Journal Entry – Day 300, Year 2819
This is my new schedule. I'm working for Tiran Kandros as well as the Initiative. We need to protect the Nexus somehow and prevent another uprising that will devastate us. May the stars guide us if we ever encounter that situation again.
Monday – Wednesday – Friday - Sunday
6:00 A.M. – Wake up
6:30 A.M. – Shower
7:00 A.M.– Eat
7:30 A.M.– Report to Security for Duty
3:30 P.M. – Security Duty Complete
4:00 P.M.– Report for Nexus Duties
8:00 P.M. – Off Duty
Tuesday – Thursday – Saturday
6:00 A.M. – Wake up
6:30 A.M. – Shower
7:00 A.M. – Eat
7:30 A.M. – Report for Nexus Duty
8:00 P.M. – Off Duty
Journal Entry - Day 319, Year 2819
The overtime is starting wear every one down. Tensions are rising. The chem lab turned into a bar to help people release some steam. They're calling it Vortex. Better than calling the place Afterlife. Although I will admit having Aria T'Loak around would definitely make me feel safer. That woman knew how to handle herself. She's a legend in the bedroom too, if I'm inclined to believe any of my probably now dead former contacts.
Journal Entry – Day 326, Year 2819
Been thinking. With all these efforts to colonize effectively and claim a planet to call ours, if going back the way we came would work. We might be going back to something different, but at least we're not going to die from inhospitable planets.
Journal Entry – Day 338, Year 2819
It feels weird to write these entries. Each day passes. Some new fresh horror pops up. Kett captured more people. Found a few tortured. While we don't understand their native tongue, we have discovered that they're just as much interested in killing us as they are studying us. Director Tann is trying to keep it hush-hush but every fiber of my being and information sniffing skills tells me that it won't work. This will get out.
Journal Entry – Day 344, Year 2819
I was right. Director Tann is an idiot. Addison doesn't help matters. I've started talking to Kesh to have updates on what's going on. The Krogan isn't as warlike as her kin, at least not while on the Nexus. I wouldn't want to piss her off, regardless. I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship.
Journal Entry – Day 347, Year 2819
Tiran Kandros stared long and hard at me today. I don't know why. Maybe it's because my hair was in a crazy updo. I got bored. Started braiding it. It must be weird for a Turian to actually understand what hair was. Either way, I think I'm starting to like the man. He makes me feel safe. I wish I could make him feel safe…only fair to give something in return.
Journal Entry – Day 357, Year 2819
They shut down areas of the station. The Vortex is temporarily dark. At least until the violence threatens to overwhelm security. I'm going to limit my entries to the important things here on out. Who knows how long we'll be able to keep the lights on.
Journal Entry – Day 389, Year 2819
Not much to report. Tann is controlling everything with a tight fist. Spender is pulling Addison's strings like a puppet master. One of these days I'm going to drop that bastard to his knees for screwing with her head. Kesh and Kandros are possibly the only people keeping Tann honest. Leadership can't get their shit together, even Kesh and Kandros. No one wants to work together for the greater good. I fear this is going to become the new Terminus colonies.
Journal Entry – Day 400, Year 2819
Nothing much has changed. Kesh hasn't heard much from her Grandfather, and Tiran Kandros still treats me like everyone else. Fukumoto asked me over to his apartment yesterday to talk about his scientific progress with the soil samples. A lot of uptalk about possibly expanding Hydroponics for crops. I don't believe any of it. A lot of promises and very little to show for it.
Journal Entry – Day 414, Year 2819
Met another colonist that originated from Omega. We tried to make light of our troubles here, but I still don't trust most people who ever called Omega home. Guess the same could be said about me. No one ever survives the Terminus colonies without a few scars to show for it. Oh well, Maybe Thaniel and Jessica will be able to forgive me for leaving them behind. Needed to start fresh without their ghosts haunting my every move.
Journal Entry – Day 415, Year 2819
Kandros complimented my hair today. Said he liked the way that the artificial sunlight hit it and reflected off it. I offered to let him touch it, he refused. We ate lunch together and talked about his family. Turns out he had a cousin who was on Omega, Nyreen. I think I know who he's speaking of but that's 600 years ago, and I no longer work for the Shadow broker. If this man doesn't start taking an interest in me, I'm going to have to play stupid drunk and make a move. Maybe.
Journal Entry – Day 420, Year 2819
Stupid drunk didn't happen. We danced at the Vortex ( They reopened it! Well, a little while back…). Fukumoto showed up to help drag me back to my apartment before I started dancing on the stage like an Asari dancer. Sometimes I appreciate that man, whenever I'm not stifling the urge to throttle him. Doesn't he see that I don't want him? Stupid men. The right ones are blind and the wrong ones are too stubborn for their own good.
Journal Entry – Day 423, Year 2819
Great news! The Hyperion docked! The entire station is alive with the good news.
Journal Entry – Day 424, Year 2819
Human Pathfinder Alec Ryder died in combat. Scott Ryder replaced him. Sara Ryder is locked in a medical coma. I wanted to tell Scott a few of the Initiative's secrets concerning SAM, but maybe another time? I don't know why I'm even mentioning this on record-scratch that. The truth must be known regardless of whether it's ugly or pretty.
Journal Entry – Day 426, Year 2819
Been keeping tabs on the Pathfinder via Vetra. Vetra told me all about Eos and it's radiation. I'm glad I never tried to eek out a living on the planet. Promise and Resilience were doomed from the start. Who names their settlements Promise and Resilience, anyway? Idiots. Something big is happening according to Vetra. Director Tann is laying the pressure down for the Pathfinder to find a home for everyone on the Nexus and Hyperion. With luck, maybe Eos will more viable than it was before.
Journal Entry – Day 428, Year 2819
Visited Sara today. Her doctor gave us a moment of privacy. I told her a few things about SAM. It feels good to talk to someone. I know too much, and holding it in this long is starting to kill me. Sara makes a good ear to vent to. I think Harry's heard a little too much though, and he's been asking about the implants. I know nothing about that, but I don't think he believes me.
Journal Entry – Day 433, Year 2819
Not Entered Yet
Two people sat across from each other at the lone desk in the cramped space dedicated to Security. They currently cleaned their disassembled weapons in almost near quiet, not quite ready to interact with the rest of the Nexus.
" Sir, is it true?"
" Is what true, Mulder?"
Tiran Kandros lived a normal life once – before he traveled to Andromeda. He liked to believe that this choice mattered. I believed him when he said that he came to Andromeda for himself. His previous ranking with the Turian forces may shed negative light on him, and the few skeptics speculated that the Turian government sent him to keep tabs on the humans.
" That they re-established an outpost on Eos," I pressed, afraid to believe. My hand hovered over the partially assembled hand gun. The Carnifex was my reward from Kandros for helping him keep peace on the Nexus whenever things got rough. I treasured the hand gun, firstly because it treated me well and secondly because Kandros gave it to me. I wasn't allowed to use it except when I was on guard duty, but its presence comforted me along with the knowledge that whenever I left the Nexus, I could check it out of the armory without argument.
We tried twice, first with Promise, then with Resilience. A third failure would destroy any hope that remained among the stubborn explorers. Those already disillusioned didn't need anymore letdowns.
Too much had been lost. Between the Kett and the Nexus uprising, our resources carried from the Milky Way to the Heleus Cluster threatened to run out. Every breath held promise and threat in the same moment, fear often leading people to do stupid things. Those who were exiled turned their backs on people who needed them. All in all, it was a shit-show from start to present, and not even a third outpost on Eos could boost my trust that the future held promise.
Something flickered in his eyes because one moment he'd been cleaning his rifle and the next he looked me in the eye with something akin to fear. " Yes," That same fear did not translate into his vocals, the flanging comforting to hear.
" The last two times we failed,"
" We're survivors, Mulder," He almost purred my name, or was that my ears imagining it?
" Sir, it's not that I don't believe , but do we really have the resources to spare?" Food lasted only so long. As a female, I was expected to also have children eventually. The blockers preventing pregnancy thankfully kept babies from starving. " We still have to recover the resources from the other sites,"
His eyes seemed to scan my face before he spoke carefully. " Sometimes I forget you aren't a Turian," A blush colored my cheeks as I desired the unthinkable.
" What is that supposed to mean?"
" Only that you are considering the past as well as the present to preserve a hope for the future," He answered diplomatically.
I swore that the moment our eyes connected, something more than words passed between us. I buried that insane hope, along with the dread of losing another outpost. " Well, someone has to. Director Tann won't acknowledge the Exiles and the Krogans exiled themselves. All the other arks are missing still, and the scourge is determined to destroy all life," I took a deep breath and went back to polishing the hand gun I'd grown attached to.
A talon hand rested on my arm then. " We Turians have a saying. If you only focus on the negative, you will not see the positive. Without the positive, you wage a pointless war. We are not waging a pointless war," Conviction marked his words as he looked me in the eye and smiled.
Smile answered smile. " You make me wonder of what could be, Sir,"
" Kandros," He corrected me, visibly relaxed.
I rose, taking the Carnifex with me. " I hope that our Pathfinder can do more than establish an outpost, Kandros. We all depend on him now," The Turian nodded. He continued to clean his M-96 Mattock.
My post by Colonial Affairs barely held my attention. Announcements over the speakers kept me from spacing out, reminding me what we faced in the Heleus Cluster. Everything felt impossible to overcome, and yet Kandros was right. We weren't waging a pointless war. We fought for survival. We fought for humanity, in all its form of sentient life forms.
Listening to people argue about the rationing and keeping family in cryo a while longer, I almost wanted to sneak off to Kesh's office and talk to the Krogan about how the Nexus held up. The old girl suffered a lot and the fact that she withstood the scourge, an uprising , and hoards of people reassured me that at least we didn't fail in that regard. Kesh cared about the station and its people while everyone else concentrated on subduing the uprising. This may have been a pragmatic choice, but I didn't care. She represented the people while Tann represented the bureaucracy.
" You seem distracted, Ann," I heard him before I saw him, a picture of Eos's outpost flashing across the information wall.
An inward groan turned into a frown as I glanced from the information wall. " What do you want, Fukumoto?"
We both hailed from the Terminus colonies. Fukumoto Shimei was a scientist from a neighboring colony. We bonded over how advances helped us make our homes safer and lives easier. I met his sister once, in between her space trips as a merchant ship guard. We both hated Batarians for their slave trading and banded together to aid fellow human colonists. We joined the Initiative with the hope that we could build a better future elsewhere. Beyond that, I disliked the man on principle of his views about human supremacy. My time working with the Turians and Salarians convinced me that not everyone was bad.
Fukumoto stood in front of me, watching me the way I watched Kandros. " The Vortex is serving new drinks," The offer did sound appealing, if only to help relieve the tension among people lately.
I kept my interest to a bare minimum. " I guess that means more drunk people,"
" You should think about going with me," His eyes bore into mine, as if studying me like a specimen. Before he traveled to the Heleus Cluster, he studied bugs and plants. Now he studied soil and minerals. As a potential genetic partner for offspring, he ranked higher than some. That didn't mean I wanted an actual relationship with the man.
" Sure," I shocked myself. " Kandros can come too. I wanted to discuss my placement on Eos,"
No, I didn't. I did want to discuss Eos though.
" You're thinking about Eos already?" Shock colored his pleasant tone.
" Why shouldn't I? We came to colonize and live," This wasn't the Terminus colonies. We didn't have to worry about slavers- yet. Killing Kett paled in comparison to the total dangers of the Terminus colonies. " Besides, it'll be good to set foot on solid ground,"
The scientist tapped the metal beneath our feet. " This is solid ground,"
One eyebrow rose. " Is it? One Kett attack, and we're gone,"
" One united attack and we would be challenged, but we have the potential for so much more," His optimism triggered something.
" Are you saying that you want me to stay on the station because Eos isn't safe?" Nowhere was safe in the Heleus Cluster. I already acknowledged that. " Or you want me to stay because you're concerned about me?"
Fukumoto didn't blink or hesitate in answering. " You're the only family I have in Heleus. We need each other as much as we need an outpost." At that moment, I almost regretted disliking him.
" Well, you were always a thorn in the side too. Do you remember when we helped free the slaves the bastard batarian Cavile Fac'falor tried to sell? So glad that bastard was put down,"
" I also remember he tried going after my sister,"
" It wasn't him that got her though. She helped protect a lot of merchant vessels," I nodded along, finding myself less peeved with him. " A shame that she had to down with one," The Dauntless, as she was lovingly called by her passengers, survived three pirate attacks before she exploded in space and the debris crashed to Noveria.
" Anything interesting?" He motioned to the rest of the operations area.
I sighed, rolled my neck and readjusting the shotgun in my hands to flex my hands. " Spender is being an idiot again. Tann isn't well liked, and Addison's evil," The leadership wasn't well liked , with the exception of Kandros and Kesh. I called Kesh a friend, and as far as I knew the Krogan liked me well enough to have drinks with me every other Friday. I wanted something real and naughty with Kandros, even though I knew that spelled TROUBLE for any hope of normalcy.
Fukumoto grinned. " Nothing ever changes, does it? I guess that's one relief we can look forward to," All I could do was laugh at the man. It hurt too much to actually vocalize how right he was. He laughed with me until we both started to sound like idiots. " Well, I have work to return to. The soil samples in Eos show promise for some of the hardier crops that we collected from the Terminus colonies,"
I nodded. " Keep me posted on how it goes,"
As he departed the general operations area by the information wall, I found myself entertaining another idea. How the hell was I going to extend the invite to Kandros without inviting the whole office to join us? That conundrum occupied me long enough to realize how stupid I was being when Superintendent Kesh made herself comfortable next to me, arms crossed over her chest. Krogan amazed me with their big upper bodies and smaller lower bodies. I half expected them to fall over at the slightest bending, and how their arms were big enough to cross over their chests often left me amused. If only they understood how much they reminded us of the ancient dinosaurs. Turians too.
" I heard Dr. Fukumoto earlier," Kesh said. " Something about soil samples,"
I nodded. " Apparently Eos shows promise,"
" That's a relief,"
" Maybe there's a fertilizer we could use to make the ground more pliable and willing," I hinted.
" If only I could talk to Vorn – he would know if the Krogan had a fertilizer that might work," Kesh said. " I'll try to send an email,"
" Kesh…." I cocked a brow as she sounded miserable. " Do you miss your people?"
The female Krogan sighed. " About as much as you miss your parents, Ann,"
" Well, I was their only child after my brother and sister were kidnapped from the colony," I winced as I thought about Thaniel and Jessica. They were both younger than me. We always played Pirates and Security, taking turns as each side. When they were taken, the game suddenly lost all appeal. I hated that I couldn't track them down, hoping that they were dead instead of a batarian's slave or worse – a slaver or pirate. " What about you, Kesh? Do you miss your parents?"
She stayed silent on that subject. I always wondered about her, sometimes envying her long life.
" I wanted to-uh-ask Kandros to the Vortex for drinks…think he'd say yes?"
Her gaze flicked to mine as I vowed to keep a straight face. I wished that I had an excuse to hold the Carnifex. I refrained from leaning against the wall – that was unprofessional and Nexus personnel needed to have some confidence in their militia. If I was going to be a soldier, then I needed to do it correctly. Her lips curled into what might've been a smile. " To you, yes,"
" Why?"
" You're human-"
" I don't follow. What does being human have to do with him saying yes?" I ignored the pitter patter pattern my heart just executed. My breath hitched as I became aware that Kesh wasn't as ignorant as she sometimes pretended to be. " Kesh….I'm your friend. You are obligated to-"
Her laughter brought a blush to my cheeks. I just wanted her to stop laughing because it embarrassed me further. " You are blind, Ann, and he's even more blind," She walked off without offering help.
Well, fine. Kandros liked me. I liked him. A little thing known as interracial differences never stopped a person before. Why should it stop me now?
A half hour later, Andrew Beck replaced me at the post. I found myself walking toward Security, heart in hand. I stopped just inside the rounded open entrance that permitted the public space to be accessible to anyone. Two militia members stood around the table that held the APEX consoles. Kandros listened to his communication ear piece, head bowed.
I wanted to slide my hand up along his mandible and stroke the back of his neck. Maybe rest my forehead against his and peer into his eyes. He seemed so strong, yet all that weight and responsibility must bear on him a great deal. To know that he shouldered the tactical responsibility that kept Nexus viable and operational would've crippled a lesser person.
He glanced up. " Mulder,"
" Kandros," I replied equally neutral. Well, If I was blind, I might as well use the truth to my advantage. " Fukumoto asked me to drinks, and I couldn't say no. I was hoping you'd come along and make it less awkward?"
There were times I wished the Turians facial expressions were more than a mandiable twitch. His eyes shifted toward the APEX consoles. " Wouldn't that make it more awkward?"
I felt like backhanding him. " Fukumoto is a pain in the ass, and I have no interest in him. If we have drinks alone, it's going to tell him that I'm interested in him, which I'm not. But since I agreed to have drinks with him, I want a buffer so that he doesn't try to steal a kiss or handhold," Explaining this to him almost made me roll my eyes at his stupidity.
His mandible twitched upward on the right side, as if to smirk. " So you want me to come along…"
Now I did roll my eyes. " Well, you are Turian. You're also in charge of security. You also happen to be another male…." I let that sink in, which some of it did as both mandibles lifted ever so slightly and his lips parted to reveal sharp teeth fit for a predator.
He leaned forward. " Right. And because I am a male Turian in charge of Security, it is my duty to see to your security," He started to play along, not quite as willing as I hoped, but at this point, I almost considered having the drinks with Fukumoto alone. More than one set of eyes rested on us, one set of them jealous.
" You're also my supervisor while I have guard duty," I pointed out handily. I wasn't entirely sure if subordinates were allowed to sleep with their direct supervisors, but technically speaking, I was an engineer, not a soldier. " Fukumoto would understand that it would be wise to let me do my guard duty in peace,"
His hand rested on my arm in a familiar manner. " What time?"
" I – uh – failed to agree on a time, actually, but sooner the better, yes?" Raising my omni-tool, I accessed the communications application and then proceeded to open up a new email, typing in the email address and then the actual content. " I'll keep in touch when I need you," I found myself hoping that he'd want to hold me back.
Instead he nodded. " I look forward to it," Instead of risking making a bigger fool of myself, I nodded. He went back to his communication chatter, and I found my way to the armory. Checking in the weapon with the armory lead supervisor, a Salarian by the name of Tistik Goman. The woman offered a smile, one I gladly returned. Doubling my stride toward my apartment, I tried to tell myself to calm down. I didn't actually breathe until I leaned against the wall of my kitchen. My omni-tool beeped and I looked down at the orange glow. A reply to the email I sent popped up.
Tomorrow. After our shifts were over.
I slowly lowered to the floor and closed my eyes. A knock at the door startled me.
Running my fingers through my long brown hair, I opened the door with a tap on the omni tool. Kandros fiddled with his hands, looking downward in what could be called intense thought. He started at the sound of the door swooshing opening. " I realized that we needed to discuss a plan," He leaned on the opposite wall, facing me.
" Well…uh…"
" Did you want to give him a certain impression?" Kandros scratched the back of his head.
I found myself weak kneed. " Well, we could always pretend to have an interest in each other?" My voice turned into a near squeak as I forced myself to breathe normally. I didn't foresee the invitation extension actually covering this topic face to face. " Unless you had a better plan," There. He had his out just in case.
His flanging changed. " You're leading,"
I almost flung myself into his arms. " Right. Well, tomorrow at end of shift. Maybe civies instead of armor?" I would be in my civies anyway, as I had to analyze electrical boxes and provide updates on their functionality. As long as the Nexus ran smoothly, no one suffered. Colonists already occupied the outpost to its fullest present capacity. My job mattered, no matter how small it was.
Kandros nodded. " Just to be clear, you're certain about this?"
I nodded in response, not trusting myself to speak clearly.
He smiled. " Tomorrow. Vortex." I waved goodbye and stepped back as the door closed and dropped down onto a chair across from a screen. Tomorrow would change my relationship with Kandros entirely.