Chapter 1: A Rough Beginning
I pulled up to my house in my beat up white pickup truck. I liked to call it, 'The Trukk'. The Orks would be proud. I jumped out and joyfully grabbed my backpack. I was free. My dad was overseas, dealing with the coffee trade until the next year. My mom was with them. My uncle was supposed to drop by once a week. It was the beginning of summer break. I strolled down my driveway and unlocked the door. An explosion sounded from within, and I rushed inside.
There were several Leman Russ tanks rolling across my kitchen floor. Snipers clad in black and silver uniforms shot from an open cabinet. Battlesuits strode across the floor and hit a black and gold predator. A feral roar came as greenskinned beasts leapt out across the floor. Several red armored, tall humanoids fired on incoming bronze skeletal soldiers.
"What the hell is going on here?" I shouted over the din. Several thousand miniature soldiers clasped their ears in pain. Some all-out fainted. "I want all of you to stop fighting." I said angrily. A chaos champion climbed up on a tank. "You can never stop us. We are Chaoooooooooooosssssssssssss!" The last part was after I opened the door and kicked him into the bushed right off of my patio. His followers ran to the bushes in terror. I turned to the rest of the armies.
"Table. Leaders. Now." I said.
The leaders of the armies gathered in a semicircle with me in front of me. A Tau Shas'O with a Gue'ves'ui, a Necron Phaeron and a Cryptek, an Imperial Guard Commissar, with a psyker and a general, an Eldar Farseer, an Ork warboss and weirdboy, my own Librarian and Chaptermaster, Ben's Chaptermaster and Librarian, and the Adepta Sororitas Cannoness.
"Ok is there anybody else I should know about, or are you the only ones?" I asked.
"No, mon-keigh," The Farseer said, smugly. "There are others downstairs."
I bolted downstairs. Lasgun shots and shotgun blasts could be heard. I burst in. A desolate cityscape had risen from the floor. Groups of men shot at each other. Several of them, who were wearing white and black striped helmets (various helmets: motorcycle helmets, discarded Guardsmen helmets, soup bowls, etc.), snapped to attention when they saw me. One even slapped the snot out of a man who charged him.
"Sir, we are destroying these other gangs in your glorious name!" The man shouted up to me as the other guy stood up, devoid of snot.
"No, you will not, and all of the leaders will join me, now," I said, gritting my teeth. Four figures ran up onto my hand. I trotted up the stairs and sat back down. The figures came off my hand. There was a very pale bald guy wearing a trench coat and jeans, an olive skinned man with long brown hair pulled out in a ponytail, a cherry-red skinned man with wild black hair with a fur coat, and a purple robed man with a gas mask. The masked one looked at the aliens, maybe in disgust.
"Ok names?" I said simply, picking up my red pen.
"I am Gue'vas'ui Trey, and this is Shas'O Starkiller. He's a mute," The 'human helper' said. I scribbled down the name, mentally noting to try and teach him to speak ASL (American Sign Language).
"Statement: I am Phaeron Rahmthotep. This is my trusted Cryptek, Bob," The necron said robotically. Bob gave a small theatrical bow when his name was said.
"I'm kinda the only necron who says stuff normally," Bob said pridefully.
"I am General Izak Tzu, with psyker Catherine and Commissar Yuri Tastov," said the General.
"Farseer Kathra," The Eldar leader said stiffly. I rolled my eyes.
"I'm da warboss, 'Ead Stompa, and weirdboy, Skoola Boy," said the Ork.
"Skoola boy?" I asked, looking up.
"I speak normally too," said Skoola Boy.
"I know you two: High-Lord Anarch Tartarus and Librarian Enochius, of the High Anarchs. As well as you, Commander Benjamin Castle and Librarian Octavion, from the Gentlemanly Raiders. And that means you are Cannoness Denise," I said. The cannoness nodded. I gestured to the gang leaders.
"Nathanael Mathers, aka 'Big Daddy', leader of the Delaque Nathanealists" Said The pale one.
"Tarquinius, Sun Zebra Mafia. But you already know that," The olive-skinned man said.
"Valentinius, the mutant, leader of The Outlaws, of the Ratskins," The cherry red man said.
"Paul, of the Drakons," The redemptionist said simply.
"Ok," I said, hastily drawing a map of the house. The Necromundans can have the laundry room, while the Orks get the other half of the basement. The Tau can have my brother's room and any Space Marines and the Sisters get my parents room," I listed off as I wrote down the names. "The Guard get the living room, while the Eldar can have the Easy Room. The Necrons can have the kitchen," I said. The armies began moving out. Already Eldar-style buildings were rising from the floor. And from the loud shotgun blasts, looks like the gangs had already started their endless feud.
MEANWHILE…
Dagros ran up to the makeshift shrine. A large, green-armor clad space marine was kneeling, praying to Nurgle.
"Sir?" the quiet Son of Malice said malevolently. The only reason his chapter was here because they had been traveling to a 'Champions of Chaos' meeting. The large, smelly brute had been in command of the ship when the warp opened- by Malal, no doubt- and dumped us here. The Plague Marine turned his head.
"Yes?" he answered, smelling worse than ever.
"We have begun construction," he said.
"Excellent. Carry on."
A/N: And so ends the first chapter. Please review.
Next Chapter…
I get a little surprise from a certain feminist movement….
The Imperial Guard discover a relic….
The chaos cultists run into something called a lawnmower….
And Remember:
REVIEWS FOR THE REVIEW GOD!