Disclaimer: DN Angel is not mine.
Pairing: Satoshi x Risa.
Synopsis: Without her, it will rain.
Word count: 2258 words.
Inspired by Bruno Mars' It Will Rain. Credit to Gillie for pointing out my silly mistakes.
The small beeps from the heart monitor filled the silence. Hiwatari Satoshi stared at the rain outside— the rain that hadn't really stopped since last week. And since last week, the girl in front of him hadn't opened her eyes. She had been unresponsive after the accident. There's nothing much the doctors could do until the sleeping beauty wake up. With shaky hands, he held hers and prayed for some sort of miracle to happen. He didn't ask much. He just wanted her to open her eyes, her lips to form the most beautiful smile in the world and those small arms to provide comfort for him. Was he too greedy to ask for such things?
Maybe it's greedy— after what he'd done to her. He was not a jealous type of person. In fact, he never really cared what other people thought about him. Guessed that's the thing that tore them apart. His indifferent and coldness had finally cost him something that he finally held dear to. He was greedy for asking more from the girl that hadn't giving up on him; the girl who hadn't stop from opening his heart to the world. Sure, he and Risa had been going out (if those 'coincidence meetings' that ended up with short coffee breaks and dinners passed as dates) for almost a year. But just how many times did he appreciate the girl for spending her time with him? How many times she'd keep her smile even after he'd coldly ignored her?
It sure surprised him to find her standing outside of his door with two big luggages one morning saying that it's time for her to shift into a new phase in her life after she found her dream job. Damn her tarot cards for giving her the 'brilliant idea'. Though they're staying under one roof, Satoshi's cold demeanor was still the same. The two did their own things more like roommates than a couple.
His anemia had been the major contributor for their progress. Thanks to its attack one morning. He was preparing himself to work after finishing his all night investigation when the symptoms began to appear. Brushing his bang from his sweating forehead, he swayed dangerously before a wave of dizziness swept gravity away from him. He must had blacked out, instinctively grabbed something to break his fall and made a loud sound because the next thing he knew, he was on the floor with his head resting on Risa's laps. His mind was too fuzzy to understand what she said, but he was sure that the girl was on the verge of panic attack as she kept crying and talking frantically with someone on the phone. His heart clenched seeing those tears falling down her face, but he was too weak to move. He vaguely remembered her embraced him, saying how cold his body was before Daisuke and Riku turned up later with paramedics tailing at their backs. That night, Risa shyly stole a kiss when she thought that he was unconscious.
"Don't scare me like that again…" she had whispered.
And so, Satoshi had kept reminding himself to treat Risa better than before, though establishing good relationships had never been his forte since he was young (not to mention having a maniac blonde resided within him had made it all a waste of time). Risa's cooking had slightly improved, and it had encouraged her to prepare dinners for Satoshi. That's why he always brought something as backup in case his dinner turned into charcoals. Yep, you read that right. He'd changed his diet to accompany the brunette to make sure Risa wouldn't die from hunger— or food poisoning. But one thing that the blunette failed to notice was the fact that he tended to go home earlier than the time before Risa moved in—or the fact that he'd slowly crawled out of his solitude.
Everything seemed to be fine, until he found her staring at a familiar raven-black feather. Almost everytime he saw her with the feather, she'd held it dearly with a sad look on her face. He brushed it off, fully aware of her affection towards the phantom thief. Though there's a twinge of jealousy, he knew the brunette had now chosen him…right?
"Am I Dark's substitute?" Satoshi asked, his gaze remained on the steam coming from the coffee mugs in front of him.
"What do you mean?"
"What exactly am I to you?"
With that question, Risa's sweet smile formed. "Isn't that obvious? You're my boyfriend."
The blunette was silent for a while, "I saw the way you look at the feather."
With their intertwined fingers loosen and bodies which pressed against each other for warmth earlier separated, Risa turned her head to look at Satoshi with wide eyes. The sound of the rain filled the silence as Satoshi looked at Risa's pale face. Her smile faded.
"I'm not mad that you still have feelings for him, Risa. Or that you still keep his…memento. But I don't understand why you look at it with that sad expression when you thought I wasn't looking. If it hurts you to be with me, then we better end this relationship."
"A-are you saying we should break up…?"
The blunette rubbed his hand on his cheek, reminiscing painful past that he wished he could forget. "I'm everything that he's not. I can't give you the same happiness he gave you. I can't give anyone happiness."
"You know that's not true! The months I've spend my time with you is the happiest time of my life, and I want it to continue. So stop talking nonsense!"
"And keep remembering him in such a way that says you still mourning for him?"
Risa couldn't retaliate. It's true that she still mourned for Dark. Didn't they say that first love is the deepest? But it didn't mean that she didn't love Satoshi. Why should he be mad about someone who was no longer here?
"What's the use of spending your time with me when you're thinking about him everyday? Why are you here when you know your heart still belongs to him?"
Tears were forming at the corners of her eyes when she slapped him whole heartedly. Satoshi didn't flinch. He just stared at the floor without a word.
"I come because I love you, you jerk. Isn't that enough to be here?"
The girl ran to her room. The door slammed shut against the thick tension.
Next morning, he heard her room's door opened, followed by the sound from the entrance door. It didn't surprise him to find that she'd left with all her belongings. But it hurts to remember those tears on her face. He had made her cried, twice. And it hurts so much thinking that the person he cared the most had walked away from his life.
He stood in front of her empty room for some time when he noticed a pair of white feather and black feather lay on the table. With one glance Satoshi knew they belonged to Dark and Krad. He knew about Dark's feather, but he didn't know that she owned Krad's too.
And he stared.
He didn't remember when he ran out of his apartment, driving aimlessly for Risa. He called her handphone numerous times, only to be greeted by the operator when she didn't answer it. He'd called Riku, but she told him that Risa didn't come home. She didn't come to work too, leaving him with no clue. When he tried to call her friends, he noticed that he didn't know any of them. He knew some of her close friends at school, but most of them had moved out of the town. That's when he realized that he didn't know much about her as much as she knew him.
He opted to walk under the heavy rain, thinking that it's better than being stuck in the traffic jam with small chances of finding her. He searched everywhere, every place that Risa loved to go, but there's no trace of her. For the first time, Satoshi felt so hopeless.
He hastily picked up his handphone when it rang, with the hope that the caller was Risa.
"Hiwatari-kun," Daisuke's shaky voice spoke. "Risa…h-her taxi involved with an accident this morning—"
His phone slipped from his shaky hand. Daisuke's voice could be heard calling for him, but he was too stunned— too lost to notice it. His mind screamed one word; Risa.
It's his fault that Risa was in that situation.
She might die from her head injury.
She wouldn't walk away if he didn't start the argument.
It happened because of him.
Like his mother, Risa's suffered because of him.
All. Because. Of. Him.
A firm grip on his shoulder startled the blunette. He wiped the forming tears with the hope that the other guy wouldn't notice.
"How long have you been here?" Daisuke asked with a small smile.
"Some time," he replied tiredly.
"Want to grab a cup of coffee?"
Satoshi hesitated for a while before he stood up, "Yeah, sure."
~oOo~
Noises around the cafeteria didn't faze him. Seeing how depressed his friend was, Daisuke tried to cheer him up with news about his new project and art exhibition. Satoshi made a few responses before he seemed to be lost in thoughts. Daisuke stared at his friend, fully aware that the bearer of his former arch nemesis was blaming himself for what had happened. It amazed him that such a smart person would be in a total loss when it came to the girl who once said that she hated the blunette. Then again, who wouldn't? Risa was one of the few people who he opened himself to; the only girl whom he had an interest in. And the girl was now lying on the hospital bed, injured, unresponsive and separated from the world in her sleeplike state. Riku had been unwell and depressed too, but at least Daisuke knew how to console her. But Hiwatari Satoshi? The last time he acted like that was during the school years, when they were still…'enemy'.
After a lot of persuasion, Daisuke managed to drive his friend home. Satoshi insisted that he was fine on his own and slipped into his apartment, leaving his worried friend to unwillingly depart. Closing his apartment door, Satoshi rested his back on the door and slid down onto the floor. He suddenly felt so tired.
"You're late today. Hectic day, huh?"
Satoshi looked up, expecting to see the brunette stood in front of him. But he was greeted with silence and darkness. The apartment suddenly felt cold, empty and suffocating without anyone to greet him home. Then again, wasn't that normal for him before?
During his quick shower, he couldn't take his mind away from Risa. The pain of seeing her in that state plagued him so deep that he wasn't able to focus on anything else. His headache started to annoy him that made him walked out of the shower and went to search for pain killers behind the mirror. He took a couple of them and drank it down.
"Aspirin? I've told you not to overwork yourself."
He glared at the source of the voice, yet again, nobody was there. Risa wasn't there. God, he must be very tired to imagine such things. Washing his face for the last time, he went to the kitchen to get something to drink. The rain outside still falls rhythmically. His gaze fixed on a red apple on the table, but he took a bottle of mineral water instead.
"You're skipping your meal again."
Satoshi closed his eyes, praying that the tormenting fragment of memories to disappear. He was afraid that he would go crazy. Hell, he must have already been crazy now. Without Risa, there would be neither sunlight nor clear sky. Without her, everything seemed bleak and empty. Rubbing his aching temple, he walked into her room and sat on her bed. There's no place in the apartment that could make him forget about her. She had been a part of the place; a part of his life. Every corner reminded him of her that it felt so wrong without her.
Why? Krad would have asked disgustedly if he was still around.
He didn't say anything as unstoppable tears streamed down his cheeks.
~oOo~
Week two, and Satoshi had stayed with Risa whenever he's not working. He didn't want to go back to his apartment. It's just too overwhelming. The doctors didn't give him any hope too, making him even more miserable.
He met Riku earlier that day and the she didn't look that please with him. She must have known he and Risa had a fight before she left his place. He's always amazed by the twins' telepathy. How they could feel each other's pain was beyond his knowledge. He didn't blame her, of course. Risa wouldn't be in that situation if it wasn't for him.
Now that he's alone with Risa again, he took her hand affectionately. He sat beside the bed and put his forehead on her bandaged ones.
"I'm sorry for the pain I've caused," he whispered. "So please don't say goodbye…"
He awkwardly kissed her pale lips. It wasn't exactly like the one Risa gave him, but it was the only thing he could give. He didn't ask much. He just wanted her to respond; to tell him that he's doing it the wrong way.
His vision blurred as warm tears formed. The girl remained unresponsive.
"I love you, Risa. Don't leave me..."
~end~
Constructive comment will be highly appreciated. ^_^