A/N: This little "gem", if one can call it that, was born out of boredom and a wandering imagination while I was vacuuming one day. Go figure. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy. Please review--it really helps me with the future chapters. (But you already knew that. ) Thanks in advance for reading! And please, don't flame me, lest you make my cat cry. OO
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Turks, or Shin-Ra Inc., or anything else in Final Fantasy VII world. What, you think I'd be sitting around writing fanfictions if I did?
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Chapter One: For the love of Tsengie
The Turks were quiet as they rode passively toward headquarters in the back of a Shin-Ra van.
Now, this could have been due to the fact that Tseng had threatened to fire the next person who dared make any unnecessary sound. However, it was more likely because Rude had taken it upon himself to halt Reno and Elena's latest squabble by tying up and gagging both of them. That didn't stop them from glaring at each other across the aisle between their seats, however, and the unspoken hostility in the small space of the van's interior was palpable.
"You two idiots almost botched the mission," Tseng spoke up for the hundredth time. "If you can't put aside your personal feud long enough to take care of the company's affairs, we're going to have to take drastic action."
Reno's blue eyes suddenly lit up above his gag, and he awkwardly reached over with his bound hands to seize a notepad which was tucked into a recess on the door. Then, with a look of intense determination, he began trying to get a pen out of his jacket pocket.
"Don't bother," Tseng spoke up, glancing at his redheaded co-worker disdainfully. "I know what you're going to write, and I'm not firing Elena and giving you her new desk."
Reno sighed around the gag and slumped in his seat.
"Sir?" the low-rank soldier who had been driving the van now turned around in his seat. "We've arrived."
Tseng nodded. "Thank you," he answered, thinking longingly of going home and crashing on his couch. He had almost shut the van's door again when a series of angry, muffled yells reminded him that Reno and Elena were still tied up in their seats.
"Want to leave them there?" Rude asked, folding his arms.
"Well..." Tseng hesitated. It was a very, very tempting idea...but if the President found out that two of his most trusted employees had been left helpless in a van overnight, he might be angry. Besides, it would wreck his karma. "I suppose we should untie them," Tseng said finally. "But if you two start arguing again, I swear I'll run you over with this van and then give your bodies to Hojo."
Reno and Elena shuddered together, and when their bonds were cut, they obediently remained silent-although it was obvious they were itching to argue again. Tseng ignored them as he clocked out as quickly as he could and left. If they did start arguing again, he didn't want to be there to hear it, although if they had any shred of maturity left they'd go home and think about the near-failure their bickering had caused.
As soon as the door to his apartment shut behind him, Tseng felt himself begin to relax. For a few hours, at least, he could forget about his worries at work. He began planning out his evening as he walked through his apartment-change into something more comfortable, lay on the couch and watch Midgarian Idol, maybe order a pizza instead of cooking...
...and then the phone rang, having the same effect on Tseng's plans as a hammer has on a terracotta pot. (A/N: Seriously, go try the hammer/terracotta pot thing. It's great. :P)
He glanced down at his caller ID, dreading whose number he might see-Elena, Reno, even the President's number-but, instead, it was only his grandmother. Belatedly he remembered that it was Wednesday, which meant that it was time for his grandmother's weekly call to "check up" on him. Generally the whole hour and a half of conversation consisted of his grandmother ranting about which doddering old lady had won at bingo the night before, and why she must have been cheating. The calls were uncannily similar every week, and Tseng kept promising himself that he was going to eventually record himself saying "Yes...is that so?...you don't say...yes, of course..."
Still, Tseng knew that he had to take the call, or else risk having his mother call and nag him, which would be far worse. He reluctantly picked up the phone and sank down in the nearest chair. "Hi, Grandma," he said dutifully, trying to sound enthusiastic.
"Tsengie!" she said in delight. The Turk winced at the sobriquet which only his grandmother had permission to use, and prayed silently-as he always did when she called-that Reno never, ever found out about his nickname. "I'm so glad to hear from you, dear," the old Wutaiian woman went on brightly. "It's so nice of you to call me."
Tseng didn't bother telling his grandmother that she had called him, not the other way around-she wouldn't remember the next time she called, anyway. "You're welcome, Grandma," he answered. "So, how are things at your bingo club?"
"Oh! You won't believe what happened," his grandmother began. As she began prattling on, Tseng pulled out a frozen dinner and put it in the oven, occasionally chiming in a "yes" or "really?" whenever she paused for breath. His thoughts wandered back to Reno and Elena-what was he going to do about those two? A little bickering now and then wasn't such a big deal, but when it got in the way of their job, it was up to him to solve the problem. He didn't want to transfer one of them to Junon, but it might be necessary, if...
"Tsengie? Tsengie, are you listening?"
His grandmother's quavering voice brought him back to the present. "Um, yes, Grandma," he lied. "I can't believe that she won instead of you. If I get some time off work, I'll have to have a talk with the people who run your bingo club."
"Tsengie, I just told you that I finally won," his grandmother answered reproachfully.
Oops. "I'm sorry," Tseng said, fumbling for an answer. "I think the connection's bad on this end...it sounded like you said that someone else won, not you. But you finally got to win? That's great!"
His grandmother laughed into the phone. "You can't lie to your grandmother, Tsengie," she said gently. "Why don't you tell me what's really on your mind?"
Tseng hesitated. He didn't like to talk about affairs at work with non-employees...but, given that it was his grandmother, she'd probably forget what they were talking about halfway through the conversation. "Well, alright," he answered at last. "I went on a mission with some coworkers today..." He proceeded to tell her about how Elena and Reno had gotten in a heated argument and nearly ruined the mission, and how the only reason the two had stopped fighting was because they'd been gagged and tied up. "It's not the first time something like this has happened either," Tseng finished. "I don't know what I'm going to do. Those two make my job ten times as difficult."
"Hmm..." He could hear his grandmother riffling through something on the other end. "I have a picture here of you with your coworkers," she said at last. "Which ones are the troublemakers?"
"Elena's the woman with short blonde hair," Tseng replied, wondering why his grandmother wanted to have an idea of what Elena and Reno looked like. "And Reno's got bright red hair and is the only one with his shirt untucked. You can't miss him."
"My word," his grandmother said in a tone of disapproval. "Does that young man's mother know that he looks that way?"
Tseng smiled slightly. "I'm not sure if Reno has a mother," he began.
"Hatched from an egg, eh? That explains a lot."
Tseng's smile broadened into a grin. He'd meant that Reno's mother might be dead, or at least out-of-touch with her son, but his grandmother had her own way of looking at things.
"Tsengie, your grandma's feeling a bit tired," his grandmother said abruptly. "I'm going to go on to bed. Give my love to your pet cat, will you, dear?"
I don't own a cat, Tseng thought, shaking his head. "I will, Grandma. Have a nice rest."
Tseng hung up the phone and walked into his kitchen to check on his frozen dinner, glad that at least he'd been able to vent about Elena and Reno to someone.
At the same time, on the other side of the Planet, his grandmother carefully pulled the picture of the Turks out of her photo album and stared at it intently. "I don't want anyone bothering my favorite grandson," she commented aloud. "Perhaps it's time for you two to see things from another point of view..."
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Chapter Two Preview--I never liked my feet, anyway: Tseng's grandmother takes matters into her own hands--and Reno and Elena wake up with something much worse than a hangover... (Like you haven't already guessed what's going to happen.)
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