I have a side that no one else really knows about…well, maybe I should say no one besides him. Not that it's hidden…every time I pull out my evoker and put it to my head, it's there for anyone to see. But no one thinks too much about their Personas and what they mean about us. It's just as well that they don't, I guess. Otherwise I don't think I could have taken him off guard so easily. I just don't seem like that sort of person to him. Or at least, I didn't.

I know what everyone always assumed. I never made it a secret who I was closest to; and I think I was expected to eventually take the next step with her (or him, if he had lived). But there was a reason I never tried with either of them. After losing everything so young, and having no power over it, I wanted absolute control over something. I wanted someone to conquer, and I could have never done that with either of my closest friends. They had always been on my level. It would have been impossible to try to get one of them to bend for me, even an inch. And besides, I didn't want to make them bend.

But this other one…he was different. Younger than me, with a chip on his shoulder and a badly hidden inferiority complex…maybe a father complex too. The way he wanted my approval and the shameless way he would suck up sometimes, not even realizing it…all of it gave me the idea that "here was the one." There were a lot of obstacles…his innocence, his complete lack of experience, and the fact that he was, of course, straight. All of that just made it better. I took my time, gaining his confidence little by little by going along with all of his stupid suggestions. When I encountered a huge setback, I waited patiently. I was genuinely sorry when he got his heart broken…but I was right there to step in when it happened. After that, things fell into place so quickly that I had to keep from feeling too intoxicated by each battle I won. I could still lose the war.

The night he surrendered to me completely was one I won't ever forget. I'd trained him, painstakingly, over the months. I couldn't even remember by now when I had first started working on him. The details of each victory blurred together in my mind…images of wrists bound by athletic tape, beads of sweat sliding down between shoulder blades, words that had to be urgently whispered because they were too embarrassing for him to say out loud. I got him addicted to it like a drug, and by this time I knew something about addiction from watching my friend. Then one night it all came together, and the last defenses came crashing down. He was mine. I had won.

After it was over, I watched him as he slept exhaustedly on his side. I knew the empty feeling that comes after a conquest and I wondered if I could ever experience that excitement with him again, now that he had submitted completely. Did this mean I had to go on, ruthlessly from one challenge to the next, until I met my ultimate defeat, like my Persona had done so long ago? Or was I different enough that I could stop here…now.

I got my answer when he opened his eyes and asked me why I wasn't sleeping. My defeat was already here and it was much gentler than the Ides of March. I merely lay down next to him and told him I didn't know…and then we went to sleep.