The doctor walked in with a big smile on her face and my medical chart in her hands. My sister sat in the hard plastic chair by the wall with anticipation etched all over her face. Both of them seemed over the moon about the child I was having with a man that just went to prison for fourteen months. Personally, I longed to hear that the test had been wrong. I just wanted those two pink lines to be the universe playing an evil prank on me.
"Anastasia, congratulations! You are in fact pregnant. Now, it's still very early on, maybe as little as three weeks. You're blood work looks great for this stage, so just make sure to limit any physically dangerous activities." The doctor was nodding and smiling as if the look on my face was one of pleasure. I was in fact crying, maybe she thought they were happy tears. Tara definitely thought so.
"Do you have any questions? Okay, well just make sure to give me a call if you need anything and we'll see you back in four weeks, okay?" I hadn't nodded or responded in any fashion. She left the room after patting my knee softly.
"Ana! Are you in there?" Tara asked with a laugh as she waved a hand in front of my face. I looked over at her and nodded as I slid down from the examination table. I didn't even feel my feet on the ground as I walked down the pastel colored hallway that was littered with pictures and posters of smiling babies and pregnancy pamphlets. It felt like their unwavering smiles were mocking me.
"Where to?" Tara asked as I buckled into the passenger seat of her suv. I shrugged and pulled my sunglasses over my eyes to block the tears that were on the verge of falling again. In true doctor fashion, Tara tried to fix everything with a smile.
"Let's go celebrate somewhere. Anywhere you want to eat." She was smiling and strumming her steering wheel with her thumbs. Eating was the second to last thing I wanted to do, second only to celebrating. I leaned my head against the window and sighed.
"Let's just go to the clubhouse." I didn't have to look at Tara to know she was frowning. She was being a wonderful sister and supporting me 100%, but I couldn't bring myself to tell her I wasn't happy. It was probably obvious, but if I didn't tell her she could pretend I was just in shock or something.
"So, when are you telling Opie?" Tara asked cheerfully as she turned left out of the hospital parking lot. I closed my eyes to keep my tears at bay.
"I'll wait a few weeks. You're a doctor. You know the first few weeks have the highest chances of miscarriage. I wouldn't want to tell him I was pregnant and then turn around and tell him I lost it. He's got enough on his plate." I glanced over at her and saw her head bobbing with a nod.
"Do you need me to help with laundry or anything?" I extended an olive branch to my sister that had to raise two kids while her old man was sitting in a cell with mine. She smiled and shook her head.
"No, that's okay. Gemma came by yesterday and finished it up. The boys are with the sitter until five. You're still welcome to come visit though." She sounded hopeful as she pulled into Teller-Morrow Automotive. I nodded to acknowledge the invitation without giving any type of commitment.
Gemma caught sight of Tara before she even closed the driver's door. She called her over to the office before giving me a friendly wave. I held up my hand in response and headed into the clubhouse. As soon as I opened the door, I felt my heart get heavier. It was too quiet with far too little cigarette smoke in the air. Even the absence of Tig's laughter pulled at my seams.
"Ana." I turned around and saw Happy Lowman standing behind me in jeans and a mechanic shirt. His face was void of any emotion and he towered over me like a giant. I wrapped my arms around him and hid my face on his shoulder. His hugging response time had been picking up the last week or so, and he hugged me to him tightly.
"Doctor confirmed the diagnosis." I muttered as we continued to stand in the entranceway hugging like someone had just died. He nodded silently and loosened his arms slightly. I shook my head and sighed before stepping back and cramming my hands in the pockets of my jeans. Happy nodded towards the bar and waited for me to head in that direction.
"You have options." He said quietly as a croweater with caked on foundation two shades darker than her skin walked over and poured him a beer. I waved her away, irrationally blaming her for even thinking I'd be able to quench my thirst for a shot or a beer.
"I know that. It's part of the problem." I muttered as I threw a dart at the board behind the bar. It stuck in the wall three inches from the outermost ring. Happy grabbed the rest of the darts and pushed them out of my reach.
"You talked to Ope about it?" He glanced over at me as I shook my head. In fact, I hadn't talked to my old man at all since he'd gone inside. I knew that he was safe and that's all I really needed at the moment. I surveyed the bar before looking over at Happy.
"You staying here tonight?" I spoke quietly, just in case anyone was hiding under the bar. There wasn't anything dishonest or scandalous going on between Happy and I, but we didn't want to be the subject of the croweater's gossip circle.
"Nah, got it in earlier." He smirked as I made a disgusted face and punched him in the arm. Ever since Opie had been carted away, Happy had been staying at my place a few nights a week. I hated being alone in the house and he felt the need to protect me.
"Ana, I'm starving. Are you sure you don't want to try that new Mexican place?" Tara was smiling as she walked in to the bar. I spun the seat around and tossed my hands up in surrender.
"Fine, let's go." I smiled at how happy Tara seemed to be with the small win I'd given her. She was doing her best to be a sister and a mother to me on top of being an actual mother and old lady. I figured she could use all the wins she could get.
"See you later, Happy!" Tara called as she pushed the door open with her back. He raised his beer at her before turning back to the bar and the blonde throwing her boobs across the counter at him.
"Hey baby." I fought back tears as Opie pulled me into his arms and kissed me. It had been five weeks since he'd gotten locked up and this was the first time I'd come to visitation. I'd stayed away while I thought things through and weighed all of my options.
"Hey munchkin. God, I've missed seeing you." He whispered as he cupped my face with his palm. I leaned my head into his hand and smiled. Seeing him made me feel like everything was okay, at least for the next fifty-five minutes. I sat down across from him and took in his smile and brightened eyes in silence for a couple minutes.
"You doing okay?" He asked gently. I inhaled deeply and nodded with a weak smile. I didn't want to tell him how I cried myself to sleep more often than not. I didn't want to tell him how I'd taken all of my clothes out of the closet so I didn't have to see his every time I opened the door to get dressed. I wanted him to know I was breathing on my own and even ate more than twice per day, sometimes.
"Opie, I need to tell you something." I saw his face drop at the sound of my words. He obviously feared the worst since our fight about the prison clause last week. I had yelled at him for even bringing up my "right" to use the prison clause to fuck someone while he was locked up. The very idea made me want to slap him through the phone.
"What's this?" He asked as I slid an envelope over to him. I wondered why no one could actually open envelopes and look at the contents before asking questions. I didn't answer him and waited nervously as he pulled the pictures out. He flipped through the three pieces of paper slowly.
"Ana, you're pregnant?" He asked the question with such hesitation that I wanted to grab the pictures and deny it all. Instead, I nodded. A smile spread across his face as he looked down at the pictures again.
"Going on eight weeks. The doctor said I'm due around New Years." I said with a little laugh. Opie leaned across the table and kissed me, deeper than he had earlier. As I kissed him again, I felt a small amount of weight lift off my shoulders. The guard called out a warning and Opie pulled away slowly.
"I'm sorry about last week, Ana. I shouldn't have even brought it up. Can I have these?" He smiled brightly and looked back down at the ultrasound pictures. I laughed and nodded.
"Yeah, of course. I have an appointment in a couple weeks so you can add to the collection." I said with as I ran my hand up his arm. He caught it and turned my arm over. I bit down on the inside of my cheeks as he ran his thumb over the roman numerals tattooed on the inside of my wrist: .MCMLXXXII
"That's new. What's it for?" He asked with a small smile. I looked down at it and grinned.
"It's Briana's birthday." My voice was stronger than it normally was when I talked about Briana. Ever since getting the ink, talking about my fallen comrade and best friend had gotten a little easier. Opie nodded and I could tell he was struggling to keep the smile on his face.
"When did you get that, baby?" I knew he was going to ask that question and I knew what his reaction would be. It was the same reaction everyone had.
"Two weeks ago. Don't give me that look, Opie. There's no data that it's dangerous for the baby. The biggest risk is infection or dirty needles and Happy did it so that's not even a problem." Opie let go of my wrist and shook his head. I narrowed my eyes and put my hand in my lap.
"Ana, is it really worth the risk?" His words lit a fire in me that I'd tried to keep at bay. I laughed darkly and leaned forward.
"Did you ask yourself that before you raided a church service with illegal weapons?" His frown morphed into a scowl as he stared into my eyes. He had no idea what it was like for me to lose him being by my side. He'd been my crutch. I was trying to climb back up to my own two feet and he wanted to bitch about the timing of a tattoo that got me through the medicine cabinet without opening up a bottle of pain pills.
"That wasn't my call, Ana. You made this choice. Does Hap even know you're pregnant?" Opie folded his arms across his chest and towered above me, even sitting down. I felt like a little kid being scolded by a parent. I wanted to lash out. I wanted to tell him how I'd told Happy the day I'd found out. I wanted to tell him how I'd forced Happy to read the card I wasn't able to give him before he got arrested, but I couldn't.
"No, he doesn't know." I didn't know if I lied more to protect Happy or myself. Either way, I lied and spared all three of us from a lot of trouble.
"Look, just don't get any more ink before the baby's born, munchkin. I love you, Ana. We're going to be okay. I'll even change diapers when I get out." His voice was softer and I smiled at the thought of him learning how to change a diaper. I nodded and gave my other hand back to him. My crow tattoo was on full display as we finished out the visitation talking about names and whether it would be blonde or brunette like him.
I left the prison and couldn't tell if I was more or less stressed than I was before I went in. There was still a lot I hadn't told him. I hadn't told him about buying a Jeep or putting my house up for sell. I sighed and closed the driver's door behind me. I smacked Happy's chest with the back of my hand.
"I told you not to come. You haven't slept all week." I said as I started the engine. He scowled at me and brushed my comment off before going back to sleep. I shook my head and pulled out of the prison parking lot to head back to the safety of Charming.