LMFAO:
"All right, Sky, here's the deal, I do have another job and I can't leave it right now." Spencer Reid said in a hushed tone, in the men's bathroom at the Marcy police department in New York, hoping not to be heard. He listens to the other man talk for a moment, before responding, "You knew before I joined you that I had this job to do."
Another pause. "Send me the video and I'll learn the steps tonight. Listen, I told you I will be there." He could hear the bathroom door open and he hastily whispered, "Someone's coming, I'll talk to you later." and snapped the phone shut. Reid, unsure of how to proceed with the other person in the room, he made a farting noise with his mouth and upper arm. He flushed the toilet and rolled his sleeve back down.
Upon opening the stall door, he saw Morgan standing there, looking at him through the mirror. "So, who was that?" he asked. Reid gave him his best confused look as he turned the water on to wash his hands. "Dude, I heard you say ' I'll talk to you later.' and that was the fakest fart noise I've ever heard."
"Fine, you caught me. It was a fake fart and I was on the phone with someone."
"And that someone was..." he pried.
"I will tell you if you can teach me to 'fart'."
"Deal." Morgan said, rolling up his sleeve, taking a deep breath in, placed his lips to his biceps, and started to blow. Out came a very realistic fart.
Morgan looked at Reid, whose cheeks were turning a bright pink. "Sorry." he said. Morgan shook it off and repeated the process as before. For the next few minutes, they took turns making their noises. They were interrupted, however, when the door opened and in walked Hotch.
"What the hell is going on in here? Reid, you left twenty minutes ago to go to the bathroom. Morgan you came in here ten minutes ago to check on him. And now, I come in here and find the two of you goofing off." Both agents, in turn got the usual 'stern Hotch glare' making each one look down at their feet, like a little kid being scolded by their parent.
"Sorry." they both mumbled. Hotch walked out of the room and Reid made to move as if to exit too. Before he got to the door though, Morgan pulled him back by the collar. "You promised."
"You really want to know?"
"Yes." he sounded irritated.
"You asked. Garcia and I have had a relationship for a few weeks now. I was just sweet-talking her."
Morgan stood shocked, not knowing how to react while Reid left to get back to work.
*****9:00*****
"Good work, everyone. We leave at 9:30 in the morning, so get a good night's sleep. I, personally, am hungry and I'm going to get something to eat, join me if you want." Hotch said, moving towards the door. All of the profilers taking suit, packing their things and moving to their SUVs.
Outside, Reid said, "I'm tired, so I'm going back to the hotel."
"I'll drive you back." Hotch said. "That way, we don't have to cram into one vehicle."
"I'll go with you; I want to change my shirt." Rossi said. The others decided to get some pizza; Rossi and Hotch would meet them after. The ride to the hotel was a quiet affair. Reid had to pretend as if he were getting ready for bed incase either decided to look in on him. He quickly threw on his pajamas and ran to the peephole in the door to see when they left."
As he watched his senior agents walk by, he sighed with relief that they hadn't. When they were far enough down the hallway, where they could no longer be seen, he cracked the door open to watch as they loaded the elevator and left. He waited a good ten minutes to be sure they weren't coming back. They weren't.
That was a big relief to Reid. He moved about the room, first turning his laptop on then changing from his pajamas to his costume, which he liked to call his 'secret identity.'
As he pulled the zipper up, he deliberated as to if he should or should put the most significant part of his secret identity. He decided to go with the later.
When that was set, he turned back to the computer. He clicked a link he had gotten from an email. Reid watched the video it had brought up. When it finished, he watched it another five times.
At the end of the sixth time, his phone went off. Looking at the ID, he answered, "Hey." Then stopped as he was talked to. "Yeah, I just finished watching it now and about to practice it. Dude, that was the best one yet."
There was another pause from Reid. "We leave at nine, so we should have plenty of time when we get back." Another shorter pause. "Yes, I'll see you tomorrow, Sky. Bye." Reid shut his phone again.
To make sure he knew what he needed to do, he watched the video again. Now that he was sure, he stood up and placed the computer on the bed. Turning the volume up, he started it once more.
When I started, it gave a count down from five so that Reid would be ready.
Then the music started and on the screen two men started dancing around; Reid copied their every move. He had made a few mistakes here and there, but over all for his first try it wasn't bad. There were some flips that he decided to skip for the time being since he didn't want to disturb other residents who might be asleep. He would have to wait until they returned to Virginia to practice those.
After nearly three hours, he had all but the flips down. That also, is when the other had returned. He could tell they had gone out for drinks too because they were obnoxiously loud and it was so late. From the hallway, Reid heard them all say goodnights.
Slightly panicked, Reid threw on a long-sleeved shirt and jumped into the bed, grabbing a book as he did so. Right as he was opening the book, Morgan was slipping into their shared room.
"Hey." Morgan blurted out. "You're awake!" He accused, louder than necessary.
"Yeah."
"Then why didn't you join us, it was loads of fun." He looked upset. Reid looked up from his fake reading and flinched, finding that Morgan was only inches from his face. "We even saw Hotch with his tie lose."
"Wow, Morgan. That's really -"
"Why's your hair wet?" Morgan interrupted.
"Oh, um I, ah, took a shower?" It had sounded more like a question.
Luckily, Morgan was too drunk to notice. "Oh." He responded instead. The light was left on while Morgan changed, but was turned off before he got in bed.
Reid had turned over onto his side, facing away from the other bed. The next thing he was aware of was his bed shaking. "Morgan?"
"Yeah?"
"What are you doing?"
"Going to sleep, duh."
"Get in your own bed."
"Why?" He sounded hurt.
"I turn over a lot and you would end up on the floor."
"Oh." He responded, moving to the other bed. Reid waited a moment before grabbing his pants and heading to the bathroom, hoping that Morgan was already passed out.
"Reid?"
Shit! He thought, "Hummm?"
"I have two questions for you. Where are you going?"
"The bathroom."
"Oh, are you wearing any pants?" He asked in a drunkenly sleepy way.
"Nope." Reid said assuming Morgan would have no recollection of their conversation.
"Good, cause neither am I and I'm not wearing boxers either, I think."
"Ummm. Goodnight Morgan" there was no answer.
Reid changed back into his pajamas and had to know. He tiptoed over to the second bed and pulled up the sheets, thankfully, he did have pants on. Sighing, he slipped back into his own bed.
*****Morning*****
Morgan was awake long enough to have changed before Reid was waking up. "Umm, hey." Reid said, stretching in bed.
"Hi."
"How long before we leave?"
"In fifteen minutes, were going to get something to eat then head back." Reid nodded, getting out of bed.
"I had the weirdest dream last night." Morgan started, packing the rest of his thing while Reid got dressed.
"Yeah, what's that?"
"Well the parts that I remember where I was trying to sleep in the same bed as you, you kicked me out and then I asked if you were wearing any pants; you had said no and I said I wasn't either."
"The first part wasn't a dream."
"Oh, my god."
"I'm prepared to not talk about it to anyone if you are too."
"Yes, oh my god, I'm so sorry."
There were a few minutes of silence as both men finished packing. "We'd better get going." Morgan said. Reid quickly agreed, ready to leave the room.
Once they were in the lobby, they found the others waiting for them. All of the agents said their good mornings and headed to the closest breakfast restaurant and ordered after a few moments of looking over the menus.
"So boys, how did you sleep last night?" JJ asked Morgan and Reid. The exchanged a glance before muttering that it was good to be able to get some. JJ raised her eyebrow at their glance exchange.
"How was it good, any interesting thing happen?"
"No," Morgan spoke first, "just some really odd dreams."
"What about you Reid, anything interesting?"
"Yes. If you consider taking a bath, reading some books, and falling into a rather peaceful sleep interesting." After that response, their table was left to an awkward silence while the rest to the restaurant continued to buzz with other occupants.
Through the rest of breakfast, there was the occasional small talk between them. After they were full, had their bill paid, and placed their tip on the table, they found themselves half an hour late getting onto their private jet.
Each had found a comfortable seat, some were asleep, some reading, some talking, and others looking out of the window, listening to music.
JJ was the one reading her book and Morgan with his headphones in was watching the clouds go by. Hotch was talking with Prentiss and Rossi. "Did you see how fast he was knocked out when he laid down?" He was saying.
"Yeah and what was up with him skipping out on pizza and drinks last night." Rossi added.
"He could just be really exhausted from all the cases, I mean when is the last time he, or any of us for that matter, had a real break." Prentiss pointed out.
"I don't know. But I do know that he seems to be more distant." Hotch said.
"I repeat this bit of evidence; he didn't come to eat pizza with us."
"So, what do you think he's using again?" Prentiss asked concern in her voice.
"With Dilaudid, no. But there something up. If he wakes up while were still in the air, I'll talk to him then and if he's still asleep, I catch him before he leaves."
"Let us know what's going on too." Rossi said. Hotch nodded and the three moved on to talk about something different.
It wasn't their longest flight they had to make, not by a long shot. But it still took about four hours. He had slept through the whole flight. Everyone but Hotch and Reid had left to go home. "Reid." He said, shaking his shoulder, getting a snort in response. "Reid" he said a little louder.
"Huh, wha-" Reid exclaimed, sitting up, his hand moving towards the gun on his hip.
"We've landed. But before you leave, we need to talk." Said Hotch, moving to one of the seats with a table. Reid, now worried, followed and sat on the opposite side.
"What up?" Reid asked.
"Are you feeling all right?"
"Umm, yeah."
"Anything on your mind?"
"Well, it's said that on average, that we have one to five thoughts an hour and anywhere from two to three thousand a day. So yeah, I have stuff on my mind."
"Reid, that's not what I meant, and you know that." He said as if scolding Jack.
"I know. There's nothing out of the normal in my thoughts. Why?"
"Well I, along with the others have noticed that you've been acting different lately."
"I'm not sure I understand."
"You seem exhausted all the time and more aggravated, but only slightly so."
"I've been having a problem with sleep which in turn may make me seem more aggravated. Really, I'm fine."
"Now, let me ask, what do you mean by 'problem'?"
"Just that-" Reid was interrupted by his phone going off. He had started to reach for it but noticed that Hotch was glaring at both him and the phone. A silent look saying 'you had better not pay any attention to that while you're talking to me.'
"Just that I haven't been able to sleep for a few hours when everyone else is already asleep." He said while thinking 'yeah half-truths.'
"Have you looked into anything to resolve this?"
"Not yet, I haven't had time to yet."
"You should look into that when you get home then."
"I will."
"I plan on seeing you Monday morning then." Hotch said, standing to leave. Reid nodded to him and grabbed his go-bag before leaving the jet too.
When he got into his car, he looked to see who had called him, already sure who it had been though. And sure enough, he was right. "Hey, Sky, I was talking with Hotch and he would have killed me if I answered."
"Yes, we landed a few moments ago." He listened to Sky for a moment then answered, "I'm on my way now. I have most of it down; I just have to practice the flips. I'm pretty sure though, that will be easy." Another pause. "I'll see you in a half hour." He hung up the phone and drove to his destination, making it just under the thirty minutes.
"Hey, I'm here." Reid said, walking onto the set.
"Dude, it's about time." A man, with a big ass fro, greeted him.
"At least I'm here."
"Yeah, whatever. Go change." He said jokingly.
Reid went into the locker room with a duffle bag to do just that. When he returned, he was wearing gold and black pants that were somewhat tighter and a matching jacket. He also had multiple chains and necklaces on. And on top of all that, he wore a big box mask. There was no telling they were the same person.
"So how did you practice?" A same man from before asked.
"I did everything accept the flips because we were on the second floor and I didn't want to disturb whoever was below us. Hey, Redfoo, where's Sky?"
"He's getting something to eat over there." Redfoo told him but couldn't deny his curiosity and asked, "Why?"
"I need to tell him something." Reid said, walking away.
Upon approaching, a man with shoulder length brown curls said, "Hey there's Shuffle-bot." through a mouth full of food.
"Hi, Sky. I need to talk with you."
"All right, what about?"
"I just wanted to let you know that if you need me to, I can do other parts than just 'Shuffle-bot'."
"I'm glad you're saying that. You know all those flips and shit like that," Reid nodded. "Redfoo and me, we wanted to have them, but we didn't want 'you' to do them, we wanted someone else too. As in another character and we were hoping you would be able to fill that position."
"Yeah, the only thing is I want another disguise of some sort."
"That's fine."
"It's a deal then."
"There's another thing. I was hoping you could play another part." he paused. "Without a disguise."
"What?"
"Can you play Jesus?"
"I guess."
"Cool."
"What do I need to do?"
"This." Sky said, standing on his tip-toes and waving his arms like a one person wave.
"Seems easy enough."
"We should probably start rehearsing now." they walked onto the set.
*****three weeks later*****
He was running late, only by a few minutes, but still late. "Well, hello." JJ said as he walked into the room where everyone was gathered. As he sat down, everyone was silent.
When he was seated, Hotch asked, "What, did you join a boy band?" This made Morgan and Prentiss give a chuckle.
Sounding confused, confused as to how he could have guessed that so quickly, he denied it with a simple "No."
They left it at that as JJ went on to explain the case. Morgan, however, kept sneaking peaks at him every few minutes.
Once that was said and done, and they were loaded onto the jet heading to Idaho, Morgan sat across a table from Reid.
"So, you'll never guess what I saw this morning." Reid looked down, suddenly interested in his finger nails. "I was watching the music video for 'Party Rock Anthem' by LMFAO and I saw this guy who looked like a mix between you and Jesus."
"Hum." Reid mumbled.
"He was roughly the same height as you and as skinny as you. Then I got to thinking, that it would explain why you've been tired as hell lately and less willing to hang out."
Reid didn't respond. "I'll take that as a yes then. I can't understand why though, you cut your hair."
"Fine, your right, I am a part of LMFAO, but not just as Jesus. I was the guy doing the flips and what not, and I am the Shuffle-bot."
"Interesting, I wouldn't have been able to guess the Shuffle-bot, for obviously reasons, but I couldn't tell that it was you."
"We have an amazing make-up crew."
"That would explain it. And to be sure, you're not dating Garcia?"
"Nope."
"So what up with your hair?"
"I'd rather not say."
"Why?"
"It's embarrassing."
"I won't tell anyone."
"Whatever, I know you will any ways. I got my hair stuck in the box and we ended up having to cut some of it causing it to become uneven and so I got it cut." he finished somewhat annoyed with how he told Morgan without more of a fight. He was chuckled a few times before standing up. He had taken a few step then turned back to Reid.
"You're right; I have to tell the others."
Reid groaned and slammed his head down on the table in front of him. "Oowww." he said into it.
A/N: Hope you like it, let me know if you did, if you didn't, or anything else. Please let me know either way. I thought I it would be fun to have Reid with a secret life away from the BAU. Thanks to those who do.
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, LMFAO, their song, ideas and/or characters, I also don't own Jesus, but I do have a little cousin who asked me if she could by him. (Very awkward.)
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