Realization
A/N: Oh NS, where art thou this season? Please Josh. Seriously. Not even friendship scenes? Anyway, the only reason I produced this future fic was to fill a void in my GG heart. Reviews are love.
--
Nate Archibald recalls the first time he ever laid eyes upon Blair Waldorf.
Blair was a prisoner inside the cell she made for herself, an agonized perfectionist. She was born with the notion that if it's not perfect, it's not going to function. As much as she'll never admit to it, she is Eleanor's daughter. He can distinctly remember hearing her commanding tone for the first time. He remembers their first date. He remembers their first kiss. He remembers buying her a single red rose on the way to her home; he was on the way to tell her that he'd slept with Serena that summer.
The more he reflects on his relationship with Blair, the more he realizes that they were never going to make it work. There was always drama. There was always a script to follow. They were never allowed to just be.
There was always Chuck Bass and Serena van der Woodsen.
Nate Archibald recalls the moment when his eyes locked with Serena van der Woodsen's.
He and Chuck were invited to Blair's eleventh birthday party. As Kati and Isabelle discovered the charm of Chuck Bass, Nate was on his way to Blair's bedroom to roll a joint.
"Blair would kill you if she knew."
Her tone was light hearted and bright. As he looked up to discover her sitting at the dresser, running her fingers through that almost too good to be true hair, she grinned at him like an old friend. Like she knew him forever.
Nate couldn't help but smile back. He stuffed the rolled joint and lighter into the pockets of his khaki shorts.
"Where's Blair?" He asked politely.
Just then, Blair came out of her bathroom and enveloped Nate into a hug. He flung an arm around her, clearly distracted. Too distracted to notice the putrid smell of vomit being emitted from the bathroom.
Serena stared at them as Blair led him out of the bedroom.
Looking back, it was a simple meeting. Of course, Blair had discussed Serena few times because Nate was going to meet her best friend eventually. Blair and Nate's relationship was hard. Harder than any relationship should be. Nate and Serena had an easier bond. They just connected, without any rhyme or reason.
Two perfect girls, in different ways. Blair strived for perfection. Serena…she was just was.
But Nate knows he doesn't have that privilege of choosing anymore between them. And even if he did, they'd both reject him; both not ready for all that Nate Archibald boyfriend drama.
They're not seventeen and stupid anymore. Now, eight years later they're twenty five. Ironically, Chuck and Blair are the couple no one thought they would be. There was a time when they were just second fiddle to their shinier, sexier, blonder best friends. Now they are the golden couple of the Upper East Side.
Serena is still as elusive and mysterious as ever, only communicating with Nate via e-mail. He smiles bitterly to himself as he realises just how abnormal his life has become. Since when do he and Serena communicate by e-mail?
Nate flips open his cell and scrolls down the list of people that mean the most to him.
He chooses Serena.
--
"Natie," She beams as he opens the door to his town house. He doesn't miss the tone of uncertainty in her voice, his old high school name sounding completely out of place. But she gets away with it, because she's Serena and he's Nate. "I've been waiting for you to call."
They haven't seen each other since Chuck and Blair's wedding. It was a remarkable event. Every time Nate looked at Chuck and Blair, he was happy, happy that his friends had got everything they wanted in each other.
Every time he glanced at Serena, he could literally feel himself fall for her all over again. Just when he thought that he and Jenny had found happiness. Just when he thought, he'd finally got over someone who was never going to love him back.
He'd never get over it naturally and he accepted that. He'd have to force himself; everyday.
"I just thought a catch up was over due." He smiles warmly, gesturing her to make herself at home. Serena, predictably, is a model. She's still the toast of the Upper East Side, still has the attention of guys and still a heart breaker.
"I need to talk to you actually. I need some advice." Nate says, running a hand through his hair.
"I understand. You were there for me when…you know Dan and Vanessa. Now I'm going to be here for you." She replies thoughtfully. Curiosity is leaking out of her eyes, she wants into his world once again.
They share a silence. It's comfortable. It always has been.
"I don't know if I'm ready…for Jenny. She wants marriage, Serena. She wants children. I keep telling her she's too young for marriage. She keeps telling me that I'm the only one for her. What do I do?" He says, searching for a reaction from her. She doesn't show any signs of love towards him.
"Are you in love with Jenny?" Serena questions, putting a lock of blond hair behind her ear. Nate's look says more than any phrase sentence or word. They both know he doesn't, but he says he is.
"Do you think I'm in love with Jenny?" He asks. "Vanessa keeps telling me I am," at this, Serena scoffs, "but Chuck and Blair…" he trails off.
"Chuck and Blair what?" She asks, unsuspecting. He won't reply and his expression can't be deciphered. She takes his hand and looks at it. "Nate. Come on, it's not like Blair won't tell me anyway."
At first, fear paralyzed Nate the way it would when they were seventeen. He glances into her eyes, the eyes that see right through him. She knows anyway. How could she not know? "Everybody else thinks that I love you." Nate murmurs.
Serena isn't ready for this. And to be honest, has she ever been? Eight years ago, maybe. Just maybe. That summer, when she and Dan were actually over. Before she and Dan started their train wreck again.
"Nathaniel Archibald," she begins her voice assuring and as platonic as possible, "all your life people have told you what's right for you. Stop listening to other people and listen to this." She smiles with warmth, placing her hand on his heart. "You certainly have a lot of soul searching to do." They both laugh softly at the situation he's in.
--
They go out to the Tribeca Star hotel for drinks the same night. Normally, Chuck would be the one Nate would go to for advice on how to end this 'crisis' but Serena's here, and Chuck is probably having limo sex with Blair.
When he first sees her, in a gorgeous white gown that probably costs as much as a car, his breath hitches. What he doesn't know, is that Serena's does too. Gucci does great things for him. She's as beautiful as she's ever been, so is he.
How could they be so blind?
"Now this is something special," Nate begins, handing her a martini, "Nate and Serena actually out together. It's been too long." His eyes scan her body; just short enough for her not to notice. But she can feel his glittering green eyes on her, she always could.
"Blair and Chuck are meeting us here. Its been a while since its been us four." She beams at the memories they share. She tries to find the point in her memory when they all lost each other, somewhere along the way. She thinks its college, but its not. They lost each other before then. It's the point when the Humphreys got involved, she realizes.
There are some fleeting, positive memories of her time with Dan, because they were in love. At least she thinks they were; hindsight's a wonderful thing. Serena doesn't really know what love feels like. She's known lust, she's known jealousy and she's known betrayal. Dan loved the person he thought Serena would become. Nate loved Serena for Serena. She had always known that, but their time had passed. It was too late. It always was with them.
During her time at Yale, there was no one. Okay, there were a lot of guys. But no one that captured Serena's puppy sized attention span. They were all the same, rich with picture perfect lives; the packaging was attractive but the present not so much. She lives in such a shallow world and now she's the Queen of it. She's fashions darling.
"Serena!" An unmistakable voice sounds through the room and they both whirl around to find Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck. They have rings on their fingers, they're married. Serena still knows Blair better than anyone, so she knows that her and Chuck still fight all the time. But the break up is always worth it for the make up. The example was standing right in front of them.
Blair enveloped her friend in a hug and Chuck did the same with Nate. "Nathaniel. Are you and van der Woodsen courting?" Nate rolled his eyes. They were too old to be 'courting' and he just chuckled.
"Chuck, this isn't the OC." Serena quipped, smiling at her step sibling. The atmosphere between the four was just as it always was, comfortable, sometimes complicated. But there was always that sense of friendship, the feeling they got when they had come home. "And if it was, you'd be Taylor right now, the annoying one." Chuck smiled slyly.
Serena still admires the rock on Blair's finger. Some girls say that marriage and the romance and the love isn't the most important thing in life. In a life where you could have anything you wanted, love was the most important thing. The ring symbolized everything the girls really wanted. Security, both financially and emotionally, family and love. All the things you can't buy with an American express card.
--
On the way home, the four of them are drifting along central park, admiring the star studded sky. There probably won't be another night like this for years to come; the four of them are relishing it. Chuck and Serena are enjoying their witty banter. She only steals looks at Nate once in while, she convinces herself. It's nothing worthy of further thought. They're over. Then again, they never really began. Nate and Blair are reminiscing about their childhood. When Blair and Serena are discussing everything fashion, Chuck takes Nate aside.
"This has to stop. Its annoying, You and Serena belong together and you always have done. Make a move, Nathaniel." He says it smoothly, with a hint of scheming.
There was a time when a little push from the darker side of the non-judging breakfast club would have been enough, but Nate isn't sure anymore. He always thought that one day, Serena would come over unannounced and fly magically into his arms, but the day never came. He was never one for taking a direct course of action, but if he ever did, Chuck knew exactly the person who it would be over.
When Blair notices that Chuck has diverted Nate towards the lake for a smoke and a guys talk, she links her arm through Serena's the way only a best friend can and gets down to business.
"I wish you'd just tell him already." She says tiredly.
"I don't know what you're talking about." She throws back, without any effort of trying to convince Blair otherwise.
"This is it, S. Your chance for love. Life throws up so little opportunities. You love Nate and he loves you and for the first time, there's nobody else. That's all I'm going to say on the matter." She looks at her friend, directly. Blair was always so hardcore romantic, some things never change. Blair Waldorf only had two fears in life, the first was ending up alone (she has a chronic fear of abandonment) and the other was Serena ending up alone in her huge Manhattan townhouse.
Once upon a time, Serena was the one with the fairytale. The girls had switched roles over the years and Blair knew that. When Blair was eighteen, she frequently imagined a future life with Chuck Bass, that's if they ever actually settled all those internal issues and were upfront about their feelings. She certainly didn't expect marriage at this age, but when Chuck Bass puts his pride on the floor gets down on one knee; Blair was never going to decline.
Chuck and Nate approached the girls again; their girls. Each one beautiful. Chuck took Blair hand, her red dress contrasting gorgeously with her pale skin.
"We're going to leave; do you two want to come with?" Blair offered, although really she wanted Chuck in bed.
"No…I want to stay a little while longer." Nate said as he looked expectantly at Serena.
"We'll have to love you and leave you. This is something we should do more often." Chuck remarks.
"Oh yeah, take long walks whilst in a semi drunk state. God, next time let's throw a party. I don't want to be old and boring." Blair smiled up at her husband. As if Mr and Mrs Bass would ever be anything remotely resembling boring.
Chuck and Blair walked off together and Serena and Nate were left behind, just the two of them.
"Looks like it's just you and me." Serena commented. The smile slides off Nate's too-good-to-be-true face and it's an expression of longing that replaces it. It was always going to be like this. They'd just dance around each other. Chuck was right, Nate needed to make a move tonight, or say good bye to his happily ever after.
They tease each other about their loves lives when they were seventeen, "What were you thinking?" being the exclamation when Vanessa and Dan sprouted into conversation. They weren't thinking. After Serena came back in that sudden, spectacular manner, Nate was too much of a moron to win her over. And Serena was too guilt ridden to barely acknowledge Nate.
When the banter subsides, Serena blurts out, "I don't want you to marry Jenny."
Nate turns around and stands right in front her. Semi drunk or not, it was honest. He could hear the earnest tone.
"I don't think you're in love with her either. If you were, you wouldn't have needed, or even wanted to know my opinion." She says, her cheeks beginning to turn scarlet. Still beautiful and very vulnerable.
"You're right. I'm not in love with her. Because I'm in love with you."
Finally.
This was it. The moment of realization. The moment when everything falls into place, perfectly formed. The moment when they both realized, they were perfect for each other. That no matter who they tried to fill the void with, a piece of them would always be vacant when they didn't have each other.
The moment.
On a bench nearby, Dan Humphrey was observing two blond people that he used to know. He would have greeted them, but there's not a lot to say to people that weren't a part of your life for so long. He almost felt like he was intruding, the scene unfolding before him was clearly intimate and they were staring into each others eyes, as if they were the only two people on the planet. The guy took the girl into his arms and they shared a kiss. They were so giddy, Dan felt embarrassed watching them. So he left his bench were he had been doing some writing and called his girlfriend.
"You're never going to guess who I've seen Vanessa…"
When Serena pulls away, she smiles the biggest grin she has smiled in a long time. "This is…amazing…" she murmurs. "I…don't know what to say." She knew what it was like to kiss Nate, needless to say she hadn't done so in a long time but now, it was like she had finally woke up.
Nate realizes, there are thing's he'll never know about Serena.
"That's Serena…with her you'll never know."
And then there are some things he'll never forget, like the smile on her face at that very minute.
--
End
--