DISCLAIMER: If I owned this do you really think I would have allowed for season 8? Yeah, didn't think so…
"Mila, they need you and Wilmer in ten okay?"
Thr brunette nodded slightly trying to stay as still as possible as Jeannie fixed her make up, the PA whose name she could never remember smiled before running off, her ponytail bouncing along behind. Next to her Danny sat flipping through the script as Marie fixed his hair.
"This episode kind of bites"
Looking into his eyes from the mirror Mila raised her eyebrow.
"You're getting a stripper for a wife; I thought that was your and Wilmer's idea of heaven?"
Danny shifted in his chair sighing, his knee rubbing against the stiff jeans.
"Funny. I just thought that my character had matured since the pilot; this whole stripper thing is stupid, why would he pick her over Jackie?"
Mila laughed at Danny's obvious frustration, ignoring Jeannie's death glare through the mirror as she patted gloss across her lips.
"I know she's fabulous right? Who are they going to make her fall in love with now Bob?"
Danny barked a laugh at the image of Don and Mila acting in love, he glanced at Mila who was finally being released from the make up chair.
"It could be worse; they could hook Jackie up with Fez"
Mila shuddered, slapping Danny over the head as she walked past.
"Don't even joke about that"
***
Laura could barely keep her eyes open, but the producers had called an executive meeting to reveal the storylines for the coming weeks; how they would be dealing without Topher and with the addition of the Stripper wife- what the hell was up with that? Maxine was in front of the assorted group droning on about some inane plot involving guys ignoring Jackie to hit on Donna. She scanned the outlines that Wilmer thrust at her, her green eyes widening at what she saw.
"I'm breaking up with Eric and hooking up with the Eric-Kelso hybrid? And you're keeping Hyde married to the stripper? I'm sorry but are you trying to get our viewers to leave in droves?"
Mila muttered her agreement, nodding at her friend.
"No offence to SAM, but come on you've done the whole Hyde over reacting and screwing up storyline before just give the audience what they want; I'll give you a little clue to what that is- not a stripper!"
Debra Jo watched as the two girls continued to yell abuse at the producers over their characters story arcs, she could hear Don ask Kurt about his voice over at Robot Chicken, the set felt somewhat empty with Topher; he was in Africa- which writer came up with that, may as well have had him leave Wisconsin on a dragon. The overworked PA thrust the rumpled bound pages at her that contained her specific story arcs and she read them to herself trying to block out the rest of the cast. Her pages were brief and she felt herself deflate a little; she had been so excited about doing an eighth season, an eighth year as neurotic Kitty Forman, she hadn't signed on for this. Her show had jumped the shark just like Fonzie had done all those years ago. Her hair still coiffed in Kitty Forman's finest, her legs chaffing from the polyester Debra stood up the pages clenched tightly in her fist.
"Get Gregg out here, and anyone else still in the writers room, I think they've been getting into the kids film and Kitty's wine because this season sucks! We were not the only TV show on the fox network to survive the '98 season just to end with this pile of shit."
Don and Kurt had abandoned their discussion minutes earlier and were now standing behind Debra Jo, anger etched in their faces.
"Red lets a stripper live in his house? A stripper? You do realise it helps if the writers of the show actually know the characters and tone of the show?"
Wilmer nodded his agreement his own pages having been thrown at the floor.
"You guys have Hyde making up with Kelso within two scenes; at the very least Hyde would make Kelso jump off the water tower or break his leg or something"
Danny scratched at his fro, thick with gel and hair spray as he joined the now impassioned group, the only members of the cast not yelling being Josh and Kutch who was busy on a press tour for his movie A Lot Like Love. The studio was quiet save for the very loud voices of his fellow cast members as they screamed at the assorted writers, producers and story runners of their show telling them how they should do their jobs. He had a prickling in his palms that he couldn't quite place, something wasn't quite right in the Fox studio lot that housed the flared nightmare of the seventies.
***
It had taken twelve minutes to settle the cast down, Danny and Mila sitting next to each other whispering back and forth in low tones. The writers had fled back to the room confused by the insults the cast had hurled at them.
"So Danny, we've got Jud Taylor as Sam on retainer for a minimum of nine episodes. It'll be a return to the Hyde of season one; lots of burns especially at Jackie"
Mila let out a strangled cry and Danny snorted.
"Are you frickin' high? You just had as spend the last three seasons working up this intense relationship and now they're going to break up and act as though nothing ever happened? Yeah not going to happen, especially not for nine episodes, leave them broken up for two before you have them back to their bickering best"
Wilmer pulled his chair forward his chin coming to rest in his hand.
"Danny's right, all hiatus all I was asked was if Jackie and Hyde were getting back together. People care more about them than Donna and Eric. They're our Ross and Rachel, our Pacey and Joey, our David and Donna, our-"
"I think they got it Wil, thanks"
Mila cut in noticing the agitation of the producers in front of them. Maxine sighed, bringing the thick black walkman to her mouth as it crackled to life.
"I think this is a bust guys"
Muffled cursing could be heard across the line before the doors to the studios opened revealing a pouty Ashton Kutcher flanked by half a dozen black clad guys bearing video equipment and bags.
"You guys suck!"
Danny blinked a few times as the wheels turned in his mind, Mila beside him had already lunged at the tall boy, her fists aimed at his arms while Laura kicked at his shins. Wilmer nudged him laughing at Kutch's cries of pain.
"Okay, okay I'm sorry! But really you should apologize to me because this was going to be the season opener for Punk'd and now I need a back up!"
He collapsed pathetically in an empty chair, pouting like an angry toddler. Mila rolled her eyes, used to his theatrics after close to eight years.
"I could kill you! That was not funny Kutch, we made a pact, you wouldn't punk me and I wouldn't blab to Wilmer whenever you punk him!"
He shrugged lazily, leaning backwards on his chair with a smug smile.
"I lied"
A shadow fell across his face and he felt the chair topple backwards sprawling him across the cold studio floor. Looking up he met Kurt's eyes which showed no humour.
"What else did you lie about?"
"Okay I'm not really married to Demi Moore"
Laura kicked his foot, her mouth scrunched in frustration.
"Is it possible for you to be serious for like five seconds? I don't know about you but after seven years I've kind of become attached to the show and I'd like to end it with some small shred of dignity"
Kutch bit back a laugh when he saw her sad eyes, his phone vibrated in his pocket signalling that the surprise had arrived, clearing his throat he apologized.
"Guys I'm sorry, it was just a joke but hey look on the bright side you're stuck with me for another year so you can spend a lot of time coming up with your revenge"
Wilmer smiled in spite of himself, pissed that Kutch had set him up yet again and happy that his friend was staying on.
"You're doing season eight?"
Wilmer studied Kutch's cheesy grin, the one he wore when he was sheepish.
"We both are"
The group turned at the new voice that entered the increasingly crowded studio.
"Topher?"
Laura watched as Topher shook both Don and Kurt's hand, kissed Debra on the cheek before coming to stand by Kutch.
"You were in on it" Her voice was disbelieving. He shook his head in a very Eric Forman way and laughed.
"I can't film season eight because they want me to play Venom in Spiderman 3? I can't believe you guys fell for that; like I could ever play the bad guy!"
Laura and Mila laughed tentatively; glad when Wilmer and Danny joined in.
"So you guys are doing season eight and Hyde's not marrying a Stripper?"
Maxine stepped in, her arms folded across her chest.
"Of course not, like you guys said we couldn't do that to our viewers"
Danny and Mila both let out sighs of relief.
"So what's the real deal with this season; and don't think I wont scream bloody murder if I have to kiss Kutch in this season"
Mila laughed as Kutch tried to act offended but failed miserably.
"No, I think you guys will like what we have planned; Mila how do you feel about bringing in Mac as your gay wedding planner to Hyde?"
Danny looked over at Mila who smiled widely her patented Jackie smile.
"Whatever"
***
Hey guys just something that randomly come to me at 3 in the in the morning cause I couldn't sleep…probs not the best idea considering I'm supposed to be up in about 4 hours but oh well. This is just a little bit of idiocy but hey I think I'm funny!