I always knew life as a superhero wasn't going to be an easy one. I never once thought 'this is going to be easy.' Sure, there were missions when I thought that, but never towards the superhero life as a whole. I knew it was going to be hard and there would be problem after problem, bruise after bruise. Through it all, I can honestly say I never thought I'd fall in love. And certainly not with Wally West of all people.
But here I am, in love with the Kid Flash. His big goofy grin, those God awful jokes, that twinkle in his eye. All of it. I love how his arms tightened around me when we sleep, how he always made sure to whisper a good morning in my ear. I don't regret falling in love with him. Not even for a second.
But I regret, is saying yes to Dick. Wally told me not to, begged me not to. But the team needed me and though we'd both agreed to hang up that life, I was the one to pull it off the hook and slide it back onto my shoulders. And when we'd told him the plan to 'kill' me, he was devastated because that only meant less time for us to spend together. But in the end, he tried to understand. He let me go.
Only...it brought him back in. He became Kid Flash again. No, that's not right. He was always Kid Flash. Always. He just started showing it once more. And he looked great when I saw him. I had to resist the urge to pull him against me and kiss him. I had missed him so much and to see him so close, it wasn't fair.
And then...he sacrificed himself. Because of me and the choices I made. It was my fault. Mine and mine alone. I could've said no to Nightwing, could've told them it wasn't our fight. I should've. They would've been upset, but Wally would still be here. I wouldn't be staring up at this holographic replica of the man I love. I wouldn't be in this Tigress outfit.
I'd be home, laughing in his arms as he told me how great dinner had been. We'd be sitting on the couch, talking about classes, talking about life, talking about us. But there is no longer an us. There is only a me. A me, whose heart is so broken she can't stand it. Though I hide it from them all, it is unlike any pain I have ever experienced. It's constant, pounding deep in my chest. And thinking of Wally only makes it worse. There are times when it becomes a physical anguish.
And now Impulse is Kid Flash and there are times when I see him and I think 'Wally!' Only to have reality set it and feel the pain all over. It gets worse each day, but I don't tell Impulse that. I can't. He was so honored to be in that costume, to step up. And I know Wally would be more than proud. If he could see Bart now, he'd laugh and the two speedsters would talk for hours.
Looking at Wally's hologram, I feel fresh tears well up in my eyes. I come here everyday. I have to or it feels like I lose touch with him. He's always here too. Waiting for me. Reaching out, my hand passes through his. "This isn't the end," I whisper.
"Tigress, you're needed," Aqualad's voice is in my ear. My mask is back in place and I'm headed towards the control room. I don't look back.