Warning: AUSlash!, Lemon, OOC, "Alternate Ending" to You're Next, spoilers, language
I do NOT own You're Next
Flames will be used to roast sausages
X.X
Erin was a woman with many talents. But one of her most brilliant talents is survival. Having grown up in a survivalist compound during most of her life, she was exposed and taught many survivl instincts that would actually be put into good use in the future. For once, she was actually grateful her father decided to move the family into the Outback.
But she wasn't prepared by what she saw next.
It was after she'd been running away from Felix, Zee, Lamb Mask and Fox Mask that everything has changed for her views on the killers. She'd been standing by a window with a screwdriver in her hand for about eight minutes when she heard some noise coming from the other room.
Lemon warning!
"H-hurrrrrgh."
"Mmmmm."
Erin didn't recognize the voices right away until she decided to investigate. She peeked out from the other and had to fight back a gasp from escaping her when she saw the scene.
Lamb Mask was sitting on one of the leather chairs with his mask up. Straddled on his lap was Fox Mask, who just happened to have his hoody down while his mask layed on the floor. The man had both hands gripped tightly onto the larger man's shoulders as he nibbled on his neck.
"C-Craaaaaiiiiiiig." Tom moaned shakely.
"What?" Craig asked, stopping his necking.
"W-we shouldn't be doing this. Not here at least. We got a job to do."
Craig sighed. "C'mon, Tom. I just lost my brother and I could really use some love right now." Before Tom had a chance to say anything back, he was cut off when Craig resumed his necking. Erin continued to watch as though she were hypnotized by it. Actually feeling a bit aroused by the scene as well.
"Yeah...you like that don't you? You little slut." Craig growled into Tom's, ear nipping it.
Tom flinched. "Urrrrrrggghh." was his only reply.
Craig chuckled. He just loved being the dominant one. There is a reason why Tom had fallen for him so easily, and that was his unique physique. Despite being large and masculine looking, he was rather much more slender then muscular. But he was very strong, and tends to have a rather nasty temper whenever someone or something gets on his nerves. The reason why Craig had fallen for Tom so easily was because of the good looking body and face of his. Especially that ass. Though he never told anyone about that.
"Slut... You're my slut..."
"S-stop...calling me...a damn...slut." Tom said as he gritted his teeth. "Why do you always tend to call me a slut whenever we do foreplay?"
Craig laughed. "Isn't calling one another sluts foreplay?" he teased.
Tom frowned. "You're an asshole, you know that?" he said.
"But you love me that way." Craig chuckled darkly.
Tom said nothing and removed Craig's second mask, revealing his entire face. "I may never understand why the hell you added a second mask..." he muttered to himself before grabbing the neck of his jacket and yanking it forward until the tips of their noses were touching. "But I want you to fucking kiss me." Tom growled before mashing their lips together.
Craig grinned before he pressed his lips back.
Erin blinked and looked away from the scene briefly. So many thoughts were running through her mind that she didn't what to say about them. The last thing she expected was to find out that two of the killers were in a relationship. Let alone two male killers that were in a relationship. For some reason, Erin felt the urge to take out her phone and record the whole thing.
No! she scolded herself, I don't have a dirty mind! She then heard some noise and quickly looked back into the room.
"Careful!" Tom hissed.
"What?" Craig purred as he loosened his belt.
"You're making too much noise! What if that chick hears us?"
"Pff." Craig shrugged it off, "Anyone would be stupid enough to walk in on us. Obviously someone like her should know better. Unless she wants an arrow in her head."
"I don't know about that, Craig." Tom admitted, "If she was able to kill your brother alone and set up traps around the damn place, who knows what else she's capable of."
Craig said nothing else before roughly pulling Tom's pants down, causing him to almost fall off until Craig wrapped his arm around his waist firmly. "Please don't mention that bitch killing my brother ever again. I'm still in mourning because of that."
"Oh, right." Tom replied before gasping sharply when he felt the man's cold hand slip into his underwear and wrap around his length. "F-fuck Craig..." he gagged, trying to fight back a moan.
Craig smirked evilly as he started to pump the erection. "Yeah...you like that, huh? You want it... Yeah... You totally want it..." he whispered lustfully.
Tom viciously grabbed Craig's collar and pulled him forward once more. "HURRY UP AND FUCK ME ALREADY!" he screamed.
Craig grinned a small grin as he proceeded to unbuckle his own belt as well before pulling his own pants down. They waisted no time removing their underwear and soon both men's erected lengths were prodding one another. Tom's normally pale face was now a blazing red. "Shame we don't have any lube..." Craig murmured thoughtfully as he stroked both lengths slowly.
"A-ahhhh." Tom gasped.
Erin's face was now beet red as she watched the next scene unfold.
Tom inhaled through his teeth sharply as he felt the other man's slightly larger length penetrate him. Gripping his still clothed shoulders tightly. Craig silently bucked his hips up; Tom complying by bucking his own hips down. Soon he started to rock his hips as he rode the other man's length. Craig held both his legs down tightly as the pleasure coursed through his body.
"Toooooooooom, you fucking sluuuuuuuuut~" he groaned.
Tom growled. "Craaaaaaiiiiiig. Stopping calling me a sluuuuuuuut~"
"You like it...admit it..." Craig growled softly.
Tom, panting, replied. "I *pant* will never *pant* admit it." he grunted.
"Shut up and keep riding me." Craig growled, gripping the back of Tom's head slightly. Pulling his curly dark hair a bit.
"S-someone's gonna w-walk in on us e-eventually." Tom said as he rocked harder. Taking Craig all in.
"If they're smart, then they'll know better not to say anything about it."
"I guess..." Tom said before gasping a bit. "Fuck, you're hard tonight." he panted. Sweat running down his already sweaty forehead. His hair and facial hair already damp and moist. His entire body warm and sweaty underneath his thick black hoody and shirt. Bad time for wearing black.
"I killed a woman a few hours ago." Craig growled, "Fucking turned me on and I was already ready to unleash my inner animal."
"Inner animal?" Tom repeated with a snicker.
Erin had to also fight back a laugh that threatened to slip when she heard that.
"How did you kill her?" Tom asked, pausing briefly before continuing.
"Had her on the floor, took the axe, and swung it like a golf club." Craig replied, feeling himself hardening more when the image popped up in his head. "Fuck, did that turn me on."
"Wish I'd seen it." Tom grumbled, "I was busy hiding under the bed listening to a bitch cry before finally shutting her up."
Craig chuckled as he caressed his under-thigh slowly. "Hopefully this night will end sooner or later..." he murmured in a husky voice as he felt his entire body finally relax in his seat. He slowly wrapped his hand around Tom's own erection and slowly proceeded to pump it in sync with his thrusts.
"Craaaaaaaaiiggg-" Tom moaned.
Craig said nothing as he languidly pumped the length slowly. Tom whimpered for Craig to pump faster as he thrusted deeper into the other man's length. For a few minutes, they forgot they were on a mission. Craig forgot about his brother's death, and Tom forgot the real reason for returning to the house. Tom screamed when he finally reached completion and released all over Craig's lap. Craig purred at the sight before shuddering when he reached his own peak, releasing the last of his seed into the other man. Tom tiredly pressed himself against the other man's chest as they panted tiredly.
Lemon ends
Craig caressed Tom's damp hair slowly, closing his eyes and relaxing in his seat. He no longer cared if Felix and Zee came in and saw them like this. He just didn't care anymore.
Erin yelped when she accidentally fell on the floor and landed in front of the men's sight. She looked up and stared at the two surprised men and made eye contact. A full minute of awkward silence passed before Tom finally realized what was going on and scrambled off of Craig's lap to pull up his pants. Craig sat up from his seat to pull up his pants as well.
"Fuck!" Craig cursed, "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"
"W-wait!" Erin cried, holding up both her hands in surrender. "Maybe we can talk about this." she said, slowly putting the screwdriver on the floor and kicking it away.
"About what?" Craig snapped after he put his lamb mask back, "About the fact that you fucking killed my brother, set up fucking death traps all over the fucking house, and watched my...friend and I make love like some sick pervert!"
Tom, who had his fox mask, looked over to Craig in dismay. "'Friends'?" he repeated, "Is that what we are? Just friends?"
Craig sighed and turned his attention over to Tom. "You know what I mean..."
"Yeah, I know. I'm just dicking with you." Tom replied with a smirk.
Craig said nothing, only to smack Tom behind his head before turning his attention back to Erin. "Anyway, as I was saying-"
"WAIT!" Erin finally screamed, "I'm sorry I killed your brother. I mean, how the hell was I suppose to know he was your brother? I only killed him out of self-defense! You would've done the same thing if someone was coming at you with an axe."
"Hmm..." Craig thought about it for a bit.
"She has a good point, Craig." Tom said.
"Shut up, Tom!" Craig whispered harshly.
"And I know you guys REALLY hate Felix and Zee." Erin added.
"Oh, we do." Craig replied, "Especially that fucking whiner Felix." he then started to repeat everything he said earlier in a mocking voice.
"What are you trying to say here, exactly?" Tom asked.
Erin then smiled and crossed her arms. "I think we can help each other out. How does a truce sound?"
...
"Damn it!" Felix cursed as he angrily marched back to the house. Zee said nothing and merely rolled her eyes in annoyance.
"Well that went well." she said.
Felix had to fight back the urge to tell her to shut up. Why did he go out with her, again? He may never know. When they both got back in the house they heard the T.V. play in the other room.
"Do you hear-"
Felix immediately cut her off by telling her to "shh" before slowly making his way over to the T.V. room. When he arrived, he lowered the crossbow in dismay by what he saw. He found Erin, Tom, and Craig all sitting on the couch watching some random History Channel program like nobody's business.
"Sup?" Tom said when he noticed him.
Felix said nothing and only stared at them with his mouth open in disbelief.
"What's wrong?" Zee asked as she ran over. When she soon what he saw she stared at the trio with her mouth wide open as well.
Tom, Craig, and Erin payed no attention to them whatsoever and only kept their eyes on the T.V. Finally, Felix snapped out of it and gave Zee the crossbow.
"What the hell is this!?" he asked.
"Tom and I got a little side tracked." Craig replied.
"Then Erin came in and found us. But we decided to have a truce. She won't kill us, or tell the cops on us, if we don't try to kill her."
"Then we decided to each pay her 5 grand if she kept quiet about the whole thing." Craig added.
"Just enough to pay off my student loans and take a vacation." Erin said with an achieved smile.
Felix was in even more dismay. "So you're just gonna sit here watching T.V. for the rest of the night." he said.
"Yeah, pretty much." Tom replied.
"...Okay." Felix said, shrugging.
Now it was Zee's turn to be dismayed. "Felix!" she cried.
"What? Sounds like a good deal. I'm getting tired of this whole fucking mess anyway." Felix replied.
"So you're just gonna end ten months of planning, all because of a damn truce these three made!?" she snapped.
"Pretty much, yeah." Felix replied before crossing his arms, "You got a problem with that?"
"Yes I got a problem! Do you know how long I waited for this fucking day to COME!" Zee swung her hand and accidentally pulled the trigger to the crossbow. The arrow ricochet off the walls before hitting Craig's dead brother on the head. Everyone suddenly fell silently before they slowly turned their attentions over to Craig, who was eerily silent.
"Uh oh." Tom said.
...
Crispian walked into the house expecting to see a bloodbath. What he didn't expect to see was Tom, Craig, Erin, and Felix all sitting on the couch watching horrible Syfy Channel movies.
"Uh, guys?" he asked.
"Oh, hey babe!" Erin greeted him cheerfully before turning her attention back to the T.V. screen.
"Uhhhhh, what's going on here?"
"We've all come to a mutual agreement that we've shed enough blood tonight, long story short." Tom replied.
"Ah. By the way, why is Zee lying on the kitchen floor headless and disemboweled?"
"I killed her." Craig replied, "And don't ask why."
The blood completely covering Craig's hands confirmed his story and decided not to ask any more questions regarding it. "And you're ok with this, Felix?" he asked his brother.
"Well yeah." Felix replied, "She was never a good girlfriend to begin with. She even stole one of mom's rings." he scoffed, shaking his head, "Can you believe that?"
"Yeah, actually." Crispian replied.
"By the way, could you go to the kitchen and make us some popcorn?" Felix asked.
Crispian crossed his arms. "Why the hell do I have to be the one to-"
"Do it." Craig said as he slowly raised his crossbow up, aimed directly at Crispian.
Crispian immediately raised both hands. "I-I'll get on it then!" he said before dashing to the kitchen.
"This movie sucks." Erin spat.
"I know right?" Tom agreed.
"You know. You guys don't have to keep wearing those masks now." Felix said.
"We know." Craig sighed, "But we like our masks."
Erin blinked before turning to the guys with a puzzled expression on her face. "Have you guys ever had the feeling like you've forgotten something?" she asked.
"Yeah." the trio replied in unison.
"But I usually just ignore it." Tom added.
"Oh." Erin said before turning back to the T.V.
Craig scoffed behind his mask. "Unbelievable." he said, shaking his head at how horrible the acting was. "The bitch doesn't even know how to carry a damn axe! Let alone pick one up with grunting like a sissy!"
Soft chuckles of agreement soon followed.
"Yeah." Erin chuckled. A lightbulb suddenly clicked in her head and a sudden realization. "Wait a minute..."
The sound of a vehicle pulling up in front of the house was suddenly heard as blue and red lights flashed outside. "Sounds like the cop's here." Felix said.
"Cop... Axe... AW SHIT!" Erin suddenly jumped up from her spot, "THE AXE!"
Everyone looked confused for a sec when they suddenly remembered that Erin had created a booby trap for the front door. When the door opened, the axe would come swinging down and hit the unlucky bastard in the face. Everyone immediately scrambled out of the couch and towards the entrance. Outside, the clueless cop was just pushing the door.
"WAIT!" Erin screamed.
The cop didn't seem to hear her and opened the door fully.
"NO! DON'T!" the four screamed in unison.
The cop opened the door and the axe came swinging down. His eyes widened in horror just before the blade struck his face.
YOU'RE NEXT
Erin, Tom, Craig and Felix all stood where they were with their mouths wide open in horror when the cop dropped dead on the floor in front of them. Fresh blood dripped from the blade of the axe as it swung back and forth lightly.
Crispian soon entered the scene with a bowl of popcorn in his hands. "Hey, I'm back with the pop-Oooh." his voice trailed off when he saw the dead cop on the floor. A full minute of silence passed by before Felix finally broke it.
"Well we're fucked." he said.
Tom and Craig suddenly looked at one another before looking back at the rest of the group. "We have an idea." they said in unison.
...
Dawn came with a rather pleasant start. The sky was clear. The birds were singing in the trees. It was like a bloody massacre never occurred to begin with. More cops soon came to the house when the other cop didn't return and, to their surprise, found the house completely untouched. No blood stained the floors. No windows were broken. No sign of any murder whatsoever. The only strange thing they found was Erin, Tom, Craig, Felix and Crispian were all watching horrible Syfy movies.
When questioned, they simply told them it was all just a false alarm and that everything was fine. The cops easily fell for that. As soon as they were gone, the five burst into loud fits of laughter.
"Do you think they'll ever find the bodies?" Felix asked.
"I highly doubt it." Craig replied.
The five returned to laughing.
"Oh, Crispian." Erin said as she wiped away a tear, "This is the best reunion I've ever been to."
Cuts to the neighbor's house
As Looking for the Magic by Dwight Twilley Band played in the background, the bodies of Aubrey, Drake, Kelly, Zee, Aimee, Tariq, Paul, Zee, Erik, Talia, and Officer Turbiano were propped up to look as though they were still "alive". Zee's head, which was terribly placed back on her body, randomly rolled off and landed on the floor. As for Tiger Mask's body? Craig refused to have him propped up so he decided to put in one of the beds back at the house.
All my life I'm looking for the magic
I've been looking for the magic
Fantasize on a silly little tragic
I've been looking for the magic
In my eyes
Oh, oh, oh, I'm
Looking for the magic in my eyes
In my eyes
Baby in my eyes
Erin's seen some crazy things throughout her life. But this is probably the strangest of them all. And she has no regrets about it whatsoever.
X.X
And THAT'S my alternate ending to You're Next XD. Completely out of character, but what the heck? It's Fanfiction after all! It's not even supposed to be taken seriously. This is just a little one-shot I wanted to get off my mind before returning to Bioshock and my book report for school.
I'm officially a fan of Craig/Tom now :3.
By the way I REALLY hated Zee the moment I first saw her. She DESERVED to die the way she died.