A/N: Stupid song. Stupid song parody. Stupid story. ENJOY MY STUPIDITY!
Gunth In A Box
by "The Lonely Ice King" (And MiscellaneousSoup)
Once again, the Ice King had captured every single princess in the wonderful land of Ooo. Unfortunately, Jake and Finn were frozen (again) in huge chunks of reinforced ice with only their heads showing, so they wouldn't be getting out for a long time.
The Ice King was there, sitting on a throne, dressed in some rather unusual garb. Well, unusual for him, anyway. His head was adorned with a 'Kewl Dude' baseball cap and a t-shirt with a smiling puppy had been hastily shoved over it. The crown drooped under the chapeau, looking somewhat forlorn. In his hands, he held a brown box, with some air holes messily sliced on the top.
"Hello to Acoustic Princess, Agent Princess, Bee Princess, Blargetha, Bounce House Princess, Breakfast Princess, Bruise Princess, Cotton Candy Princess, Crab Princess, Desert Princess, Elbow Princess, Embryo Princess, Emerald Princess, Engagement Ring Princes, Flame Princess, Frozen Yogurt Princess, Ghost Princess, other Ghost Princess, Gridface Princess, Hot Dog Princess, Jungle Princess, Lamprey Princess, Laurel Princess, Lizard Princess, Lumpy Space Princess, Muscle Princess, Ocean Princess, Old Lady Princess, Painting Princess, Peanut Princess, Princess Beautiful, Princess Bubblegum, Princess Business, Princess Chewypaste, Princess Cookie, Princess Monster Wife, Princess Princess Princess, Purple Princess, Raggedy Princess, Samantha, Skateboard Princess, Skeleton Princess, Slime Princess, Space Angel Princess, Strudel Princess, Toast Princess, Truth Field Projection Princess, Turtle Princess, Water Princess, and Wildberry Princess, Oh, and you, Jake and Finn, I guess." Ice King took a sip of water to soothe his throat. "Wow, that's a lot of princesses. Almost doesn't seem like a word anymore. Princess, princess, princess, prin-cess!"
Princess Bubblegum raised her hand. "Ice King, I was in the middle of a scientific experiment. My guards are coming, just let us go and spare yourself a trial. None of us are interested in your disturbing and psychotic romantic advances." The other princess murmured in agreement.
Ice King shook his head. "Ah, you're wrong. I haven't gathered you here for any romantic pursuits. I want to be friends. More specifically, I want to be Penguin Pals ©. "
"That's messed up, man!" Finn yelled, trying to wriggle around in the icy prison.
Ice King snickered. "Ah, naive Finn. It's just my introduction to a special song. Ahem." He pulled out a kazoo, then hummed a single note.
"Hey, princesses, I got something' real important to give you.
So just sit down and listen."
Lumpy Space Princess kicked the cage, accidentally bumping poor Raggedy Princess. "We're already sitting down!"
"SHADDUP! Anyway, Princess, you know we've been together for such a long, long time. (SUCH A LONG TIME!) And now I'm ready to lay it on the line.
Ohhhh, you know it's Christmas and my heart is open wide
Gonna give you something so you know what's on my mind
A gift real special, so take off the top
Take a look inside - it's my Gunth in a box!"
He opened the box, showing Gunther, dressed up in a Christmas sweater. "Wenk."
"Not gonna get you a diamond ring. That sort of gift don't mean anything. Not gonna get you a fancy car, girl ya gotta know you're my shining star . Not gonna get you a house in the hills . A girl like you needs somethin' real . Wanna get you somethin' from the heart . Somethin' special girl ! It's my Gunth in a box, Gunth in a box, babe. It's my Gunth in a box, my Gunth in a box, girl."
Everyone stared in horrified, supremely morbid fascination. Finn and Jake were making gagging noises.
"To all the fellas out there with ladies to impress,
It's easy to do- Just follow these steps!
One, cut a hole in a box. Two, put your Gunth in that box. Three, make her open the box. And that's the way you do it. "
He held out the box, Gunther still peeping out. "So, anyone interested? Want to be Penguin Pals©?"
Before anyone could answer, the guards arrived and started beating him up, freeing the princesses, and rescuing Finn and Jake. No one wanted to be penguin pals.
THE END