Let Her Go
Copyright: Not mine.
Harry was numb. So numb in fact that when the firewhiskey he was drinking slid down his throat it felt like water. It was all her fault. It was all her fault that she had chosen him over Harry. Harry felt something like anger pulse through him, but it wasn't really anger. He was happy for them. He was happy for his two best friends.
Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Harry watched them from the corner. The happy couple, the golden couple, the couple that was meant to be from the beginning. Why couldn't it have been him? He nursed the glass of firewhiskey in his lap and drank again, wishing for the liquid to burn him more and to make him feel again.
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go
She was so pretty. Not pretty, beautiful. With her long wild curls of chestnut brown and wide expressive eyes that always seemed to be concerned over him or something else. Eyes that were always alive with passion and emotion, eyes that were always so full. She was too skinny now, almost fragile and Harry had a nagging feeling that she was concerned about her appearance more than normal because of her desire to make Ron happy. Ron wanted a perfect, model girlfriend, but Hermione was perfect as she was, Harry would never have asked her to change a thing. Harry took another drink before staring at the object dejectedly.
Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast
He thought about the past. He thought about that time after fourth year when she had kissed him on the cheek and how the skin there had tingled for hours afterward. That time in sixth year when Hermione had been so upset after seeing Ron and Lavender kissing and Hermione had come to him. He was the best friend, the loyal brother, and he had fallen hopelessly in love with someone he could never have.
You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies
Hermione laughed from the floor of the living room, smiling at Ron who was nudging her while stuffing his face full of sweets and cookies. Hermione didn't deserve Ron. Ron had left them. Ron had walked away in the Forest of Dean, leaving a devastated Hermione and an angry Harry in his wake. Hermione had been so upset. One of Harry most favorite memories was that night in the tent when they had danced to that song on the radio and for once, for the first time, it was just them and they were close. He had held her then and had never wanted to let go but she had eventually pulled away and continued to mourn after Ron, it was to be expected, Harry had been stupid for hoping, even a little. He hated seeing her miserable and it happened more often than not with Ron and Hermione's tendency to argue. Harry watched them quietly as Hermione wrapped her arm around Ron's shoulders and leaned in to kiss him affectionately on the mouth. Harry's heart hurt.
But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
He had been in love with Hermione for forever it seemed. It had been one of those nights when they had been traveling, on the run together, without Ron, that he had to come to the realization suddenly in the middle of the night. She had been sitting outside with the locket, blanket wrapped around her shoulders, the cold air making her cheeks flushed and red. His mouth had gone dry and his heart had started beating abnormally fast. He had felt panicked and bewildered, unsure what to do. He could never tell her, it would ruin everything. He couldn't do that to Ron, to Ginny, to the Weasleys and especially to Hermione, he didn't want to put her in an uncomfortable position. Everyday it grew harder and harder to cope. He had smiled and congratulated them when they finally got together, officially, at the climax of the war. There had been so much death and destruction that their relationship was almost like a beacon of hope to the rest of the world. Harry had survived it through gritted teeth and twisting insides. His insides were squirming so painfully now as he watched them, his heart twisting and clenching in a way that was all too familiar. Longing pulsed through him and somewhere in his heart he knew that he had hit rock bottom.
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
She glanced over at him, her eyes wide and concerned. She was concerned? Why? A thought suddenly struck him, he probably looked severely deranged, sitting here in this corner glaring at his two best friends in the world with murder in his eyes. She was concerned for him, and for a moment his heart swelled. He forced a smile and saw something flicker behind her eyes, something that was there and gone so fast Harry didn't even have time to see what it was. He forced some light to come into his eyes but it was hard, harder than normal.
Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast
Ron pulled her attention away again for a moment and for a few seconds Harry was so profoundly sad that he wished that he could just disappear. He didn't want to watch them be all lovey-dovey with each other. It was too painful and while he had obligations and things to do, he didn't have to watch them. He closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair after taking another sip of his drink. The alcohol wasn't working. It was supposed to make him stop thinking, it was supposed to help him somehow but it was just dragging him down, lower and lower into his pit of despair, anguish, loss and desire. He thought about the way she always touched him. Those moments when she ran a hand through his hair, trying to fix it from it's unmanageable state. She would straighten his glasses, wipe dirt from his face and hug him so tightly that he almost always never wanted to let go. In moments like those Harry could almost delude himself that she cared for him back, the same way that he cared unconditionally for her. Her touches would haunt him for the rest of his life. Her eyes and her looks would torture him every night for the rest of time. Harry was no Seer but these things were obvious to him. He would never be free of her.
Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
Cause you loved her too much and you dived too deep
Oh how he loved her. He would do anything for her. He would scale cliffs, battle monsters, drink poison, hell he'd even fight Voldemort again if it was for her. He'd sail away and cross the world three times or more if she asked. He wanted to hold her, he wanted to kiss her, he wanted to kiss her until the rest of the world faded from view. He would go anywhere with her, he would let her do anything to him. Harry had never so desperately wanted to be Ron more than in that moment.
But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Harry was jolted from his thoughts of Hermione when something, rather someone sat down in his lap. It was Ginny, of course it was Ginny. Her hair was long and red and looked like it was on fire from the reflective glow from the fireplace. Her brown eyes twinkled at him playfully as she leaned down to kiss him. Harry kissed her back, ignoring the uncomfortable angle of his neck, all the while imagining that she was somebody else. That was how Harry got by, Ginny and Hermione couldn't have been more different but to Harry, he took every distraction he could. That's what Ginny had been from the start, a distraction. Sixth year, when Harry's feelings for Hermione had been growing, he had been in denial about it since he knew that Hermione only thought of him as a brother and a friend. So, in turn, Harry had tried to focus his feelings on someone else, someone who happened to be Ginny which was actually very convenient. Ginny was a very pretty girl and could handle herself well so their relationship now wasn't so hard to keep up with. Flowers here, dinners there, saying all the rights at all the times all the while Harry was drowning within his cup of water.
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
The Weasleys weren't really an easy family. Once you were in you were in for life. Harry just couldn't get out of marrying Ginny, which he would have to do eventually, and he had been part of their household since he was twelve. Ron was his best friend, Ginny his girlfriend, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley like surrogate parents to him, so he couldn't just not love Ginny, he had to be with her. There was also Teddy to worry about, Teddy who had lost his parents so much like Harry himself. Harry had only been close to a few people in his life. Out of all of them he could only name one that he trusted and cared for unconditionally and that was Hermione. He could never live without her, he would be nothing without her, he would have died a long time ago, regardless of how much he felt dead inside now.
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
Deep in his heart he knew. He knew that it would never happen. Ron and Hermione were in love. Harry was supposedly in love with Ginny, Ginny who was obviously in love with him. Things wouldn't change, things shouldn't change, and things couldn't change. Over Ginny's shoulder Harry watched as Ron stood up and pulled Hermione up with him. He was gesturing with his hand and Harry assumed that they were going to go somewhere private. The numbness was in full force now and Ginny's voice had faded as she chatted with one of her other brothers. Hermione's red jumper contrasted against her hair and matched the rosy red color of her cheeks. Wisps of hair flew around her face and her chocolate brown eyes were light and joyful. She was so happy. Harry had never thought she looked more beautiful. Happiness looked good on her. Harry realized in that moment that this was it. It was time to just stop. It was time to let her go on. Hermione looked at Harry suddenly, her expression unreadable. Their eyes met, green on brown and she smiled softly and affectionately, her affection for him bleeding out and into his eyes, making him feel vulnerable and defenseless. He gave her a weak smile back, the best he could and felt something inside him break as she turned and took Ron's hand, following him out the door. For one mad moment Harry thought he was going to throw Ginny off his lap and chase her down. He would grab her by the hand, pull her to him and kiss her senseless under the moonlight. It was a perfect dream and he nearly sat up for a second and felt his muscles tense. Ginny ran a hand through his hair and Harry collapsed back into the chair. His heart pained him. He had to let her go.
Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Hermione looked at Ron's outstretched hand for a moment. He wanted her to take a walk with him outside the Burrow. Her boyfriend was a goofy moron but she loved him. Before she left however, she took a look back at Harry. It was second nature now, to look at him discreetly and to pay attention to the things that no one else noticed about him. She was a bit startled to find him already watching her, his expression tense and his eyes pained. Hermione fought down the inch of hope that was already crawling up her veins from her heart. No, it couldn't be, she was seeing things. She looked at her best friend's face, his too green eyes and his messy black hair. His glasses were sitting crookedly on his face and she wished that she could straighten them for him. She looked at him affectionately, knowing that that was all that she would ever be able to do. He sent her a lopsided smile in return but something flickered behind it. It was there and gone so fast that Hermione never had time to accurately discern what it was. Coming to a resolute decision in her mind, her clenched her teeth and her heart, ignoring the aching, before turning around and grabbing Ron's hand. She followed him out into the yard, ignoring the sadness that was already starting to creep up her from the thoughts of what could have been. Hermione wouldn't say that she had regrets but there were things that she wished she had done differently. Hermione felt a pang in her heart as she thought about the way his green green eyes looked at her when they were together. Another one struck through her as her mind flitted over what it felt like to hug him. The way he looked after he got off the Quidditch pitch, the way he hated evil with a blazing passion, the brave, heroic look he always got in his eyes when he was defending his friends. It was too much. Hermione felt Ron grip her hand and she smiled at her long-time boyfriend, soon to be fiance. Hermione was a smart girl, she had figured out Ron's plans to propose tonight after they took a walk in the yard. She braced herself for what was to come and what possibilities she was going to have to leave behind. She took a deep breath…
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love him when you let her go
And you let him go