"What do you mean you like her?" Ron spat at me angrily. "You didn't even know who she was until I mentioned her to you yesterday!"
I grinned. "Yes, Ron, that's the beauty of it. It was love at first sight."
Brilliant pink. His ears, face, and eyes went through a cycle of brilliant shades of pink. Pretty, really.
"Harry, you CANT! You just can't!" he yelled at me frantically, waving his lanky arms in my face. "NO! NO! NO!"
Afraid that his increasingly loud screams would wake the entire Gryffindor house, I dragged him out of the common room and into the deserted corridor. Almost savagely, I flung him against the wall and pinned him there.
"Ron! Get a grip on yourself, mate! Why are you acting like this?" I demanded.
No, I wasn't stupid. I knew that he liked her, but it gave me a feeling of raw delight seeing my best friend at his worst.
Now his eyes were positively swimming. "Please, Harry, no. I like her. I fancy her. I'm obsessed with her. I love her and I can't live without her. Harry, please," he pleaded, placing his hands on my shoulders desperately.
"Please what? I just said that I like her. That doesn't mean anything. I'll bet a lot of people like her. Who says she'll like me back? Who says you won't have a shot at getting her? We're rivals on equal footing, Ron. What's wrong with you?"
One, Two Punch.
"She'll choose you, Harry. You know she will. Ever since you destroyed the dark lord single-handedly, the whole bloody world's been mad about you. Your picture is in the papers ten times more than anyone else's has in the history of magic. Harry. Please. For me, let go."
I unpinned him.
"Ah, Ron, I forgot about that. Maybe you're right. She will choose me over you," I said contemplatively, one finger placed disgustingly at the corner of my mouth.
His eyes were sad and brown. He looked like a puppy that had been tied to a rock and thrown into Loch Ness.
"Fine, Ron, fine. Whatever. Keep the ruddy girl if you want," I said, indifference dripping from my tongue.
Relief oozed through all the pores of his body.
I turned to leave. "I'll just go have a little shag with Ginny to keep my spirits up. Off I go then."
"WHAT – HARRY – THE - HELL," he sputtered.
"Oh yeah. I never told you? I enjoy your sister very much. Sometimes we even have company."
He was speechless. Eyes wide. Mouth open. Ugly was his name.
"Yeah. That's why I loved your girl in the first place. She was good. Mmm… Very kinky."
I winked, and it wasn't until I was two corridors away that I heard his deafening cry of:
"SAY WHAT?"