Credits: Erin my co-collaborator

We named the Dornish Princess Ellanna Martell she is not an OC, she is Joanna's BFF. Steffon Baratheon is Renly and Robert combined, Stannis is like his mum.

The song Joanna sings to Tywin is Pale September from Fiona Apple

The naughty maiden/Ser/Cloak song is Slow like Honey by Fiona Apple

I was listening to Only when I lose my self by Depeche mode while writing this also Under the Table by Banks

Katy Perry's thinking of you video inspired this the scene where she and the fella are on the red blanket.

The picnic basket scene belongs to John Galsworthy.

There's a "Any man who must say 'I am the King' is no true king" scene

Warning: some nudity, mention of a unwanted stalker, some virginity/purity talk

Joanna Lannister hurried to the spot where she was meeting Lord Steffon, Princess Ellanna and … her cousin the Lord Hand Tywin Lannister for a picnic by the lake. She had been told to come directly there, it was rather a strange request, she did not think much on it, as she had to decide what to wear and practice her courtesies.

Lord Steffon, had told her that her cousin preferred Ladies who were, quiet, timid and pious. Joanna was none of those things. She ran safe subjects to converse with Tywin in her head, he was famed for his intellect, and they said he was Lann the clever come again, Joanna's heart skipped a beat whenever she heard people praise him. She could ask him about the mines, the Lannister horses, not about his father, and about Genna, the Lord Hand had practically raised his siblings himself.

Joanna had spent so much time preparing the food that she ran out of time to dress herself, she cursed her servants and grabbing her basket she stormed out in a foul mood. Her oldest servant Gillas, from Lannisport handed her a parasol, "Thank you," Joanna said feeling a twinge of shame.

Joanna ran down the steps and then through the gardens, she was out of breath when she came to the path to the lake, a gate blocked her path.

"Oh," Joanna exclaimed, she balanced the basket on the gate and worked on the latch, she looked up and she saw her cousin he was staring at the horizon hands behind his back, she opened the gate and then grimaced as her picnic basket fall into the muck under the gate.

She quickly picked up and threw the breads the cheese and the fruit back into the basket.

Held head high, as befitted a Lannister, even a Lannisport Lannister as opposed to a Casterly Rock Lannister she strode ahead confidently, parasol held at an angle to hide her face, she must be timid.

She tripped and let out a string of curses. "Oh no!" Joanna thought, he thinks me a wicked and discourteous girl.

Joanna found herself pulled up to her feet, the breath left her body and she was held close to a hard and warm body, she shook her hair out of her face her hands clutching muscled arms.

"Oh Cousin Tywin, Greetings," she told him as his gaze dropped from her eyes and travelled down as did hers he was dressed in a red tunic, it had golden piping and he was wearing his sword belt, she wanted to laugh what threat was there to his person here by the lake?

"Thank you," Joanna began as her cousin dropped to a knee and she saw why she had tripped, her boot laces were untied, she was entranced by how deftly he tied her laces. She saw the outline of his thighs through his breeches he was very muscled her cousin, he must ride horses quite often to have such strong thighs.

"Greetings Cousin, am I to assume you are here to have a luncheon with myself, Baratheon and the Princess?" he asked he looked up at her

"Yes?" She responded, why did his eyes make her want to confess her deepest darkest fantasies to him, which coincidentally all were related to him?

He nodded, pulling himself up to his full height, he wordlessly picked up her basket, and she fell into step with him

"Where are Princess and…"

"I do not believe that they intend to be in our company."

Joanna's brow shifted, "Oh I see, they have played us for fools," she sucked her teeth and bit her lower lip. Her lady mother had not been able to beat out of Joanna her habits of speaking through gritted teeth nor sucking her teeth when she was frustrated.

She expected behaviour like this from the vain and reckless stormlord but surely Ellanna Martell loved her too well to play such a wicked prank on her?

"You should go, Cousin Joanna, tongues shall wag, if you are seen in my company, without a chaperone."

"Oh yes, of course, very well, I was thinking that too, I am leaving presently I have prepared a beautiful picnic which would be a shame to waste."

Tywin looked down into the basket

"It unfortunately got soiled on the way here," she cringed.

"That much is quite obvious, Cousin Joanna."

"Very well it was a pleasure Cousin."

"Joanna, you need not lie."

There were a thousand reasons for her to leave, chief amongst them, should anyone see them together, the likelihood of her finding a good husband would be very low. But for every reason to leave, she could very quickly counter it. She was homesick, he looked like home, he was the very essence of home, was he not the Lion of Casterly Rock? He was a proud Lord, she was his kin, and no one would dare question her honour if she was with him surely. Where else would she be safer than with her own blood?

She bit her lip. When had he stopped calling her cousin and started calling her Joanna? Not even the Princess of Dorne was this intimate with her name.

"Are you well Joanna?"

"Yes no I am…" her stomach grumbled she had not broken her fast this morning she had been in such a haste to make a beautiful picnic

Tywin knew that he should send her away, he daily recited reasons why he should not be in her company. Even the fool Steffon Baratheon was making offhand remarks about how Tywin was paying more attention to his Cousin's golden hair than the gold in the Crown's treasury.

Steffon, four days ago, during a feast, drunk as a Lord, had been offering advice upon advice on how Tywin could successfully bed his cousin and not get caught. Tywin had only refrained from violence because Joanna had just arrived with the Queen and the Dornish Princess at the exact moment and Tywin had forgotten why, in that moment why he wanted to murder his best friend in cold blood.

The dornish Princess had pulled Steffon away whispering something leaving Tywin and Joanna alone

Tywin had brought her a glass of spiced wine, "Oh Cousin Tywin, you know I cannot drink from your hand," she had told him with embarrassment.

He quickly placed the glass on a table, apologising and bowing

She picked it up and they raised their glasses to each other

In the Westerlands, only spouses, siblings and parents passed drinks between them, their long held betrothal custom comprised of the couple entwining their hands together and drinking from the glass held by their intended spouse's hand.

Tywin, had spent the entire night finding reasons to avoid Joanna, the more time he spent talking to her, hovering near her the less likely she would find a brave, gentle and strong husband. He would be the reason she would be stuck in a loveless marriage. The thought kept him in a corner staring at her, men would come to him to compliment Joanna and attempt to gain his approval for them to court his cousin. Tywin would glower at them, and had been brutally impolite to every man who had looked, spoken or danced with Joanna that night.

He knew he had to learn to do without her, he had brought House Castamere to ruins so why was banishing his cousin from his mind such a difficult task? He knew the key to success was to avoid her eyes. He felt an inexplicable urge to smile when he looked into her eyes. He was not a man who was known for smiling.

Despite every reason to stay away, it was as if the universe was conspiring to torment him into madness, as that drunk buffoon had stumbled into them which caused his cousin to lose her balance and she had clung to him.

That night Steffon Baratheon had almost died twice. Tywin had reluctantly let his cousin disentangle herself from him, and she had looked at him mortified and asked if he was well, as if it was him and not her that had just been bulldozed over by a hairy Ox by the name of Baratheon.

When Steffon had winked and said "you're welcome," to him, Tywin saw red.

Joanna sensing his intentions to violence, had asked if he would be so kind to escort her to her chambers.

Tywin had grunted a response as a guard followed them at a respectful distance, Joanna had chatted amiably.

Tywin was calmed by her presence. Her voice was hypnotising. People often remarked that his luminous, gold flecked green eyes scared them, not even as a young lad was he known to be fearful, he had been cutting down men twice his age and thrice his size without hesitation, but her eyes they paralysed him they made him hesitate. Her eyes they rendered him useless, he just stood quiet as a mouse, when they stopped outside her chambers.

"Farewell Cousin Tywin, thank you for your company," she had said

He had just stared at her eyes, did words exist to describe such beauty?

The guard had cleared his throat.

"Yes." Tywin had said abruptly, tearing his eyes away, and he had turned on his heel.

Tywin pushed that embarrassing moment out of his head, feeling once again captivated by her eyes.

"I should go," she said slowly, it was unclear if she was telling him that or trying to convince herself that she had to leave.

"Come with me," he said

"What?" she asked then caught herself, "I beg your pardon, Cousin Tywin, I must decline, there is a service to a fallen soldier at the Sept." Steffon had said Tywin liked pious women, after her multiple rude outbursts and cursing, he must think so low of her.

Tywin held out his hand "if you wish to go back and kneel on a dusty floor beside maggot food, you are free to go, if you wish to feed your belly come with me."

She took his hand, with her free hand, she used her parasol, to hide the smile spreading across her face as excitement spread through her. Holding his hand, was a thrill enough, what would this afternoon bring?

Joanna wondered where Tywin's food was, she placed her parasol by her basket of ruined food. Tywin took off his cloak, she watched in wonder as the beautiful fabric made an arc in the air before he gracefully laid it on the grass.

He indicated that she sit on his cloak, she had once heard a song, about a beautiful maiden who had lain with her lover, a Ser on his cloak. She hid her face under her hair, to hide her guilty face as she watched her cousin retrieve a wooden box.

Did he have any fish cake? She wondered, she a Lannisport girl, loved blackened fish, fish cakes and steamed fish with ginger and lemon.

"Will it take long?" she asked then slapped her hand to her mouth as she saw him assemble his fishing rod

"No, Joanna, it shan't take long."

"Oh thank the gods," she muttered

"It shall take only as long as it needs be," he told her earning him an expressive eye roll from Joanna.

Joanna rummaged through her picnic basket the wine and the glasses were safe. She wiped them down with her towels and placed the wine in the water to keep in cool.

Tywin was rather pleased with the image of Joanna seated on his cloak, he averted his face as a blush warmed his face, he remembered a scandalous song in the West, about how a maid became a woman as she lay on her lover's cloak as they clung together on a hill overlooking Lannisport.

"She is your cousin, you must protect her honour and find her a good husband," he told himself. "You cannot even catch a single fish to feed her, how can you provide for her and the three children you shall have with her?" asked himself, he often dreamed of his children with Joanna, two boys and a girl.

"Thank the gods," he thought as the fishing line was pulled taut

"I expected your friend the stormlord to trick us in such a heinous way but Ellie?, never in a thousand years would I have expected her to do something so discourteous. What dark magic, he must have cast a spell on her, she loves me well, and she would not have tricked me to come here on my own. She knows my father is not wealthy and if a man asks for a dowry why, my poor father would just keel over in shame if he could not provide, he has excluding me two other true born daughters. Oh, but you already know this." She laughed with embarrassment.

The line went slack, the fish had been scared off by his cousin's chatter.

"You ought to find better company, he is so rough. Did you know Lord Steffon bedded not one but two servants at the same time? He has no honour did you know he has already fathered a babe? His son is a beautiful, black haired darling, his mother calls him Bronn, a strange name well she is a strange woman…"

"Joanna," he bit his lower lip, inhaling sharply turning to face her, only realising how close her face was to his, how his lips were a whisper away from her lips. He swallowed hard, then tore his gaze away.

"I know you want to know who the mother is." She smirked, "You shan't be able to guess, try anyway," she shrugged

"Joanna." The way he said her name, sounded like a complete sentence.

"Try, one guess!" she took his arm

"Joanna are you truly from Lannisport?" He asked voice betraying no emotion

"Yes, of course where else would I be from?" She wondered what it meant when a man, repeated your name…

"Then why in the name of the gods are you chattering like a pauper's teeth on a chilly night? Have you after being a lady of the court, forgotten the first thing about being a child of the West? We need silence to catch fish, whether at Lannisport, the riverlands or the iron islands."

Joanna had forgotten everything Steffon had said, she smiled sweetly, eyes flashing like wildfire, "Cousin Tywin, I thank you for the lesson in geography, since you are from Lannisport as well, you know that real men catch fish with their hands," without breaking eye contact she swiftly threw his fishing rod into the water

Tywin nodded slowly at Joanna, she crossed her arms, she was no less a lion than he.

Joanna's eyes then widened as Tywin began to pull off his clothes. He kept her gaze as he shed his clothes. She blinked rapidly as he stripped naked, he was now, bare as a newborn babe. He paused to stretch and then he dove into the water. She stood frozen, if anyone were to see her with him now, she would be dismissed. They would not even bother to do a virginity test on her they would ship her home to Marla and Jason. Tywin emerged from the lake, retrieving not only the fishing pole but he bought back a big fat flopping brown Black Eye Trout.

"I'll clean the fish she said," wondering if she looked more an apple or tomato as her face burned hotter than the grille that they prepared blackened fish on back in the West. Just as her mother taught her, she used his fishing knife to scrape the scales off the fish and gutted it skilfully.

Tywin, admired his aunt Marla, she had often stepped in for Westerlands ceremonies, especially girlhood events for his sister Genna. Tywin felt a fierce pride over how quickly Joanna had prepared the fish, he had built a decent fire and handed her a stick to skewer the fish.

She had rubbed salt and pepper into the fish and plucked a lemon from a nearby tree and had seasoned the fish.

They ate in silence, she was of two minds, if she told him to put on his tunic she would be admitting that she was having lustful thoughts about him, if she did not tell him to put on his tunic she would probably die by choking on fish bones because there was nothing more distracting than Tywin Lannister with his wet hair and water droplets travelling down, down, down…

This time when he handed her the glass of wine, she didn't say anything and neither did he. It felt incredibly naughty and the wine tasted so much better, it tasted like a gentle sin.

"Joanna…"

"Mmmhmm?"

"Would you be as kind as to…"

"Yes."

Tywin tilted his head

Joanna smiled in embarrassment

She pushed down her disappointment as he pulled on his tunic, "that wretched Baratheon was quite loud in his lovemaking."

Joanna's eyes widened was he going to propose that she… that he… that they…

"I have had barely a wink of sleep."

Joanna wondered if mother would really thrash her within an inch of her life if she did dishonour herself by laying with her cousin this moment. After all did father not in fact father three children in less than two years, one of them a bastard?

"Would you do me the honour of…"

"Yes…" she murmured, she had heard from the Princess that it was only uncomfortable and hurt for a moment and then it was nothing but pure unadulterated bliss after that.

"Sing to me?"

"Oh." she exclaimed forcing a bright smile on her face, "what… what sort of song would you prefer?"

"Anything you wish." It was her voice that mattered not what she sang, she could count to a hundred and he would swear it was the most beautiful song he had ever heard. He lay on the cloak and closed his eyes, she watched him try to find a comfortable position

"Come here," she commanded him, rolling her eyes.

He opened his eyes, in surprise no one, not even his father, not even the young Dragon King Aerys, told him what to do.

She beckoned him over, she watched him crawl over to her, she had once seen a male lion stalk to his mate, this is what Tywin looked like, the lion had then rubbed his face against his mate's and they had kissed as lions do, by licking each other's faces, the female lion had purred the male lion had lowered his head. The female lion had kept watch as her mate slumbered.

"What amuses you so?" he asked as he knelt in front of her.

"Your grandfather's lions, they are so magnificent, I have never seen anything as beautiful as them," she gushed, overcome with emotion.

"I have," he said holding her gaze

She smiled, a tendril of hope uncurling in her breast, was he making clear his intentions to court her?

"Lay your head on my lap, I shall sing to you and you shall fall straight to sleep."

"And if I do not?"

"I have 5 younger siblings I know how to put children to sleep." She said with irritation, her hope of being courted by the Lord hand, dissipating and being replaced by frustration.

"Are you calling me…" he pointed to himself, a comical expression of shock on his face, "a child? I am a man grown. I am the Lord hand."

"You were a naked Lannisport fisherman an hour ago, now do as I say," she would have to return to the keep soon, if she did not want to answer queries of her whereabouts and which Ser she had been disgracing her family with.

Joanna, wondered which song, she ought to sing, she was not going to sing that song that was bouncing around in her head, the one about the maiden who had loved her ser on the hill how her lover had moved like honey how it was he who had yielded to her.

She hummed testing to see how loudly she could sing for him to hear her voice but still be able to be claimed by the dream gods. She found the perfect volume and began her song, about a woman singing her lover to sleep.

I wore the time like a dress, that year
The autumn days swung soft around me
Like cotton on my skin

But as the embers of the summer
Lost their breath and disappeared
My heart went cold
And only hollow rhythms resounded from within

But then he rose, brilliant as the moon in full
And sank in the burrows of my keep

All my armor falling down,
In a pile at my feet
And my winter giving way to warm
As I'm singing him to sleep

He was fast asleep, before she had even reached half way through the song, she couldn't help herself as she played with his now dry hair. If she had children, she hoped that they looked like him, that her blood was strong enough to give her lion cubs that resembled someone as strong and handsome as him.

Joanna shifted, let out a stifled moan, she blinked lazily, and then yawned. She felt disoriented, eye eyes watery after her yawn, her mouth dry, the distinct taste of wine in her mouth. She turned her face to the source of a chuckle.

She lifted her head off her cousin's chest and turned her eyes to his strange eyes, his eyes were so remarkable, every time she looked at them she could not look away, she was just so drawn to his eyes they were full of some secret promise.

"You fell asleep on me," he told her, "you were meant to put me to sleep and you took advantage of me as a pillow."

"The Dornish princess also makes for a terrible neighbour." Joanna confessed "I believe she had company last night," Joanna was about to sit up when she saw a soft look on Tywin's face, it looked out of place.

"What?" she asked belatedly remembering that Steffon said that Tywin loved women with impeccable courtesies, she was failing miserably on that front.

"You yawn like a lioness roaring." He said turning on his side to face her.

She narrowed her eyes, "my mother said only whores open that mouths wide, without covering their mouths."

"Your mother is quite…" he was playing with his Lord Hand pin, twirling it in his hands.

"Blunt." Joanna supplied.

"Beautiful and clever, I see where you get it from…"

She sat up and tilted her head, was he flirting with her?

"Your mother is more Lannister than your father."

Joanna concurred with him, her father was a lovely man, and his main claim was his good looks and his virility, 8 children, all living.

"You think I'm beautiful and smart?"

"And blunt," he agreed

"Oh," she said sadly, her heart sinking rapidly.

"What is the matter, I have upset you." He sat up, looking worried

"Our Stormlord said you preferred timid and pious women." Trying to be timid and pious for the last three days were the worst days of her life.

"How that disgrace to his House still breathes is beyond me," Tywin cursed Steffon under his breath

"He loves you well, what sort of woman do you prefer for a wife Lord cousin?"

Tywin, was conflicted, he could over step his bounds, he was not rich or powerful enough he did not deserve her. He had no right, she had the right to his protection yet here he was, desiring her with a grand passion, matched only by the forces of gravity. On a lighter note, should she reject him, it was a good place he could quickly drown himself.

"A blunt, beautiful and clever woman," he said and she watched as he weighed his words, "but most of the woman I wish to share my life with must share my devotion to my House. She must honour nothing over the wellbeing of House Lannister."

She bit her lip, "have you… does this woman exist?"

Tywin closed his eyes and lay back, "that is yet to be determined."

"How?" Joanna demanded

"I need a wife brave as a lioness, only such a woman, may take my mother's position at Casterly Rock, only she will be worthy to wear my mother's jewellery. Should this woman I desire, wish to be my wife I would invite her this very moment, to lay here on my cloak until sundown."

Joanna remembered Lord Tyto's lions for a moment, she felt like them, she was in a cage, trapped by invisible bars in the Red Keep, she wanted to return to Lannisport. For all the glamour and entertainment at the Red Keep, there were dark whispers, of what happened to women that caught the eye of the King. And Joanna saw the looks she got from the King, she wish she was blind but she was not. The more he sought out Joanna's company the less Joanna went to court. Joanna longed for home, in the West they had a saying, that it was not a hovel, nor a castle that was a woman's home, her home would be her husband's arms. Joanna's appreciation of Tywin's arms was disturbed when he spoke again.

"However, if this woman I desire chooses to return to the Keep, I shall fault her not, I will do my duty by her and find her a brave, gentle and strong husband." Tywin was glad his eyes were closed, as he prayed that she stay with him, he barely ever prayed so he hoped that they answered his one and only prayer. Tywin was lying to Joanna, he would never be able to find her a husband he would tell Kevan to do it, it would destroy Tywin if he had to see her with another let alone broker the marriage himself.

Joanna looked to the position of the sun it would be three good hours before it set, without a doubt people must have had noticed her absence. Joanna feared nothing except her mother. Marla's slaps were legendary, she had received her fair share of them, she did not want to receive them again if she went home disgraced, with Tywin's bastard in her belly.

But as she laid her head on his chest and ran her hand over his broad shoulder, he dropped a kiss on her temple and after briefly caressing her golden hair his arm settled on her back holding her close to him as she cuddled against him, she settled in a fetal position, their legs entwined, her knee pulled up and resting upon his thigh and her other knee resting against his leg.

They lay like that for hours.

"What are you thinking of," she asked, marvelling how perfectly they fit together, as if the gods had made them for each other.

"That the first thing we shall do once you are the lady of Casterly Rock is to find that hill overlooking Lannisport."

Joanna laughed happily closing her eyes, forget sundown, she was willing to lay here till morning.