Mr. L watched his computer screen, eyes wide, as he watched episode sixteen of season one, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. It was his favourite episode. L was up to the part where Rainbow Dash realised that Rarity and the Wonderbolts were falling.
As Mr. L watched, Rainbow turned and dove, gaining speed by the minute. Her magenta-rose eyes started to water, and the cone that had appeared so many times in the episode formed. But this time, Dash had two hooves outstretched to her friend and idols. About ten seconds before hitting the ground, Rainbow broke the sound barrier, and with a large "boom", created the beautiful Sonic Rainboom for all to see, sweeping up the four bedazzled falling ponies in the process.
Mr. L smiled. The show never failed to cheer him up, even after a furious argument with Dimentio, or after being bested in an arm wrestle with O'Chunks, or being slighted by Mimi, or teased by Raven, or scolded by Nastasia. The show was a beacon of hope and happiness for L, and even the brony motto - love and tolerate - reflected on what Mr. L wished his view of the world was.
Rainbow swooped over Cloudsdale, causing a perfect shimmering rainbow to be imprinted on to the sky. L's grin broadened, and he briefly felt like an idiot, staring at his screen and smiling like... well, like an idiot.
Suddenly, there was a sharp knock on the door. L's head whipped around, and he slammed his laptop screen down so hard he feared that it had broken. A split second later, Nastasia had creaked the door open.
"Uh, hey Mr. L," she greeted curtly, flipping the light switch so that the room flooded with light. L blinked and shielded his eyes.
"Yo," said Mr. L carelessly.
"Um, I need that report for yesterday's... incident..." requested Nastasia, beginning to pick her way expectantly towards the brony.
"S-sure," stammered Mr. L, cursing himself as he briefly ducked out of sight. Why was he stuttering like a fool so much lately?
After a bit of shuffling papers around, Mr. L withdrew with a thick wad of paper clutched in his hand. He thrust it towards Nastasia and pushed her forcibly outside. "Thank you for coming, really must be alone now, have a nice day!" Mr. L babbled.
Once Nastasia was safely outside and the door firmly shut and locked, Mr. L slammed the light switch down. He walked over to his computer and opened it. The screen was still displaying My Little Pony, but it was now near the end, when Rarity was apologising to Dash for stealing the spotlight. L watched the remaining few minutes patiently, then clicked on his bookmarks.
The usual crap was stored there: YouTube for pony viewing, My Little Pony Wiki for pony referencing, Gmail for emails and stuff, the works. But there, at the top of the menu, was three words only.
My Little Dashie.
Frowning, Mr. L clicked on the bookmark, thinking to himself that it couldn't possibly be worse than Cupcakes.
"Where's Mr. L?" asked Mimi as the Castle Bleck inhabitants sat down for dinner.
Nastasia shrugged. "I guess in his room. I, uh, wentto get his report from him, but he hasn't, y'know, come out since."
"Hope yeh wrong, lass," said O'Chunks, helping himself to a chicken leg. "Dat lad needs 'is fresh air, y'know? One day 'oled up in 'is room 'n he comes out lookin' like a ghost."
"Ah ha ha," chuckled Dimentio. "I am sure our dashing Mr. L is just fine, Chunky boy."
At the word "dashing", Raven's head snapped up. "I know why L's stuck himself inside! He's watching that old episode... um... Sonic Rainboom! It's his favourite, he told me so."
The Count shook his head. "Watching the same episode over and over is not good. Advised Count Blumiere."
"I hope he doesn't start seeing Rainbooms," joked Timpani.
Everyone laughed appreciatively at the joke. Suddenly, the doors creaked open, and the thin, pale figure of L Thunder snuck into the room.
"Hiya, L!" chirped Mimi.
"Sup, bro?" said Raven, in a bad attempt at the stereotypical high-school gym-boy voice. There was more laughter at this, but Mr. L didn't crack a smile. He just stared down at his empty plate, shivering slightly.
"Cold?" asked Dimentio. "It's as warm as a summer's night."
"That's because it is a summer's night," pointed out Nastasia.
Giggles and chuckles were stifled behind hands. Raven, however, nudged O'Chunks, who was already red in the face, to make him shut up. She could see that something was wrong with L.
"Are you okay, Mr. L?" asked Timpani worriedly.
"I-I'm fine," choked L. His eyes were slightly red, and his cheeks were wet. Clearly, he had been crying.
"What's up?" said Mimi sympathetically. "You can tell us, we're your friends!"
"Yeah, L," coaxed O'Chunks, thumping his pal on the back. "Spit it out, already!"
"I... it's... kinda hard to... t-to explain..." muttered L.
"Didja see something?" asked Mimi brightly.
Mr. L shook his head.
"Hear somethin'?" suggested O'Chunks. L indicated that the answer was "no".
"Read something?" put in Nastasia.
At this, Mr. L swallowed and seemed to force back tears. He drew his wings around himself and shuddered. "Y-yeah, I did..."
"What was it? Asked Count Blumiere concernedly."
"A-a fanfic."
"My Little Pony again?" sighed Timpani.
L nodded.
"What fanfic?" pressed Raven.
"M-My..." began Mr. L, before gulping a few times and breathing in short, ragged breaths.
"My what?" asked Mimi.
"M-My Little..." stammered L. "My L-Littled Dashie..."
The room froze. Everyone's eyes were directed on the shuddering brony. Only two sets of eyes moved, and those eyes were Raven's and Dimentio's. They looked at each other squarely.
Dimentio heard the words, Do you know that fanfic? and he nodded.
Mr. L was crying.
Curled up into a ball, wings drawn tight, arms hugging tightly, the engineer rocked slightly as he sobbed and shuddered, once or twice glancing over at his computer before biting his lip and letting more tears roll down his face. That fanfic... that fanfic...
How much - how well - could Mr. L relate to that fanfic? Nothing in life... black and grey and white... finding something he loved, only to have it taken away... How well did that remind L of himself?
He didn't cry just because of that. He cried because the fanfic was real. It seemed real, and it could have been real, if certain elements of the story was tweaked.
Elements...
The Elements of Harmony. L wasn't stupid. He knew that he and his friends were the practical embodiments of the Elements of Harmony in the Mushroom Kingdom. O'Chunks was competitive but honest and truthful. Nastasia was strict but she displayed... certain kindness. Raven managed to make her friends crack a smile every day, while smiling herself. Mimi was young and generous, even giving Rubee-based presents to her friends on random days. Dimentio was clearly the Element of Magic. No surprises there.
But the Element of Loyalty... Was Mr. L loyal? Could he not leave his friends for anything? Did he have that kind of willpower?
No, whispered a voice in his head.
And so L shed tears. He cursed himself and cried and hated what he was and didn't spare a thought for the others outside.
"What's wrong, L?" asked Raven. They had let themselves into L's room, and Raven and Dimentio had an arm each around the crying engineer.
Mimi, Nastasia and O'Chunks were sitting on Mr. L's bed as well. They were worried and silent, for they had no idea of what had come to Mr. L's mind.
"I... I hate myself," sobbed Mr. L bitterly, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. "I hate myself so much, and I want to kill myself, but I can't, because I'm not brave enough. I've eluded death so many times and... and I can't fucking kill myself!"
The last sentence was a scream, and Dimentio almost jerked away. But he steeled his nerves just in time, while Raven looked at Mr. L with sincere shock.
"Why the blessed heavens would you wanna do that?" demanded Raven.
"I... I'm a disgrace!" yelled L, his face a mask of sorrow and fury. "I'm a fucking disgrace, I can't live without lashing out at my friends, I'm ungrateful for everything I've got, and I don't deserve friends as amazing as you guys!"
There was silence. L shook with self-rage, his hands balling themselves into fists.
"All the time, I think of how easy it would be to die," hissed L, "but I can't do it. Because I'm scared of the other side, and I'm scared of leaving you guys, and I'm a coward, a weakling, and I'm not loyal or smart or funny or strong or talented like you! All I can do is call myself awesome, call myself cool, because I really aren't, and I deserve worse..."
Mr. L had talked himself into silence. There was no sound for almost a full minute. Then, Raven, O'Chunks, Nastasia, Mimi and Dimentio all got up as one and hugged their grief-stricken friend.
A lot of unsaid things were put into the hug. There were no words spoken, but when L was released, he had a slight - very, extremely vague - smile on his face. Raven patted him on the back, Mimi waved, and they left Mr. L to get some rest.
The next day, Mr. L was twenty percent happier.