Please note that this is not supposed to be an accurate portrayal of his thoughts in the anime~
I drabble too much.
Yukiteru always thought he knew what love was.
He didn't, he definitely didn't, and he never had, he definitely never had, never ever, he thought he knew with Yuno. That wasn't love, that was never love, and then he knew it wasn't love. He thought it was love in-between every declaration she gave him, declarations which he only just realised were barely mildly returned, and even so, even when it had been so obviously wrong, Yukiteru thought it was love.
But he just wasn't used to it.
He had never loved before. He saw TV series, he read books, followed manga series, became influenced by the media, and kept magazines underneath his bed. But none of that was an accurate portrayal of love. None of it was love, and Yukiteru knew that wasn't love, but then again, that was all he knew, he didn't know any different, and it wasn't like any drama created for the audience's entertainment would let Yukiteru anywhere near understanding what love was.
And Yuno was his first encounter.
That's why, maybe he was just a little bit in love, the magic which drew Yuno so attracted to Yukiteru was just a little bit too much, and that magic fascinated Yukiteru, it definitely did, and he'd begun to mistake that feeling, because it wasn't love, it never had been love and Yukiteru really had no idea what love was.
But that had been before he'd met Akise Aru.
Aforementioned, Yukiteru had never known what love was. He didn't understand why he shook whilst Akise caught his gaze, and after a while it angered Yukiteru beyond belief. He didn't understand this attraction at all, and love, love had never crossed his mind, not when his only experience of love was Yuno, and that wasn't love, that was barely love, love could never be so one sided and fuelled by violence. Yukiteru didn't understand why every time Yuno glared at Akise, his anger would rise and protectiveness would flash into action at an instant. But Yukiteru didn't understand why, he never understood why, he didn't understand love and he didn't understand why his dreams were suddenly immersed in Akise Aru.
Until he kissed him.
Akise had kissed him, and it all suddenly made sense, it hit Yukiteru like a bullet. He's in love with Akise, oh God, he's definitely in love, and then as soon as everything had slot into place, Akise was gone, he was gone, and he'd never got to return that kiss.
And when he finally understood love, Akise was gone, he was gone, and now he realised Yuno had never been love, love was when he'd wished he'd taken that knife instead of Akise, and the way he just couldn't look at Yuno the same anymore, and the way that Akise was still the only thing his dreams were immersed in, and the way he hoped the dreams would never, never ever, stop.