Sometimes, when one of Xemnas' plans would come off without a hitch, Axel would wish that he had really been on Marluxia's side at Castle Oblivion. Sometimes he wished that he hadn't killed Vexen. Sometimes he wished that he'd told Sora what was really going on there.
But mostly, he just wished that he—or his Somebody—had died in Radiant Garden. Hollow Bastion. Whatever.
"What are you thinking about, Axel?" Roxas asked, stepping from the shadows surrounding him.
Axel shrugged. "Stuff. Same as ever."
Roxas was silent for a while before walking up next to him. "I'm glad you didn't die out there. I'd be lost without you."
The redhead gave the blond a sideways glance. "What's that mean?"
"You're the only friend I've got. This place would make me crazy without you."
"Elena used to say things like that to me—him—too."
"Is that bad?"
"Did I tell you what happened at Castle Oblivion?"
Roxas looked annoyed at Axel's change of topic, but replied, "No."
"Xemnas, paranoid bastard that he is, ordered me to take out the others by any means necessary, whether they were in on Marluxia's little plan or not. I attacked Vexen from behind; he was on his knees begging for mercy when I killed him." Axel closed his eyes in pain. "And part of me liked it."
Roxas gently laid a hand on his friend's bicep. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."
"I wish I could say that was the worst thing I've done since I got here, but its not."
"What is?" Axel could tell that Roxas hadn't meant to speak the thought aloud.
He answered anyway. "Letting them keep you."