Infinity

Rose brushed her blonde hair out of her face, it had grown out over the past … what had it been? Two summers, she couldn't be bothered to have cut or styled. She lay on her bed silently, going through her cache of memories with the Doctor, so many days …730 to be exact, so many hours and minutes and seconds… each spent hoping, praying that He would come get her.

Each night as she lay alone in her cold bed she would dream of his warm arms enfolding her in a hug so tight and warm that she would burst into tears because the images were so vivid, his heat, his rough, stubbly face pressing against her soft cheek, his large hands clasped around her hips, his warm breath smelling faintly of bananas and sugar brushing against her neck, leaving little goose bumps in its wake.

She had loved him for so long; she had loved him when he was the awkward, large eared, sassy and slightly rude, leather wearing Doctor, she had loved him when he regenerated, she had loved him when he smiled his quirky, crooked half smile, she had loved his pinstriped suits with his mismatched shoes. She had loved looking at him, shyly at first from across the TARDIS console, from beneath long lashes; she had loved pressing her face into his thick, soft trench… where his own unique Time Lord scent had permeated. She had loved him with no holds barred; she had given him her heart, he thought he possessed only two but she knew he possessed three… he had carried hers away with him in the TARDIS and as much as it pained her she wouldn't have it any other way.

Rose got up slowly, slipping her feet into fuzzy bunny slippers and making her way into the bathroom, she looked at herself in the mirror tracing the lines of her face, the heavy shadows under her eyes, and the shades of sadness glittering in her once vibrant hazel eyes. Maybe it was time for her to stop hoping for the impossible; maybe it was time she moved on.

But how could she …

How could she go on dates with other men and listen to them prattle on about their silly lives when she had seen Supernovas become Black Dwarves, when she had saved planets with The Doctor by her side, when she had seen such beauty and heartbreak. Planets made entirely of flowers, slopes and slopes of endless color like a shifting, ever changing kaleidoscope, she had seen planets of ice where Northern Lights danced across the sky in sync with their own silent melody, their waves of vivid blue and purple shining like witch light upon the pure white snow, she had seen worlds with two moons… worlds that haunted her every dream and in the center of all these dreams was He… beautiful with his messy brown hair and mischievous eyes.

But she had not fallen in love with his physical appearance; she had fallen in love with his words, his thoughts, his heart and his soul. She had emerged from her storm changed in a way that only he could understand and accept.

…..

The scent of her hair, the taste of her lips, the feeling of her soft, intense skin seemed to cling to him, it seemed to have penetrated the very air around him. Rose was a necessity and the Doctor felt like he couldn't breathe. There was no greater agony than know what could have been… than keeping an unfinished story inside you. His two hearts beat with the rhythm of pain, he should have told her.

She was the only real thing in his terribly false world. She was his anchor… he was a better man because of her; everything good and pure inside him was because of her.

Rose, Rose , Rose… her name echoed like the strains of a hymn in a cathedral… without her his world was brumous, covered in gray skies and cold, sunless moments.

He had become so very human, drunk on the idea that love and only love could heal his brokenness. For him Rose was the sunlight that filtered through the trees, for him she was the soft wind that played among the grass, for him she was his la douleur exquise, when he was with her… suddenly all love songs were about them. She made him novaturient, made him want to change and grow.

The nights were cold and lonely without her and sometimes he wished he had never met her but then he remembered her eyes… eyes that most would call ordinary and he was thankful that they did because often it is the best kind of beauty that goes unnoticed, for him looking into her eyes was like looking into the heart of the TARDIS , each time he did… he emerged anew.

"Don't get to close, Rose… this darkness inside me… this is where my demons hide." He whispered after pushing her away, unable to look at her hurt eyes.

"No Doctor… come closer to me, because there is a hell within me where the demons can find their home." She said gently, drawing him closer.

No… no he whimpered, every night…. He was assaulted by the memories. Every … single…night….

"Don't… ignoring your love for her is slow suicide, Doctor. You will never win, take her offer of infinity. It won't remain forever."

"I loved her

Not for the way

She danced

With my angels

But for the way

The sound of her voice

Could silence my demons."

"That is beautiful Doctor…" Rose whispered, "Who wrote it?"

He couldn't speak just yet, the little paragraph had woken in him the painful awareness that Rose was his always.

His always…

She was his always…

…..

REVIEW, this is my first Doctor Who fic.