Disclaimer: This ff is based on the New Moon. It's Bella's birthday and Edwards makes one of her wishes come true... The next day after the accident with Jasper he runs away. The whole Cullen family disapear and Bella stays alone with the great pain... And a single good-bye present.
It's nothing like in the book. The characters and some facts are the same, but I allowed my fantasy to jump freely ;-) And I created kinda new story about what was after the jump off the cliff. Mainly it's Bella POV but it may happen that there will be others. Please be kind! English is not my 'native language' and I'm still learning, I am sorry for the mistakes!
I hope you enjoy this piece! I do not own any of the characters!
Empty. That is what I am now. Destroyed. Disregarded. Barren. Tattered. Nestled in despair. Without any saving grace, any salvation, soothness. The twilight has passed and the darkest night has fallen over me. I was burning. Inside. This dull ache was incredible, unbelievable. My poor, empty, destroyed human heart... No, it just can't be. My heart would not stand this. Surely I am dead now.
But I'm not. I could still feel the pain, taking over me. Like a fire. With every breath I have taken, the pain was taking this breath away.
How could he?
It was so unbearable to think he could act like this. He left me. All alone.
But the nightmares were the worst thing. He was standing next to me and I couldn't reach him. When I was close enough to touch his marble chest, I was waking up, just before the dawn. Every evening I was dying, again, slowly, painfully. Again. And every morning I was reborn just to face this nightmare my life became. After couple of days I broke away from this absolutely empty and dark shell and I started to listen. That was the first thing I could do without feeling pain. So one day I heard the rain. It was falling on my window's pane peacefully as if nothing happened. Because nothing really happened. The world was still going on. Nobody cared. I was perfectly alone with this burning ache. I let my thoughts wander. For the first time in ages. I allowed myself to remember. His breath. His smile. His touch. His eyes. As if I wasn't alive before I met him. Like there was no life above him. Edward.
'You were like a meteor...'
'... a midnight sun'
'...the light for my moonless life.'
I know now it was all a lie... Fat, stinking pack of lies.
'I don't love you. I don't want you anymore'
There was no air. I was stifling. Drowning. I was so blind! So blind! I was just a toy in his hands.
No.
I wasn't. Edward wouldn't be like that.
Oh really?
The pictures in my head become fuzzy, slow. I couldn't see anymore, but my other senses were still unmoved: I could feel his marble skin on mine, his breath around my neck, I could taste his kiss... Good Lord, his kiss.
And this emotionless goodbye. Just as if nothing between us happened... Like I was not loving him by all my heart.
I was drowning again in dark, deep water of night, of despair. My scream broke the silence of invincible gloom, blackness.
And the only thing I felt was this cruel fire burning my insides.
My scream moved the world from its foundations when I begged for air to breathe freely.
Unbreak my heart. Now.
After a while, I became still. Nothing happened. No solution. I felt again into the void.
But after five days a plan in my head was ready. I decided what to do.
The grass soon faded into rocks and sand. The horizon was covered with the darkest storm clouds I have ever seen. The smell of the rain was hanging in the air, and it helped a little bit. The waves were crashing below my bare feet. And the wind was so angry, he was winnowing my hair with such a force. I wish I could have such a force. The smell of the forest was in my nose and I felt happy. Really, I was glad that I will die in such a beautiful day. It was beautiful. The nature was reflecting my emotions. I looked up one last time to see the weak sun fading away. The first thunder. It's time.
I looked down, on the waves beyond the cliff. I hope this will not last very long. I wanted to have an easy death. I deserved that after all. All these happy moments I shared with Edward, they just had no law to exist anymore. This was the solution which has been promised to me. The only way to end this pain. The rain started to fall. I was listening and trying to relax, but it was so difficult to see those images and not to respond to them with pain. Finally I let them flow through me like water. Like air, unobserved, not important anymore.
Like me.
My lungs will beg me for air, but my air has gone away. All I needed was the strong will.
You Edward. You are the only life among the death. This one is for you.
I put my feet on the edge, I spreaded my arms like wings and jumped down.