Pairing: Addison/Izzie
A/N: Takes place between Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer and Begin and Begin
Disclaimer: I do not own anything.
"Dr. Stevens," Addison Montgomery-Shepherd called for the fourth time. Her heels clacked loudly against the floor as she followed Isobel Stevens down the hospital corridor.
"What?" she yelled, whirling around.
Addison stopped abruptly, right before she almost walked into Izzie. They were toe to toe, Izzie's hot breath on her face before she took a step back, clearing her throat. Brown eyes were darkened with anger, and it made a small part of Addison want to step back even farther. But Addison stood her ground, her hands planted firmly on her hips.
"What do you want?" Izzie asked, adding, "Dr. Shepherd."
Dr. Shepherd looked around them to the doctors and nurses with their prying eyes all focused on her and Dr. Stevens. "I would like to speak to you." She looked around them again and then down the hall. "In private, if you don't mind."
Izzie didn't want to talk to Addison. Izzie wanted very much to stop talking to everyone, go home, listen to some Christmas carols, eat some sugar cookies, look at the pretty lights on the tree, and enjoy the holiday season. Instead, everyone, and it really felt like everyone, wanted to talk to her, tell her to get over her feelings about everything. There was the Alex thing, and the holiday spirit thing, and then there was the Addison thing. And everyone had to put in their two cents when she didn't really want to hear any of it.
"Fine," Izzie finally agreed in a huff, stomping off.
"Where are you going?" Addison asked, following her. Izzie looked over her shoulder as she stopped. Hmph. "Would you stop doing that," she said, colliding into the intern's back, her hands gripping Izzie's hips to stop them both from tumbling over.
Izzie's skin burned under Addison's touch. Her fingers were tight for a quick moment before the attending pulled back, averting her eyes away from Izzie's intense glare. The touch was like fire and ice meeting, melting and burning all at once. Izzie sucked in a mouthful of air, hoping to rid herself of the feeling Addison's touch started up inside her. She was mad at Addison, hurt, and whatever that attraction, not-a-crush-on-an-attending, blah blah blah, thing she had been feeling before Addison pulled that move with the Quints was, it was gone. So there would be no letting herself revel in the feeling of the other woman's touch, even if Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd's skin felt smooth on her own from where her scrub top had ridden up slightly.
"You said in private, and the only place there is privacy in this hospital is an on-call room," Izzie said as if it were a no-brainer. "Are you coming, or do you plan on just standing here all day looking at me like that?"
Addison bit back her retort and waved with her hand to the general direction they were going. "Lead the way, Stevens."
Izzie brought them to one of the rooms on the floor, cracked the door a little, and then opened it fully when she confirmed that it was empty. She stepped in; it was one of the small on-call rooms with a bunk bed against the wall, a window, and a small nightstand that held a lamp and someone's leftover coffee. For a brief second she stopped, looking at the bed, remembering when she caught Alex with Syph Nurse on a similar one. But that was neither here nor there. She was over that, so over that - at least that was what she was telling herself. Either way, now was the time for problems including Addison, so Alex quickly left her mind altogether.
Addison closed the door and leaned against it. Izzie looked at her for a second before she plopped down on the mattress. She leaned back, her hands placed behind her on the bed, holding her up while she said, "Okay, talk." Her foot tapped against the floor as her leg bobbed up and down; it was more than obvious that Izzie wasn't really in the mood for whatever Addison wanted to say to her.
"Well." Addison cleared her throat. "I wanted to explain to you why I did what I did." She paused briefly, her hands sliding into the pockets of her scrubs. "It was meant to be a learning experience for-"
"A learning experience?" Izzie half-scoffed, half-yelled, interrupting her. "You made me believe I killed a baby!"
Addison opened her mouth to say something, but Izzie stood, came closer, and started to speak again. Addison understood. The intern needed to say this; she needed to speak. Addison had been in this situation many years ago, but now she was on the opposite side of the table. She would listen because she knew it was what Izzie needed. Addison also knew it wasn't right to make someone feel like crap if you weren't prepared for what would come of it. Dr. Stevens learned from the experience, yes, but what she learned wouldn't do her any good if she focused on what Addison did to her instead of why she did it for her.
"You lied to me. You lied to me to make me a better doctor." It sounded ridiculous to Izzie, as it had from the moment Addison said it to her the other day. "How could you, you..." Izzie stammered and then shook her head. "You can't lie to people and think everything is going to be okay. Because it's not okay."
"I know," Addison said as Izzie continued, saying, "Seriously, like, not at all."
Izzie's features relaxed, brown eyes softening as she lowered her voice. "You know?"
Addison wasn't sure if the question was rhetorical or not, but she nodded her head just the same. "Believe me when I say: I know exactly how you feel right now."
The blonde gave her an exaggerated eye roll. "Sure you do," she murmured as she stepped back. She suddenly realized how close they were and needed to put some room between the two of them.
As Izzie sat back down on the bed, Addison pushed herself off the door. "Okay," Addison said as she went and stood in front of Izzie, looking down at the blonde, "I know you're mad at me, and I really wish you weren't, but I can't change what I did."
"No, you can't," she said needlessly, folding her arms.
For a moment Addison questioned why she was even trying. Izzie was acting more like a child not getting her way with each passing second, and if this was how she was going to behave, talking to her wasn't going to do anything other than make things worse. She was trying not to regret what she did, really trying. She knew - in the back of her mind, at least - that the decision was a good one. Still, there was that part of her that had hoped she and Izzie could not only build a great working relationship, but perhaps a relationship that existed outside the walls of Seattle Grace. With the way things had been the last few days - Izzie ignoring her and walking away when she was being called - there seemed to be no hope for any of that. But still, Addison thought trying didn't hurt.
She started by lowering herself to the floor, her back against the wall as she slid down. She bent her knees and rested her elbows on them, biting into her lower lip as she looked at Izzie. She no longer felt like an attending talking down to an intern. It was as if the wall that had been up between the two was starting to fall, brick by brick, slowly disappearing. She could see Izzie relaxing a little, the tension in her body dissipating as she unfolded her arms and leaned back a little. She tilted her head back and waves of blonde hair tumbled to the side, her neck rolling from side to side - once, twice.
Finally, Addison smiled, barely, but still enough to show she meant what she was about to say. "You're a very talented doctor, Stevens," Addison said sincerely. Izzie's brown eyes widened. "Don't look so surprised."
"I'm not surprised," she lied.
And then Addison did that thing, that thing where she lifted her eyebrow and hummed in her throat, as to say: "Yeah, sure you're not." Izzie bowed her head, hiding her smile. She wasn't supposed to smile - not because she knew Addison's little nuances, or because Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd had just said she was talented, and especially not because Addison was smiling at her and it made her heart flutter like there were hundreds of butterflies trying to get free. She was mad at her, and no matter what happened, Izzie would not forget how hurt she was.
"Okay, maybe I'm a little surprise," she said.
"I wouldn't have done any of this if I didn't think - if I didn't know - you could get through this. Richard did something very similar to me when I was an intern. So, like I said, I know how you feel right now."
"Then how could you make someone else feel like this."
Addison looked into Izzie's eyes without saying anything. Behind the anger, there was so much more to Izzie. Addison had been intrigued by Izzie, captivated. She saw so much of herself in the young intern, so much of who she was when she was younger and who she was now. Addison also saw Isobel Stevens, the woman, the person who Addison was also intrigued by. Addison smiled, shaking her head. She stood up, not responding to the questioning look in Izzie's eyes; she didn't feel the need to explain to Izzie what she was thinking.
Standing, Addison brushed herself off and smiled at Izzie. "I did it because I believe in you, Stevens. One day you'll get past this, and I believe you'll be a better doctor because of the experience. Whether you forgive me for what I did is totally up to you."
Izzie stared at Addison, but when she said nothing, Addison started to leave. "It's not just about the baby," she blurted out.
Addison stopped and turned to look at Izzie. "What else is it?"
Izzie looked from Addison to the spot beside her on the bed, waiting for Addison to sit. If she was going to say this, she needed Addison to be sitting down. Addison sat, but Izzie still couldn't bring her eyes from the spot they were focused on. She took in a deep breath: bad idea. She inhaled the scent of Addison, the scent of freshly washed skin. She wanted to close her eyes and wrap herself up in the smell, breathe it in and enjoy it.
"You lied to me," she whispered, and it was at least the tenth time she said it to Addison, the twentieth time she said it out loud to herself. This time it was different.
"I'm sorry."
Izzie shook her head. "You don't even know why it bothers me so much."
"Because you trusted me not to."
Izzie looked up to Addison, who held her intense gaze. "It's not just that I trusted you not to lie to me. I trusted you. Period. Meredith, and George, and maybe even Cristina a little, and everybody else thinks you're this terrible person."
"Oh, I know," Addison deadpanned.
Izzie shook her head once again. "But you're not. Well, you kinda are, but you're also not. At least you're not terrible for the reasons they are saying you are. I trusted you because I knew that."
Addison looked away, not exactly sure where this conversation was going. "Stev-"
"I'm hurt because it wasn't just my boss or teacher lying to me," she said, looking at the wall past Addison's head. "It was more than that."
Addison thought this would be the perfect time for a pager to go off. She didn't know what to say, and she was a little afraid to ask Izzie what she meant. She was good with reading between the lines, but as the words repeated in her head, she wasn't sure if these were lines she was ready to read between.
"Maybe I'm just overreacting." She laughed self-deprecatingly. "I probably am."
"You have every right to be upset."
"I know I do. I know that, but I'm not even sure what I'm upset about more: the fact that you lied to me to teach me a 'lesson', that you lied to me when I trusted you, or that I never thought you would." Izzie let out a drawn breath as she looked at Addison, her head spinning with all the things she had been wanting to say to her. "I guess it just hurts when you think you're on the same page as someone but you turn out to be so wrong about, like, everything."
Addison wasn't sure what to say, but she wasn't given the chance to speak, anyway.
"I so get what Meredith goes through right now."
"Meredith? What does Grey have to do with any of this?"
Izzie flushed; she hadn't meant to say that out loud. "I just mean, you know..."
Dr. Shepard arched an eyebrow. "No, I don't think I do."
"Just, you know..." Izzie laughed. What was she even doing? This entire situation was becoming a big mess and she didn't even know how to stop herself. "It's like, you know, you're the female version of McDreamy or whatever. But it's different because Meredith actually slept with Derek, and they dated, and-"
"I think I'm going to stop you right there," Addison said, her voice void of any emotion.
"Wait." She put her hand on Addison's thigh to stop her. "I don't know why I even said that."
"It's doesn't matter. I should go. I have a surgery in a few hours and..."
"I was just saying I get it. When you like someone, everything they do that hurts you feels ten times as bad as it would if you didn't." Izzie shrugged, not even sure if Addison was understanding half of what she was saying. "I'm sorry."
"Oh."
"No, don't say 'oh'." Izzie frowned.
"I- I don't know what you want me to say, Stevens."
Izzie groaned a little as she moved closer to Addison, leaning into her. "I don't want you to say anything."
Before Addison could speak, she felt Izzie's lips on her own. She took in a surprised breath, her eyes widening, her body tensing. She hadn't expected the kiss, nor had she expected what Izzie had just said to her. But within seconds, Addison felt her body relax and gravitate towards Izzie's. Izzie's lips were soft like the inside of a rose petal, sweet like fresh strawberries. Addison could feel Izzie's surprise when she started to kiss the intern back, almost as eagerly as Izzie was kissing her.
Addison was kissing her, kissing her like she really wanted to be kissing her. Izzie's heart pounded and her brain shut down, her lips moving against Addison's, her tongue tracing soft lips that she then parted with her own. A small and undeniable hum of pleasure left Addison's throat as their tongues met, and then again when Izzie's teased the roof of Addison's mouth. Izzie turned her head a little and slid her hands over Addison's shoulders, deepening the kiss. She could feel her lungs contracting, desperate for air, but she didn't want to end the kiss. She didn't know what would happen once she stopped kissing Addison.
A knock to the door made them spring apart like someone had thrown cold water on them. The door opened and both doctors looked up to the intruder with eyes wide like saucers. "Oh, I'm sorry," she apologized with blushing cheeks and tired eyes.
Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd shook her head and cleared her throat. "No, you're fine." She turned her attention to the frazzled intern beside her. "We actually have a surgery we need to prep for."
"We?" Izzie asked as she stood up, big brown eyes glimmering, freshly kissed lips still tingling. A kiss and a surgery. Was that what life was like when she actually sat down and had a conversation instead of walking away?
"If you're interested, that is."
"Seriously?" Addison nodded. Izzie had a little more spring in her step as she walked out of the room. "Of course," she said with a beaming smile. Addison responded with her own smile and gave up the room to the doctor who stood at the door.
Addison Montgomery-Shepherd had had a long day, and after a long day, there wasn't much better than a glass of wine in a darkened booth in a bar. Okay, there wasn't much better in Seattle. She could think of a million things that would be better, but in the city that never stopped raining, Joe's bar was what she wanted. She took a slow swallow of her wine, savoring it on her tongue before she drank it. The ruby liquid in her glass twirled as she looked down at it, the stem of the glass being twisted.
"Ahem," she heard come from above her.
Addison looked away from her wine and to the jean clad thighs that were in her line of vision. It almost embarrassed her that she could tell that it was Izzie just from that. It came from all the previous times she'd admired the intern's body; it was bit of a guilty pleasure of hers. Addison licked her lips as her eyes roved over the rest of the intern's body, the slight wave of embarrassment being replaced by something else, something she saw mirrored in warm brown eyes when her gaze met Izzie's.
"Stevens," Addison said in a way that made the interns name sound more like a breath of air than a spoken word.
Izzie felt her skin heat under the layers of clothing she was wearing. It was one thing kissing an attending - a married one! - but having that same attending look at you like you were something she wanted to devour was... Izzie didn't even know what it was, but she knew she shouldn't have enjoyed the look in Addison's eyes as much as she did. That was one of the reasons she'd come to find Addison, and also because they hadn't had the chance to talk privately after that kiss in the on-call room. She licked her lips and cleared her throat, shifting on her feet.
"Do you want to sit down?" Addison asked, leaning back.
Izzie shrugged, only one shoulder moving because the other was weighed down by her bag. "I don't know," she said.
"I won't bite," she teased. Addison waved her hand to the other side of the table. "Take a seat, Stevens."
Izzie sat down, sliding into the seat as she looked at Addison. "Izzie." Addison took a sip of her wine as she arched one of her perfect eyebrows. "Call me Izzie."
A genuine smile played across her lips as she placed her glass down and crossed her legs under the table. "Izzie," she repeated, again making her name sound all breathy. Addison nodded, agreeing. "Oh," she said after an awkward pause, "and you can call me Addison."
Izzie nodded and hummed slowly, the awkwardness still thick between them. She should have just gone home, or maybe just sat at the bar. She should have never kissed Addison. Because if she hadn't kissed Addison, and if Addison hadn't kissed her back, Izzie wouldn't be sitting at the table now. But Addison did kiss her back, so she needed to know what was going on. Izzie needed to be there with Addison. It was mostly because Addison kissed her back, but it was also because she believed that Addison meant it when she apologized. And beneath all the hurt, not only was there the part of Izzie that still had a crush on the attending, there was also the part of Izzie that wanted to forgive Addison.
"Izzie," she heard Addison say and realized she had been staring blankly at the wall behind Addison, thinking.
"Huh?"
"I asked if I could buy you a drink." Addison could see the hint of confusion in Izzie's eyes. "It's the least I could do," she added.
"Okay," she answered. "A beer would be nice."
"I'll be right back."
Izzie put her hand on top of Addison's, stopping her for a moment. "It's still not okay," she said.
Addison understood that. "I know."
"But maybe one day it will be," Izzie added hopefully, letting go of her hand.
Addison smiled before she went to get their drinks. As she leaned over to get Joe's attention, Addison decided a few glasses of wine and Izzie Stevens' company was the best way to end a long day. And maybe, if all things worked out, it could become a regular thing.
The End.
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