Cat Tit Bingo: The Game

by Kamikaze774

"Cat Tit Bingo" was originally a joke used by James Rolfe for the AVGN series. It was a simple but humorous joke that a group of friends and I chuckled at for a few years. All until sophomore year when a friend of mine was designing a game for a class project and needed a storyline to start off. It was then over steam chat that Cat Tit Bingo became a game in theory. This is it.

The following is a very immature, random game plot idea that I developed for laughs for a friend of mine who had been making a game in RPG maker for a school project. The entire plot was written directly over the Steam chat function and contains a large number of grammatical errors and is loosely based off of a single line spoken in an episode of the Angry Video Game Nerd web series and contains minor inspiration from the anime, Fooly Cooly. This is purely for quick laughs and is obviously not meant to be taken seriously.

Kamikaze: So this is cat tit bingo

kamikaze: first part find a cat

Kamikaze: then grab it by the nipples and swing it in circles

Kamikaze: then while doing that find a card table and steal it from bunch of guys playing bingo

Kamikaze: have them shoot at you while you run and then start runniing around a town wearing a sock on your ass and screaming obscenities at young children

Kamikaze: while swinging the cat and holding the bingo table wiht 1 hand at the same time

Kamikaze: the more tears fly from the childrens eyes the higher you score

Kamikaze: when the cat's nipple tears off you gotta go wave your dick at a child until they go into shock and then you gotta throw them out a window

Kamikaze: when their funny bone breaks you can resume swinging the cat

Kamikaze: only after you sing row row row your oversized incinerator roughly down ass street

Kamikaze: and then you gotta get in a car while holdinga and swinging the stuff and you gotta go drive through a senior citizen center and you gotta get as many dentures and pelvises stuck in the radiator as possible

Kamikaze: feel free to steal any money you see lying around

Kamikaze: when you get out after going warp speed you have to start juggiling the cat and bingo table and then grab the nearest senior and pull a Pete Townsend on them

Kamikaze: the older and closer they are to dying excluding any that you've almost killed already the more points you get

Kamikaze: when the cops arrive start saying terrible things about their ancestors or family members

Kamikaze: this will make them sad and allow you to stick the senior citizens up their noses

Kamikaze: after that flip them the bird with your 47th middle toe

Kamikaze: if you don't have 1 grow it

Kamikaze: final step is to go find the mayor of new assingberg

Kamikaze: he is the final boss

Kamikaze: while swinging the cat and holding the card table you have to throw a tyrannosaurus rex at his left eye

Kamikaze: this will weaken him and allow you to perform the ultimate finishing move

Kamikaze: the 5 point exploding ass technique

Kamikaze: you pull it off by swearing and hitting him in his armpits, crotch, and knee caps using the cat, card table, your intestine, his secretary, and a sword built from your own boiled down rage

Kamikaze: when his ass has exploded and theres shrapnel and bits of crap everywhere he will be cowering on the ground like a baby with a bleeding ass

Kamikaze: this will allow you to finish him

Kamikaze: you combine the cat tits with the crease where the card table folds in half to make a blue rickenbocker 4001 bass guitar that has the lyrics to "My Sharona" engraved into it and is built from the hips of a thousand elderly folk melted together with bingo sheets, cat fur, and a copy of "Discoscrewyourself"

Kamikaze: this bass guitar has the ability to make anyone on earth crap themselves for a week straight

Kamikaze: when you approah the mayor with it he will be crying and begging you for mercy

Kamikaze: you proceed to beat his crotch in with the bass until he throws up

Kamikaze: if he throws up blood, 10000 points

Kamikaze: if he dies, you lose

Kamikaze: after he throws up you stand over him and start slapping him around a little for crying and existing in your dimension for more than a milisecond without paying you in advance

Kamikaze: you then wait to finish him until his wife and children show up

Kamikaze: when they do you pick him up and jam the guitar up his nose and out his appendix

Kamikaze: you then have your buddy phil from new hampshire catch it all on video

Kamikaze: after slapping his wife with his ear and lighting his first born child on fire you proceed to get a bunch of guys from the mob to start curb stomping him along with you to "Twinkle Twinkle little star"

Kamikaze: after you curb stomp him half to death its time to end it

Kamikaze: you drop the bass into a mixture of his blood, tears, and pain to create the great 1961 Gibson EB-0 guitar that can make planets explode into marshmellows and make gold into crap

Kamikaze: you then start pummeling him with the guitar while laughing like a maniac and saying terrible things to destroy his self-esteem

Kamikaze: when he dies he will explode and destroy everything that has ever existed so you gotta connect the cat tits to his eye sockets and defuse the asstanium bomb

Kamikaze: when you defuse the bomb it will still explode so you have yo haul ass through his offices with his security firing water guns at you

Kamikaze: the water won't hurt you but it burns other people so pick up his office workers and use them as human shields while using the cat tits as a grenade launcher

Kamikaze: when you escape the building it will blow up and you can finally stop swinging the cat and you can throw the card table at a terminally ill ballsackinitus patient

Kamikaze: you then walk off into the sunset and the game ends