Daenerys shut the door behind her and leaned back against it with eyes closed. He made her feel like a young girl again, with him she became who she was before her armies, before the Dothraki, before she became the mother of dragons and started playing the grand game. He made her weak, and that made her uneasy.
She looked up from the floorboards of the ship, suddenly herself again. After her flight north a small contingent of her group had left shortly after her in one of her galleys. She was glad they were there to meet her and Jon's party at the wall, but now she was grateful to find the halls empty. She thanked the gods for that small kindness.
What would her guards or Jon's men think of her coming out of his room with puffy eyes, red cheeks, and a wrinkled dress? She flattened the front to rid it of creases made from sitting for hours waiting for Jon to awaken and walked in the direction of her chamber deep in thought.
Would the ship not have followed after her departure from Dragonstone and met them at Eastwatch perhaps Jon would not be alive. The thought made her heart ache.
It had only been four days since the events beyond the wall, but the anguish in her heart hadn't faded. She would never see the likes of Viserion again, he was so like his namesake, her silver haired brother Viserys; dangerous, beautiful, and now... dead. Gone from this world forever just like her sun and stars and the child she never met. Daenerys placed her hand absentmindedly on her belly as she walked back to her room on the ship. Now she had two live children and two dead. She hoped she would not outlive them all, but that fear was realer than it had ever been.
Drogon and Rhaegal were all that she had left.
She had not stepped foot near Jon since he was placed unconscious in his room to recover. Though she wanted to be near him for reasons even she did not fully understand, she did not want to seem too familiar and did not want the others of their party questioning her whereabouts.
Tyrion had already told her Jon appeared in love with her, what would he say were she to wait by his side alone in his room like a love-struck maid?
She shook her head, instead she commanded her trusted aide Missandei to send word to her if Jon stirred. Better to appear concerned from afar. Besides, sitting in a room alone with Jon gave her ideas. She blushed.
Truthfully while she appeared aloof, she was beside herself with worry. She cared for him; that she could no longer deny. She wanted to learn more about him, and to ask him where he got those terrible scars over his chest and to banter with him once again about which kingdoms belonged to whom.
When he reached for her hand just moments ago her heart had leapt into her throat and her mouth ran dry. He was so hot compared to the coolness of her hands and the touch felt like one between lovers. Suddenly she found it too uncomfortably warm in his room though cold air blew in through the open windows. His leg was firm and intimate against her knees. Though he was more naked than she, she felt unclothed in front of him. She could not believe he called her his queen. His voice was raspy from disuse and it had sounded so lovely coming from his lips.
She pressed her hands onto her cheeks to cool them. You are a dragon Daenerys, not a naïve girl who has never known a man. She had been with many lovers since Drogo, men and women alike, but this was new. She felt so unlike herself and that both frightened and excited her.
"Your grace?" The voice startled her. Daenerys whirled around and found her faithful friend Missandei.
She cleared her throat and tried to clear her head of intrusive thoughts, "What news?"
"The lord's companions would like to celebrate his wakening and drink to your good health." Missandei clasped her hands in front of her.
"Drink the rest of my wine and ale you mean." The dragon queen rolled her eyes. "Very well, make the arrangements. Ask Lord Snow or the maester if he is well enough to join us tonight. Some activity may speed up his recovery."
Missandei couldn't hide the twitch of her lips. Daenerys raised an eyebrow. "The tales from the lord's companions mentioned some activities your grace could participate in with Lord Snow. It seems he spoke very highly and very often of you while north of the wall. They say he is in love." Her eyes twinkled with mirth at the queen's expense and she stifled a laugh with her hand.
The queen sputtered, "H-hush now. Surely that is not the case. We have hardly known each other a fortnight!" Her face reddened. "Go now before someone hears you."
Her handmaid and most trusted advisor danced out of the way of the queen's playful shove. Her queen was like a sister to her, and was it not her duty then to occasionally cause her some form of mild distress? Besides it was only in private that they joked in this manner, outside of these walls and in front of strangers her grace was nothing if not the epitome of queenliness and formality.
After she was well enough away he opened his eyes and let out a shaky breath. How could he possibly rest now after that exchange? He ran a hand through his dark hair. When he called her his queen he was caught in the moment and had almost proposed something ludicrous, but he caught himself before it was too late.
Like a woman like her would ever want a bastard by her side. He had nothing to offer her and she had everything he could ever dream of. She had an army and dragons, she was renown from Westeros to Essos and beyond, and she was the rightful queen of the seven kingdoms. It was also particularly hard to ignore her exotic features. With her silver hair and violet eyes, she was a true Targaryen queen and had a fierce, but kind heart to match her outer beauty. The realm of men could not ask for a better protector.
He knew his case was a hopeless one and he knew not how he would ever forget her after they went their separate ways. No woman would ever compare. In the chaos of the struggle beyond the wall when they were almost overwhelmed by the wights, she flew in on the back of her black and red dragon like a frozen goddess. Silver hair blowing in the wind and snow in her hair. Her lips pink and lovely, fair skin, but her eyes were fire and her face was not of this world. He was so distracted he almost caught a knife in the ribs from one of the undead.
He closed his eyes at the memory and willed all the terrible events following her arrival away from his mind. He would never be able to pay back the debt of her lost child. A wonder of the world destroyed because of him and his stupid lack of foresight. He wished he could take it back, he wished he had never cursed her with meeting him. She didn't deserve the slight.
He threw his arm over his face, and exhaled. If only he could hide from the guilt he felt. Part of him was grateful for the pain in his body, at least it distracted him from his thoughts. He deserved the hurt. When he awoke to find her at his bedside his heart skipped a beat. He fooled himself into thinking that she was concerned for his wellbeing and that she was eager to see him awake, but as a queen she was only doing her sworn duty.
The door flew open and Jon jumped up startled. Was it her?
He tried not to look too disappointed to see Gendry. "Your grace, I was sent to help you wash and dress." He said.
"What for?" Jon asked. "And you're going to help me do what? Is there no one else?" He lay back flat on his back and stared at the ceiling.
"Oh you mean like the dragon queen?" Gendry laughed. "Sorry sir, just me. I'm afraid I'll have to do. We're drinking in your honor tonight."
Jon ignored the bait and shook his head, "I'm in no state to be wandering about the ship. Leave me be."
"Queen Daenerys requested you be there." The young blacksmith raised an eyebrow.
Jon stared at him wearily. "Truly? Herself or was it her advisor?"
"Well it was one of her advisors, maybe Tyrion. I don't know I'm just the messenger, but the hand speaks for the queen." Gendry shut the door and shrugged with a grin.
"Very well. But take it easy" The king winced as the young lad helped pull him up to a sitting position on the bed. "Easy Gendry, I'm not a sack of grain" Jon grumbled as he was whisked to his feet forcefully. He supported himself against the wall and waved the blacksmith away. "I don't need any more help Gendry, thank you. I will see you above."
Everyone was already well in their cups when she arrived and she was handed a cup full to the brim of wine within moments. She sipped it and savored the taste. Some of the crew had procured instruments and were playing a lively tune she did not recognize.
The queen did not feel in the mood to make an entrance thus there was no announcement of her arrival. She wore a black hooded robe with silver embroidery at the neckline and sleeves and just the hint of a grey dress peeking out underneath. At her waist was a silver belt. She didn't much care to stand out with anything more ostentatious.
This was a small event. Including the crew, Dany's companions, and Jon's men, they were only at most twenty. She wore her hair down with a small black dragon pin that served to keep her long hair away from her face. It was nice to let her guard down a bit. She finished the cup of wine in her hand and felt the heat of the alcohol settle in her stomach. In a moment her cup had been refilled. One of the perks of being queen.
Her guests sat in benches around tables scattered haphazardly on the deck. She spotted Tyrion with an entire flagon of wine in his lap. He was whispering into the ear of one of her Dothraki handmaidens. Poor thing, she couldn't begin to guess what the lord hand was telling the girl. It must have been very interesting given the way her mouth dropped and eyes widened. Her eyes met Daenerys' for a second and grew wider still before she suddenly sprang up and hurried away almost sending the dwarf tumbling from his seat in her haste.
"Now my queen..." Tyrion slurred. "Wherever did you find such a lovely servant girl?" He went to stand to greet her but could scarcely lift himself with the wine in his lap. "Oh." He looked down at it. "Forgot that was there."
"I'm sure." The queen pursed her lips, but could not hold back her smile. "Enjoying yourself?"
"I'd be enjoying myself more if you hadn't scared off my conquest." Tyrion leaned back in his chair, picked up the flagon with two hands and drank deeply.
"You positively stink of wine, my lord hand." She crinkled her nose. "Have you been bathing in it or drinking it?"
"Perhaps a little bit of both." He replied seriously.
Daenerys sighed. "Have you seen Sir Jorah? I wish to speak with him." He pointed in the general direction behind him.
She saw her knight at a table alone with a candle almost completely extinguished. She approached and placed a hand on his shoulder. She squeezed gently. Her loyal knight. "I am sorry I had not come to speak with you sooner sir." She stared into his dark eyes and let her hand rest on his.
"You have much to think on your grace," He squeezed her hand and let himself enjoy the queen's attention. She was so rarely unaccompanied. "You look beautiful in black."
She smiled, "I wanted to thank you for all that you have done to serve me, I am truly grateful. It gladdens me to have you by my side again." Daenerys swept her hair to one side, noting Jorah's lingering glances at her neck and lips.
He still loved her, the old bear. What would he think if he knew how she felt about Jon Snow? Well she didn't quite know herself how she felt, but it was certainly different from how she felt about Jorah. She drank from her cup and tried to think of anything but the king in the north.
Suddenly she felt the music stop and voices quiet. As though she had summoned him with her thoughts, she turned and saw him leaning awkwardly against a makeshift cane.
"Well it's about bloody time!" The one they called Tormund Giantsbane laughed deeply and others joined in.
"To the king in the north!" Jon's men hollered and slammed their cups against the tables. Jon locked eyes with her and did not avert his gaze. She gulped down a mouthful of wine and resisted the urge to look away first.
He gestured in her direction, "To Queen Daenerys. We would not be here if naught for her." He raised a cup.
"Queen Daenerys!" Everyone stomped their feet and slammed their cups against the wooden tables. "Queen Daenerys!" They chanted.
She smiled and drank again. Her head was beginning to feel foggy. The men cheered and laughed and the music picked up once more. Daenerys approached Lord Snow and clinked their cups together playfully. "To us." She said.
"To us." He repeated and they took a drink together.
"How are you faring my lord?" Color had returned to his cheeks, but whether it was his body healing or the wine she did not know. He was close enough now for the breeze to blow his cloak against her robes and with it she smelled his scent. Wild and masculine and wonderful. She blushed and went to drink from her cup, but found it empty. She stared down at the bottom. "I think I need more wine."
"Perhaps one more cup." He grinned and signaled someone passing by.
"I'll drink as much as I please." She glared.
He resisted the urge to tuck a stray strand of silver hair behind the queen's ear. "Of course your grace and yes I am feeling better thanks to the care I received." He observed the color of her cheeks and wondered how much wine she had drunk. "And how are you... about what happened?"
The queen stared at him a moment before dropping her gaze down to her feet. For a time she had forgotten about the loss of one of her dragons, one of her children. She furrowed her brow. "I will survive." She drank some more wine and put the half empty cup on a table lest she drink the rest.
Jon stepped towards her as though to offer some modicum of comfort, but stumbled awkwardly due to the soreness of his body. Daenerys gasped and steadied him with both hands as Jon grunted from the pain.
"You should be in bed Lord Snow. You are not well enough to walk unassisted." Beric Dondarrion, one of Jon's companions motioned to clasp Jon's arm, but the queen waved him away.
"Come, I will escort you back to your chamber. Take the wine if you wish." The corner of her mouth turned upwards.
"For you or for me?" Jon laughed.
"For you." She answered.
"How gracious." He said amused. And the two of them went down below deck arm in arm together much to the curiosity of some onlookers.
Let them wonder. Daenerys held Jon's arm firmly to support him and couldn't help but notice the muscles under her hand. I am just being a good host. She felt her face redden and was grateful for the dim lanterns that illuminated the hallway.
Her head swam. Perhaps she had drunk too fast.
Jon stopped moving forward and she realized they were at his door. Already?
She looked up at him and took the cup from his hands. She'd blame the wine for her informality later. She tipped the cup back and drank down all of its contents. It was nearly empty anyway. Jon stared at her intensely and she knew not what to say to break the silence. She wished there was more wine to drink.
"Dany. Sorry, Daenerys?" She peeked between her eyelashes at him, suddenly feeling her heart beating erratically in her chest. His face was half in shadow.
"I'm so sorry." He whispered.
She raised an eyebrow. "It's alright Jon, I told you I was glad that I went or I would not have seen with my own eyes. Please don't blame yourself." She looked down at her empty cup.
They were standing close and he took a step closer. She stared at his lips as he moistened them with his tongue.
"No, I am sorry for this."
He pulled her to him in one motion and kissed her and the cup dropped and shattered on the wooden floor. When she gasped in surprise he slipped his tongue in her mouth. She tasted of sweet wine and it pleased him greatly to feel her show no resistance. It took but a moment for her to melt against him and wrap her arms around his neck to bring him closer.
He was afraid she would be offended at his advances, but he wasn't going to torture himself imagining what it would feel like anymore. Even if she had cast him off the bow of her ship in anger, it would have been worth it to know what this felt like in reality.
He was momentarily stunned at her enthusiasm. Was this real?
She sucked on his bottom lip and he thought only of how those lips would feel sucking on another part of him. The makeshift brace supporting his weight fell with a clank to the floor and he placed his hands on her hips for stability. Her warm womanly figure pressed flush against him and his will was not strong enough to keep his body from showing his appreciation.
It had been years since he had been with a woman and where Ygritte was hard muscle and rough edges, Daenerys was all curves and soft skin. He released her lips and they both gasped in shaky breaths before he swept aside her hair and kissed and sucked the soft skin of her neck. He pressed his hardness against her body and groaned quietly at the feeling.
She sighed blissfully and moved one of the hands Jon had placed on her hips up and inside her robe and dress to squeeze the tender skin of her breast. He stilled for a second, but did not complain. In a moment he was at his knees in front of her with her robe pulled open at her chest and the dress beneath pulled down to her waist. She jumped in surprise, but moaned and gasped as she felt his wet mouth on her hardened nipples.
Who knew the cold northerner could be so brazen? Daenerys would have laughed if she were not so dazed. Wine and Jon Snow were a heady combination. Pleasure pooled down in her nether regions and she squeezed her thighs together for some relief.
It had been a while since she had sought any sort of release by herself, let alone been with a man. Jon was so... overwhelming. She wished she could feel him better through all of his thick winter clothes.
They heard footsteps approaching and they froze.
Daenerys pulled up her dress and fixed her robe with an agility she did not know she possessed. Jon made to stand up but she pushed him back down. He looked up at her questioningly and then towards the steps growing louder.
"On one knee Jon." She whispered and took a step back. She put on the face she used for court. Jon listened to his queen and rested on one knee.
"You grace... and your grace?" Not a second later Sir Davos Seaworth rounded the corner and stared bewildered at them both. Jon looked up at Daenerys.
"I've decided to bend the knee Davos and pledge to unite my northern forces with Queen Daenerys'." The northerner reached for the walking stick beside him on the floor.
"In the darkness?" Davos went to help Jon stand.
The queen ran her hands down the front of her dress to straighten it absentmindedly. "If Lord Snow was inspired to commit to my cause now or later, it makes no matter when he does it. He need not have an audience." She turned to look at Jon who could not hide his smirk.
She thanked the gods once again for the poor lighting; elsewise Davos would see the look on Jon's face. Had he no shame? She tried to appear less guilty than she felt, but Jon looked quite pleased with himself.
"Good Knight, please help Lord Snow inside his chamber, it is late and I grow weary of the hour." The dragon queen smiled graciously in their direction then spun on her heel and began the long walk towards her room. The fragments of broken cup crunched under her feet as she picked up her pace.
Her face burned in embarrassment. She was absolutely mortified. She almost ran down the hall once their voices faded, but did not want to arouse further suspicion so forced herself to take quiet, measured steps instead. An eternity later she reached her room and released the sigh she was holding as soon as the door shut behind her.
What was I thinking? Or was it the wine? Daenerys closed her eyes. Her head ached. She pressed a hand to her temple.
I cannot be with him; he is too little for me. I am a queen and he is a bastard son of a dead man.
She removed her belt and dropped it to the floor carelessly followed by the black robe and the grey dress. In a heap she left them and crawled under the heavy blankets of her bed. She would think more on this in the morning when the room stopped spinning.
No he is much more than that. He is a King.
She fell asleep thinking of Jon Snow.