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Forbidden Thoughts

Chapter 1: Harry

I'm keeping this because Dumbledore suggested it before… Well, you know.

"A young man must learn how to deal with his emotions, how to approach them, that's the only way you can learn to control them, and use them for some sort of benefit, instead of letting them use you."

So here it is. Things are strange, after the funeral and the whole bit I spent a few days with Lupin. But it was awkward, with both of us so torn up, not to mention Tonks being there. They're in a weird state, her and Lupin, they're both so upset over Sirius and Dumbledore, but then they've just finally gotten together, so they're still in that stage of overwhelming happiness. Being around them reminds me of that feeling that I lost.

Lupin took me to the Dursley's and at last I've got all of my things and I'll never have to go back to that Godforsaken house ever again. It was strange leaving it, Aunt Petunia come over and gave me a stiff hug. I'm not sure why, maybe just because Lupin was watching, but still, there was a vague sincerity about it that confused me.

I'm living at The Burrow now, I was going to stay at 12 Grimmauld Place, but Mrs. Weasley thought it would be better if I stayed at the burrow. I plan on finding a place of my own to buy eventually, but until that point, I'm happy being here amongst the few that care about me, as a person, not a savior.

It's somewhat awkward being here, in some respects; on the one hand these people are like my family and on the other…

I guess awkward refers mainly to Ginny. Yes we were together and then apart and then briefly together and then… I'm too distant. We've both changed so much. We grew apart. There are things we need to work out before we can even think about getting back together… All have been said and I can't figure out anything to do about any of them.

Want my honesty? I want to be with her. In fact, a part of me still thinks of her as mine. Part of me thinks it's only a matter of time before we'll end up back together. Will living at the burrow help? I don't know.

Ron says he thinks she may be seeing someone, but she hasn't told anyone, for sure. She's been really distant, almost secretive lately. He's not sure why, but thinks it has something to do with hurting me. Hermione's deduced that she has to be secretive, because if anyone in the family finds out, than it will come back to me, and in their eyes I'm as fragile as cracked glass that's not yet fallen to pieces.

"Leave it alone, Harry, if it's meant to work out, it will."

But what if it's not? Then what?

More to come shortly :-D

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