.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia, CURSES! What I wouldn't give to have Italy, I absolutely adore him! _ I also do not own the song, Glitter in the Air, by P!ink. Even though I practically worship that song.

Have You Ever?

Have you ever fed a lover, with just your hands?

A blush heated my entire face in a warm, tingly sort of way, as I held tightly onto the hand of my blond boyfriend. Germany and I, had recently started dating, and today was to be spent just learning how to be comfortable around each other in such an intimate fashion; which in all honesty, was hardly any different than the way things already were... I guess there was just more affection, on both of our ends.

We had decided to take a walk through a nearby park, in the hub of Florence, feeding birds along the way, and grabbing a quick treat of Gelato. I found it endearingly cute that Germany chose Vanilla, it was so like him to pick such a simple, unassuming flavor. I myself had chosen Pistachio; I just loved the bright green color, and the sweet, nutty taste of it!

I ate my delicious treat, making small noises of pure bliss in the back of my throat, as I did. Germany raised a quizzical eyebrow at me and asked, "Is it really that gutt?"

Smiling brightly, I dipped a finger into the slightly melty treat, and held it up to Germany's stern lips saying, "Taste it, and see for your self amore!"

Closed your eyes and trusted, just trusting?

Pale lashes fell gracefully against his cheeks as Germany closed those endlessly blue eyes of his. Opening his mouth, he took my finger into its warm, moist depths, and licked the sticky mess off of my small digit. I pulled my finger away, his eyes fluttering open, and he gave me a small half smile as he simply said, "Ja, isht gutt. I knew you'd pick a flavor like that, it's sweet und kinda nutty, just like you."

Frowning slightly I murmured in response, "So does that mean you think I'm crazy?"

Again, he half way smiled as he ruffled my hair affectionately and said, "Ja, but I wouldn't have you any other way."

Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?

As we walked through the park finishing up our Gelato, hands linked together in an unbreakable chain, we came across some thing rather, odd. A small Italian man, with care worn features stood slightly hunched into himself, a bucket beside him and a sign that read, "Make a wish come true." Intrigued, I pulled upon Germany's shirt sleeve trilling happily, "Ve~ let's go check it out!" His eyes landed to where I was pointing, and he simply nodded, a small smile on his face as we walked over to the strange man; with me glued right to his side.

"Excuse me," Germany asked in a slightly awkward, but somehow still polite way.

The man straightened up, and smiled enthusiastically at Germany and said, "Ciao, what can I do for you two love birds today?" A bright blush bloomed across my boyfriends face, and I giggled as I saw him realize uncomfortably that we were holding hands in public; but he still held fast to my small hand regardless of the awkwardness.

Clearing his throat Germany inquired, "Your sign, it says 'make a wish come true.' What do you mean by that?"

The man released a hearty laugh, and replied, "I'm trying to spread happiness to the world! See that bucket there? All you need to do is grab a fistful of glitter, throw it in the air, and make a wish! The glitter will rain down like a thousand shooting stars, so any wish just has to come true, right?"

A huge smile broke out across my face, and I grabbed a fistful of glitter and threw it into the air shouting, "I want to be with Ludwig for forever!"

The strange man smiled wide, and exclaimed, "That's the spirit! Now you try, Ludwig."

Turning to my other half I beamed saying, "Yeah, make a wish mi amore, it's bound to come true." Germany blushed once again, but grabbed a fistful of glitter and threw it rather sheepishly into the air; remaining silent the entire time. I quickly wrapped my arms around my love, and laughed joyously as the glitter rained down onto the two of us, getting caught in our hair and clothes.

The stranger gave us a each a quick embrace, and then waved goodbye. As we walked away he yelled, "I hope with all my heart, that your wishes come true!"

Turning to face Germany, I laid my cheek upon his arm and looked up to see his beautiful face, silently admiring everything that I cherished about him. "What did you wish for?" I asked him softly.

He looked down, and gazed deeply into my eyes as he gently replied, "If I tell you, then it won't come true. So I am going to keep it a secret."

I frowned, and opend my mouth to complain, when Germany leaned down, and kissed me soft and sweet upon the lips, making me completely forget what I was going to say. He was incredibely sneaky that way...

Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, "I just don't care?"

I held tightly to the slightly sweaty hand of my small, Italian Lover. He was trembling, and making tiny whimperings noises occasionally. I squeezed his hand gently, and asked him, "Are you sure that you want to do this? I mean, we can wait until you're ready."

Italy looked up to me with those enchanting golden brown eyes that made me melt, and replied in a shaky voice, "A-aren't you scared? I mean, what will all the other Nations say once they know... that we're together?"

Pulling my darling Italy into a loving embrace, I bent down and laid a kiss onto the top of his pretty hair; inhaling the scent of dried herbs, and honey. "If they say anything bad, do you want to know what I will say in return?" I murmured into Italy's soft auburn hair, cupping his chin, and lifting his face so I could look into his big brown eyes.

"W-what would you say?" He asked, eyes round and slightly rimmed with unshed tears.

Smiling affectionately, I simply replied, "I just don't care."

My little Italy beamed brighter then the sun, and declared, "If Ludwig doesn't care, than I shouldn't either! Besides, the world needs more love, and less fear in it anyways."

So, emboldened, we strode proudly hand-in-hand into the World Conference Room. I wanted the world to see that this little Italian was mine, and I am forever his.

It's only half past the point of no return. The tip of the iceburg, the sun before the burn.

Panting heavily, I pulled Italy into another impassioned kiss, my hands curled possessively into his thick, silky hair. A small moan escaped his lips, and is muffled against mine. He wraps his wiry arms about my neck, pressing his small body against mine, and I can feel the complete heat of his naked skin. Arousal runs thickly through my veins, Italy and I have never been this intimate before, and I quickly found myself half past the point of no return. This was the pre-cursor to everything. The beginning to an unfathomable end.

My lips find their way to Italy's swan-like neck, and I pressed hot open mouthed kisses down the length of it. He gasps, and arches into the touch of my lips, his nails dragging lightly down my bare back.

"L-ludwig! I need you my love, please, make me yours tonight." I hear Italy cry out, and I can't help but moan, wanting nothing more then to comply to his needy wish.

The thunder before the lightning, and the breath before the phrase, "Have you ever felt this way?"

Thunder pounded in my head in steady tandum to the beating of my heart, and lightning crackled along every single nerve. Germany and I were about to become one for the first time. Leaning up, I wrap my arms around my one and only love, and whisper into his flushed ear, "Have you ever felt this way?"

He looked deeply into my eyes, brushing the unruly bangs out of my face as he said in turn, "Nein. Only you can make me feel this way." And with those sweet words whispered softly against my skin, Ludwig claimed what was his.

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?

I paced back and forth in my office restlessly, my eyes darting over to the phone on my desk every few minutes. I was worried about my lover... usually he called me at least four times an hour when I was at work. But today, the phone had stayed eerily silent... how weird. Stopping in my tracks, I inwardly scolded myself for acting so paranoid. Italy was probably painting, or sleeping, some thing like that... At least, that's what I told myself, to keep from growing sick with worry.

Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove, you're not alone.

Even though I yell at him every time he does call me for stupid things, I had to admit, I did miss it. Some how, it felt so lonely if I couldn't hear his voice crying out cheerfully at least once, while I was working. I had never realized until now, how much I loved even the smallest things that Italy did, to make my world so much brighter. I couldn't imagine my life without him now, and it equally thrilled, and terrified me.

Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?

I was good all day! I had managed to not bother Germany at work once, even though I reeeeeeeeaaallllyyyy wanted to call him, and let him know about the yummy pasta I ate for lunch, or about the picture I drew of us cuddling; but I was good, so I knew he wouldn't be angry with me when he got home. Beaming proudly about my own accomplishment, I stared longingly at the old grandfather clock in Germany's living room; it read 5:34, Germany would be home soon! Bouncing excitedly in my seat, I practically rocketed off of the couch when I heard the front door open, and Germany calling out, "Feliciano, I'm home."

Throwing my arms around him, I placed a sloppy kiss on his chin, and trilled, "I'm so glad you're home, I missed you! I was even good today, and didn't bother you once, so you could get your work done!" Looking up to see the happy expression that I just knew would be adorning my lovers face, I froze. His features were pensive, and looked very stern... like he was angry, or disappointed in me. "W-what's wrong Ludwig? Aren't you proud of me..?"

His eyes were filled with an odd emotion, as he looked me straight in the face. "I love you Feliciano Vargas, will you marry me?" He was blushing heavily, but he was staring at me with unwavering adoration.

My knees grew weak as Germany whispered those words so softly, I could barely hear them. His large, strong hands cupped my face so gently it brought tears to my eyes, and all I could do was nod and say, "Si, ti amo Ludwig. I would be delighted to marry you." It wasn't anything fancy, but he pulled out a simple silver ring from his pocket, and slipped it about my ring finger. The proposal wasn't perfect, because he forgot to get down on one knee, and offer me the ring, but it was just so purely Germany... I couldn't wish for it any other way.

Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

I was so nervous! Today was the day Germany and I were to be wed. I was shaking in anticipation, my stomach twisting in serpentine knots, as I stood before the grand double doors; waiting to hear the first strenuous chords of the organ. My older Brother Romano's arm was linked through my own, as he scowled, and mumbled, "I shouldn't have to give my brother away to that potatoe bastard..." My heart was beating rapidly, I could feel the thumping of it against my skin.

The organ choked out its first wheezing notes, and the doors were opened wide, and then I was led slowly down the aisle, and towards my future. Germany looked so handsome in his antique blue tux, and his brother Gilbert (who was his best man) shot me a thumbs up. Now I was standing right beside my soon-to-be husband, clutching my bouquet of simple daisies, as I looked up into his perfect blue eyes. I vaguely noticed that Austria had stopped playing the organ, and so we began our vows.

The simple silver band was slipped around my finger, and I slipped a matching one around his. We murmured our "I do's," and then we kissed softly, our union finally complete; two halves became a perfect whole. I never would have guessed, that on that day when Germany found me in that silly tomato crate, I had looked into the eyes of my future husband. It's funny, how the world works like that.

It's only half passed the point of oblivion, the hourglass on the table, the walk before the run.

Damn it! Faster, I had to run faster! Why? Why had I never noticed that small hourglass, the sand falling rapidly to the bottom, signaling the short amount of time Feliciano had left on this earth? He was going to die, and it was all my fault. If... if I was stronger, then this never would have happened. He would have never fallen victim to my enemies, because of my own madness.

In the distance, I could see the familiar sillhoutte of auburn hair, and his bright blue uniform. Skidding to a halt, I fell to my knees before the bloodied, and broken body that was my Italy. I gathered him into my arms, and cradled his head gently in my lap, stroking his hair, and chanting that everything was going to be okay. His eyes cracked open slowly, and a smile lifted his sagging lips as he croaked, "Ve~ Ludwig, why... are you crying mi amore?" Italy coughed over those eight simple words, blood bubbling at the corner of his pretty mouth.

"Shhhhh... don't speak, just stay nice and still, don't strain yourself." I murmered, my voice almost breaking, my eyes stinging from the saltiness of the tears that threatened to escape. Italy gazed up towards the sky, the sky that he always said perfectly matched the color of my eyes. "Hey... you know, you never did tell me what you wished for... that day in the park, when we threw glitter in the air."

I held back a sob as I ran my fingers through his hair, dyed a redder hue from his own blood. "You know I can't tell you Feli," my voice grew terribly small and terrified, "otherwise... it won't come true." I could barely speak, I was so fucking afraid! I felt so damn helpless, what could I do to save the man that I loved?

Italy closed his eyes, and he smiled sweetly. "Please Ludwig, let me know what you wished for." His words broke my heart, because I knew what they implied. I knew he wanted to know before he died... how could I deny him his final wish?

"I-I wished for you... I wished for you to be happy as long as you lived, no matter what. Even at... even at the cost of my own happiness. As long as you could smile, then I could rest easy knowing that you could... that, is what I had wished for."

He opened his enchanting eyes, even though their brilliance was dulled as the life drained out of his broken body, his eyes were still a sight to behold. And he smiled one last heartbreaking smile as he replied, "W-what a beautiful wish Ludwig, I'm so... I'm so glad that it came true..." The light died in his lovely eyes.

The breath before the kiss, and the fear before the phrase, "Have you ever felt this way?"

My world ended that day. I buried him right in our own yard, beneath our favorite willow tree. Everyone came to his funeral, because every one had loved Italy. How could you not? He was breath, he was life, he was love, and he was happiness. He was everything that had completed me... and now he was gone.

After the service, all the other Nations tried to console me. They all said the same thing, "It'll heal over time." But how could they understand? How many of them, had lost some one that they loved with all of their heart? Their hollow condolences were swallowing me whole, crowding in on me until I broke, screaming, "Have you ever felt this way?!" No, none of them did. None of them would know what it's like to miss every breath before a kiss, or every touch before a phrase. Only I shared those beautiful memories with that innoccent Italian, and now memories are all our love will ever be...

There you are, sitting in the garden. Clutching my coffee, calling me, "Sugar."

Days like this one, were the one's that tore me down. I would wake from my dreams of you, only to realize you are no longer with me. Today it was that one dream in particular, it was of the morning after we had been married. I had woken up to find you missing from your spot beside me, and instantly I had begun to panic. Running through the house, screaming your name, I was surprised to hear your voice drifting in from the garden.

I made my way outside in my boxer shorts, ready to admonish you for making me worry like that, when I stopped in my tracks. The strong scent of coffee filled my nose, and I saw you clutching my German Flag mug. You turned to me smiling as brightly as always, trilling happily, "Mornin' sugar!"

You called me, "Sugar."

You had never called me that before, and I found my face heating up, but... I had actually loved that silly little pet name.

Have you ever wished for an endless night? Lassoed the moon, and the stars, and pulled that rope tight?

I always wished for endless nights these days, so I can forever dream of you by my side. I think I would even find a way to lasso the moon, and stars so I could keep you with me for forever... just like you had foolishly wished so long ago.

Have you ever, held your breath, and asked yourself, "Will it ever get better then tonight?"

Sometimes I just hold my breath, hoping to freeze a moment in time when we were together, and in those moments I ask myself quietely, "Will it ever get better then tonight?" Only silence answers me.

Your voice rings loud and clear through my memories, for its clarity shall never fade. "I want to be with Ludwig for forever!" A bitter smile twists my lips, and I shake my head at how damn foolish we were. Now, as I lay alone in the stillness, all I can offer up to the silence is this, "Some wishes were never meant to come true..."

Tonight.

Translations:

Ja- (German) Yes

Nein- (German) No

Si- (Italian) Yes

Ti amo- (Italian) I love you

Mi amore- (Italian) My love

E/N: Thank you very much for reading, and have a lovely day~