Disclaimer :- The Wizard of Oz was published by Frank Baum in 1900. No copyright infringement intended, No plagiarism intended, No profit being made from this venture. Written as an expression of thoughts and entertainment. Please do not sue. Check before using or referring to any of my stories. Reviews always welcome.

Alternate Title :- Not So Wicked After All

Dear Diary

I'm so excited I am hopping up and down with joy. I don't believe I have been this pleased in so many years. Well certainly not since the day that I was casting that visionary spell and it told me that I would meet my end at the hands of a little girl wielding a bucket of water, named Dorothy.

I did it! I finally did it! Yesterday at last I managed to defeat that pesky Dorothy and her friends. Turns out it was so simple. Don't worry I did not follow standard wicked witch procedure and turn them into toadstools after their defeat. It transpired they were not that much interested in killing me anyway. They had been just blackmail into doing so, that's all, besides good guys do not kill bad guys in cold blood - right. According to a visionary spell that I cast, each of them coveted something which they thought that only the Wizard of Oz could grant them. Boy were they wrong.

I still can't imagine what they were thinking when they made their way out of west towards my castle without encountering any resistance. I did not bother launching my defences against them. As I'm sure you'll recall the last time we spoke, the visionary spell clearly stated that the intruders would breach all my defences.

You should have seen their faces when I accosted them in my castle "Greetings my pretties" I snarled as my four guest walked inside, "I've been expecting you did you honestly think you could walk into my castle this easy unless I'd allowed it."

"I know why you're here" I went on "the Wizard of Oz sent you, he says that if you kill me and bring to him my broom*1, he will grant you your fondest desires."

"Forgive me for being the bearer of bad news but in reality that's not true at all."

"See in reality he's nothing more than just an ordinary man pretending to be a wizard. He has no power to grant you what you want." It was so satisfying to watch their tiny little faces sink into that expression of utter dismay and disappointment when I told them that. I wish you could have been there to see it.

Turning towards Dorothy I said "In fact he is from a place, not that far away from where you come from. Some place called Omaha Nebraska."

I don't recall what happened next exactly but for whatever reason I must have diverted my attention away from my visitors because the next time I looked up, I saw Dorothy wandering over to one of my tables where she picked up a copy of the huge fawn coloured book entitled "Chronicles of the 20th century"*2

"Don't touch that" I snapped "haven't you heard Temporal Prime Directive*3"

I then picked it up and held it with my both hand "This is all about the 20th century" I told Dorothy "you're from the 19th century, besides it's a bad idea to know about things that have yet to happen. There's no telling what the consequences might be" With that I lifted it and placed on an upper shelf out of sight.

Taking a few seconds opportunity while no one was looking, I got hold of a pepper shaker and discreetly sprinkled magic tracing pepper over Dorothy's shoes. Since the Goody two shoes witch of the North had given Dorothy a magic kiss of the forehead to protect her, wherever she was in the land of Oz, she could come to no harm. As I'm sure you're aware, tracing pepper is a substance that works similarly on a principle of GPS global positioning satellite technology which will be used on Earth in the 21st-century. You also probably aware that just as my guests covet their fondest wishes I covet the silver slippers owned by the now deceased wicked witch of the East*4.

Since it was impossible for me to seize the silver slippers from Dorothy not to mention the fact that she would need them to return home to Kansas. Tracing pepper seem the most obvious solution that would allow me to track the slippers from afar and then acquire them easily later on.

"Let's make a deal" I continued "I'm a powerful and wicked witch right, I could grant you the things that you covet. All it would require is a few simple spells and a couple of resources, which of course I have at my disposition."

Then I just waited for a reply.

Finally one of my guests spoke up

"... are you going to ask for something in exchange" they enquired.

I said "In exchange you are expected to leave the West and never come back. Most importantly no silly assassination attempts - Understood."

I thus focused my attention on the lion his request 'the want of courage' was the simplest of all. I issued him with a green bottle of an elixir of courage. Every wizard and witch in the land of Oz have one of those. All he had to do now was just take a sip and he would be the most courageous of all Lions in the land and of course if he didn't trust me he could always go he could always go to see the Wizard of Oz or Glinda the good witch of the South who would able to confirm that the stuff I gave him was harmless.

I think he hesitated for a while then the scarecrow and the tin woodman proposed that they could take a sip of the stuff. If it was poisonous or tainted the chances are they would be unaffected because of their different physiology and of course they would be able to ascertain that it was safe. After much deliberation they all took their turn with the lion going last and of course nothing happened except what it said on the label. They all felt much more courageous after each taking a spoonful of the elixir.

The next best choice was Dorothy herself. A wish that seemed very hard to fulfil and yet was so simple. I told her "Click your heels together three times, recite there is no place like home and the silver slippers will take you where you want to go." That left just the scarecrow and the tin woodsman.

Being the annoyingly good girl she is, after saying thank you she chose to stick around just to see her last two friends get their wishes.

Addressing both of them at the same time I said. "My proposition to you is that I can cast a powerful temporal spell that would open a portal to 21st century and 29th century Earth respectively and from that portal I can acquire a heart transplant and a brain transplant after that it is a simple procedure to get my best surgeons to carry out the transplant operation."

After the surgeons finished the last transplant. I turned to my guests and said "There – Now if you'll forgive me I'm rather busy."

I caught glimpse of my four guest saying the final farewells. Dorothy clicked her heels together three times like I told her repeatedly saying "There is no place like home" and then in a wisp vanished, hopefully towards home and so did the silver slippers. The remaining three made their way out of my castle and presumably back to where they came from. I never saw them again and I don't care much what they are doing now. My oh my aren't I a smart and clever witch.

And so dear diary this is the story of how I defeated Dorothy and her friends. Since I could not harm Dorothy anyway because of the magic kiss that was shielding her, thus ensuring she came to no harm, getting rid of them by granting them their fondest desires seemed like a sensible choice. Above all it was also a non confrontational one, though I so do hope that I am not going soft. Still at the end of the day you don't have to be good to do a good deed.

I don't expect that I will be able to write for a while I'm preparing to embark on a journey to retrieve the silver slippers and then I will be even more powerful. By ridding myself of my four annoying guests, I have insured that my rule over the West will remain absolute. As expected the silver slippers ended up somewhere at the border of Oz and the world called Earth. The tracing pepper that I sprinkled on Dorothy's shoes has enabled me to pinpoint their exact location but the readings are getting faint so I will have to act quickly before the magic pepper dissipates completely.

I hope to write as soon as I can to give you an update.

Yours Truely

Elphaba Thropp

The Wicked Witch of the West

Dear Diary

What that smart and clever witch never realised was that death does not like being cheated. I have concluded that the Wicked Witch of the West did succeed to travel to the location where the silver slippers landed and having successfully recovered them, managed to return to Winkies country - well just about.

I cannot imagine what happened next, I only wish I was there to see the look on her face when her broom broke down over a lake upon her return sending her falling below. I understand that the lake will be appropriately renamed as "the lake of the silver slippers lady."

Yours Dearest

Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkle Emmannuel Ambroise Diggs

The Wizard of Oz

Author's Afterword

*1 Although I decided to maintain the reference about the Wicked Witch of the West's broom, I decided not to build up on it. To the best of my knowledge this task appears to be present in the 1939 film adaptation only.

*2 The Chronicles of the 20th Century is a real book ISBN 0-582-03919-3. This is currently the only real world item I have integrated in my stories so far.

*3 Although this is a Wizard of Oz fanfiction purely. Components from Star Trek, Final Destination and Wicked have been alluded too in putting this story together. The Wizard of Oz full name was revealed in "Dorothy and the Wizard of OZ" novel.

*4 It needs be remembered that Frank Baum's original novel did not suggest or mention that the two wicked witches were related in any way.