Here's a little 1shot, based on the song Let her go by Passanger.
Disclaimer: Don't Own Rookie Blue, or Passangers awesome music- sadly.
As always thanks to the amazing regulars!
Let Her Go
He'd been doing this more often than usual over recent weeks; turning the obsessive, psychotic behavior into something a little more visual and less stalkerish.
He'd smile and she'd nod in his direction. Or he'd nod and tilt his head to the side and she'd lift her hand up in a timid wave.
It was less awkward now, more like it used too be.
Sam sat at the bar of the Penny watching Andy spend some quality time with Nash while he sipped on his whiskey trying not too allow himself to drown in the moment of watching her- again.
He kept doing that these days- losing himself by just watching her; even if it was watching her walk out of the parade room.
Things between them were better- better than they had first been when she came home from Dakota to find him dating Marlo.
Then things were uncomfortable as they dangled on the edge.
Life was way more complicated then too, and it was only due to his need to convince himself that he could do life without Andy in it.
Life without Andy- the thought made him look away from her and back at his glass as he reached out for it.
That had never been an option, not even when he had told her that he couldn't be with her anymore.
Taking a sip Sam let the warmth of the liquid slip over his lips before swallowing it and feeling it tumble it's way down too his stomach.
The only reason he had left her standing in the rain that day was because she was getting too close and he was getting scared.
But that; she didn't know, and she didn't ever need to know it, not when she was better off without him.
He still had her in his life, even though it wasn't quite the way he wanted- but it was something and that was all there was.
The awkwardness and tension between them seemed to fade as time passed, they were able to talk- except about them.
That topic was never up for discussion.
Sam would even describe them now as nearing the borders of friendship, something he never though would be possible again considering their history.
Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Great, again with this song.
He'd heard it for the first time just after Andy left without even saying goodbye after he had told her how he really felt when he thought that she was going too die.
And even now the words just had the ability to make him remember how badly he had broken her heart; and his own.
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go
Andy looked up to find Sam watching her again, only this time he didn't look away when she caught him. It almost freaked her out, knowing that he wanted her to know that he was watching her.
"Whoa, that's intense". Traci mumbled in her ear when she followed Andy's line of vision to find Sam watching Andy openly.
Traci's voice broke the spell and made Andy look away, her face revealing slight signs of frustration and a tiny hint of the hurt she still felt.
Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast
In honesty, Andy thought that Sam would be waiting when she came home, but he wasn't.
That broke her heart more than it already was.
After what he had said, and the new promises that he had made the day she left, she really thought he would be. But that's all they were- promises and promises are meant too be broken right?
The whole Sam dating another cop kind of threw her for a loop too considering his whole 'I can't be a cop and be with you' speech.
When she left she thought that he would understand, thought he'd get it, get why she left- but apparently that wasn't the case.
"You guys still haven't talked?". Traci said drawing Andy back from turbulent thoughts.
Andy shook her head in reply, she doubted that her and Sam would ever talk about anything remotely related to their past.
"You should Andy, he's ready".
"Trace, we're just I dunno- not meant to be?".
You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies
Andy chose that moment to look back at Sam who had his eyes repositioned on her, a strange look on his face. He looked like he was indecisive, waging a mental war on whatever he had going on in his head.
"Andy, he broke up with Marlo weeks ago, doesn't that say something? And he keeps doing that, watching you- only now he's not hiding it anymore, he wants you too know that he's doing it".
Sam really had no idea what was wrong with him.
As soon as he took a step forwards, he took two back. He just didn't get what he was supposed too do anymore.
He had tried the whole dating and being normal thing with Marlo, but it just wasn't their thing- it didn't work out so he called it quits.
She hadn't been surprised, she told him that she was surprised however that it took him so long to admit the obvious.
But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
They had a serious conversation and he had been totally honest with her, he just didn't feel enough to fake it. She had accepted his reluctance to keep faking it, and that was that.
But, it hadn't changed anything.
Hadn't changed Andy's attitude towards him.
Maybe attitude wasn't the right word- she had never had an attitude.
It didn't change her view of him, or the way she addressed him, or looked at him or anything. And he knew that she knew he wasn't seeing Marlo anymore.
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
Sam was still watching her intently, like she was the only one in the room, like they were the only two people left on the planet.
"It doesn't matter anymore Trace, that's in the past". Andy said looking at her friend, Sam's stare was starting to unnerve her somewhat.
"Andy are you listening to yourself? Look at him and tell me you believe that. He's trying, he's just not saying it".
Andy looked between Traci and Sam taking the sight of him in.
Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast
Why was it so damned hard for them to communicate now? Before he'd never had this problem- they could say a thousand words to one another without moving their lips. One look was enough to say what needed to be said, one look was all they needed and now one look didn't give her the faintest clue.
He was trying to communicate without approaching her, she had too make the first move, give him some sort of sign that she would listen to what he had too say, or that she was ready too do this- but it just wasn't there.
"He just... I don't ... Arg". Andy groaned out as she turned to face Traci again. "I don't know if I can do this again Trace, go through all of this again". Andy tried to hide the waver in her voice but she was failing.
"Do you want him back? Would you take him back or are you content to watch him and keep him as a friend at arm's length?".
How was it so easy for Traci to say the right stuff at the right time?
"I..." Andy turned back to face Sam looking to him for the answer to that question for some reason.
Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
'Cause you loved her too much
And you dived too deep
Sam saw Nash say something too Andy that had her looking spooked, like her words had hit a nerve and Andy felt a jolt of pain physically run through her.
She looked torn, like she was trying to keep up a strong facade, but it was finally starting to crumble.
Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
Sam saw Andy's eyes begin to sparkle, like she was suddenly blinking back tears, trying to hold on too some self restraint.
He'd seen enough, so he turned away and lifted his glass up to swallow the final few drops of amber liquid that it held.
He couldn't watch her start remembering just how sideways things between them had gone, didn't want too see another flash of sadness cross her eyes like it did everytime she looked at him.
She wasn't ready, and she hadn't forgiven either of them for how things had turned out so he'd let it go. Maybe it was meant to be like it was now, how they were now, and who they had become.
And you let her go
And you let her go
Well you let her go
'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Sam set his empty glass down on the bar, his mind reflecting over how much they had both changed in the six months that she had been away. They'd both grown up too, and somewhere along the lines they had both let the resented feelings slip away, although he doubted that the heartache would ever heal.
"Andy, he's gonna leave, are you just going to let him go after that?".
Andy sat frozen watching Sam watching her, and Traci watching them both from the sidelines.
It all made sudden sense in her rattled brain.
Traci's words, and Sam's heated stare while those lyrics drifted out into the room softly.
Traci was right, Sam was talking in his own way, but he was seeking permission too, waiting for the go ahead from her.
He was also trying to captivate her attention enough to tell her to listen too the song.
If Traci had been able to pick up on it, then Sam really was trying.
Andy turned back to Traci, a small smile slipping her lips into an upward curve.
"Thanks" she mumbled as she slipped off her chair to find Sam's already empty when she looked up.
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go
Sam heard the final strains of the song as the door of the Penny closed behind him when he stepped through it. He scoffed as his feet hit the pavement, he really didn't need some random song to tell him what he had done, or rub the colossal mistake he had made in his face.
He knew it.
He felt it everyday with every breath he took.
Andy left Traci smiling as she bolted for the door when realization took over and she saw that Sam was already out the door.
She yanked the door open and skidded to a stop when she noticed a presence in the doorway.
"Sorry" she mumbled as she sandwiched herself in between Nick and Gail in a bid to go through them rather than wait for them to move and pass around them.
Sam had his hand in his pocket as his fingers took hold of his keys and slid them out.
He'd forced his mind too shut out thoughts of Andy and the near miss that he had just let slip past by choosing to walk away and wait for her again.
His hand raised and his finger tapped the button to unlock the truck, the flickering lights signaling it as unlocked.
Andy scanned the parking lot to find Sam parked in the far corner, his feet carrying him towards his truck with his head slumped down a little.
Andy took a deep breath and let her feet carry her towards him, her voice calling out too him softly as she approached.
It felt just like that first night outside the Penny to her all over again.
Sam stopped and spun around as soon as her voice was heard, his ears burning at the sound of his name coming from her lips.
He tried too hide his shock at her sudden presence, and managed to cover it up hoping that she hadn't seen it in the dark.
He shifted from side to side on his feet as she stepped closer, her strides faltering as she started second guessing her decision to chase after him.
When she stopped in front of him, Sam noticed the slight traces of a smile tugging up the corners of her lips while her teeth clamped down on her bottom lip.
The sound of passing car's and soft strains of music pulled through the night air, their voices locked in silence as they stood looking at one another.
Sam dipped his head forwards just a fraction, one eyebrow raised in question, Andy's hands finding the back pockets of her jeans.
Then nothing.
No talking, no movement. Just a world of looks that conveyed more than words could ever.
Sam had his arm's in front of him, both hands holding onto his car keys like they needed too in order too be grounded.
He watched as all Andy's questions sprayed out over her face, questions filled with why's, followed by sorry's and then came one heart stopping moment.
The moment that she forgave him, and herself.
He could see it in her eyes, watched them warm up and glow, fire dancing in them for the first time in a while.
The air cracked between them as Andy wrapped her arm's around herself.
In twenty seconds flat she had made up her mind, decided what she wanted and how she wanted it too be- them too be.
When Traci had asked her if she wanted to stay Sam's friend her mind screamed an answer even before it had a chance to pass her lips.
No.
It wasn't what she wanted.
She wanted to be Sam's more.
So she chased him out here hoping to start down that road somehow. She just didn't know how yet now that she had arrived at this point.
Sam knew that she was holding back, thinking it through before leaping blindly like she normally would, and it was killing him slowly too see.
He wanted to say so much, answer all her questions, give her his explanations and share his reasons- he just needed her to hang around long enough too let him.
Sam looked up and down the street as another car passed, the headlights casting shadows across Andy's face.
He could swear that he saw the feint traces of a light pink dance across her cheeks when he looked back at her.
Andy knew that they needed too talk, even if it only meant too clear the air between them, but right now she was more than content too just stand here with him.
Sam watched as Andy's face revealed what he had been waiting for, the wistful look that confirmed she still felt something. Felt enough too be here right now, felt enough to show it for him too see.
So, he did the only thing that he had wanted too do since things went sideways before crashing down; he held his arm's out and open and waited.
It took Andy three heartbeats to move; the first to see him hold his arm's out, the second to smile and the third too unfold her own arm's and step forwards into his.
Wrapping her up in a hug Sam felt like he could breathe again. For nine months he couldn't breathe, he'd felt empty and hollow.
Tucking his face into her shoulder Sam inhaled her scent, her hair tickling his face as she wrapped her arm's around him and held him closer. He'd missed this more than he even thought possible.
Andy let Sam pull her impossibly close, her head moving to rest on his chest as her ear listened to the rhythm of his heartbeat under it.
His hear was like thunder, crashing in beat as it kept pulsating.
Sam's hand moved up too smooth over the loose strands of hair that hung around her shoulders, the familiarity of the action making Sam weaken at the knees.
Sam nudged backwards, pulling away after letting them stand there wrapped up in each other for an immeasurable amount of time.
Andy's face looked up at him, her brows furrowing a fraction as she tried too get a read on him, tried to understand if he was letting her in or letting her go when he suddenly pulled away.
"You sure about this?". Sam said barely loud enough to be heard.
"Um, yeah totally fine". Andy said as she let her hands slip free and loosen their grip on him.
Just as her hand made it to the space between her and Sam, he snatched it in his own and held on too it, his fingers refusing to let go.
He could tell by the fire in her eyes dimming that she had it wrong, she thought that he was making peace and holding her at arm's length- in the friend department.
"If this happens, there's no going back. If you let me in- I'm never letting go".
Andy's eyes widened, her mouth forming a tiny O before she clamped it closed and just stared at him.
Sam found himself smiling at her reaction, it was so typically her.
"If you still want too let me keep my promises...". Sam started talking again, but trailed off, his hand still holding her's.
He didn't want too do this now, or here, but he wanted to know if he was ever going too get a shot at doing it at all. He needed too know if she'd give him the chance.
"Sam..."
Sam's grasp on her fingers started too slip, his body preparing for the rejection that he was facing. The rejection that would make her say no, and make him pull away.
Just as he thought their hands were about to break away from each other, Andy's other hand caught his- a new wave of tingles cursing up his arm.
"You want too do this again?". Andy sounded like she was having a hard time believing what he was saying, because he hadn't actually said the words.
But words weren't his thing.
And that had too change if they were ever going to get anywhere.
"I only want to do us again?".
That had sounded so much better in his head.
It wasn't meant to come out like a question, it was meant to be an honest statement, but posing it as a question was only fair- she had too have her say too.
"If you know, you want too?". Andy still hadn't said anything- she was just looking at him like she was explode.
Andy's mind tried too catch up with the rest of her, her eyes sweeping over to her hands holding one of his reminding her of a day when his had covered hers the same way.
It caused a small amount of panic to make it's presence known, her hands starting too tremble slightly.
Hand-holding was so not her thing anymore, she didn't even hold Nick's hand when they were UC because it freaked her out too much.
Sam saw the memories cast shadows across her face, the magic of the moment falling away too be replaced with images so vivid that Andy was seeing them all over again.
Sam didn't hesitate, didn't think about it, just acted on instinct.
He put his other hand over hers and willed her to look at him, her attention moving from their hands to his face as his unspoken request found it's way too her.
"Sam..." She didn't want too do this, stand here like this and take ten steps forwards before taking fifty back.
"I've got you". Sam said increasing the pressure his hands had on hers so that she would know he was there.
He could stand here forever like this and be happy.
Andy suddenly found herself wanting too smile, Sam's simple words meaning more that just this moment. He'd always had her back, always been there, and always had her even before she knew it. Before either of them knew it.
"You've got me". She mimicked her smile finding it's way to her face as she felt the waves of tension disappear.
Sam couldn't help but smile at her antics, this close too a panic attack and she finds it funny.
"No I mean- you've got me. You have me? Okay". Andy cut the babbling off when Sam arched an eyebrow, and started too look too smug.
"Is that a promise?". Sam let go of her hands just so that he could pull her closer, but she didn't give him the chance, she launched herself at him wrapping her arm's around him as she enveloped him in a hug.
Sam knew in that instant that things were on the road to where he wanted them, how he wanted them and who he wanted them with.
Andy felt Sam exhale a deep breath as he squeezed her a little tighter; like he was afraid that she was going to disappear again.
"Promise me something?" Sam muttered into her hair, his voice vibrating against her ear.
"Mm-mm".
"We'll get too talk?".
Andy was taken back by his simple request, and the fact that he was asking her for something. Him asking her for something wasn't familiar ground.
"About us". He added just too make sure that she understood where he wanted this too go.
"Okay".
Andy looked over Sam's shoulder to find Traci standing outside the door of the Penny giving her a thumbs up before she walked away shaking her head.
"Got time for a coffee?".
Sam stepped out of Andy's arm's relinquishing his hold on her, except for her one hand. That he kept clutched in his; their fingers twined together in a comforting embrace.
"Now?". She seemed surprised by his request- coffee on a work night.
Andy found her lip between her teeth as she feigned deep thought for a second before giving Sam an honest smile.
"I've got all the time in the world".
****The End.
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Jelly Bean Jenna©